fading out without ghosting (getting someone to lose interest in you)

i think ghosting is so cowardly and it’s not an option for me. behaving like an asshole in order to push someone away is also not an option for me. so, with that out of the way, have you ever successfully faded out without having to ghost someone? h...

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by serenidad on Friday, April 28, 2023 and has 85 replies.
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Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
I’d tell him it’s not working out and return the money he spent …


i offered. he declined.
he said the money was well spent cuz he had a great time. :/
he’s a really nice guy.
click to expand


That’s good
So what’s the problem?
Are you like an only fans guy?


no, i barely know anything about onlyfans lol
click to expand

I’m intrigued as to why people pay to talk to you but I know you want to keep that confidential…
click to expand
It's a lonely world. It's incredibly lonely for some.
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
I’d tell him it’s not working out and return the money he spent …


i offered. he declined.
he said the money was well spent cuz he had a great time. :/
he’s a really nice guy.
click to expand


That’s good
So what’s the problem?
Are you like an only fans guy?


no, i barely know anything about onlyfans lol
click to expand

I’m intrigued as to why people pay to talk to you but I know you want to keep that confidential…



It's a lonely world. It's incredibly lonely for some.
click to expand
Yes kind of sad really 🥹
ghosting > fading out

nobody wasting time
Posted by serenidad
Posted by PuzzlePieces
Well it’s kinder to not respond & give him false hope. I had a guy come to my work because he wouldn’t accept it. Had to repeat again.. I am not interested. He got upset when he saw me on an online dating site. But truth is I had told him multiple times. It’s on them if they can’t let go. Typically friends is just someone waiting for you to change your mind.



you’re right. it’s on them in a way. :/

i gotta stop trying to shoulder responsibility for things that aren’t my responsibility.


that must’ve been frightening how the guy even came to your work…

click to expand
Actually was a bit protective of myself, but not frightened. He’s harmless just a pain & victim mentality.

Posted by StubbornSag
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by StubbornSag
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by GC69_
Protect your energy babe, if this person is draining you or making you feel uncomfortable, then distance yourself. Reality check: you are not obligated to that person in any way.
I recently had someone try to make me think that I was getting ahead because they were pulling strings and they tried to tell me I owed them….(time, attention, sex). As a Cancer I know damn well what was going on and that he had nothing to do with anything, I told him I don’t own him shit. He is married and just had a baby, I’m not anyone’s side piece and if I was his wife I’d kill him. Slimy POS! 😤


The amount of men who wait to get married and have kids and then cheat is ridiculous 🥴
Idiots …




Some women are idiots too. They know they cheat and they stay with them anyway. Long ago there was this incredibly inappropriate Aqua guy that I went out for a coffee once. I said I want nothing to do with him and his wife blew up my phone with calls next day cause she found a number and kept calling until I answered. And she says "he does this all the time and pretends it's someone's else number"🙄 well why are you with him at all then if he does it all the time and if it bothers you that he does 🙄🤔 I just said "I told him to stop calling me and I'm telling you the same, solve your issues together, I've got nothing to do with him". Needless to say they're still married lol




Yes indeed


She sounds like one of those women who will be with a man at any price …. Prize idiot.


I think a lot of people are scared to stand on their own two feet and will tolerate anything to be in a relationship 🥴😬



Yeah, they put up with anything, just to stay with them. I think this one is with him because of his wealth too. He owns a very successful construction company so that probably makes her stick around too lol he hits on every woman he can and a lot of them do get with him, probably hoping for some financial gains or whatever, cause despite being cute, he's really not THAT good looking lol
click to expand
I’m so happy I’m good being single!
Posted by serenidad
i think ghosting is so cowardly and it’s not an option for me. behaving like an asshole in order to push someone away is also not an option for me.

so, with that out of the way,

have you ever successfully faded out without having to ghost someone?

have you ever managed to successfully get someone to lose interest in you without having to resort to weird, unnecessary tactics?

can you tell me how you did it?

because i don’t know. if people wanna contact me, i just let them. because i feel like maybe our paths crossed for a reason.

a reason that i can’t know right away cuz i’m not god or psychic or anything like that :/

the only time i stopped responding to people was when i forgot the password to my email account (happened when i was younger) or social media account or something and i couldn’t respond.

