Virgos and EX's
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by fortch0201 on Tuesday, October 2, 2012 and has 32 replies.
Well I have a Virgo woman,
She still keeps contact with most of her Ex's. I would like to know what does this mean is she using me for an emotional escape? She says that she will never go back but she has never made the break away from them she still keeps them around. Well I figured that this was ok and I had contact with and EX's whom I told I was presently with my Virgo. It went well and my Ex wished me well and I moved on. I explained this to my Virgo and she blew up on me. What does this mean when she has the freedom to do things in our relationship and she tries to put the chains on me. I been easy about it but I can only be nice for so long.
Any help out there?
Fortch0201
She still keeps contact with most of her Ex's. I would like to know what does this mean is she using me for an emotional escape? She says that she will never go back but she has never made the break away from them she still keeps them around. Well I figured that this was ok and I had contact with and EX's whom I told I was presently with my Virgo. It went well and my Ex wished me well and I moved on. I explained this to my Virgo and she blew up on me. What does this mean when she has the freedom to do things in our relationship and she tries to put the chains on me. I been easy about it but I can only be nice for so long.
Any help out there?
Fortch0201
As a virgo, I can be hypocritical. But I also can be understanding. Maybe if you told her in a non-confrontational way that she is being a bit unfair?
Well I tried that and yes WW3 broke out I calmed the situation but still the same result. I trying to be understanding but soon she may witness the darkside of the Aquarian in me. I really don't want to get that far. I am a peaceful person but I was offten told my words can cut like a razor. I am avoiding this at all cost I even bowed down on a few debates I could have easly won just to make peace. Any other was to resolve this with out trench warfare.
(Yes we love each other but working the issues are a bit hard)
(Yes we love each other but working the issues are a bit hard)
From my experience, it is the rare person who can get in and stay in a Virgo's mind and heart. It should also be noted that most Virgos, well I, can separate the head from the heart, but to lose a person who is extremely valuable and rare is a difficult thing from which to let go. It doesn't necessarily mean anything more than emotional contact, and no romantic leanings at all. It is most likely the fact that once a friend always a friend with a Virgo. You may have to just accept it and trust her. Very rarely do Virgos play a lot of emotional games and set out to hurt people. It's not logical.
She is highly insecure and wants attention and affirmation from anyone she can. Virgos usually cut off ties very neatly without a backward glance. So I say she has very low self-esteem, is needy, and will foist her insecurities on you to make it seem like you are the problem.
I am friends with my ex, but we only email each other once or twice a year. In other words, I don't want to make enemies of him so I stay in touch in a platonic way. But I dont hang out with him or go out with him (he has asked me out since the breakup which was a long time go), even if I have nothing better to do or want company. I just don't need his attention.
I am friends with my ex, but we only email each other once or twice a year. In other words, I don't want to make enemies of him so I stay in touch in a platonic way. But I dont hang out with him or go out with him (he has asked me out since the breakup which was a long time go), even if I have nothing better to do or want company. I just don't need his attention.
This is how I see it. She is just insecure. She probably likes/needs the attention. You telling her you still maintain contact with an ex makes her feel insecure about where she stands with you. Virgos are very good at cutting ties when they want to. How you go about dealing with the issue is going to be really tough. Rather than calling her out on her hypocrisy right away, you might wanna reassure her that you love only her.I imagine it would be WW3 when/ you ask her about her exes. Because she is insecure she will feel like your attacking her about the issue (she might feel that she is innocent of doing anything wrong but doesn't trust your stated position with you ex).
Hope it works out. Hopefully eventually you will be the only man she needs to make her secure. If not...
Hope it works out. Hopefully eventually you will be the only man she needs to make her secure. If not...
