Eh?!
This topic was created in the Pisces forum by copperhead on Thursday, April 19, 2007 and has 12 replies.
Oh only 3 weeks in, and the problems are starting!
Every time we're intimate, if I ask for anything or guide him somewhere he gets in a strop. When we were first intimate last week I was asking him if what I was doing was good for him, and he went in a strop saying he doesn't like 20 questions! All I wanted was to know if he was enjoying it! Also he lasts for hours, and I mean hours, so by the time we get to bed he's too tired to be staying up till early in the morning, but yet when I suggest we go to bed earlier he says he wants to chill out for a bit longer. It's making me a bit insecure cos it feels like it's me although he insists it isn't, so I take his word for it. It's not causing arguments yet, although we are having heated discussions about it. Maybe it's a clash of egos or something. Usually I'm quite sexually confident, but his attitude has deflated me a bit and I'm getting nervy about it all. He tells me how much he likes me, how comfortable he feels with me and how much I make him laugh. I know it's early on and that at first sex sometimes isn't great, but I'm not sure how to remedy the situation as I can be blunt at times and I know this sometimes hurts his feelings (I'm working on thinking before I open my mouth
)
Any ideas on what I can do??
Every time we're intimate, if I ask for anything or guide him somewhere he gets in a strop. When we were first intimate last week I was asking him if what I was doing was good for him, and he went in a strop saying he doesn't like 20 questions! All I wanted was to know if he was enjoying it! Also he lasts for hours, and I mean hours, so by the time we get to bed he's too tired to be staying up till early in the morning, but yet when I suggest we go to bed earlier he says he wants to chill out for a bit longer. It's making me a bit insecure cos it feels like it's me although he insists it isn't, so I take his word for it. It's not causing arguments yet, although we are having heated discussions about it. Maybe it's a clash of egos or something. Usually I'm quite sexually confident, but his attitude has deflated me a bit and I'm getting nervy about it all. He tells me how much he likes me, how comfortable he feels with me and how much I make him laugh. I know it's early on and that at first sex sometimes isn't great, but I'm not sure how to remedy the situation as I can be blunt at times and I know this sometimes hurts his feelings (I'm working on thinking before I open my mouth
)Any ideas on what I can do??
"if I ask for anything or guide him somewhere he gets in a strop. When we were first intimate last week I was asking him if what I was doing was good for him, and he went in a strop saying he doesn't like 20 questions! All I wanted was to know if he was enjoying it!"
copperhead, I can speak for myself, being a Pisces with this type of situation ..
We work from intuition on EVERYTHING .. if I'm with a sexual partner, I listen, watch, feel, from my senses .. if someone has to ASK me if I'm enjoying it, then, to me, this means that my partner isn't paying attention to my groans, or my silence.
If I hit a certain spot and there's no reaction .. I move on. I don't want to be told where to go .. I will instinctively get there from the other person's reactions.
If a person hits a certain spot on me, don't ask me if I like it .. pay attention to my body movements, listen to my vocal responses.
If someone doesn't "feel" me sexually .. I either go into a (strop ?), become cold in bed, or cut them off completely.
copperhead, I can speak for myself, being a Pisces with this type of situation ..
We work from intuition on EVERYTHING .. if I'm with a sexual partner, I listen, watch, feel, from my senses .. if someone has to ASK me if I'm enjoying it, then, to me, this means that my partner isn't paying attention to my groans, or my silence.
If I hit a certain spot and there's no reaction .. I move on. I don't want to be told where to go .. I will instinctively get there from the other person's reactions.
If a person hits a certain spot on me, don't ask me if I like it .. pay attention to my body movements, listen to my vocal responses.
If someone doesn't "feel" me sexually .. I either go into a (strop ?), become cold in bed, or cut them off completely.
I totally see what you mean P-Angel, it's just he's very quiet and I want to make sure he's getting the best out of what I doing for him. He just sort of lies there not moving or saying anything. As DC says, I'm very open to suggestions if my partner comments on something. I'd rather be told than carry on doing something he doesn't particulary like.
Ha ha DC, definitely won't be telling him to grow up! He'd never forget that one! He's 23 and I'm 25. he's never mentioned any problems in the bedroom, but I get the feeling he sometimes isn't in to it. For instance we once didn't have time for a full sess so I hinted that it'd be nice to play for a bit, which we did and I 'finished' and told him I'd re-pay the favour - as you do. So from then on he wouldn't touch me intimately until I had re-paid this favour which I thought was totally out of order. When I asked him about it, he just said that I had promised to re-pay him and I shouldn't expect anything. It's like teasing taken to the next dimension!
