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Apr 23, 2016Comments: 512 · Posts: 2343 · Topics: 199
Can anybody relate to that? I had a yraumatic childhood, I was sickly my mom was overwhelmed and turned into a tyrant, now things trigger old memories, but I actually seek out trigger states, and once I am in the state I cant get out, and watch yt to numb myself.
Why this pull, why the inability to get out
of there? Do I go back into past memories to win the war against my mom?
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Sep 03, 2016Comments: 36248 · Posts: 40743 · Topics: 321
Get some help with changing the thought patterns ... as kreol said, staying stuck is a fixed sign pattern
Cognitive behavior therapy may help or hypnotherapy
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Jan 19, 2013Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11
I can partially relate. My mum had two healthy and well behaved children, yet she appeared to be "overwhelmed" by everything, from her job as a teacher, to her marriage, to her being a mother. She was a malign narcissist. Father, grandmother and I...her scapegoats.
I don't seek any trigger for those memories though. For years after I left home, the smallest contact with her would anger and upset me, for hours afterwards. It reached a point when I broke contact with her for a few years. It was a good thing to do, since it practically reset our relationship. I don't even feel the anger any longer. This is something I recommend you do.
Also, I promised myself I would not let anyone abuse, belittle, or gaslight me, ever again.
Did you ever have therapy for your "inability to get out"?
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Jan 19, 2013Comments: 1552 · Posts: 9503 · Topics: 11
"Do I go back into past memories to win the war against my mom?"
You can't win the war. Because you didn't actually take part in one. You were born a prisoner. You had no rights. Not even the right to complain for being abused. Fighting or not, made little difference.
Your "job" was to get the hell out of there. Be free again.
It wasn't your war. Please understand that and get out. It wasn't even personal. It could have been anyone else in your place. It's not because you were sickly! A normal parent would have loved you and protected you even more. Your mother was not normal.
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Sep 23, 2020Comments: 1164 · Posts: 315 · Topics: 1
in a way you are trying to win the war with your mom; you're trying to find the words deep inside that you couldn't say when you were younger; but they aren't there because it was never your war in the first place
continue on your journey and look for the path to find your true voice; the one you are ok with, inside and outside
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Apr 24, 2020Comments: 22 · Posts: 1516 · Topics: 17
there's no point in rehashing the same shit over and over again.
as unfortunate and painful the experience was, accept that it happened, learn and understand yourself from it, then burn it down.
move forward and stay strong.