Thank you everyone so much for you input,
I am a good man and I give her more attention than I ever gave any woman in my life. I randomly buy flowers and I make homemade greeting cards to let her know I care. Last night I took a break from work to go get a bag of chocolates and candies and I put them in her favorite color bag. She loves angels so I made it a point to have a card with an angel. Why is it that she won't let go? I think I did something wrong because she wanted to read all of my past emails but the sad part and I know it did not make me look good but I erased all of these types of emails long before she asked because in my eyes I had the woman I wanted to be with. I threw away my black book (I was 10 years single). She asked me to read them and I had the displeasure of telling her I erased them when I met her. I don??t write or talk to any of the women in my past anymore she is often asking me why I don??t get random calls from women in my past. I simply tell her I closed that book in my life. I think she still does not except it. I knew someday I would pay for my sins. To be honest I love her but I wish I could find a way around the hypocrisy. With her it is always do as I say and not as I do. I am strong and I knew Virgo women are tough critters but I promised to put my pride in my pocket and work this out. I just need help on how to communicate with her to were my opinion will at least been listened to. I think I may be the first person she ever met who is always right because I don??t open my mouth unless I know the facts and she hates this. Should I ease up on this and let go of a few ???I told you so?? moments? How do a make my point without it being seen as an attack?
Thanks again I really appreciate the support.
I am a good man and I give her more attention than I ever gave any woman in my life. I randomly buy flowers and I make homemade greeting cards to let her know I care. Last night I took a break from work to go get a bag of chocolates and candies and I put them in her favorite color bag. She loves angels so I made it a point to have a card with an angel. Why is it that she won't let go? I think I did something wrong because she wanted to read all of my past emails but the sad part and I know it did not make me look good but I erased all of these types of emails long before she asked because in my eyes I had the woman I wanted to be with. I threw away my black book (I was 10 years single). She asked me to read them and I had the displeasure of telling her I erased them when I met her. I don??t write or talk to any of the women in my past anymore she is often asking me why I don??t get random calls from women in my past. I simply tell her I closed that book in my life. I think she still does not except it. I knew someday I would pay for my sins. To be honest I love her but I wish I could find a way around the hypocrisy. With her it is always do as I say and not as I do. I am strong and I knew Virgo women are tough critters but I promised to put my pride in my pocket and work this out. I just need help on how to communicate with her to were my opinion will at least been listened to. I think I may be the first person she ever met who is always right because I don??t open my mouth unless I know the facts and she hates this. Should I ease up on this and let go of a few ???I told you so?? moments? How do a make my point without it being seen as an attack?
Thanks again I really appreciate the support.
Hello Let*It*Be
Well that was the old me lol but its not that bad, I'm just trying to not let it get to that point, its only been 8 months and I think I should give it some kind of chance but thanks for the insight.
Hello Let*It *Be,
I think just like you and thank you so much for your input I fully understand what you were saying. I asked her about this one time and she said she will never go back to him and being she was in a 4 year relationship with him there is still a love there but it??s like a distant cousin or family member not like a boyfriend. What bugs me is that I do all what is right but I just can??t is some twisted way live up to Her Ex. She says she loves me and all and she tries to show in her own way so I see that she is trying to but I feel like crap because she does not know how to express herself to me instead expresses her feelings with everyone but me and I get the story in bits and pieces. I don??t want to be an Ex that she wants to stay in contact with.
I think just like you and thank you so much for your input I fully understand what you were saying. I asked her about this one time and she said she will never go back to him and being she was in a 4 year relationship with him there is still a love there but it??s like a distant cousin or family member not like a boyfriend. What bugs me is that I do all what is right but I just can??t is some twisted way live up to Her Ex. She says she loves me and all and she tries to show in her own way so I see that she is trying to but I feel like crap because she does not know how to express herself to me instead expresses her feelings with everyone but me and I get the story in bits and pieces. I don??t want to be an Ex that she wants to stay in contact with.
