A submissive Scorpio, true or false?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by TheLadyScorpio on Sunday, June 16, 2013 and has 37 replies.
Could this ever occur, for a Scorpio to submerge themselves fully as a submissive?
If so, how would it differ between the work, love and sex spheres of ones life?
Share your own experiences.

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Posted by chopstickcharmer
it's what u secretly want no? to give up control.


Correction, we would secretly want to gift our sense of control to another, in such cases as relationship and sex, a man whom we could trust entirely and whole-heartedly.
Frankly, it is tiring to be in control of oneself 24/7, it is a constant project which requires nurturing, this level of self-restraint and self-containment, at worst if we allow it to consume us we become 'Control-Freaks' for a lack of a better term.
Sometimes, it would be nice to take a holiday from ourselves and this is but one way for us to achieve so, a release, a temporary escape, a relief.
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I love how this came up after our discussion on sub-space a few days ago Big Grin
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You see this is the trend that seems to come up time and again, we may choose to be submissive but are we truly 100% submissive when we are in such a state. In a sense we are still manipulating from the bottom, to keep the relationship and sex going along the pathway we want it to, by influencing our Dominant man.

- So it does not make sense, are we putting on an act or is this a true submission on all fronts?
- Yet by doing so, we should be able to learn more about ourselves, or different aspects of ourselves we were once unaware of, no?

It seems we have a case of double standards here, wanting to relinquish but never relinquishing to the nth degree. A problem of a needs v.s. wants?
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Posted by VirgoHero
I love how this came up after our discussion on sub-space a few days ago Big Grin



That was one very interesting discussion in which we had Big Grin

It got me researching how a Switch would recover from a drop, and how the aftercare process for them is infinitely more complex psychologically yet it has been rarely discussed or rather overlooked.

Enough BDSM talk though...do you have any possible insight upon the matter at hand?
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Posted by twinklebluetoes
Well, I feel like my Scorpio ex was pretty submissive in the sense that he let me play the dominant one.
That's not to say I ever felt like I could "control" him. He wasn't a pushover, but I think he felt more comfortable letting someone else be in charge. I think that is probably his Libra Mars though more than anything.
It had it's positives and negatives.


Interesting, from your experience would you say he was very different from his 'bedroom' self and otherwise? Was he dominant/a leader overall within the relationship?
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The Scorpio I know is the same: submissive in bedroom but in full control out of it.. though, sometimes he likes to be yelled at and receive orders.. though, this acts are also erotically charged.
I don't think there is any scorpio completely submissive and obedient.. maybe seriously afflicted ones.
the thing i never understood about Scorpios is how they desire strong, independent women, but most of the times they end up marrying Pisces or Cancerians. Winking
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Posted by GeminiStellium
The Scorpio I know is the same: submissive in bedroom but in full control out of it.. though, sometimes he likes to be yelled at and receive orders.. though, this acts are also erotically charged.
I don't think there is any scorpio completely submissive and obedient.. maybe seriously afflicted ones.
the thing i never understood about Scorpios is how they desire strong, independent women, but most of the times they end up marrying Pisces or Cancerians. Winking


Yes, even as a Stinger woman, I would agree to the same. On one hand I deeply desire a strong and independent man yet on the other hand I would wish him to be entirely sensitive and emotional too, everything is at odds and running in circles!
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We were close to have a relationship, but i guess the problem was that we were too alike: in full control in day by day activities and willing to be subjected in the bedroom. Being a physical dominatrix doesn't appeal to me at all. But I like to play with and crush brains, though. Big Grin
All I hope is to meet the right a man for me.
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Posted by Neurotoxin
I don't mind submitting if the issue at hand is something she is far better at doing.
Finances? She's a Virgo and an accountant. I'm not wading into that.
The kitchen, however? Y'all best stay out. I'm like a grumpy Gordon Ramsey.



Grumpy Gordon Ramsey is stitch enforcingly hilarious.
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Posted by ellessque
being submissive is the ultimate form of self-control and quite rewarding on so many levels.
to allow that vulnerability to be shared and trusted that it won't be abused, is absolutely one of the most spiritual and emotional realms that I have ever been able to imagine.