i already told this guy: “i can only offer my friendship”.

i was clear on that. but he still seems to think there’s hope if he sticks around long enough or something.

he spent a lot of money on me (live stream, chat) so i felt obliged to give him something in return. so i gave him my socials as a token of friendship.

i seem to have issues with guilt.
i can’t seem to receive something without giving something back. i have trouble with receiving. been this way since i was a kid.

i don’t want him to keep spending money in hopes that this will turn into something more. cuz it won’t. that’s why i told him to stop coming to my livestream/chat and just talk to me through my social media (which is free).

what makes this entire thing difficult for me is that he is a really really really good guy. i just don’t want to hurt this guy under any circumstance.

so i’m counting on him to eventually get bored with the lack of progress with me (he’s a fire sign , leo) so i’m thinking it’s only a matter of time before he loses interest and moves onto greener pastures but in the back of my mind , i’m like…..what if this drags on for like a year or more ?

i can’t ghost cuz it’s cowardly, i can’t block cuz he’s given me no reason to do that , i can’t behave like an asshole cuz wtf would i look like hurting someone who has done absolutely nothing to me.

so what are my options? :/
State your own intentions and that you don't want to give him the wrong idea. Ask him how he feels about it.

Be curious as to why.

Curiosity is a element of openness most will respond to.

If he denys wanting what you are thinking then take him for his word and chill out.

There are times when different acts mean different things to people. Rule this situation out by talking about it.
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.


i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.

back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?

click to expand
Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.

I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.

I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
Posted by Soul
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Soul
I've said it many times, stop showering and be as offensively filthy as possible. I don't mean verbally, but physically. Like you've completely given up on life or something, which is another good thing add with it. Be super negative and depressed towards life and humanity. Still be kind to them on a personal level, but be the biggest downer you possibly can. People absolutely hate that, and hate when other people talk about their problems.
You will lose them then no time, and didn't even have to ghost them, or have to be honest to their face that you really don't like them much.


😂 😂

my brother was like “tell him you got AIDS or some shit.”

i was like, i can’t joke about serious matters like that cuz what if word gets around and people actually start to believe it? 😅

changing my personality and becoming a downer overnight is gonna be way too obvious too so i’m just gonna man up.😂 it’s the only solution lol 😂
click to expand

That is the best option tbh, and the easiest. Second to ghosting. Tbh you could even just act completely natural, and just say you aren't into deep connections with others, and like to keep things on the surface. They will either accept that and respect you for you, or get a bit upset, then move on.

I just wanted to edit in I'm not saying that is your natural way, I don't know you. I'm just saying what ever you do, just act natural. That seems the most comfortable option.
click to expand
he came in again yesterday. stayed for like two hours.

i kept things light ‘n breezy. i honestly think it’s probably best to just act natural, like you said. whether things get uncomfortable or not is up to me and how i act.

it’s never the customer’s job to be sensitive to the streamer’s mood. it’s my job to be sensitive to their mood. it’s my job to make sure they’re not uncomfortable. nobody should be paying money to feel uncomfortable so i’m just gonna keep focusing on creating a relaxed atmosphere as usual.


Posted by Libra4rmTX
Yea it and it has happened to me as well. Honesty is always good but I've been honest with ppl and they clung tighter.

Truth be told, ghosting can be a last resort. But also, when you're single and not committed to someone its not much you can expect. Only accept. I never question WHY I got ghosted because it doesn't matter. We weren't in a relationship. And I say this from recent pains and fresh wounds. This is what I tell myself after getting ghosted. "She was never mine." "That ain't my woman." "It is what it is." And when I ghost someone I just do it. But its only in certain situations.
i thought long and hard about it and decided to just let time do its thing. i’ve made my stance clear and there’s no more confusion about what this is on both of our ends.

also you’re right, when you’re not in a relationship with someone, there’s not much you can expect so you kinda gotta be prepared for anything to happen. :/

the “it is what it is” mindset actually saves you a lot of needless agony. cuz it’s impossible to know all the reasons why people do what they do. many factors impact people’s decisions and some of those might be beyond our imagination or understanding.
Posted by Truemara
Posted by serenidad
Posted by GeminiJim
This sounds like backhanded promotion for your onlyfans tbh 😂


i’m not on onlyfans lol i don’t do that stuff. i wanna remain anonymous on here lol i don’t want anyone finding me so i won’t reveal which platform i’m on haha
click to expand