Thanks R24,
She is going through the same thing as you. But unlike you she still answers the emails not in a romantic way. I asked her why can??t she write him and say it??s over. She says that too mean and she don??t want to do it that way. So far every man whom she has been with she had some kind of relationship with first she says they are good friends then when something foul pops up she breaks down and say it used to be a more but it??s over. This is why I am skeptical most of the time. Yeah I it??s right in front of me anybody can see it but I giving every opportunity to overcome this because I don??t give up easy. My guard is still up but I do tolerate a lot since she was in an abusive relationship in the past.
She is going through the same thing as you. But unlike you she still answers the emails not in a romantic way. I asked her why can??t she write him and say it??s over. She says that too mean and she don??t want to do it that way. So far every man whom she has been with she had some kind of relationship with first she says they are good friends then when something foul pops up she breaks down and say it used to be a more but it??s over. This is why I am skeptical most of the time. Yeah I it??s right in front of me anybody can see it but I giving every opportunity to overcome this because I don??t give up easy. My guard is still up but I do tolerate a lot since she was in an abusive relationship in the past.
Hello Let*It*Be,
Yes it??s that way now but many people mistake my kindness for a weakness but she does feel she got something to loose when it comes to me, and she does try to move on, she just does not know how to close the deal this is where I am trying to get too. She has seen the side of me that will cut someone off and not think twice. We were in the store one day and one of my Ex??s walked by me she saw in a photo of mine. I walked by as if I never knew her. Later when we were in the car and she asked me why I not even said hello. I replied ???because it??s over, now she is just another person in the store". This was when she started to work on herself. This is why I am still there. Its not all one sided she wants to put it behind but she does not know how to, this is why I am here for insight. Your solution was my first choice but don??t worry I am not a door mat and many times I showed her the door and she refused to walk out. This is why I am looking at options and insight because I opened that door many times and she decided to stay.
Good looking out though and thank you for the raw truth and honesty you give.
Yes it??s that way now but many people mistake my kindness for a weakness but she does feel she got something to loose when it comes to me, and she does try to move on, she just does not know how to close the deal this is where I am trying to get too. She has seen the side of me that will cut someone off and not think twice. We were in the store one day and one of my Ex??s walked by me she saw in a photo of mine. I walked by as if I never knew her. Later when we were in the car and she asked me why I not even said hello. I replied ???because it??s over, now she is just another person in the store". This was when she started to work on herself. This is why I am still there. Its not all one sided she wants to put it behind but she does not know how to, this is why I am here for insight. Your solution was my first choice but don??t worry I am not a door mat and many times I showed her the door and she refused to walk out. This is why I am looking at options and insight because I opened that door many times and she decided to stay.
Good looking out though and thank you for the raw truth and honesty you give.
Hello Let*It *Be,
Thank you very much for your input and compliments your advice will be indeed considered when the time comes. Thank you for giving me some points to reflect on as well. It was nice to hear from you and you are always welcome to drop by when you like.
Thank you very much for your input and compliments your advice will be indeed considered when the time comes. Thank you for giving me some points to reflect on as well. It was nice to hear from you and you are always welcome to drop by when you like.
Posted by fortch0201
Hello Let*It*Be,
Yes it??s that way now but many people mistake my kindness for a weakness
People make this mistake with me a lot until I hit them wham and then they don't know what happened. I have only one thing to say out of the years of relationship experience that I have learned, never see someone as who they can be see them as who they are, this is the only truth. A person has to fulfill their own potential and destiny, you can try to give them the environment to make it happen but that's all. It's really her job to grow up. You can't fix everything.
Hello incandescentcancer,
You are right and you have a strong point. I can see where you are coming from I am well aware of this but we also have to give a push to let them realize their potential to grow. Part of growing up is learning how to use advice and experience wisely, but if the stage is not set the play will never be performed. The only way a bird will ever learn to fly is if it jumps out of the nest and sometimes the parent has to give a push because the bird has no clue of the power it possesses. I know that I cannot fix the issue this is a fact; I am just trying to give an avenue to move on and deal with what is in front of her not what she has behind her. Most of the time people take the easy road and though it is easy it is never complete it may work but is never complete. There comes a time when we have to take the rough road because it??s the only way to the true end. I am not trying to change My Virgo I am just trying to wake her up. Then and only then she can work on her problem and find her solution this is what I am looking for.
