things you would have liked to have known before getting married

Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

Posted by Sleepyquantro1

Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

I once had a discussion with 2 guys (different races), that stated, “Marriage ruins relationships”. 😐

I was at their work place, buying new tires, and we started to converse.

One spoke from experience of a previously failed Marriage 😕 (who said they were together at least 7 yrs and happy 😃 prior to Marriage), and the other was currently in a long term relationship, but opted not to get married bc he felt the same way.

I only mentioned race because it was funny to have 2 guys from different backgrounds, have the same opinion on the issue.

Like how does a piece of paper 📑 change the dynamic to that extent 🧐

I agree with you Star 🌟…a lot of people just don’t have it in them to make that kind of commitment

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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Sleepyquantro1

Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

I once had a discussion with 2 guys (different races), that stated, “Marriage ruins relationships”. 😐

I was at their work place, buying new tires, and we started to converse.

One spoke from experience of a previously failed Marriage 😕 (who said they were together at least 7 yrs and happy 😃 prior to Marriage), and the other was currently in a long term relationship, but opted not to get married bc he felt the same way.

I only mentioned race because it was funny to have 2 guys from different backgrounds, have the same opinion on the issue.

Like how does a piece of paper 📑 change the dynamic to that extent 🧐

I agree with you Star 🌟…a lot of people just don’t have it in them to make that kind of commitment

It’s psychological....signing your love life away forever . That’s one reason why people wait till they’re married before having affairs lol.

We change over the years....our needs goals etc can shift so to sign up to one person is a tough call for some

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Posted by Sleepyquantro1

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Sleepyquantro1

Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

I once had a discussion with 2 guys (different races), that stated, “Marriage ruins relationships”. 😐

I was at their work place, buying new tires, and we started to converse.

One spoke from experience of a previously failed Marriage 😕 (who said they were together at least 7 yrs and happy 😃 prior to Marriage), and the other was currently in a long term relationship, but opted not to get married bc he felt the same way.

I only mentioned race because it was funny to have 2 guys from different backgrounds, have the same opinion on the issue.

Like how does a piece of paper 📑 change the dynamic to that extent 🧐

I agree with you Star 🌟…a lot of people just don’t have it in them to make that kind of commitment

It’s psychological....signing your love life away forever . That’s one reason why people wait till they’re married before having affairs lol.

We change over the years....our needs goals etc can shift so to sign up to one person is a tough call for some

I don’t think I want to get married lol

💭I think it’s easier when it’s time to leave/move out, not having to worry about dividing assets, adding extra emotional turmoil. 🙅🏽‍♀️😂

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Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by MyStarsShine

I think the concept of promising to be with one person forever and ever amen is a pretty tall order to say the least


Not viable for a lot of people....

For real tho

And that concept of 'till death do us part' was a bit easier to stomach when the average life expectancy was 40.... if your lucky.

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Posted by Subliminals

Oh, honeymoon doesn't have to be just once.


Rekindle passion and attraction are virtues.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Oh, honeymoon doesn't have to be just once.


Rekindle passion and attraction are virtues.

Sounds hopeful.....how long have you been married?

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Posted by Subliminals

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Oh, honeymoon doesn't have to be just once.


Rekindle passion and attraction are virtues.

Sounds hopeful.....how long have you been married?

Just 3 yrs lol

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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Oh, honeymoon doesn't have to be just once.


Rekindle passion and attraction are virtues.

Sounds hopeful.....how long have you been married?

Just 3 yrs lol

Honeymoon period

😂😍

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Posted by Subliminals

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Subliminals

Oh, honeymoon doesn't have to be just once.


Rekindle passion and attraction are virtues.

Sounds hopeful.....how long have you been married?

Just 3 yrs lol

Honeymoon period

😂😍

I swear its not lol

But I have lost my rose colored glasses since a yr ago..

Ideas of getting divorced or separated often got thrown out during fights..


My situation is way far from honeymoon period. I didnt get the actual honeymoon.


So.

