Grief

This topic was created in the Personal Development forum by SnowBunny726 on Saturday, February 6, 2021 and has 11 replies.
I know I've made a bunch of threads asking for advice on this but I'm really feeling lost.

What do you do to manage grief surrounding the loss of a loved one, especially when that person was like your best friend? Are you religious? Is religion used as a coping mechanism to deal with loss?

My Gem's brother's MIL's birthday is tomorrow and it reminded me that my mom's birthday is later this month and it's hurt a lot to realize this and I don't know what to do besides cry about it.

Please help...
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I lost my mom when I was 4 and I still cry about this.

Her birthday just passed, it was ground hog day.

Time will ease the pain, but it never goes away.

There will always be instances where you will wish she was there for major accomplishments in your life and of course, that’s ok.

Try and remember the good times, reminiscing on lots of memories of the love you had for her.

Looking at pics of fun family time can also bring some comfort.

Your grief is new. It never goes away but it will dull a little and become easier to maneuver.

You met with your siblings and had dinner a while ago, maybe you should do something like that for her birthday.

Edited to add- this may sound crazy- but I also have talked to my mom my whole life. Telling her how I feel, saying I miss her and wished she was here.

Asking her to please watch over me and my family when we go through anything major in life.

Talking about my feelings out loud has helped me in the moment of grief.

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Posted by SnowBunny726

I know I've made a bunch of threads asking for advice on this but I'm really feeling lost.

What do you do to manage grief surrounding the loss of a loved one, especially when that person was like your best friend? Are you religious? Is religion used as a coping mechanism to deal with loss?

My Gem's brother's MIL's birthday is tomorrow and it reminded me that my mom's birthday is later this month and it's hurt a lot to realize this and I don't know what to do besides cry about it.

Please help...


Any process that comes naturally is all you can do. If you feel the need to cry, talk it out, journal, dance, scream, yell, curse the gods, do so without apology. Take a deep breath and move through your day. Rinse. Repeat as needed until the need becomes less. Heal on your own schedule.

Writing a letter (or talking) to the person lost, telling the person(s) about all the things you're proud of, wish they could see and would probably get a kick out and celebrate if they were there has also been helpful.
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The most the death of a loved one ever bothered me is when my grandmother died. I would wake up every morning and it would sink in that she was gone and I'd cry my way to work.

When my grandpa passed it was different. I was in shock when we found him dead and cried a little bit but after that there wasn't much. I just remember having dreams that lasted months where I would walk past his room and he would be under the covers, dead. They were kind of scary dreams too.

Now neither one bothers me anymore. They're gone and that's that.
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Have any of you tried therapists? Every time I've seen one I've felt like I'm talking to a wall which is why I quit therapy.
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Posted by SnowBunny726

Have any of you tried therapists? Every time I've seen one I've felt like I'm talking to a wall which is why I quit therapy.


I don't want to make any assumptions, so the question is more for clarity. What is it you're looking for from these therapists that you don't feel you're getting?

I ask because it sounds like you've seen more than one and I am curious as to why all the therapist you've seen are having the same response in your sessions. What you're looking for may not be the therapists' role.
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Posted by SnowBunny726

Have any of you tried therapists? Every time I've seen one I've felt like I'm talking to a wall which is why I quit therapy.
I went to therapy as a kid, but it didn’t do anything for me.

Maybe trying out a few different ones will help you.

Therapist are there to listen, so it is kind of like talking to a wall.
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Posted by Tomboyyyy
Posted by saggurl88
Posted by SnowBunny726

Have any of you tried therapists? Every time I've seen one I've felt like I'm talking to a wall which is why I quit therapy.


I went to therapy as a kid, but it didn’t do anything for me.

Maybe trying out a few different ones will help you.

Therapist are there to listen, so it is kind of like talking to a wall.


I very much disagree. Yes they listen but they should definitely also help brainstorm strategies for solutions or at least coping tools. If they don’t then they are not doing their jobs IMO.
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Disagree with what? Me saying therapist are there to listen? Agreeing with her that it can be like talking to a wall?

I didn’t say much else other then to find one who fits her needs. Are you disagreeing to that?

I advised her to try a different one, possibly with the skills you mentioned to help her better. She needs to find a fit for her and her needs.
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It's a lot harder when they're closer to you as in you see them everyday or more often than not. I have nightmares of my mom passing and I wake up crying therefore I can't imagine what you're going through. The only way I can relate to you is losing a loved one. My grandma passed last year in April and although I said I would visit her grave everyday... I don't. I didn't see my grandma everyday but I would see her a couple times a year and growing up she was the one who would take care of me when my parents were working. I found it too hard to visit her grave because it was only a reminder that she is no longer with us. It's easier for me to act like she's at her home because I didn't see her everyday but I do miss her. I just don't talk about it often and sometimes I do get sad and allow waterworks. Am not sure if that's the healthiest way to go about it but it just makes me very sad to think about her. My aunt who lived with my grandma visits her grave everyday and I don't know if it helps her since it's a way to connect to her. I think it's different for everyone only you know what's best for you.

Crying helps and baking a cake to honor her birthday is always sweet.
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Tbh my grandmothers death is what caused me to drift from religion and focus more on spirituality. I used tonbe self destructive when grieving but her death pushed me inside of myself and I coped by allowing my emotions to purge themselves. What hurt on top of that is my gf at the time cheated and got pregnant 6 months later. So my emotions were up and down and the grief was heavy. But allowing them to process helped so much.


And im usually a loner. Very anti social no matter what astrology says about my sign. BUT allowing myself to be around ppl helped so much. Didnt even discuss my problems. Their energy alone sparked so much healing for me.


So for me it was navigating what I felt and also being around upbeat ppl
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My grandmother meant the world to me. Of all the grandkids she got i was by far her favorite grandchild. Its sad she didnt live long enough to see none of us grow into adults. I would never had to work a day in my life had she were still around. She used to spoil me. I still grieve the lost of her every now and then especially when her birthday come around. I still have a picture of her tombstone in my photo album and everytime i see it i wanna break down and cry. She died young (only 64) I know that's not young but I feel she still had enough time left to see us grow. So I fully understand the pain that's being suffered losing a mom. I only wish I could help.

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