You are right and you have a strong point. I can see where you are coming from I am well aware of this but we also have to give a push to let them realize their potential to grow. Part of growing up is learning how to use advice and experience wisely, but if the stage is not set the play will never be performed. The only way a bird will ever learn to fly is if it jumps out of the nest and sometimes the parent has to give a push because the bird has no clue of the power it possesses. I know that I cannot fix the issue this is a fact; I am just trying to give an avenue to move on and deal with what is in front of her not what she has behind her. Most of the time people take the easy road and though it is easy it is never complete it may work but is never complete. There comes a time when we have to take the rough road because it??s the only way to the true end. I am not trying to change My Virgo I am just trying to wake her up. Then and only then she can work on her problem and find her solution this is what I am looking for.
Hi Fortch0201, your words display magnificent nobility and I am sure your actions are consistent with your words. Here is the thing though, the whole concept of waking someone up inherently demonstrates arrogance/ego of the self from an intellectual standpoint or a need to parent. I used to think along very similar veins (I am still working my way out of this attitude) however what I have realized now is that healthy relationships can only be between equals. your relationship is currently skewed and it's YOUR ego which leads you to believe that you can wake her up. I don't intend to be mean or rude to you, just pointing out something which I know you will easily rationalize. Ask yourself why you have this need to parent her, why do you seek this imbalance? Does it satisfy some of your own innermost needs? This maybe as much about you as it is about her. Give it a fair shot to try and help her and I hope she is smart enough to realize what a fantastic guy she is with but do ask yourself the right questions too. I have made my fair share of mistakes and I hope to eventually find a solid woman who sees my kindness for what it is, but I will hope that you get there with this girl before I do. she will definitely need to be extraordinary to see your goodness.
Awwwwe I want a man like these 
.. how sweet
.. how sweetHello incandescentcancer,
Well I can see my words came as arrogant and it appears my ego may seem a bit over developed but and I apologize for the use of the word parent. I was not using this just using this as a model of the philosophies we share. I see the potential in her because it was there in the past, but what I realize through a few rough times this was lost. She knows who she has and she knows what she got. She just has trouble communicating them to me her partner. She does not know how to let go of the pains of her experience in life. We all would love to have an equal but this is rare and borderline fantasy in some cases but to truly find the equal is truly bliss but more of the lines of cocaine euphoria with a bad come down. The funny part is I did not go searching for her she found me; I and she made the first step to be with me and she does not want to give up being with me like she has done in the past. For someone in this manner and what she has been through making the first step to be my partner was the first part of a major challenge she wishes to overcome. To her this is like climbing Mt Everest with flip flops. Her determination to break the chain and not totally close down is what makes me give the chances I give. I don??t parent her in no way at all I just give her ???out of the box views?? she can work with. We have a great life so far but this is one of the flaws that I wish to banish from our relationship. The rest of the issues I surely can deal with because that??s the character I learned to love. I just want her to learn how to part with what she wishes never to interact with. To just close the deal and leave it behind and enjoy what is here in the present. Thank you for your honesty and candidness it does not bother me at all I wish more people were like you.
