ANOTHER VIRGO-SCORPIO DILEMMA

This topic was created in the Virgo forum by ESCORPIONA on Thursday, January 11, 2007 and has 191 replies.
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I have been reading this site for months now and I feel I know most of you who post in the Virgo and in the Scorpio section. I never felt the need to post, but I knew eventually I would, and here I am...

Yep, another one here, He is Virgo (46) and I am Scorpio (47) age just 10 months apart. We are both professionals, he has been divorced a little over a year and me, over 10 years.

Here is our charts so you get a better idea, for those of you that know well how to read charts and can give me some feed back, if you kindly would.

ME

Sun Scorpio 2? 19' in house 10
Moon Leo 21? 26' in house 8
Mercury Scorpio 24? 29' in house 11
Venus Virgo 16? 49' in house 9
Mars Scorpio 3? 27' in house 10
Jupiter Sagittarius 4? 3' in house 11
Saturn Capricorn 2? 31' in house 12
Uranus Leo 20? 36' in house 8
Neptune Scorpio 6? 31' in house 10
Pluto Virgo 5? 41' in house 8
Ascendant Capricorn 3? 58' in house 1
Midheaven Libra 19? 22' in house 10
Node True Libra 3? 40' in house 9
2 Aquarius 8? 39' in house 2
3 Pisces 15? 43' in house 3
4 Aries 19? 22' in house 4
5 Taurus 17? 10' in house 5
6 Gemini 10? 58' in house 6

HIM

Sun Virgo 11? 12' in house 10
Moon Aquarius 17? 57' in house 3
Mercury Virgo 14? 44' in house 10
Venus Libra 1? 9' in house 10
Mars Gemini 20? 24' in house 7
Jupiter Sagittarius 24? 5' in house 1
Saturn Capricorn 11? 56' in house 2
Uranus Leo 22? 40' in house 9
Neptune Scorpio 6? 57' in house 12
Pluto Virgo 6? 4' in house 10
Ascendant Scorpio 25? 26' in house 1
Midheaven Virgo 2? 23' in house 10
Node True Virgo 15? 29' in house 10
2 Sagittarius 25? 23' in house 2
3 Capricorn 28? 12' in house 3
4 Pisces 2? 23' in house 4
5 Aries 4? 24' in house 5
6 Taurus 1? 54' in house 6
Continues...
So here goes the story, hopefully the typing will not come out tooooo long!

We initiated contact on line when he answered an ad I had on a site. After a little over 2 weeks of emails and chatting, we talked on the phone and we met. We hit it off well and we would go on a date like once a week or so, for 1.5 months (we had a total of 9 dates, some alone, some with friends/ relatives) then he asked me to his parents' house for new years eve. I meet at least 20 of his relatives, including, parents, siblings, cousin, nephews... Then we had like 5 more dates since then. We became intimate on the 10th date. Besides the dates, we have continue to text mssg, email, chat and phone contact, almost on daily basis.

This past Monday morning, via chat, he asked me to be exclusive with him, he requested that neither one of us date other people. I accepted, but it was not clear to me whether we were g.f./b.f. Later on the day I asked him out and we went out to dinner. I treated, it was only fair, since he does most of the treating. At dinner he told me he told his brother (who is his best friend) and his cousin (I have met brother/wife 4 times, and cousin once) about our exclusivity and he said they both gave him their blessing, he said they really like me. Well, after dinner we went to his house, watched some college football on TV and then as I was saying good bye, we got into it and made love (that was our 3rd time)... I left late. Sent him a text mssg that I got home ok and he answered me nicely.
Continues...
Tuesday, I only get a text mssg late at nite saying, "good nite, my only sweetheart, hope u had a good day, luv..." It was his day off from work.