Now I’m really interested! YouTube?

click to expand
User Submitted Image

lol



(no, it’s not youtube)

Posted by LaGenereuz
I try to be as polite as possible but I usually lash out if I keep telling someone I'm not interested but they just persist, and then I block them, I don't like to be suffocated,
Recently it happened to me with a cancer guy, I don't wanna date anyone rn but he just kept pushing it, I showed him my psycho side and blocked him, after a few months he came back, apologized and now he gives me as much space as I need.
Being polite can only allow people to take advantage of you.
you being a woman, i can understand how it would be safer for you to be firm, even if you have to lash out.

a woman being polite in those types of situations might be taken as a green light by selfish persistent dudes.

so i think a woman should definitely show some anger when in danger. with me, it’s a little different cuz i don’t really fear for my safety or anything like that. lol i’m 6’0’’ and pretty toned so no one’s gonna try and overpower me or anything like that lol 😅

Posted by LaGenereuz
And give him his money back, that'll send the message
i offered and he declined saying the money was well spent cuz he had a great time Sad
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
Posted by MyStarsShine
I’d tell him it’s not working out and return the money he spent …


i offered. he declined.
he said the money was well spent cuz he had a great time. :/
he’s a really nice guy.
click to expand


That’s good
So what’s the problem?
Are you like an only fans guy?


no, i barely know anything about onlyfans lol
click to expand

I’m intrigued as to why people pay to talk to you but I know you want to keep that confidential…
click to expand
i replied to GeminiJim about that smile (page 2 or 3 of this thread)

i’m not special. anyone can do what i’m doing and make money. if you use psychology.

Posted by GeminiJim
Posted by serenidad
Posted by GeminiJim
Wtf r u doing I mean u cant make this thread without saying what u r doing 😂
Are you doing something that requires skill or ability? or sittting in a hottub?
and don't give me that "want to remain anonymous" crap
because if someone is sending you money for your cake baking stream then its a bit different to if you are essentially an online stripper


to put it simply, i’ve found that people pay a lot of money in order to escape from reality even just for a little bit.

like, for example, i think one of the reasons people pay a lot of money to go see the movies is to escape from reality for a bit, awaken and uncover emotions and desires they didn’t know they had, or that were kinda dormant under layers of other things, and just like completely immerse themselves in a world that’s different from their usual world and routines.

at the simplest level, people wanna feel less pain and more pleasure.

and in general, they say that most of us tend to have a fantasy or a desire that has yet to be realized or that hasn’t come to fruition yet due to whatever reason, so you find out what that desire, fantasy is, through conversation and observation and you try your very best to offer that to them in a way that they want.

and you also offer them a safe place to be their most uncensored , relaxed self and just believe in them more than they believe in themselves (be their hype-man) sorta haha

there’s only so much money you can make from just dangling sex. cuz everyone has a body. you might have a six pack but so does Cody and Jason and whoever else lol being good looking helps to an extent (i’m not denying the “halo effect” it might give off to whoever is watching) but that alone doesn’t make anyone stick around or keep coming back for more. people aren’t dumb. they can see right through.
click to expand

So you cosplay?.. is that what you are saying 😂
click to expand
no, not that kind of fantasy lol 😅