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Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Posted by jeane

calling married people (and divorced people too)


what are the things/advice/perspectives/warnings you would have liked to have known before getting married? are there things you felt you should have considered? conversations you should have had? things you that would have prepared you?


looking back, are there mistakes you made during the marriage? or things that you feel make it work?


good, bad and ugly stories are all welcome

Posted by saggurl88

I think communication should be made a priority. I was married for a long time and I used to go to bed mad , but forgot why I was mad once I woke up in the morning. So it was fine for me.


We both went out with friends by ourselves. We also went on couple dates with others.

We spent time together, just us, and used to turn our phones off or just not even answer it or look to see who was calling/texting.


We never stopped doing things together. We continuously dated and went on dates.


Sex was never a bore, I used to drive to his work for quickies sometimes, have sex in cars etc- we used to talk dirty and send each other videos- and this is after 20 years of being together.

I think it wasn't boring because I like variety and don't like routine. We didn't have sex daily. I don't like it everyday but it was a few times a week.


We got along great and were each others best friends, so it was basically easy to stay in a relationship.

It ended because financially I couldn't do it anymore. He just blew threw too much money and I was the one always making up for his spending. I got tired of never getting ahead.

Posted by Undine

Posted by 81gems

The problem you have, is assuming that both parties will do this equally and forever. This is as ridiculous at it sounds!

🙄


Great way of thinking. It’s why the divorce rate is 50% no?


This IS what’s required of a married couple. But if people are going to share your views of it being nothing more than a “contract,” well, no wonder it doesn’t work out for a lot of them.


As for the rest of what you said, no shit, Sherlock. Learned all of that over 10 years ago.


Gtfo? I think you meant get the fuck out? Yeah. Exactly. Get the fuck outta here now.

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Posted by Rainbow87

Oh boy! This is a good topic.

I’m divorced and I wish I knew being married is not a fairytale like everyone sees it. It’s a lot harder than you think.


I wish I knew that having a wedding ring on your finger doesn’t guarantee faithfulness in a marriage. It’s all BS and a lie!!! People need to open their eyes 👀 and realize that a marriage is just papers. That’s it. It doesn’t guarantee happiness. Also the whole wedding thing should be intimate. No need to spend thousands of $ $ $ and do a whole year of planning for an event that will only last a day. It’s quite pathetic.

Posted by virghost

Posted by Rainbow87

Oh boy! This is a good topic.

I’m divorced and I wish I knew being married is not a fairytale like everyone sees it. It’s a lot harder than you think.


I wish I knew that having a wedding ring on your finger doesn’t guarantee faithfulness in a marriage. It’s all BS and a lie!!! People need to open their eyes 👀 and realize that a marriage is just papers. That’s it. It doesn’t guarantee happiness. Also the whole wedding thing should be intimate. No need to spend thousands of $ $ $ and do a whole year of planning for an event that will only last a day. It’s quite pathetic.

This is why I don't like the idea of marriage or stand for it's meaning. My parents have been married for 45 years! FORTY FIVE YEARS!!! Things have leveled out and aren't as bad as they used to be as they were growing up. I always thought we had it good because my parents weren't divorced but I would wish upon a star that my dad would disappear from our lives or at the very least my mom would leave him. Sometimes if you're as faithful as my mom you will hold on and face the crashing waves regardless of the countless times you're close to drowning and gasping for air. I condemn my mom for what she did for us but I honestly felt and a part of me still feels she could of done WAY better. He may be a better version of who he used to be but I can't forgive the things he put her through. I personally feel marriage is a scam. It's for profit. The amount you spend on jewelry, the wedding, the house, and the babies. All for what? To showcase your "LOVE" for one another as you behave the first year until you're allowed to be your worst self. Luckily, not many people marry by the church and even when they do thankfully they don't feel shame in divorcing because... why would you force an individual to remain in a contract that is toxic to their well-being?

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Posted by geminiflyby

I now tell my new relationships that if I marry again it will be forever. Until death do us part - natural causes or murder/suicide. They usually disappear after that. Pussies.

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by virghost

Posted by Rainbow87

Oh boy! This is a good topic.

I’m divorced and I wish I knew being married is not a fairytale like everyone sees it. It’s a lot harder than you think.


