Bad temper
This topic was created in the Aries forum by haubli on Monday, November 13, 2006 and has 21 replies.
Hi all I am new here, I am with an aries man for 4 years, I am taurus and since day one has been a battle, I love him so very much, but he is very conflictive, defensive, extremly moody, very loyal, is all this normal, do you find any relation between an aries and borderline personality,hi is always complaining and bleming averything to me, is that normal, or is just him, he is super inteligent, everything a read about aries he has it all, is born march 21. please any advise, how to smooth this guy what a fire he is, no way I can make him commit even living together, own a house still refuse to accep he is in a relationship.Thanks! I feel better. something else he has ups and down very often.
i was with a taurus for several years, and yes, it was a constant battle. we were both stubborn as hell and would fight about things we didn't even care about, just out of stubbornness. at the same time we really loved each other and had many truely great moments together. aries-taurus can be intriguing but it's a lot of work on both sides.
so truth all your comments, we had a big battle over the weekend, not even 24 hrs and he's back to what I think is normal (good thing). very unpredictable.
Roxi you got it girl! it is so so truth. I thought it was just my aries, I have been to therapy, I am reading everything I can find about borderline personality desorder, I am going crazy, once a week he gets mad about who knows what and wants to sell the house, move on etc. next day nothing happened. no explanation, is better not to even bring the subject back. He is 33 and sometimes a feel like I am his mother. WOW, I need to move on before is too late! tks.
From reading someone else post, I realized that I am not alone in this Aries quest, this is the continuation of an old post, unfortunately the problem still the same, and Roxi, you are so right! They do not change (is it Aries or the person?), no matter how much understanding, forgiving, loving bla, bla, you are(that's the way he is) at least once a week he tells me how frustrated he is and how unhappy, I am making him live a life that he doest want, he doesn't feel the same for me, he wants to have his own free life, ok, this is the weekly standard pretty much, he gets better but never apologies, he argues for every little thing, I try to work things around him and be patient, cover my head and let the storm pass by, he gets better next day he will be smiling and wants to do thing(movies, dinner, sex, etc). Complete mood swing. In the mean time I feel sad for all he tells me, now let me tell you our last argument, I came home on Friday and had a delicate subject to speak to him about some information that I wanted to email him of the side effects of a medication he is taking for a long time, and personally I think is affecting him of course he disagrees with me, so I said to him I want to do that next week, if I say something I know he will get upset and spoil the weekend, but the subject came out and probably not the best way, needless to say that the fight was big, no matter how many times I explained to him that I am only concern about his health, he finally got to the usual point saying that little arguments like that make his true feelings surfaced, he wishes he never met me, he doesn't love me, doesn't even wants to make love to me, doesn't wants to married me, how many times does he need to say this things to me, he doesn't want me to have his children, I am wasting our time, accept it and let go, normally next day he forget and get better, well next day in peace and quiet he told me to find someone who wants to marry me, 4 years has passed we still can not get it right, I keep telling him bc. You don't want us to be ok, you are very unstable, you don't offer security, never have anything good to say to me, 4 years that we have been together never cook (I am a professional chef ? was very proud about that, was nice to walk into a first class hotel and know the chef, I am no longer in this career for 2 years now hoping to start a family, wrong he is not as proud anymore. He is a scientist, pianist and a dancer a brilliant man, I am always doing mo
I am always doing most around the house, he tells me that I don't do anything and we have 4 pets a fairly big house owned together and a full time job!! That I want him to do everything and he is sick of it. I just go to my little corner and cry, I am a 41 Latino, slim good shape good looks, pretty smile, I take belly dancing class and I do watercolor painting for fun, which I don't have time for any hobby, he always knew that, he looks older than me, know all he tells me is that I am old, I want to have children and don't have much time to waste, he said move on, bc is not going to be with me. So Sunday after the argument he is more friendly, we have a trip planned for next week and he is asking me why I am not coming???? Ha-ha I wonder why??? All I said is that we decided to move on and sell the house pronto! What is wrong here? He is so used to me forgiving and then he's very proud to show me around, this trip is a very important conference and hi is presenting a great peace of work that he created. This morning he was loving, I left the house in a hurry, I am very firm this time even if it hurts, he is just playing games with me and honestly this is emotional abuse! Thank you for taking the time to read this and please feel free to advice.
Haubli, It IS emotional abuse. Scary stuff. Some Aries guys are NOT nice to women at all. All of us Aries seem to have the ability to "get over" stuff quickly, like an argument. But that doesn't justify the terrible FIGHTS. I know Aries guys who are ALWAYS unhappy and ALWAYS ready to blow up---lots of ego stuff. There are NICE Aries men and MEAN Aries men. It doesn't matter how BRILLIANT he is, I'm telling you this is DANGEROUS stuff. I have a VERY good friend, Virgo woman, who is married to the most emotionally and verbally abusive man I know. She's so happy "he hasn't hit her yet." My gosh! I'm ASHAMED he's an Aries---VERY egotistical know-it-all. My Virgo friend continues to put up with it---but she's unhappy ALL the time and tries to hide it---AND other people KNOW. YOU sound like a great woman. And HEALTHY, for now. Aries guys can be AWESOME; but there are also Aries creeps. TAUREANS that I know want PEACEFUL relationships. Their emotions run so deep and they are SO faithful. They just want to share themselves. They can ALSO have a temper that just fuels a Neg Aries. BUT every Taurus woman I've ever known is also STRONG. YOU can get out of this for something better. I'm hurting for you!