Well I can see my words came as arrogant and it appears my ego may seem a bit over developed but and I apologize for the use of the word parent. I was not using this just using this as a model of the philosophies we share. I see the potential in her because it was there in the past, but what I realize through a few rough times this was lost. She knows who she has and she knows what she got. She just has trouble communicating them to me her partner. She does not know how to let go of the pains of her experience in life. We all would love to have an equal but this is rare and borderline fantasy in some cases but to truly find the equal is truly bliss but more of the lines of cocaine euphoria with a bad come down. The funny part is I did not go searching for her she found me; I and she made the first step to be with me and she does not want to give up being with me like she has done in the past. For someone in this manner and what she has been through making the first step to be my partner was the first part of a major challenge she wishes to overcome. To her this is like climbing Mt Everest with flip flops. Her determination to break the chain and not totally close down is what makes me give the chances I give. I don??t parent her in no way at all I just give her ???out of the box views?? she can work with. We have a great life so far but this is one of the flaws that I wish to banish from our relationship. The rest of the issues I surely can deal with because that??s the character I learned to love. I just want her to learn how to part with what she wishes never to interact with. To just close the deal and leave it behind and enjoy what is here in the present. Thank you for your honesty and candidness it does not bother me at all I wish more people were like you.
fortch0201, I wish you good luck and hope that you come out of this experience with your faith intact.
incandescentcancer,I will and thank you for your input it was a pleasure.
You keep your friendships, and ignore her raging.
It's only a WW3 if you participate in the fight. If you participate in the fight then you've already lost because to fight with her about your rights as human being in deciding for yourself how to have an appropriate friendship, means you give her paranoia creditibility.
The answer is to continue your life with friends and if they happen to be females, and/or exes .. then she has to put her big girl pants on and accept that you are capable of having integrity.
If he goes into a fit, just remain calm, and don't allow yourself to be encroached .... let her rage, and when she stops for breath, turn to her ask if she wants pizza, or chinese, then turn back to the television, as if it's just another normal day.
Soon, she will catch on that you aren't parlying, that you're a grownup ... and she will realize that she is the only one screaming and acting a fool
It's only a WW3 if you participate in the fight. If you participate in the fight then you've already lost because to fight with her about your rights as human being in deciding for yourself how to have an appropriate friendship, means you give her paranoia creditibility.
The answer is to continue your life with friends and if they happen to be females, and/or exes .. then she has to put her big girl pants on and accept that you are capable of having integrity.
If he goes into a fit, just remain calm, and don't allow yourself to be encroached .... let her rage, and when she stops for breath, turn to her ask if she wants pizza, or chinese, then turn back to the television, as if it's just another normal day.
Soon, she will catch on that you aren't parlying, that you're a grownup ... and she will realize that she is the only one screaming and acting a fool
Posted by fortch0201
Well I have a Virgo woman,
She still keeps contact with most of her Ex's. I would like to know what does this mean is she using me for an emotional escape? She says that she will never go back but she has never made the break away from them she still keeps them around. Well I figured that this was ok and I had contact with and EX's whom I told I was presently with my Virgo. It went well and my Ex wished me well and I moved on. I explained this to my Virgo and she blew up on me. What does this mean when she has the freedom to do things in our relationship and she tries to put the chains on me. I been easy about it but I can only be nice for so long.
Any help out there?
Fortch0201
As others mentioned, I believe she is insecure. She could also feel that her relationships with the ex's are insignificant but thinks that yours ARE significant, & maybe you may still have feelings/ & or want to hook up with them. Even though you've explained their position in your life, she may think you're lying. Again, insecure.
I am friends with some of my ex's, & the only way I've remained friends with them is because they didn't mean that much to me when I was dating them. I mean...I liked them, was attracted to them, but I was never in love so ergo it was easy. However, I am NOT friends with ex's that I loved. I can be cordial, but they are NOT still in my life.
BTW, I agree, keep your friendships with your ex's/girl-friends. Hell, I wouldn't lose any of my guy friends just because my man is jealous of them. You shouldn't have to compromise your close friendships with an insecure asshole. Tell her to build a bridge & get over it. If not, tell her to jump off of it.
*For an insecure asshole...
That is why nice girls finish last. Men want dysfunctional types....like a problem they can fix.
Hey, single gals out there....don't work on yourself. Be a total psych case and see them all come running.....
Hey, single gals out there....don't work on yourself. Be a total psych case and see them all come running.....
Posted by Virgospirit
That is why nice girls finish last. Men want dysfunctional types....like a problem they can fix.