when i say fantasy, desire,

i’m talking about unfulfilled yearnings that people have.
Posted by Lostthoughts
Posted by serenidad
i think ghosting is so cowardly and it’s not an option for me. behaving like an asshole in order to push someone away is also not an option for me.
so, with that out of the way,
have you ever successfully faded out without having to ghost someone?
have you ever managed to successfully get someone to lose interest in you without having to resort to weird, unnecessary tactics?
can you tell me how you did it?
because i don’t know. if people wanna contact me, i just let them. because i feel like maybe our paths crossed for a reason.
a reason that i can’t know right away cuz i’m not god or psychic or anything like that :/
the only time i stopped responding to people was when i forgot the password to my email account (happened when i was younger) or social media account or something and i couldn’t respond.
i already told this guy: “i can only offer my friendship”.
i was clear on that. but he still seems to think there’s hope if he sticks around long enough or something.
he spent a lot of money on me (live stream, chat) so i felt obliged to give him something in return. so i gave him my socials as a token of friendship.
i seem to have issues with guilt.
i can’t seem to receive something without giving something back. i have trouble with receiving. been this way since i was a kid.
i don’t want him to keep spending money in hopes that this will turn into something more. cuz it won’t. that’s why i told him to stop coming to my livestream/chat and just talk to me through my social media (which is free).
what makes this entire thing difficult for me is that he is a really really really good guy. i just don’t want to hurt this guy under any circumstance.
so i’m counting on him to eventually get bored with the lack of progress with me (he’s a fire sign , leo) so i’m thinking it’s only a matter of time before he loses interest and moves onto greener pastures but in the back of my mind , i’m like…..what if this drags on for like a year or more ?
i can’t ghost cuz it’s cowardly, i can’t block cuz he’s given me no reason to do that , i can’t behave like an asshole cuz wtf would i look like hurting someone who has done absolutely nothing to me.
so what are my options? :/


State your own intentions and that you don't want to give him the wrong idea. Ask him how he feels about it.
Be curious as to why.
Curiosity is a element of openness most will respond to.
If he denys wanting what you are thinking then take him for his word and chill out.

There are times when different acts mean different things to people. Rule this situation out by talking about it.
click to expand
you’re right. avoiding and tip toeing around the elephant in the room isn’t gonna help anyone in the long run. i’m always gonna remain ready to have the uncomfortable conversations that need to be had.

he already told me he’s looking for more than a friendship but that he will respect my boundaries. he says it’s easier for him to just come to the live chat because texting is not his style . :/

i’ve made my stance clear with him so right now, i don’t think there’s any confusion about what this is on both of our ends. now, i’m just gonna let time do its thing and take accountability for whatever happens.
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.


i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand

Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.

I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.

I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand


i understand the feeling you’re describing.

i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.

for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.


i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand


Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand

i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.

for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.

i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand
Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.

Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.

i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand

Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.

click to expand
i’m in japan ^_^
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.

i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand

Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.




i’m in japan ^_^
click to expand
They will treat you better there, can you get a pimp?
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.
i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand


Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.


i’m in japan ^_^
click to expand

They will treat you better there, can you get a pimp?
click to expand
no, but i guess my agency is sorta like a pimp in a way ? lol they take 50% of what i earn so, even if you earn $ 700 on a particular night, they take $ 350, and you get $ 350. i get paid in yen mostly, this is just an example. this person i talked to on twitter who is with a different agency told me she only gets 40% so it depends on the agency. i personally wouldn’t do it for anything less than 50% , cuz as much as this is fun, it’s also draining af. you’re entertaining an audience for 4-5 hours straight. i sometimes need a little alcohol in my system to deal with certain people on there 😂 lol not gonna lie lol

also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol

Posted by serenidad
also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol


User Submitted Image

Posted by IceStorm
he spent a lot of money on me (live stream, chat) so i felt obliged to give him something in return. so i gave him my socials as a token of friendship.

i seem to have issues with guilt.


Do you have libra in your chart? I have libra rising /libra stellium and this is how I have felt in the past. We don’t like to hurt feelings and we are typically friendly to everyone and somewhat of the people-pleasing type.

I am working on being more direct and telling men that I don’t want to waste their time, don’t want to accept dates or anything from them etc just because the mixed signals have caused more hurt feelings in the past than I intended. It’s really uncomfortable to be firm when the men are persistent, but it gets easier as time goes on. I’m getting better at boundaries and it’s less draining for me.. because it can be draining to keep feeding a connection that I know I’m not really into just for the sake of being “Mrs. Nice Guy” and it’s wasting both my time and his.
i don’t have any libra in my chart as far as i know…it’s probably the pisces influence (i’m born on the pisces cusp so i’m not really like a full blown aries, i think?) or it could be the gemini in me making me indecisive and an overthinker…lol i’m always in my head like, “if i say this, they might think_____so i should say this instead.” or like, “what is the most optimal way to phrase this…” just rehearsing possible scenarios and outcomes in my head before i say or do anything…lol

i’m also not so sure if what society calls people pleasing is actually people-pleasing.

