should only women feel insecure?

This topic was created in the Relationships forum by memyself on Sunday, May 5, 2013 and has 19 replies.
can/should men feel insecure too? what if woman decides to leave him because he is unable to make her happy anymore. what if she decides to leave him because SHE is bored of him? what if he is not able to make her feel the same way as before. what if he is not interesting anymore. could men have same insecurities as women?
i don't think women look to walk out of a relationship, but they can be pushed to, can they not? it takes two to keep a relationship going.
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It for sure takes two. Everyone is insecure about something, whether they make it obvious or not.
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Posted by memyself
can/should men feel insecure too? what if woman decides to leave him because he is unable to make her happy anymore. what if she decides to leave him because SHE is bored of him? what if he is not able to make her feel the same way as before. what if he is not interesting anymore. could men have same insecurities as women?
i don't think women look to walk out of a relationship, but they can be pushed to, can they not? it takes two to keep a relationship going.


Strange you should bring up this topic, there are just as many insecure men out there as women, the difference, they rarely talk about it, adopting various 'societal' masks which are deemed proper and appropriate, when underneath it all may lie but an adult child, craving affection, craving to be nurtured, craving validation, craving for someone who thinks they are good enough as they are. Men simple suppress it, as 'society' deems it unmanly and not masculine for them to be sensitive, which I find a load of crock but there you have it, how warped could things be? Very it seems.
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Monsieur tir, you may be an exception, I have heard more than once how some moan on about why society must force them into a 'particular' box. Yes, that ego, sometimes in combination with pride, is more often the culprit in circumstances such as so. I wonder why though...it gets in the way of reaching the greater good, no?
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this thought came to my mind because more men cheat than women, like they cannot stick with one. so a woman is always hoping her man won't cheat, that insecurity is always there. hell even when single you are thinking will the man i end up with be faithful to me. but how many men have to worry about that. what makes a man think he can have his cake and eat it too? somewhere women are responsible for encouraging this behavior by putting up with it, because deep down we want to be in a relationship always, we want to make it work, fight till the end. but doing so most women are only left with feeling less self worthy, sad, angry. we seek validation from men to feel good about ourselves. god knows why we were born with this mindset. same time i know it is not easy for a woman to just leave and go, she feels she has some responsibility to make it work, esp if married, or married and with kids. she is more willing to forgive/overlook than a man. that makes you think man has no insecurity because somehwere he knows he will be forgiven for his mistakes, unless he pushes too far.
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Posted by tiziani
Oh I'm sure I have done more than my fair share of whining in the past. Maybe not about society but there are plenty of other things to feel sorry for yourself over. All men are the same and I am no exception.
Everyone has a different vision of what the greater good could be. Some do not even care about a greater good. It's not a masculine trait to want to sacrifice yourself for a greater cause. That's a messiah trait. A feminine one. Pisces, fish and Christ. That kind of road.


Not necessary sacrifice, some see it as responsibility, some see it as traditional, some see it as cultural, some see themselves a product of upbringing and environment etc. Though I would not go so far as to say all men are the same, if insecurity exists in some part of you, I would imagine it to be highly methodical and logical in the way you look at it, deal with it, and tackle it without so much as to 'feel' it out so to speak. Perhaps it may be the Virgo Planets, which gives you this ability to be slightly aloof and detached, to be 'harder' or so it seems, a perfectionist of sorts.
Sacrifice is only but one pathway in which men may see their problems, sensitivity engulfs too vast a range of possibilities to restrict to a certain few choices although I see where you were going there.
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Posted by memyself
this thought came to my mind because more men cheat than women, like they cannot stick with one. so a woman is always hoping her man won't cheat, that insecurity is always there. hell even when single you are thinking will the man i end up with be faithful to me. but how many men have to worry about that. what makes a man think he can have his cake and eat it too? somewhere women are responsible for encouraging this behavior by putting up with it, because deep down we want to be in a relationship always, we want to make it work, fight till the end. but doing so most women are only left with feeling less self worthy, sad, angry. we seek validation from men to feel good about ourselves. god knows why we were born with this mindset. same time i know it is not easy for a woman to just leave and go, she feels she has some responsibility to make it work, esp if married, or married and with kids. she is more willing to forgive/overlook than a man. that makes you think man has no insecurity because somehwere he knows he will be forgiven for his mistakes, unless he pushes too far.