It's quite a sensitive issue, for him especially, to talk about, so not sure what I could do to try smooth things over in that area.
Ha ha DC, definitely won't be telling him to grow up! He'd never forget that one! He's 23 and I'm 25. he's never mentioned any problems in the bedroom, but I get the feeling he sometimes isn't in to it. For instance we once didn't have time for a full sess so I hinted that it'd be nice to play for a bit, which we did and I 'finished' and told him I'd re-pay the favour - as you do. So from then on he wouldn't touch me intimately until I had re-paid this favour which I thought was totally out of order. When I asked him about it, he just said that I had promised to re-pay him and I shouldn't expect anything. It's like teasing taken to the next dimension!
It's quite a sensitive issue, for him especially, to talk about, so not sure what I could do to try smooth things over in that area.
Some people just never learn, though .. for instance, my husband.
Your man could be this way .. I'm assuming he's a Pisces, since you posted on this board. And this just doesn't sound like a Pisces thing .. we always aim to please sexually.
Maybe, it's not a sexual thing at all and it's just overflowing into the bedroom. Often times, to our determent .. things can way too heavy on us and if we can't sort it out, then it effects other areas in our life, as well.
Is there something else that is an issue and it's effecting him sexually?
What does strop mean?
Your man could be this way .. I'm assuming he's a Pisces, since you posted on this board. And this just doesn't sound like a Pisces thing .. we always aim to please sexually.
Maybe, it's not a sexual thing at all and it's just overflowing into the bedroom. Often times, to our determent .. things can way too heavy on us and if we can't sort it out, then it effects other areas in our life, as well.
Is there something else that is an issue and it's effecting him sexually?
What does strop mean?
Oh, then I shouldn't have used that word for myself in bed .. thanks for explaining.
You know .. I don't like to admit to this because it's a bad quality, but, it's the truth .. we Fish, will refute an attempt at control, even if it isn't present, except in our own minds. Seriously, what an issue, eh?
What I mean by this is .. when you suggest to go to bed earlier, he probably would actually liked it IF he came up with the idea .. pathetic, I know.
So, maybe try reverse psychology .. he'll pick up on it, but, might think it's cute because he'll realize that it's an attempt to nudge him. Tell him that you're gonna stay up for a while, give him a kiss on the forehead and send his ass off to bed by himself .. he'll wake up ASAP (hopefully).
You know .. I don't like to admit to this because it's a bad quality, but, it's the truth .. we Fish, will refute an attempt at control, even if it isn't present, except in our own minds. Seriously, what an issue, eh?
What I mean by this is .. when you suggest to go to bed earlier, he probably would actually liked it IF he came up with the idea .. pathetic, I know.
So, maybe try reverse psychology .. he'll pick up on it, but, might think it's cute because he'll realize that it's an attempt to nudge him. Tell him that you're gonna stay up for a while, give him a kiss on the forehead and send his ass off to bed by himself .. he'll wake up ASAP (hopefully).
P-Angel, he is a Pisces and he is under sone stress because he's having to move as his housemates moved out rather unexpectedly and he can't afford the rent on his own. He always hints that he's never had problems before, but maybe I'm a little too 'aggressive' in bed.
DC, he talks about sex being mutually fulfilling but I'm yet to see this unfortunately. I don't like to use the word selfish, but that's what it feels like.
We don't have an animal passion that I've had with other people, but the contentment and harmony is better for me cos I don't thrive on conflict and he's the same. Outside the bedroom everything is great, so hopefully this is just a glitch.
Also my Mars and Venus are in Taurus and his are in Scorp and Aqua, too many fixed signs in the lurrvve department methinks!! :p
DC, he talks about sex being mutually fulfilling but I'm yet to see this unfortunately. I don't like to use the word selfish, but that's what it feels like.
We don't have an animal passion that I've had with other people, but the contentment and harmony is better for me cos I don't thrive on conflict and he's the same. Outside the bedroom everything is great, so hopefully this is just a glitch.
Also my Mars and Venus are in Taurus and his are in Scorp and Aqua, too many fixed signs in the lurrvve department methinks!! :p
copperhead .. I wish I could come up with some brilliant idea for you to try, but, unfortunately .. I get nowhere with my man either in this department.