I wish I knew that having a wedding ring on your finger doesn’t guarantee faithfulness in a marriage. It’s all BS and a lie!!! People need to open their eyes 👀 and realize that a marriage is just papers. That’s it. It doesn’t guarantee happiness. Also the whole wedding thing should be intimate. No need to spend thousands of $ $ $ and do a whole year of planning for an event that will only last a day. It’s quite pathetic.

This is why I don't like the idea of marriage or stand for it's meaning. My parents have been married for 45 years! FORTY FIVE YEARS!!! Things have leveled out and aren't as bad as they used to be as they were growing up. I always thought we had it good because my parents weren't divorced but I would wish upon a star that my dad would disappear from our lives or at the very least my mom would leave him. Sometimes if you're as faithful as my mom you will hold on and face the crashing waves regardless of the countless times you're close to drowning and gasping for air. I condemn my mom for what she did for us but I honestly felt and a part of me still feels she could of done WAY better. He may be a better version of who he used to be but I can't forgive the things he put her through. I personally feel marriage is a scam. It's for profit. The amount you spend on jewelry, the wedding, the house, and the babies. All for what? To showcase your "LOVE" for one another as you behave the first year until you're allowed to be your worst self. Luckily, not many people marry by the church and even when they do thankfully they don't feel shame in divorcing because... why would you force an individual to remain in a contract that is toxic to their well-being?

Life sentence lol


You’d get less for murder🥴

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Posted by bmoon8

Posted by Undine

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Firstly, you are talking the obvious… work, compromise, patience. No relationship will take off without them, let alone survive the first -unmarried- year!


The problem you have, is assuming that both parties will do this equally and forever. This is as ridiculous at it sounds!


Of course you trust your partner to begin with, but this should not mean putting your rose glasses on. People change a lot over the years, let alone decades. Not necessarily their personality, but goals, emotional investment and core values do change!


If you were “lucky” and your marriage is still strong after 20 years, you don’t need to tell people off for having been less lucky than you! You don’t need to tell people to blindly trust one another, since this is the reason why so many unhappy marriages exists.


It takes TWO, okay? I’ve seen 20+ years marriages in which one partner was a serial cheater. Or exploited financially the other. Or gaslighting and abusing the other! Or was stealing money from common accounts, all their common savings, so the “hard working” one couldn’t even afford a divorce without becoming homeless! So STFO!


People almost always get married for the “right reasons” and more often than not, one partner gets screwed up. Retrospectively, they should have signed a prenup, kept the accounts separated and watched the other like a hawk. Or closed their eyes, be taken advantage of and found themselves the laugh of the town or even destitute, 2-20 years later.


Ironically, it’s exactly the people who have been working hard, had shown blind trust, gave unconditional love and care and were financially responsible, that got screwed over, again and again!


Marriage is a contract. It mainly takes care of the surviving partner when the other one dies. Ideal for people over 40. Unfortunately, there is a lot of social pressure for people in their 30es to tie the knot as well. So STFO with your last century advice!


SMH

Yes, her whole post was dedicated to telling other people off or putting them down rather than actual advice. Like she is better than others.


Awfully pretentious, eh?


@Undine , you’re married as well. I will check the thread for your advice.

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Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Posted by virghost

Posted by geminiflyby

I now tell my new relationships that if I marry again it will be forever. Until death do us part - natural causes or murder/suicide. They usually disappear after that. Pussies.

you're not wrong my brother asked for a divorce she said no and he killed himself... its unfortunate but it happens

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Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by virghost

Posted by geminiflyby

I now tell my new relationships that if I marry again it will be forever. Until death do us part - natural causes or murder/suicide. They usually disappear after that. Pussies.

you're not wrong my brother asked for a divorce she said no and he killed himself... its unfortunate but it happens

How awful


So devastating 😔

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Posted by virghost

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by virghost

Posted by geminiflyby

I now tell my new relationships that if I marry again it will be forever. Until death do us part - natural causes or murder/suicide. They usually disappear after that. Pussies.

you're not wrong my brother asked for a divorce she said no and he killed himself... its unfortunate but it happens

How awful


So devastating 😔

It was. Makes me contemplate people, life, and traditions in a different light.