Oh hell, many many many men have that very same worry, at the end of the day it is the amount of trust given and taken by both parties, then to create, nurture and foster an environment which the two could reside in with far less doubt than necessary. The insecurity you speak of is the by product of a lack of trust or vice versa that is the question.
There are a great many amount of men of long for commitment, a proper woman, to be the burning fire in a relationship, much more than you are giving credit for and I have heard my share, they 'do' want to fight but have you thought of why they are the way they are. Everyone has a past, a history, a burden, but these days some of those men had suffered at the hands of a cheating ex in the past, that always does havoc and wreck to any man, especially to one who truly thought he had but found the one, his love. It takes a great deal of inner work and time to over come this, many people gun shy after such a train wreck, some recover, some never do.
Do you know how many men crave for validation, it could be the ego that is vying for it but I believe inside the fundamental core there lies more, something more human, more primal, more innate. From experience, I have seen men try to make it work, somehow I find this argument sexist, everythi
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...I find this argument sexist, everything you have expressed is just as applicable to the opposite sex with the exception that their means of communication, expressing and their way to deal with this problem is different. Why? They have a contrasting biological make up as compared to ours, which does not aid them in dealing with such 'aspects' as the ones which we face, that is all, it does not mean it is not there, we should never discredit it because it is not show as clearly, as blatantly, as in your face. Men are expected to gather their balls and make a move on it in life, women are expected, nurtured to share, expressing, talking from a very young age.
Women talk, Men do, at least that is the 'conditioning' which we have been brought up in.
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does anyone remember the name of that movie where the guy loses his wife to this man for a night in a gamble and then cannot live with the fact that she spent time with him. he is the one who plays that gamble but then cannot take it after the fact.
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Posted by memyself
does anyone remember the name of that movie where the guy loses his wife to this man for a night in a gamble and then cannot live with the fact that she spent time with him. he is the one who plays that gamble but then cannot take it after the fact.


Last Night- with Keira, Sam, Guillaume and Eva as the leads?
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
...I find this argument sexist, everything you have expressed is just as applicable to the opposite sex with the exception that their means of communication, expressing and their way to deal with this problem is different. Why? They have a contrasting biological make up as compared to ours, which does not aid them in dealing with such 'aspects' as the ones which we face, that is all, it does not mean it is not there, we should never discredit it because it is not show as clearly, as blatantly, as in your face. Men are expected to gather their balls and make a move on it in life, women are expected, nurtured to share, expressing, talking from a very young age.
Women talk, Men do, at least that is the 'conditioning' which we have been brought up in.


yes, men must go through these same insecurities. and yes, i am talking more from a woman's perspective, men talk less, maybe. they have to live up to a certain image, agreed. but in general, lets just talk about cheating, aren't there more men that cheat than women? a man might have insecurity of whether he is going to be the provider/man of the house, take care of his girl and family. yes, i am willing to agree that that burden of running a house is more on a man than woman. but when it comes to emotionally sustaining a relationship, i somehow feel women try to hold it together harder than men, not all maybe, but most.
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Posted by tiziani
Posted by memyself
does anyone remember the name of that movie where the guy loses his wife to this man for a night in a gamble and then cannot live with the fact that she spent time with him. he is the one who plays that gamble but then cannot take it after the fact.


Indecent Proposal, Ands' favourite film.
And, in actual fact, in the bedroom scene they are both thinking about the gamble. He says everything he is meant to say "I don't want you to do it" and she talks him into accepting it.
click to expand


yes, that's the movie. thank you smile
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Posted by s4nd
lulz tizi!
any good lady scorp?


