is there truly power in saying goodbye?

This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by shortii on Saturday, June 15, 2013 and has 19 replies.
When you are involved in a relationship with someone. .of any kind and you just don't feek that they are giving you 100% . You seem to be an option vs their priority...you decide to say goodbye.
Who at this point has more power? Will they even notice your absence? Is there really good in goodbye? What have been your experiences?
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No ego involved. . But it's more about deserving better and wanting more for myself and my heart then whether or not they notice. I was just curious on that part.
I have said goodbye many years ago and they came back into my life years later. . But in this point and time. . I realize that they have chosen other situations. .things over me. Which many parts I understand. . Family comes first. . Always. I have proven my loyalty but it isn't really valued. So I have to let it go as feelings are nothing compared to ones self worth and dignity.
Fool me once, shame on you but fool me twice. .
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Posted by starlover
Who at this point has more power? Will they even notice your absence?

these are words from the ego....power is always about ego, getting one up on someone...sadly it burns out


Agreed star lover. That sentiment came from the ego but the hurt from the heart. Ego took a blow but heart is trying to cut losses and heal.
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Posted by starlover
Yes of course smile ~~ the ego gets in the way and plays all kinds of games doesnt it...like wanting revenge and power over people. i guess that is a natural reaction when we are hurt, but i think to *act* from it is a detrimental



And as far as the reference to power. .that came from Madonna's song power of goodbye. .it got me thinking. .is there such a thing?
Yes. Acting from ego does beget detriment...if it's your only motivation. I agree with that. In my case... its not. . Just over being an option. .
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Xxoo- not trying to manipulate at all. Just saving my own heart.
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Posted by xxoommmxxoo
I understand. Do what is best for you. Women deep down know when a man is not fully there.


After all this time..it seems I may not have ever had a place.
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Posted by xxoommmxxoo
Posted by shortii
Posted by xxoommmxxoo
I understand. Do what is best for you. Women deep down know when a man is not fully there.


After all this time..it seems I may not have ever had a place.


I am sorry. This is very difficult for you big bear hugs to you. Focus on loving and taking care of yourself. I am convinced women including myself enter into bad relationships due to self esteem. It will be wonderful when you meets someone who makes you a priority.. Kick the looser to the curb.
click to expand


I look forward to that too. Thank you.
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Posted by xxoommmxxoo
Posted by shortii
Posted by xxoommmxxoo
I understand. Do what is best for you. Women deep down know when a man is not fully there.


After all this time..it seems I may not have ever had a place.


I am sorry. This is very difficult for you big bear hugs to you. Focus on loving and taking care of yourself. I am convinced women including myself enter into bad relationships due to self esteem. It will be wonderful when you meets someone who makes you a priority.. Kick the looser to the curb.
click to expand


Long story short. ..our timing is off...we are both with others. .and unhappy. I'm separated. . He..idk. in any event. . We have to put our families first before each other. It's painful but truthful. Nothing can come from this. .not even friendship I don't think. . Too many years of history. .we were together 3 years . Tried. .but I don't think it can work. Maybe I'm not strong enough to be his friend. I DO want him to be happy and have a fantastic life. Care about him that much. . Always will. But I think it's time to let go.
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Posted by shortii
Xxoo- not trying to manipulate at all. Just saving my own heart.



That's doubtful, considering your focus is on power.
The way you've worded this, you make the implication that you wish to have power over him, or power to make him make you his priority.
In this case, you will always lose .... because your focus is in the wrong direction
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Maybe she just wants to feel powerful in herself. If so, yes, when you cut that person out, you feel like you have dropped a burden and become powerful inside.
Good luck to you, been there, done that. It can bring a feeling of relief and balance, aside from the hurt that you have. Make sure you with all your heart want to walk away and then do it, not looking back.
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Agreed.
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Posted by shortii
When you are involved in a relationship with someone. .of any kind and you just don't feek that they are giving you 100% . You seem to be an option vs their priority...you decide to say goodbye.
Who at this point has more power? Will they even notice your absence?
Is there really good in goodbye? What have been your experiences?