Hey, single gals out there....don't work on yourself. Be a total psych case and see them all come running.....
Passive aggressive day?
AWWW WHERE can i get a man like you??? i only read about these type of men ////sigh /////
Well I feel that to will just let it be and do my thing I will not do nothing behind her back .I guess if she likes me or loves me she just got to deal with me. If she is here in the end great butif not at least I can say I did the right things. I can walk aways with no worries. I will just let her go nuts thats her issue not mine. thanks everyone you input was great
write when you like
Fortch
write when you like
Fortch
I wish you well Fortch , you are very smart to get to the root of this problem now, instead of trying to work with it for 20 yrs, only to find the relationship it's probably hopeless. Don't be too nice or flexible , or you will be jumping thru hoops for a lifetime just to end up unhappy
I like to keep in contact with my exes.
The only reason I would become upset if my current interest contacted their ex, is if they explicitly said it is not some thing they do.
The only reason I would become upset if my current interest contacted their ex, is if they explicitly said it is not some thing they do.
Posted by R24
I have a virgo ex. I have married and divorced a leo since divorcing the virgo. He still calls me. Still wants to go out. Still wants to have sex. I say NO. I don't know why he keeps on trying to cultivate a friendship with me. Ive told him I'm done countless times. Funny thing is, he initiated the divorce. But he is indecisive and fickle. He is the type that wants something until he gets it. So I guess that is why he wants me now. But I know a lot of virgos who keep close relationships with exes. Its not my style though.
I think I just heard about the future me
Hi Cajun,
I've been reading a lot about virgos. Suprisingly your insights about sag woman are very
accurate. By the way I was born Dec 16 same as your ex. I'm asian and conservative type.
I was dating a virgo guy but I just found out he was lying to me about his real status.
He was in a relationship with other woman pretending to be single. I want honesty from the start. I start ignoring him when I found out. He told me it was not his intention to lie.
Should I believe in him? He wanted us to start as friends again. I don't know what he is up to. If someone was dishonest from the start, I will never be friends again.
I hope you could give me advice and insight of what he might be thinking.
I've been reading a lot about virgos. Suprisingly your insights about sag woman are very
accurate. By the way I was born Dec 16 same as your ex. I'm asian and conservative type.
I was dating a virgo guy but I just found out he was lying to me about his real status.
He was in a relationship with other woman pretending to be single. I want honesty from the start. I start ignoring him when I found out. He told me it was not his intention to lie.
Should I believe in him? He wanted us to start as friends again. I don't know what he is up to. If someone was dishonest from the start, I will never be friends again.
I hope you could give me advice and insight of what he might be thinking.
Posted by fortch0201
Well I have a Virgo woman,
She still keeps contact with most of her Ex's. I would like to know what does this mean is she using me for an emotional escape? She says that she will never go back but she has never made the break away from them she still keeps them around. Well I figured that this was ok and I had contact with and EX's whom I told I was presently with my Virgo. It went well and my Ex wished me well and I moved on. I explained this to my Virgo and she blew up on me. What does this mean when she has the freedom to do things in our relationship and she tries to put the chains on me. I been easy about it but I can only be nice for so long.
Any help out there?
Fortch0201
I have not read the rest of the thread. Speaking for myself, I stay in contact with one ex. But, we never dated. We slept together a couple times 20 years ago, and stayed in touch. When my wife found out about her, at first she was upset. But once I explained that it was so long ago, and the fact that we had stayed friends, she was ok with it. Now, the two talk on Facebook. lol
I think that if we had actually had a relationship, it would have ended badly and we would not be friends now.
Personally, I don't have a problem with her talking to ex's. It has happened, and I stay back. I am not a hypocrite, and unless there is a problem, I am not going to make one.
But I do understand the tendency for a Virgo to be jealous. I have felt it from time to time, but I suppressed that one because I realized that everyone has a past, and not all past people are evil. Now, I don't get jealous.
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