Wednesday, again no news, it was also his day off from work. So I wrote him a coupe of emails that I was perplexed that after he had asked me for exclusivity, I do not hear from him, specially since he had 2 days offs. He finally calls me, because I ask him to please do so when I wrote him the second email. And guess what! Over the phone, he told me he wanted to withdraw the exclusivity. He said he is not dating anyone else, nor he is interested in dating others, but the he has only been divorced 1 yr and that life is good for him and he wants to direct his energy to his work (he is looking for another job that pays him better) his 24 yrs old daughter, who has distance herself from him *her issues), his brand (3 weeks old) new granddaughter, his family, his house. He said it is not about me, but about him, that maybe he is going tooooooo fast. We have know each other from the first on line contact to now, 3 months. He said he was sorry for any pain that such was causing me, but to understand that he did not wanted me out of his life, it is just the exclusivity that had him thinking hard.

Well in our conversation, he said I was already in his heart, to please not to "throw him to the curve" that he wanted to get to continue to know me and to continue going out, that he wanted for me to continue seeing his family and that he wanted to meet more of my family (he knows my oldest daughter and her husband) and is meeting my almost 14 yrs old daughter on January 20th, since he is coming with me to a b-day party of my son-in-law. So he wants more of me, even making love (even though so far I do not know if sex is a big deal to him or not) but he can not handle the exclusivity, whatever that means to him. I explained to him that to me, it is just 2 people getting to know each other, doing fun and loving things and seeing where it takes us. To him, I think is a lot more serious than that.

I told him that I was sadden by his withdraw of exclusivity since I never asked for it, but he offered it. I told him, we were not a couple and we did not have a commitment, that he was free to date anyone else and so was I. Even sleep with whoever. He knows I am not going to be sleeping with anyone else, and most likely I will not date anyone else. I am the type of woman that I only date one guy at a time...
Continues...
I am a good catch, modesty aside, typical Scorpio, right? I am a foreigner (our cultures are very similar), good looking, with a very independent personality, successful, very honest, blunt and bold. He says he loves everything about me and he does not want me to change a thing. I told him I like everything about him, I just wished he was able to express himself more openly. Oh yes, and I am very intense, very passionate, and full of life and he knows it, but he also knows I am not needy, nor high maintenance and I hate drama.

When I asked him about it, he said he is not in the rebound, that he is fine with the termination of his marriage. He moved back home after being in the east coast for almost 20 years. The ex lives over there, no kids with her. But he has not been in a relationship since his divorce, (he was married for 9 years) but he has dated others but none serious, nor exclusive. That I am the most special person he has met since his divorce. He also said that when he is in a relationship, he does the right thing, that he gives it his best.

I figured he is scare of a relationship with me. As a typical Virgo he takes things slow and rather serious. I wonder if he is really out of the rebound? I wonder if after all it has happened, with him and I, there is still a potential for developing a relationship between us?

Last night, after our conversation, 10:30 pm, he was already in bed since he had to go to work early in the a.m. (3 days work week of 12+ hrs shifts), I sent him a text message saying "gnite dearrr, u r still on my mind" and no news from him.

Oh, I did tell him that it takes two to tango, and if he is willing to dance I am in, otherwise I am not going to be doing the chasing.

Do you see compatibility in our charts? What is up with this Virgo that has this ESCORPIONA confused?

And that is all folks, here I am, a registered user, just venting and wanting to get some opinions from the wise people of this board.