or maybe it’s just us remembering all the incidences that hurt us in the past and trying not to inflict that same pain onto others? :/

do you kinda relate to that ? cuz people pleasing is not something that just starts out of nowhere.

you’re right. it’s never kind to waste people’s time.

i told the guy in question that “if talking to me ever stops being fun or pleasurable for you in any way, it might be best for you to move on…”

and he understood.

i hope the way i phrased it wasn’t harsh 😔
Posted by poppyflower
Posted by serenidad
also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol






click to expand
they even asked me to log in when i was recovering from food poisoning one time lol 😂 😂

User Submitted Image
@poppyflower

but that particular staff who asked me that day didn’t know about my situation (i guess nobody had filled her in lol 😂) so it wasn’t her fault.
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.
i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand


Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.


i’m in japan ^_^
click to expand

They will treat you better there, can you get a pimp?



no, but i guess my agency is sorta like a pimp in a way ? lol they take 50% of what i earn so, even if you earn $ 700 on a particular night, they take $ 350, and you get $ 350. i get paid in yen mostly, this is just an example. this person i talked to on twitter who is with a different agency told me she only gets 40% so it depends on the agency. i personally wouldn’t do it for anything less than 50% , cuz as much as this is fun, it’s also draining af. you’re entertaining an audience for 4-5 hours straight. i sometimes need a little alcohol in my system to deal with certain people on there 😂 lol not gonna lie lol


also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol

click to expand
So is it not their job to deal with creepers?
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Libra4rmTX
Yea it and it has happened to me as well. Honesty is always good but I've been honest with ppl and they clung tighter.

Truth be told, ghosting can be a last resort. But also, when you're single and not committed to someone its not much you can expect. Only accept. I never question WHY I got ghosted because it doesn't matter. We weren't in a relationship. And I say this from recent pains and fresh wounds. This is what I tell myself after getting ghosted. "She was never mine." "That ain't my woman." "It is what it is." And when I ghost someone I just do it. But its only in certain situations.



i thought long and hard about it and decided to just let time do its thing. i’ve made my stance clear and there’s no more confusion about what this is on both of our ends.


also you’re right, when you’re not in a relationship with someone, there’s not much you can expect so you kinda gotta be prepared for anything to happen. :/


the “it is what it is” mindset actually saves you a lot of needless agony. cuz it’s impossible to know all the reasons why people do what they do. many factors impact people’s decisions and some of those might be beyond our imagination or understanding.
click to expand
Some thingd, Id rather not know anyway lol sad but true. Some ppl think knowing everything will bring closure when sometimes it just deepens the wound.

At least you tried honesty
Posted by serenidad
@poppyflower


but that particular staff who asked me that day didn’t know about my situation (i guess nobody had filled her in lol 😂) so it wasn’t her fault.
I'd be like "Sure, as soon as I'm done vomiting 🤮 " ...

😛
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.
i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand



Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.


i’m in japan ^_^
click to expand


They will treat you better there, can you get a pimp?


no, but i guess my agency is sorta like a pimp in a way ? lol they take 50% of what i earn so, even if you earn $ 700 on a particular night, they take $ 350, and you get $ 350. i get paid in yen mostly, this is just an example. this person i talked to on twitter who is with a different agency told me she only gets 40% so it depends on the agency. i personally wouldn’t do it for anything less than 50% , cuz as much as this is fun, it’s also draining af. you’re entertaining an audience for 4-5 hours straight. i sometimes need a little alcohol in my system to deal with certain people on there 😂 lol not gonna lie lol

also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol
click to expand

So is it not their job to deal with creepers?
click to expand
OP voluntarily gave social media info to this guy though. It tends to translate to assumed responsibility for the individuals.
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Walk_on_by
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Posted by serenidad
Posted by nanochip
Simps have no logical reasoning so as long as you accept payment, he will be there until he finds another more interesting.
I am guessing you are female? And when you participate in selling yourself online, be it your appearance, personality, or skills (again, I’m assuming you’re talking about streaming and asking for donation/subs), you honestly have to expect this behavior from people online. It’s literally the streaming culture lol
Everything is transactional. Nothing is truly free. When someone gives money or gifts, it’s safe to assume they expect something in return. It’s just a sad fact about the world we live in. I learned this the hard way in my 20s while dating and also streaming on twitch.