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Posted by stardustmop

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

I’m going to go out on a limb and say your husband has made A LOT of mistakes.

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Posted by virghost

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Nah, I'm sorry but no. My parents born and raised in a third world country with a lot of unspoken trauma regardless of the times then and now doesn't change the fact how deeply they got to know one another. You may know someone deeply but unfortunately unforeseeable things do happen where the person you deeply knew, changes. Whether it's a temporary or forever change it still impacts a marriage. Damage done, is still damage. Point blank marriage is a contract, a paper signed by two parties stating that they'll be sworn to a life together where they share assets until one of them dies. It does work if you want it to, that's true. I feel like people don't talk enough or bother doing internal work within themselves before dragging someone along for the ride of their life because it can ruin another's spirit for eternity. Marriage is a flex for many, don't know why.

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Posted by 81gems

Posted by virghost

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

Nah, I'm sorry but no. My parents born and raised in a third world country with a lot of unspoken trauma regardless of the times then and now doesn't change the fact how deeply they got to know one another. You may know someone deeply but unfortunately unforeseeable things do happen where the person you deeply knew, changes. Whether it's a temporary or forever change it still impacts a marriage. Damage done, is still damage. Point blank marriage is a contract, a paper signed by two parties stating that they'll be sworn to a life together where they share assets until one of them dies. It does work if you want it to, that's true. I feel like people don't talk enough or bother doing internal work within themselves before dragging someone along for the ride of their life because it can ruin another's spirit for eternity. Marriage is a flex for many, don't know why.

Well I suppose we *could* look at marriage the way you do; merely a legal institution or some crap like that.


Then again, we’re supposedly humans beings and not robots, so…

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Posted by stardustmop

Posted by 81gems

Posted by stardustmop

Posted by 81gems

Been married almost 20 years.


I see a lot of bad advice on this thread by people who divorced, or never got married and only knew others who were also divorced.


Marriage is a tremendous balancing act and a huge sacrifice. People these days, and 10 years ago, 5 years ago, etc. don’t take the time to really get to know one another on deep levels. They don’t know how to talk to each other, can’t admit mistakes, don’t help the other person grow along with them. If you read that and think it’s not your “job” to help your spouse grow into the best versions of themselves don’t get married.


If you go into a marriage thinking it’s a “starter” one or that divorce should be easy fix don’t get married. If you want to keep your finances separate, you obviously don’t have enough faith or trust in the other person so, yeah, DON’T GET MARRIED! It really is that simple, yet people are too stupid to understand.


The question of “did you make mistakes in the marriage” is no different than “did you make any mistakes in life?” Seriously, who ever told you marriages should be mistake free? That sexual attraction is a give, and that love will always ooze? Who told you passion never wanes? Who told you marriage didn’t require work?


Married couples need to be able to compromise, give of themselves even when they don’t want to. Most people suck at marriage and can’t see staying in it for the long haul, so they bail. They don’t stop to problem solve. Too busy, disinterested, or selfish to try and repair damage.


It takes a hell of a lot of a lot of stuff to be married and most kids today have the wrong idea about what marriage should do for THEM. So yeah, most people are too ignorant to be married.


There is no one thing that “works” on its own. But years ago, my husband told me “it works if you want it to.” He’s right. But the “want” requires hard work, patience, compromise, dedication from BOTH people involved. If this isn’t something you’re prepared to do, DON’T GET MARRIED!

I’m going to go out on a limb and say your husband has made A LOT of mistakes.

What human being in any marriage doesn’t?


Again part of the fantasy that mistakes should be minimal, or less.


What matters is the TYPE and if they’re continually repeated without care for the other person.

My point was, your tone about marriage seems very bitter. You speak about it as something you’re forced to endure.


I have very good family friends who have been married 55 years. They started with joint accounts and after wifey over-drafted the account several (dozen) times, they now have separate accounts 🙃 and they’re doing just fine.


Considering money troubles is one of the leading causes of divorce, I think it’s very prudent to keep some finances separate. It takes just as must trust to pool your money together in one pot as it does to trust your partner to make smart financial decisions without your oversight. I might even argue it takes more trust.

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