Thank you for reading my long posts and I welcome any and all replies.
"Oh, I did tell him that it takes two to tango, and if he is willing to dance I am in, otherwise I am not going to be doing the chasing."
By telling him this, after he has been completely open and honest with you about what he wants and is, or, is not, looking for right now in his life . . was out of left field.
Two to tango? Willing to dance? Chasing?
Why put that kind of pressure on someone who is trying to be real with you? He's not trying to play with you, so I'm a little confused about you saying such things as, "I am not needy, nor high maintenance and I hate drama."
For, you saying something like that to him, which the only possible intentions you could have had with telling him something like that was for the purpose of trying to fuck with his emotions for you . . in reality, makes you very needy, high maintenance and causing drama.
He was completely open in his communication with you. What more do you want?
You've perplexed me . . are you sure you know who you are?
What I meant by the phrase "2 to tango" was that he needs to make the effort in contacting me, and not me doing the chasing. I do not want to be the one initialing the contact all the time, and there has been times when I have felt that it has been that way.
I am giving him all the space he needs, and we shall go at a pace where he feels comfortable with. I told him I want to base our foundation on honesty and trust.
I believe what he tells me and I appreciate his honesty, and he does mine. So, we are "tangoing" there!
Indeed, I know me well! By the way Angelina, nice to meet you! smile
Nice to meet you too.
They take ages . . most people can't wait that long, but, most of the Scorpio's I know are fairly patient . . I truly hope this works out for you . . I thought mine did, but, that's what I get for thinking, lol
I am very patient person when I set my mind to it, but sometimes in matters of the heart I am not very wise. Gosh, who is? lol However, with this Virgo I am not being impulsive, nor pushing the relationship. I am using my self-restraint and not being intense! Yes, a Scorpio trait.
My oldest daughter is a Virgo and having been reading this sites for months on end now, I understand the Virgos (specially males) even better now.
My Virgo is rather analytical and so am I, so it has been good that we both can talk openly, even if it is more difficult for him to express himself, but once I bring any subject up, that may be a bit sensitive, he always thanks me and says that he is glad we were able to talk over said matter.
I really like this guy. That is why I do not want to blow it and so I posted here to see if after reading my story, you all had some comments as to our compatibility, according to our charts, and if there was any possibility of "exclusivity" after all that it has taken place. C'est tout! Big Grin
If you have read over these various posts, then you must see all the similarities... i think he is just a typical Virgo male.... they are unsure of themselves/their decisions.... they say one thing and then analyze it and retrieve it or try to retrieve it..... i think they have a lot of self-doubt and that is the crux of the issue with these men....
all that sign info where do you get it? i just go by the basic signs cuz i believe they are pretty right on with the basic characteristics....
but yes, your situation sounds so similar to many of the other women here....
even tho i am married and so is Virgo guy i liked, still similar things were said, done.... it was pursue, pursue, pursue, then when feelings got too heavy or pressured him to meet up, it was i have all these other responsibilities - family,friends, work, etc..... it's like W? i know that that's called life.... but you still have to live...
P.S. Thank you Angelina for your welcome and your imput.
Yes, Linda I have seen so much similarities among the stories I have read here that it verifies there is a commonality to male Virgos. I just hope my Virgo does move forward with "our relationship" and does not chicken out at the end...
I also want to share with you all this ---- http://grupovenus.com ---- It is a great astrological site, in Spanish, English and French.
Enjoy!
If you go to cafeastrology.com and put in your birthday on the birth chart, once your chart is pulled up, at the bottom, there's a link to add another person, put in his birthday and it will pull up compatibility with each other.
Agent006, she comes in here once in a while . . she's pretty good with analyzing people's charts and discerning whether people are good matches.
Personally, I think it's fun to poke around in here, generalize about people and thier signs, because, let's face it . . generalizing is all we can do, since we don't know each other, other than our signs . . but, in reality . . it's really about the person and not about the stars at all . . how we're raised and our personal influences outweighs the crap we read.
If you believe he's worth sticking it out . . rock on !!!!!
Some day . . I'm gonna find HER . . that's right, Dyr, I said her.
I've done men, married twice, lived with a few, once I lived with a man a woman at the same time and we were like a married threesome, young, old, different races . . and, I really like women a lot - sexually - that is.
I'm gonna commit mutiny, walk the plank . . take the plunge into . . well, I won't go into details . . you all know, lol
Or, maybe a just a big, brawny "F" machine . . doesn't have to have brains, just hung really well and can go for hours and hours . . ok, then maybe I'll stay true to my "straightness" . . hell, who knows.
Escorpiona, just make sure you don't "frighten" him . . weenies they can be if pushed too hard, yet, at the same time, they want to be led . . go figure!!!!!
Angelina, I agree with you. Signs just give us basic traits, but then we have to add our life experiences to our personality and we have the whole individual, but we have to admit that the stars do play a role.
I have done several sites, including the one I posted above to see our compatibility, and all say there is some good and some bad. Bottom line here it is up to two people make the relationship work if that is what they want.
I wish you the best in your endeavors in finding the one, whether is a male or a female! Winking
I am keeping a low key now and let him do his thing. If Virgo wants me, he knows where to find me! Uffffffff but it is rather hard to keep the distance, I am so intense, but I am trying to do it the right way, so instead of writing to him, I am posting here! lol
PS I love to write and share, communicate!
Is it possible to fall in love with a Sun Sign?
It's becoming apparant to me that I'm falling in love with Scorpio's (females) and hell, I don't even know any of you, or what you look like. All of you are straight and it's not even "sex" . . it's just you gals inside . . you're all so sweet.
smile
i wonder what will make him make up his mind. i wonder how long will that take. jeez i'm so darn sure you have to give him forever to make up his mind.
can't wait to hear the outcome of this story. is it going to be a happy-ending or dead-ending. i'm thrilled. lol
"pursue, pursue, pursue"
one doesn't need to do the pursuing for someone who is truly inlove because it comes out naturally without being provoked. -- i've learned.
i wonder why scorpio men being a feminist sign doesn't act the same way as a virgo man. they do the chasing to their women.
Yeah, but you're the V . . vgurl, lol, so it makes sense for you to say, one doesn't need to do the pursuing . . that IS the whole point . . it's the non-V's who want you that has to chase you down.
I just don't know that anybody is worth putting forth ALL the effort, while the other sits and waits like a king on the throne. I thought a partnership was just that.
It seems lop-sided to me that one person does all the work, yet, once the union is made, then it's suppose to be an equal arrangement . . am I the only one who thinks this is kind of screwed up?
Now Angelina, do you understand the "2 to tango" phrase? lol
I believe a relationship is about 2 individuals, regardless of sex, putting their best effort into making it work!
At my age I am not going to pursue like a puppy, either we are in or we are out. If not, then like my favorite word for relationships indicates ---> NEXXXT! Big Grin
Vgurl, I hope it has a happy ending with my male Virgo, however it seems those are usually meant for movies and not for real life!
C'est la vie! Winking
yeah, P-Angel i'm the V smile .. and my man really hafta chase me or rather let's put it this way .. my man hafta know how to treat me right .. why say all these crap like you love someone exclusively then you're not sure if you want to have a relationship because they're not ready? why make life so complicated? jeez i can't even squeeze my brain cells to know the reasons behind it. doesn't make sense at all.
I just don't know that anybody is worth putting forth ALL the effort, while the other sits and waits like a king on the throne. I thought a partnership was just that.