Hmm, agreed to a certain point.
In my opinion, the nature of the control changes from self-control to one that is simply control given as a gift to another, in trust and in total respect and submission. It is also a challenge for us to succumb, letting go of our reigns, to think and feel beyond the self and ego, eventually to overcome this, is but a journey of self-discovery.
A few quotes express this sentiment entirely...
When a woman submits to a man, it's the most precious gift she can give. Herself. Unreservedly. The man has to respect and honor that gift above all else. Even if he respects nothing else in the world, he must respect the woman in his care. It's his sworn duty to protect, honor and cherish his submissive. To take care of her and provide a safe haven. Someone who would put his own needs above his woman's is no man.??
???It's hard for an educated woman to turn her head off. That's part of the joy of being a submissive. None of the decisions are yours. When you can't refuse anything and can't even move, those voices in your head go silent. All you can do, and all you are permitted to do, is feel.??
???I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don??t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don??t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling, be all that I am capable of doing, but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding.??
?? Ana??s Nin
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
For this Scorpio the best possible scenario is for both people to submit into the relationship. Both give up the need to control and submit into the pleasure of the other. But yes to answer truthfully, I love the idea of complete surrender.
Not saying it happens, but the idea is very appealing. Not sure if this is just me, but I often feel like a wild filly out in pasture somewhere--bucking control--in the beginning. Don't hold me down! lol
But, yeah, the idea of someone taming my wild filly ways is very appealing. Honestly, hasn't happened yet. Maybe someday.


Intrigued, your Moon and Venus are shining through brightly here smile
It is an interesting prospect in which you propose, but how on earth would there be two submissive individuals in a relationship? When one submits, one allows another to lead and guide them, trusting that the other individual would understand and know them sufficiently enough to do so. Now if we were to have submissive, that is two individuals nearly lost.
In regards to what was highlighted, cheers to that Drinks
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Posted by Stinger Baby
i will never completely bend to anyone's will. hell, it's hard enough trying to completely do God's will. but another person's? no. since a young age i've had my own way of doing things. i've got my loves, hates, desires, wants, and needs. no one on this earth is that special for me to give myself up completely. i'll give half, but that's in exchange for half of the other person.


SB - Do you see submission as a lose of self?
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Posted by Kalean
I can pretend to be smile


LOL! I love this answer.
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I identify as a sexual submissive and have next to no desire to dominant another in the bedroom. That being said, it is usually only in relation to men. With woman I feel more naturally dominant, with some notable exceptions.
Outside of my sex life though it varies. With friends I tend to be the dominant one, with family I usually roll over unless I feel particularly strongly about something.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Kalean
I can pretend to be smile


LOL! I love this answer.
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Big Grin
This is precisely the point, so is this an act are we putting up, a lie essentially?
Why can we not submit ourselves fully, what is stopping us...fear, ego or?
Must we always be as Dominant as we are?
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by Kalean
I can pretend to be smile


LOL! I love this answer.


Big Grin
This is precisely the point, so is this an act are we putting up, a lie essentially?
Why can we not submit ourselves fully, what is stopping us...fear, ego or?
Must we always be as Dominant as we are?
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I'm gonna have to come back to this. I'm putting a dinner party together!
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Posted by Stinger Baby
it IS, isnt it?
TheLadyScorpio - i do see it as a loss of identity. i dont want to be one of those ppl who end up resenting a relationship, or the person they are with because they no longer know their own identity. i never want to have to ask 'who am i?' i established who i am since childhood. no amount of lovey dovey is worth questioning the person you are. i will give up half of self to compromise and make room for another, but i dont want to mesh so much that our identities are lost. it's kind of like the two love trees... both can stand strongly side by side, but they must not crowd each other lest they overshadow one another, wither and die.


Hence the reason the questions were asked the way they were...

Personally, in the Relationship sphere I work exactly as you do, perhaps on occasion, my man may be more of the Leader depending on the circumstances and what is deem fit. In my Career, there is no one more Dominant than I, complete dominance and nothing otherwise. In the Bedroom, this would be the only place where this concept of Submission would occur for myself.
Hence do we have different selves for different spheres, also do we exist with a Public/Private self?

Elle, had mentioned this previously...
Posted by ellessque

in public, I like to be in control and dominate. Mainly self control. There is shit that needs to be done and I'm going to get it done. Just stay out of my way and everyone will be happy Big Grin
in private, after that door closes to the world until the next day, i prefer a more submissive "traditional" type role.
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Okay, well I think submission and trust go hand in hand for me. As LadyScorp posted:
"we would secretly want to gift our sense of control to another, in such cases as relationship and sex, a [person] whom we could trust entirely and whole-heartedly."
Unfortunately, this is something I cannot do. I am not sure if it is because of my Sun sign or due to my personal experience (it's a little chicken before the egg really), but I do not believe I could truly trust someone enough to gift such a sense of control to anyone, even though I would love to. I see people for exactly who they are. We are flawed. With that, we have the ability to hurt, betray, lie, ect and many do this, despite the fact that they love someone. I don't say this to be pessimistic or to suggest that when people hurt others that they always do so intentionally. I say this simple to point out people are flawed. A flawed person is not someone I can give myself to completely .
I'm simply not built that way.
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What I find interesting is how differently Scorp define submission vs. the other signs contributing.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
What I find interesting is how differently Scorp define submission vs. the other signs contributing.