My experience has been that if you say goodbye, you'd better mean it-- which someone already mentioned, I think.
But-- if you are an option and not a priority, I imagine it will be liberating, once you do. smile
I have found that to be a natural by-product of doing the right thing, for yourself.
As long as it is for the right reason (i.e. your own integrity and self-worth.), and not an abuse of your "power".

Posted by starlover
It is when the power is intended to manipulate the other that the problems arise. Being empowered and wielding power over others are two totally different concepts

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What she said ^. Winking
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There's no power. There's just closure. If I had any kind of significant relationship with a man and felt I had to end the relationship, I would tell him face to face because I owe him that much. Power has nothing to do with it. In fact power and love are incompatible. You've got to surrender it to love.
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Posted by P-Angel
Posted by shortii
Xxoo- not trying to manipulate at all. Just saving my own heart.



That's doubtful, considering your focus is on power.
The way you've worded this, you make the implication that you wish to have power over him, or power to make him make you his priority.
In this case, you will always lose .... because your focus is in the wrong direction
click to expand


You are right p-Angel...the way it's worded does seem like that.. My focus is on me and my heart.. but thank. You for your input.
:-)
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Posted by Este8
There's no power. There's just closure. If I had any kind of significant relationship with a man and felt I had to end the relationship, I would tell him face to face because I owe him that much. Power has nothing to do with it. In fact power and love are incompatible. You've got to surrender it to love.


I will talk to him face to face...and get my resolve that way. I think that much. Is owed too.
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Posted by Lizuz
Maybe she just wants to feel powerful in herself. If so, yes, when you cut that person out, you feel like you have dropped a burden and become powerful inside.
Good luck to you, been there, done that. It can bring a feeling of relief and balance, aside from the hurt that you have. Make sure you with all your heart want to walk away and then do it, not looking back.


Thank you.
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As I have said on many threads I love a Virgo man but he wasn't into me. Oh he liked me and we went on a couple of trips together but I wasn't it for him. So I did the hardest thing for me and walked. I don't feel I have any power, however, I NEVER contact him. Since I left he's doing all the contacting and I'm not mean to him or anything but I'm very cordial. I mean I can't be just "friends" with someone I love; that would hurt too much. Why can't he understand this? A month and a half will go by with no word then he texts me that the only way we'd talk is if he reaches out first. What part of me saying I need time to get over you does he not understand.
Just because he's doing all the contacting I don't feel I have power. No. I don't have any power; but he's trying to have power over me by contacting every so often. But it's too late; nothing will ever be the way we were. Now I feel the urge to break out in song; anyhoo...
:-)
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Who are you people? The ego police? Fuck
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Posted by shortii
When you are involved in a relationship with someone. .of any kind and you just don't feek that they are giving you 100% . You seem to be an option vs their priority...you decide to say goodbye.
Who at this point has more power? Will they even notice your absence? Is there really good in goodbye? What have been your experiences?


For some, the person doing the dumping is the most hurt b/c they were pushed to make such a big decision that they know could dramatically hurt the other person OR be something they regret doing later
And for others, the person getting dumped is the 1 whose the most hurt (for obvious reasons)
I'd say out of all my relationships I've equally dumped as many guys that have dumped me.
If I dumped a guy I hadn't given my all to yet, it would suck to lose him b/c I'd be used to him being around, but it wouldn't hurt so bad
However if I had to get to the level of dumping someone who I gave my all to then I think I'd probably be just as hurt as the person who actually got dumped
Not everybody is cold-hearted. Some people feel just as hurt & powerless when they're the ones doing the dumping as the person who is being dumped.
Who has more power? Well, the person who decides how far the relationship will go usually is the one who controls the relationships or 'has more power.'
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