lol. i'm the king of the world. beg, get down on your knees for me to love you. lol
good luck Winking
Hang on for Dyrst..he will answer your query..He's fab
lol
Yeah, yeah . . Please let me love you.
You're not like that at all, vgurl . . thank gawd.
I'm thinking that this man really meant it . . he does want to have a serious relationship with this lady . . but, you know men . . they scare so easy. When you think about it . . women really do rule the world, don't we? If we became "nervous nellies" even a fraction of the time that men do . . the world would have ended a long friggin time ago . .
Bring home the bacon, fry it up in the pan . . . never, never, never let you forget you're a man . . 'cause I am WOMAN.
I loved that commercial . . so damn true.
mm, he's male . . what does he know?
He's not woman . . he's p-whipped like all the rest of the bastards.
vgurl, he has not told me he loves me. The closest he has come to that, it is telling me I am in his heart, calling me sweetheart, saying I am "such a woman" calling me babe, baby, luv... And I have a feeling he is not the type to just blunder those words to everybody!
Why he asked for exclusivity and then retracted it, I just don't know.... Fear, maybe?
Who knows maybe he wants to be 1000000000000% sure before he makes the commitment. Like I say, it is such a big deal to Virgo males, that they analyze and over analyze even what clothes to wear! What to eat for lunch! smile
He also at one point told me that it was not like he was retracting anything he had said, but the word "exclusivity" got him thinking hard.
Go figure! I still don't know what he means...
You know . . really, I don't see where a man can give a woman valid advice about men, at all. Sure, a man is male and knows how a male processes things internally . . but, they aren't on the opposite side of a union . . they can't percieve a man from a woman's perspective . .
Now, perhaps a bi-sexual man's word would hold merit because then this man has held another man in his arms, shared intimacy, dreams, insecurities . .
Just like I can say all day long about what a woman needs, or wants from my point of view because I am female . . but, that's NOT how a man would process me.
Does that make sense?
A man would say, oh yes yes, he loves you because of this (item) . . but, he's only looking at it as he would see it as it's done to him . . whereas a woman has ACTUALLY experienced this kind of behaviour in a man first hand from this angle.
Ok, I'm just babbling . . believe it or not, that makes sense in this fish-head.
missmorals, thank you, yes I have read plenty of Dyrst's opinions.. He, the man now suffering with GRAPEFRUIT balls! lol
I do hope he contributes some wisdom to my dilemma! Winking
I am scorpio too and that is what is so difficult becuz we are so intense, passionate, interested, it's hard to NOT communicate, talk, share, it's overwhelming at times -- the need to talk.....
yes, this site has helped me as well.... but it's still hard...
that's what i mean about the Virgo guys -- they must have so much turmoil inside to NOT need to talk and respond -- they must just analyze the hell out of things... scorpios do too -- but we do it or at least i do it in a 'talking' way -- i talk to analyze and resolve things.....
anyway, i am going to be silent as well and see if time and space will help him to respond...
Angelina, I love my female friends. Yes, we understand each other like no man could ever understand us, but then sexually and in a passionate, lusty loving relationship, I am meant only for a man! lol
And I agree with you, women rule! Winking
Dyr is very solid in his beliefs and most women love to hear from him and his opinion and I'm in any way suggesting that he doesn't know what he's talking about . . however, it's from a man's point of view and a (straight) man HAS NOT experienced it from a woman's perspective . . so, his words are worthy, however, biased.
That wouldn't be enough for this fish-girl . . I would want to hear from someone who has actually had a life-experience with this delimna.
However, I also realize that most people don't really want the truth of a matter when it concerns the heart . . what they want to hear is what they WANT to hear, even if it's not the truth.
lol . . hell yeah . . nothing like living in ignorance . . it's much better than reality.
Linda yes, we female Scorpios, analyze things as well, but in a more emotional open way with lots of logic, or course! lol. On the other hand Virgo males, over kill a dead horse to the point that they do not see any clarity at the end, but we do!
Patience we must have, and it is soooooooooo hard!
and i mean HE pursued, pursued, pursued ME at first then when i reciprocated -- cuz once Scorpio is in SHE IS ALL IN it's all or nothing -- but i think i was 'too much' for the Virgo.... that is what i meant, they get scared and have to go off and ignore you and analyze (but i just find it interesting that this guy is married but still acted for the most part like the other Virgos--- who are single) i'm just saying... i know our attraction, connection was mutual, it's just when the feelings got too intense for him he had to back off....