It seems we are pulled at polar ends, we are naturally and instinctively one 'extreme' but then we want and/or crave the other 'extreme'. We seem to see submission through the lenses of power, ego, and control yet others see it differently, possibly because our fundamental Ego is ruled by both Pluto and Mars?
/throwingouttrainofthoguhts
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Posted by ellessque
Our experience and opinions seem to differ a bit, I wonder if this has more to do with the relationship between our Sun and Mars than it does with just being a Sun in Scorpio.
Plus, you have to also throw in a little venus.
Sun Scorp
Venus Libra
Mars Scorp


Yes, the Libran Venusian individuals, as much as I love them, you lot enjoy sitting on the fence on such or similar matters...part of the time, neither this and neither that.
/justanobservation
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio



This is precisely the point, so is this an act are we putting up, a lie essentially?
-I guess you can see it that way. What is it with Scorps that makes us demand that things be all or nothing ? If you submit to your partner in various aspect within your relationship, why is this not seen as being submissive? You've given up control even to some small degree right?
Why can we not submit ourselves fully, what is stopping us...fear, ego or?
-Again, why must it be fully? Depends on the Scorp I think. Speaking for myself, fear.
Must we always be as Dominant as we are?
-No, but it's fun. Haha, I'm joking. No we don't have to always be dominant, but this still doesn't change the fact that some will still try to be. Why fight what comes to you naturally? Just don't be an assh*le about it.
I think simply giving up control (if you are a person that finds it difficult) is a form of control as well. To consciously go against your very nature, something that comes so easily to you as breathing. That requires a lot of discipline and control, no?
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Posted by ellessque
Our experience and opinions seem to differ a bit, I wonder if this has more to do with the relationship between our Sun and Mars than it does with just being a Sun in Scorpio.
Plus, you have to also throw in a little venus.
Sun Scorp
Venus Libra
Mars Scorp


Yes, the Libran Venusian individuals, as much as I love them, you lot enjoy sitting on the fence on such or similar matters...part of the time, neither this and neither that.
/justanobservation
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I don't know, I thought Elle stood on one side, but reality and what we desire are two different things. At least that was how I read her initial post. It seem to resonate with me the most keeping in line with my deepest desires about the subject despite my issues with it.
Sun Scorp
Venus Sag
Mars Scorp
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Phoenix - food for thought most definitely, hence why this thread was created. I agree we simply see Dominance/submission as power and control that is as natural as the emotions we feel, in a sense...others can not see it that way, to them it is more of an external concept whilst this is a part of who we are? This was put up because frankly I struggle with defining myself as precisely this or that because what are we? If we can not firmly set in each, are we genuine enough as it were? Are we not suppose to be courageous and pursue a journey towards the polar ends to discover something new within ourselves, rather than to muck about in the grey area?

Intrigued - Would it be because we are all the more aware than the others, of Power, of Control, of Ego...how they manifest in individuals and the consequences that should arrive from each, should we simply let our reigns lose and fail to choose the 'correct' pathway? Our sign is the sign which is represented by "I feel and I desire", therefore does this on a general note makes us all the more aware of the undercurrent that exists in human consciousness?

/questionsmentalmusing

Control seems to be the key work cropping up, again. Surprisingly...
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Posted by IntriguedScorp

...The Scorps see the submission thing as a part of life whereas most of the other signs are viewing it primarily as a sexual thing from what I recall of the answers. The submission/surrender thing seems to be one of our major challenges as a sign.


Yes, that was how I was reading it as well.
Posted by IntriguedScorp

Do you think its something we contemplate more than others? Just wondering.
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Well yes, especially given what you wrote above: "The Scorps see the submission thing as a part of life".
It effects every area of my life. How I relate to others, build relationships, negotiate and manage difficulties, express love and affection, work and play. Even the way I enter a room is influenced by thoughts of dominance and submission. Rarely in the bedroom to be honest. There, it seems to be quite simple oddly enough.
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Phoenix - food for thought most definitely, hence why this thread was created. I agree we simply see Dominance/submission as power and control that is as natural as the emotions we feel, in a sense...others can not see it that way, to them it is more of an external concept whilst this is a part of who we are? This was put up because frankly I struggle with defining myself as precisely this or that because what are we? If we can not firmly set in each, are we genuine enough as it were? Are we not suppose to be courageous and pursue a journey towards the polar ends to discover something new within ourselves, rather than to muck about in the grey area?