i gave him my socials so he could stop coming to my streams/video chats, but he says it’s the only place he can see me moving in real time so he continues to come.
back when you used to stream, how did you deal with people who wanted to meet up with you in real life? also, were you allowed to be open about having a boyfriend or did your manager/agency (if you had one) tell you to keep your private life/love life a secret so people will spend more money?
click to expand



Yea, I think the biggest mistake here was giving him your socials - because you’re inviting him to know you and contact you in a more intimate setting, which for sure could have conveyed interest in him. When someone fixates on you like that, you won’t be able to keep them off a stream. Now he has access on and off stream.
I didn’t get that big into streaming, but I was monetized and found that the whole thing made me very uncomfortable, so I only did it for a few months and pulled the plug on it. I was finding that I was cycling through a lot of donations/subs from men who wanted to sleep with me, and would move on when it wasn’t happening, and then new ones would come, like it was an endless cycle of simps and just overall felt like a whole facade. It’s hard for me to comprehend how people can feel comfortable doing that but it certainly comes natural to Gen z/especially the women. I will also add that I don’t have anything extraordinary to offer, so that made it feel more disingenuous and frivolous lol.
I do know what you’re referring to about hiding a S.O. I’ve seen it with the big time female streamers. Unless you’re streaming a particular extraordinary skill or an outlandish personality type that everyone loves, then yea, sadly your rship status is going to effect your brand and revenue
click to expand



i understand the feeling you’re describing.
i would say around half of the people that come are like that and the other half are able to see beneath the surface and engage deeper with you. most of my long-time customers are people i can see myself being friends with in real life.
for the first year and a half, i was told by my agency to give off the impression that i was single but when i started making more money, i finally had more of a say in things. the agency started listening to me more. and now, i’m allowed to be open about being in a relationship and it hasn’t affected my income.
i felt like a puppet in the beginning lol and obviously being an aries, i didn’t like being told what to do so i was like hell bent on raking in the dough so my agency will have no choice but to bow down to me and listen to me lol 😂 😂
click to expand



Where do you live? I've seen doco's about these agency's in China.


i’m in japan ^_^
click to expand


They will treat you better there, can you get a pimp?


no, but i guess my agency is sorta like a pimp in a way ? lol they take 50% of what i earn so, even if you earn $ 700 on a particular night, they take $ 350, and you get $ 350. i get paid in yen mostly, this is just an example. this person i talked to on twitter who is with a different agency told me she only gets 40% so it depends on the agency. i personally wouldn’t do it for anything less than 50% , cuz as much as this is fun, it’s also draining af. you’re entertaining an audience for 4-5 hours straight. i sometimes need a little alcohol in my system to deal with certain people on there 😂 lol not gonna lie lol

also the agency likes to mildly harass you over text , asking questions like “how many hours can you log in this week??🧐” lol
click to expand

So is it not their job to deal with creepers?
click to expand
there’s usually a staff from the agency watching all of my live chats but they don’t have the authority to throw anyone out on the spot lol 😅my agency has to contact the live chat/streaming site i’m on and get them involved in blocking a certain user.

also as poppyflower mentioned, anything that happens to me outside of the live chat is my responsibility. smile
Posted by Libra4rmTX
Posted by serenidad
Posted by Libra4rmTX
Yea it and it has happened to me as well. Honesty is always good but I've been honest with ppl and they clung tighter.