Any good...moi or the film?
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by memyself
does anyone remember the name of that movie where the guy loses his wife to this man for a night in a gamble and then cannot live with the fact that she spent time with him. he is the one who plays that gamble but then cannot take it after the fact.


Last Night- with Keira, Sam, Guillaume and Eva as the leads?
click to expand


i think i was talking about indecent proposal. but this one too has same problems, except both husband and wife wander smile, and both feel equally guilty and come back.
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Posted by memyself
Posted by TheLadyScorpio
...I find this argument sexist, everything you have expressed is just as applicable to the opposite sex with the exception that their means of communication, expressing and their way to deal with this problem is different. Why? They have a contrasting biological make up as compared to ours, which does not aid them in dealing with such 'aspects' as the ones which we face, that is all, it does not mean it is not there, we should never discredit it because it is not show as clearly, as blatantly, as in your face. Men are expected to gather their balls and make a move on it in life, women are expected, nurtured to share, expressing, talking from a very young age.
Women talk, Men do, at least that is the 'conditioning' which we have been brought up in.


yes, men must go through these same insecurities. and yes, i am talking more from a woman's perspective, men talk less, maybe. they have to live up to a certain image, agreed. but in general, lets just talk about cheating, aren't there more men that cheat than women? a man might have insecurity of whether he is going to be the provider/man of the house, take care of his girl and family. yes, i am willing to agree that that burden of running a house is more on a man than woman. but when it comes to emotionally sustaining a relationship, i somehow feel women try to hold it together harder than men, not all maybe, but most.
click to expand


Wouldn't that venture into the territories of men who keep women at a distance, playing the field, the forever bachelor?
...is that the direct you were meaning to head towards, or am I mistaken? Do indulge me smile
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Posted by tiziani
I actually surprisingly enjoyed last night. But it had Eva Mendes in it as a seducer. I was never going to end up complaining.


She is a Cancer woman at that, I could see why you would not complain.
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Wouldn't that venture into the territories of men who keep women at a distance, playing the field, the forever bachelor?
...is that the direct you were meaning to head towards, or am I mistaken? Do indulge me smile


no, i was actually thinking about couples already in a relationship, about the insecurities one faces about keeping it going smile. it's easier when you are single, you can cry and move on. but it's more complicated when you are married or in a committed relationship.
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Posted by tiziani
Menmyself, I could probably see where you're coming from in terms of the women I have encountered (in my limited experience) actively trying to emotionally sustain a relationship. However it's also my experience that the women I've encountered tended to be arrogant or blind to their immaturity in this department. They would often insist that if you emotionally shared or opened up to them, it'd be for the greater good of both. When actually what often happens is then they would be very sloppy and fumble the ball. All of a sudden she is discussing your emotions with her best friends, her friends of friends, the neighbours down the street. Suddenly a relationship that you were promised or pressed on believing would only have two people being loyal to it, it starts having 10 people involved. And all their opinions are welcome.
I think this is just a part of being immature on both sides and growing up out of that. Maybe the difference is that when women fumble, fail to live up to their own commitments in front of us, we don't hold them to task or talk about it. It's actually already gutting enough that she tore down her image in front of us. So we just move on. That's not to say that either approach is wrong or right. It's just a lot of miscommunication based on childish ideals that both sides are raised to believe in.


lol! to childish ideals smile. i agree with what you say, that women can create and cause drama when it is not called for and make a bad situation worse. but again i think what i am trying to say is if women are insecure they have a reason to be like that. because in general, more men cheat than women. there are good men, who are thorough gentlemen, in fact who may love their partner more than their partner loves them. but it is a seen thing that more women are insecure about their partner cheating than men.
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but if you leave the fidelity aspect aside, then yes, women can be the root cause of tensions in a relationship because we are capable of creating unnecessary drama.
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