I guess my biggest issue is I expect others to define themselves as this or that, but don't expect that from me. I like floating about in all the grey bits because it's much more stimulating. To answer your question, no, I don't think we need to be defined and I most certainly do not think it makes you less genuine because you decide to submit to one's will in some area and not in others. It keeps life more interesting.
I think people are meant to compliment each other. You fill the gaps where someone falls short. A man can not be strong in all areas of life. His ego may convince him otherwise, but lover, it simply ain't so. Where he falls short, I shine and visa versa. If we are trying to fit and remain in these roles of dom/sub we actually get stuck as a couple. Never growing, never really "living". Just focused on being the perfect dom/sub.
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@ Phoenix
Honestly, I agree with it everything in which you shared, what Elle shared, what Stinger Baby shared, for these are my exact mind-set as well, on the most part but there is this other inexplicable side...hence one of the question posed was in regards to spheres, for that is how I see myself segmented.
In work, in life, even majority of the time in relationships I have no problem defining (not permanently but defined nonetheless) myself but it all comes short in the bedroom and then the loving dynamic gets out of hand, or at least I find myself swimming and conflicted. Personally the Dom/sub context is less of a role or character to me (unlike how other signs seem to determine it as), but more of a personality trait that can be amplified or diminished, a spectrum which I am constantly sliding across like a volume switch, instead of simple black and white. Nevermind...this is beginning to go into a loophole train of thoughts Sad
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
@Phoenix. Sag Venus? Interesting. How do you like that?
Also (and this is just between us Scorp girls) my deepest fear is not being able to express the extent of my passions and surrender fully to someone. Now that, my friends, was my Scorp talking. Love ya.


A Stinger (hug)?
Cheers to that and hoping one day there will be a key to unlock it Drinks
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Posted by IntriguedScorp
@Phoenix. Sag Venus? Interesting. How do you like that?
Also (and this is just between us Scorp girls) my deepest fear is not being able to express the extent of my passions and surrender fully to someone. Now that, my friends, was my Scorp talking. Love ya.


She is quite the Diva I tell you. Her spontaneity and willingness to explore is fully embraced, encouraged and supported by the Queen Scorp , but she often thwarts the Queen's deepest desire to be all consumed by another. Commitment? Saggie turns into a brat . She's allergic to tradition, expectations and conventional approaches to relationships.
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Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by IntriguedScorp
@Phoenix. Sag Venus? Interesting. How do you like that?
Also (and this is just between us Scorp girls) my deepest fear is not being able to express the extent of my passions and surrender fully to someone. Now that, my friends, was my Scorp talking. Love ya.


She is quite the Diva I tell you. Her spontaneity and willingness to explore is fully embraced, encouraged and supported by the Queen Scorp , but she often thwarts the Queen's deepest desire to be all consumed by another. Commitment? Saggie turns into a brat . She's allergic to tradition, expectations and conventional approaches to relationships.
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I totally agree regarding the sag part. I have an sagittarius ascendant and capricorn moon and have been told many times that i dont seem like a scorpio...more like a sagittarius. Submitting to someone really would be hard for me, I would become depressed because i am a freedom lover.
Im not a sit at home type at all, and my mate will have to be an on the go type too or else he would bore me and be left behind. I was in an 11 yr relationship with a sag and we were close as two toes in a sock...lol. We were always on the go, was almost as perfect until he dipped of in some of his free time to chase another woman and got busted Tongue

but anyways back to question..no! I cannot submit because i dont like being pushed around and told what to do. I dont like control freaks Sad
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Posted by TheLadyScorpio
Could this ever occur, for a Scorpio to submerge themselves fully as a submissive?
If so, how would it differ between the work, love and sex spheres of ones life?
Share your own experiences.




I would have to trust them 100% , I've never done that, if I did I think I'd go crazy in the process constantly checking n going over everything to make sure it was done correctly, with sex I'd be fine with a lil passionate submission Winking
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This was a good thread.
Bump.
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Posted by AksMirror

1)I am serving you because I am the master.


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Posted by AksMirror
Posted by PhoenixRising
Posted by AksMirror

1)I am serving you because I am the master.




lols,yep it is an oxymoron.
This is taken out of servant-leadership concept,
where a leader is taking care of his people not like a master
but like a servant,he is more servant than any of his people.
The difference lies in the feelings.
Similarly,in a relationship question arises why one is submitting.
If the answer is out of fear or selfishness,then one is actually a servant,
however if one is serving because of love and unselfishness then a server becomes a master
as he was having choice with him smile.


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Lol, okay I'm glad you noticed that too. Context makes all the difference. I got it now.
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You want realism here- There is No such thing
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TRUE. The Scorpio I'm seeing is not dominant AT ALL.
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