but for scorpio it's hard to just cut off your emotions and have it be over...
at least unless they do or say something really terrible then i can end it PDQ!
well, i am going to try and not send him anything for awhile, maybe time will help me too....
i would like to write as Roxi suggested.... if only i could find the time, maybe someday...
vgurl, he has not told me he loves me. The closest he has come to that, it is telling me I am in his heart, calling me sweetheart, saying I am "such a woman" calling me babe, baby, luv... And I have a feeling he is not the type to just blunder those words to everybody!
truth is i can say these "L" word to any man i am attracted with or is showing enough attention that i want even if i don't mean it. but the point is how much commitment does your man have for you?
you can't really say you can just feel it, if your heart feels empty, confused, filled with doubts, fear. do you think that's love that you feel for him? or rather what he makes you feel? it's not a relationship. it's a problem relationship.
Anyway, I'm sure he'll put his two cents in and then some . . and, it will make you feel better because he'll tell you all the things you want to hear about how this man is thinking and feeling . . in reality . . nobody knows except you.
Don't worry, he'll tell you what you want to hear.
lol
From the sound of it . . you already know . . your just looking for reassurance that you are the woman you think you are, rather than who this man is.
What you want, is what every woman wants from men . . to be told that we are desired and that we are doing the right thing . . who the hell knows anything about us, except us?
So, rarely will you see me take this kind of thing seriously because the only person who knows you . . is you.
Do you know you?
Why ask us, then?
lol
YES! I agree with you -- i think Virgos overanalyze and at the end STILL don't have the answer/clarity/resolution.... but YES Scorpios do!! that's great for us -- but not if we're involved with a Virgo -- cuz we want to help them - but i don't think they want any help from anyone.... i dunno, i just want peace... within my heart and soul....
mm, he's male . . what does he know?
He's not woman . . he's p-whipped like all the rest of the bastards.
lol
Angelina, not me! The truth is so important to me. One of my mottos in life is, "I rather hear the cruel reality than a lame lie!"...
I am strong, thick skin, and I say it as I see it, sometimes not too diplomatically even if not intended that way. But the truth above all.
So bring it on, baby! lol
Don't worry, he'll tell you what you want to hear.
another lol
so true ..
nobody will believe them anymore .. poor kid .. sounds like the story "the boy who cried wolf" lol
lol, that's it . . the truth . . that's what I want . . no matter how harsh.
Most people aren't like that, though . . they just want to feel better about themselves. I've noticed that when most people come in here and tell their stories, if you really read between the lines, you'll find that these women actually screwed up by doing something really stupid . . however, attempt to portray the events as though the man dicked something up . . they just want someone to tell them the man is an ass and she is awesome woman.
How real is that?
That's not the fucking truth?
People . . I dont' get them half the time and the other half of the time, they are lying to themselves . . so, how do you know what's really going on?
Go figure! I still don't know what he means...
no you figure. Tongue
He might still be all morphined-up, so who knows if his head is even on clear?
I say, go with your-self . . only you know you.
Off topic . . I'm sitting here looking around, thinking "what the hell is that smell?"
It's me, grossssssssssss
vgurl my heart does not feel empty, right now it is just confused because of the mixed messages my Virgo man has given me! I got lots of love in my live, including the love I give to myself, in more ways than one! lol I just want clarity from this man and I think it is going to take a long time for him to get there, and I do not know whether I will be willing to wait a looooooooooong time.
Angelina, I know inside of me what is going one with me and a bit with him, but I just wanted other's peoples take. It is nice to hear others' opinions. But in the end, it is up to me and him, ne c'est pas? smile
Linda, I am glad I do not have the dilemma of dealing with a married Virgo man, that indeed would be a no no for me! Enough going on in the mind of a Virgo man to complicated it even more if he was married. My advice would be, let go of a married man, and find yourself a single Virgo man! lol
Angelina, is it time for a shower yet? Winking
"including the love I give to myself, in more ways than one! lol"
That's funny, of course . . I've got a sick mind, so you don't even want to know.