Sexually .. he'll do ONLY what he will do and NOTHING more, it's not a topic that is open for discussion.
"We don't have an animal passion that I've had with other people, but the contentment and harmony is better for me cos I don't thrive on conflict and he's the same. Outside the bedroom everything is great, so hopefully this is just a glitch."
This is how I feel about my marriage .. the sex sucks, but, outside the bedroom and intamacy .. life can be quite nice. Some comprimises have to be made in all relationships, I suppose .. it's just a matter of what we feel we can live without.
Sorry, I can't be of more help to you.
Sexually .. he'll do ONLY what he will do and NOTHING more, it's not a topic that is open for discussion.
"We don't have an animal passion that I've had with other people, but the contentment and harmony is better for me cos I don't thrive on conflict and he's the same. Outside the bedroom everything is great, so hopefully this is just a glitch."
This is how I feel about my marriage .. the sex sucks, but, outside the bedroom and intamacy .. life can be quite nice. Some comprimises have to be made in all relationships, I suppose .. it's just a matter of what we feel we can live without.
Sorry, I can't be of more help to you.
P-Angel, I think you've hit the nail on the head with the control thing. Like he hardly ever kisses with his mouth open except once when he took me by surprise and did it. Which I liked so I'd ask for it, but he wants to 'surprise' me with it, so I don't mention it and he still doesn't do it! Aaaarghhhh!! the more I'm writing about it the more I'm thinking maybe this issue cannot be resolved 
The tension is palpable at times, and not good tension either!
"* You don't say anything, then you are unfulfilled and the behaviour continues
* You do say something, you get a stroppy adolescent response
You CANNOT win ahahahahaha."
That's what worries me! and that is exactly what it's like! I either feel like a sex-crazed nympho or I feel guilty for upsetting him by talking about it!
The tension is palpable at times, and not good tension either!"* You don't say anything, then you are unfulfilled and the behaviour continues
* You do say something, you get a stroppy adolescent response
You CANNOT win ahahahahaha."
That's what worries me! and that is exactly what it's like! I either feel like a sex-crazed nympho or I feel guilty for upsetting him by talking about it!
What really sucks, DC, is when you know it's there and they just won't talk about it. For instance, with my husband .. sometimes, when he thinks I'm asleep, he'll do things, body movements and groans and I can just tell by his actions, that he has fantasies running around in his brain .. I just KNOW, you know .. I can feel it .. but, he refuses to talk about anything sexual, or act any way that's not "proper" ..
Proper? Hello, I'm a Pisces ...........................
Proper? Hello, I'm a Pisces ...........................
I hate to be asked too... but my ex scorp used to ask me for stuff all the time but thats because i went cold on him. well you guys all know the story with him and how bad he was, and i just couldnt be attracted to him at all. no matter how much i tried to have sex with him, my heart wasnt in it and i didnt care to please him back... i would just lay there thinking, gawwwwwd will he hurry up and get off me.
Sounds like he's young and selfish...doesnt matter what the sign is.
he will learn in due time...
he will learn in due time...
Thanks for all your advice, much appreciated
We had a talk tonight and I asked him if there was a problem. He said he was stressed out about having to move and that stress affects his sex drive. He also said it was upsetting him and that it had nothing to do with me or anything I was doing. I have to respect that although for me, sex takes my mind off my problems! It still doesn't explain all his actions in the bedroom department, but he was starting to get tetchy so I thought I'd leave it!
And just to clarify, we had talked about what we both liked beforehand so I knew what he'd like, it's just at the point I asked him if it was ok he was totally silent and laid still, so I was checking that he was actually enjoying it. Csn't think of anything worse than me thinking I'm doing a good job and the other person hating it!
We had a talk tonight and I asked him if there was a problem. He said he was stressed out about having to move and that stress affects his sex drive. He also said it was upsetting him and that it had nothing to do with me or anything I was doing. I have to respect that although for me, sex takes my mind off my problems! It still doesn't explain all his actions in the bedroom department, but he was starting to get tetchy so I thought I'd leave it!
And just to clarify, we had talked about what we both liked beforehand so I knew what he'd like, it's just at the point I asked him if it was ok he was totally silent and laid still, so I was checking that he was actually enjoying it. Csn't think of anything worse than me thinking I'm doing a good job and the other person hating it!
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