Truth be told, ghosting can be a last resort. But also, when you're single and not committed to someone its not much you can expect. Only accept. I never question WHY I got ghosted because it doesn't matter. We weren't in a relationship. And I say this from recent pains and fresh wounds. This is what I tell myself after getting ghosted. "She was never mine." "That ain't my woman." "It is what it is." And when I ghost someone I just do it. But its only in certain situations.


i thought long and hard about it and decided to just let time do its thing. i’ve made my stance clear and there’s no more confusion about what this is on both of our ends.

also you’re right, when you’re not in a relationship with someone, there’s not much you can expect so you kinda gotta be prepared for anything to happen. :/

the “it is what it is” mindset actually saves you a lot of needless agony. cuz it’s impossible to know all the reasons why people do what they do. many factors impact people’s decisions and some of those might be beyond our imagination or understanding.
click to expand

Some thingd, Id rather not know anyway lol sad but true. Some ppl think knowing everything will bring closure when sometimes it just deepens the wound.
At least you tried honesty
click to expand
yeah it’s actually crazy how much stuff we internalize that isn’t even ours to internalize.

people carry stories, traumas, notions, personal coping mechanisms that we don’t know about or that we can’t necessarily understand.

one person’s way of coping with things might be different from another person’s way of coping with things. we don’t all react the same way towards a particular incident or experience.

we might at times think to ourselves, “why did they act that way? i would have never done that to them.” but we’re not them so we don’t know what was going on in their heads when they did what they did. so it’s kinda futile to keep wondering “why” cuz we’ll never truly know for certain.


and like you said, maybe we don’t even need to know because that chapter of our life is over now and if those people were ever supposed to be a part of our life, they would have been.

something or someone better suited for you, better aligned with you will come along so you just have to keep moving forward. and stay in your main character energy (meaning , live life for you first and foremost.) if you keep looking back and feeling sad, you won’t be able to shine as a main character in your own life story.

this mindset will bring us most peace :

User Submitted Image

if you know you’re doing right by others, that’s all that matters.

smile



Posted by poppyflower
Posted by serenidad
@poppyflower

but that particular staff who asked me that day didn’t know about my situation (i guess nobody had filled her in lol 😂) so it wasn’t her fault.


I'd be like "Sure, as soon as I'm done vomiting 🤮 " ...

😛
click to expand


when she found out she was like “oh my god, we are terribly sorry! please take care !” Lol

every time they text me “when will we see you?”

i wanna be like “you’ll see me when you see me ?😅😅😅” but i don’t wanna be a jerk so i’m always like “i’ll log in as much as i can” lol 😅

the agency staff works pretty hard too so i try not to give them a hard time lol

mini update:

i’m really regretting giving him my instagram now

the guy left a comment on one of my recent pictures and my dude saw it and he asked me who he was.

i should have disabled comments

so freaking dumb

i’ve really learnt my lesson this time around. i didn’t learn it with the girl customer two years ago but now i get it.

User Submitted Image

Posted by serenidad
mini update:

i’m really regretting giving him my instagram now

the guy left a comment on one of my recent pictures and my dude saw it and he asked me who he was.

i should have disabled comments
so freaking dumb
i’ve really learnt my lesson this time around. i didn’t learn it with the girl customer two years ago but now i get it.



Doesn’t your guy know what you do…the thing for money?
Posted by MyStarsShine
Posted by serenidad
mini update:
i’m really regretting giving him my instagram now
the guy left a comment on one of my recent pictures and my dude saw it and he asked me who he was.
i should have disabled comments
so freaking dumb
i’ve really learnt my lesson this time around. i didn’t learn it with the girl customer two years ago but now i get it.



Doesn’t your guy know what you do…the thing for money?
click to expand
he knows about my live stream/chat (he’s usually in the house when i’m doing it) but he doesn’t know every little detail of what goes on.

he’s asleep during most of the late night ones that i do. (22:00-2:00am) he’s only awake until 23:00-24:00. my agency wants me to get at least 4 hours in cuz the site is most lively/active during these hours. between 22:00-3:00 ish.

i hadn’t told him about the guy. (well, now he found out but)

i told him the full story and luckily, he wasn’t angry ‘cause he knows about my tendency to feel guilty about receiving things.

but he told me i needed to stop being a sucker for people’s sob stories.

he was rolling his eyes like “when are you gonna learn” :

User Submitted Image

i’m just frustrated with myself. but i made this mess so i’m gonna clean it up.

Yeah, just be honest and tell them you're not feeling them. Nothing annoys me more than people I have no interest in fawning over me, and I don't enjoy wasting peoples time. I've come across some that don't take it at face value and keep persisting, then I just get specific about why I don't see us working out.

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