I know, Escorpiona . . I need people's input too, sometimes. Didn't mean for that to sound the way you took it . . I only meant . . in the end . . we really don't know.
Unfortunately, it's likely, you'll be waiting a long time. Why they frighten easier than other men, I can only guess it's because inside they really fear that they aren't good enough for you. They try to be decent men, and they are . . but, they feel inadequate within themselves . . I really believe that this is the main reason why they back off the way they do.
But, it sounds to me like this man is being open with you. Most women don't get that kind of communication with V-men, so, you're one step ahead of the rest of us. I wouldn't worry . . actually . . my opinion . . I think you're worrying about a problem that doesn't exist . . he's told you how he feels, what he's looking for.
Women are bad about that . . we always want, want, want, want . . more.
It's never enough . . lol, oh well, that's just me . . what the hell do I know? I totally screwed up my marriage, so, I wouldn't listen to me, if I were you.
I was looking around for the dogs . . only they are outside.
Crotchatosis . . ewwwwwwwwww
My dear Virgo man just called me to say hello. He said his day was not too busy, he had a few minutes and wanted to know how my day was going...
We talked about what we ate for lunch, if we were busy and blah, blah, blah...
Told him that our conversation last night left me rather confused. He responded by saying, well let's unconfused each other! What ever that means, I do not know, but I was not going to ask him now since he is at work and it is not the most private place to talk about such topics.
Before I said good bye I told him not to give it much thought, (I want him to feel at easy with me) he said "good, I like that and I hope you do the same"....
He said well, have a good afternoon and let's talk later. So formal. Yes, typical Virgos indeed!
And here I am wondering what the ___ is going on?
Oh, well.
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