Habli ! Leave him !
you're 41 and want children. While he doesn't want to.I'm confused.. to hear that my fellow Ariens are creeps like that !. Wish i could change it.
RUN AWAY HABLI !
you're 41 and want children. While he doesn't want to.I'm confused.. to hear that my fellow Ariens are creeps like that !. Wish i could change it.
RUN AWAY HABLI !
Uh yeah, this doesn't sound healthy. I'm going to have to agree with everyone else.
And I have to disagree with everyone here.
I can only use myself as an example . .
I can be the sweetest thing in the whole world, or a hateful MF, and anywhere inbetween . . . it depends on what the other person is bringing out of me . . I am multi-sided and the reaction a person gets from me wieghs heavily on what part of me you are touching.
Because this man is this way with you, doesn't mean he is going to be this way with every person . . sometimes, relationships just aren't meant to be and it has nothing to do with him being a psycho.
The other side of this . . maybe to his friends, he sees you as a raving bitch . . does that make you one, because this is the side of you he brings out? Of course not.
Love isn't suppose to be hard, we make it that way because we refuse to accept people for who they are and who they are not . . we would rather attempt to force a change in a person to suit us . . if after 4 years, you are still trying to change him and make him into who you want as a partner, rather than walking away because he is who is he, then perhaps it's not so unreasonable for me to ask . . isn't it time for you to take a look at yourself?
Not meaning that you are wrong, rather, you two are wrong together and for each other and how much time has to go by before there is acceptance that a person CANNOT be changed, and it shouldn't be expected? And, if it is expected for another person to change for you, then really, the problem lies within yourself because another person isn't you . . they are them.
Anyway, not meaning to offend anyone . . just my outlook on life.
I can only use myself as an example . .
I can be the sweetest thing in the whole world, or a hateful MF, and anywhere inbetween . . . it depends on what the other person is bringing out of me . . I am multi-sided and the reaction a person gets from me wieghs heavily on what part of me you are touching.
Because this man is this way with you, doesn't mean he is going to be this way with every person . . sometimes, relationships just aren't meant to be and it has nothing to do with him being a psycho.
The other side of this . . maybe to his friends, he sees you as a raving bitch . . does that make you one, because this is the side of you he brings out? Of course not.
Love isn't suppose to be hard, we make it that way because we refuse to accept people for who they are and who they are not . . we would rather attempt to force a change in a person to suit us . . if after 4 years, you are still trying to change him and make him into who you want as a partner, rather than walking away because he is who is he, then perhaps it's not so unreasonable for me to ask . . isn't it time for you to take a look at yourself?
Not meaning that you are wrong, rather, you two are wrong together and for each other and how much time has to go by before there is acceptance that a person CANNOT be changed, and it shouldn't be expected? And, if it is expected for another person to change for you, then really, the problem lies within yourself because another person isn't you . . they are them.
Anyway, not meaning to offend anyone . . just my outlook on life.
P-Angel, ALWAYS enjoy your take on things---coming from another angle, not sure if it's cuz of the emotion-stuff or what, but it intrigues me and it's HEALTHY to look at things from other's point of view. My take is that the PEOPLE, as a whole, DON'T CHANGE. Another way to say it is, "People automatically express their nature." Ideally, it may seem like an individual SHOULD be different in a different relationship, but my experience is that they usually aren't. A creep is a creep is a creep. UNLESS that person really wants to change and then does so, they usually behave the same way in the next relationship. BAD Aries, in my opinion, is NOT going to be pleasant to the next woman either. His style is to fight.
Haubli, you want children at 41? I assume you know the risks. Have you looked into adopting, etc.? You sound like you're in fabulous shape. Maybe you have considered all the options. Still sounds risky.
Haubli, you want children at 41? I assume you know the risks. Have you looked into adopting, etc.? You sound like you're in fabulous shape. Maybe you have considered all the options. Still sounds risky.
Of course, who the hell am I to say?
I've been in a dead-end relationship for 24 years and STILL bitching about it.
Hypocrite to the very end, lol
I've been in a dead-end relationship for 24 years and STILL bitching about it.
Hypocrite to the very end, lol
OK my friends, first of all thank you for your responses, Roxi, Boyfromutrecht, plain and simple yes the best is to just leave, Atom Thank you, I also think you are an honest kind person, I am a modest simple kind, I know my goods and bads, I am not an angel but I will never hurt anybody or disrespect even if I don't love that someone, I would leave in peace, my situation is very confusing for me bc. He contradict himself all the time one day he wants us to have a baby, a life and when the monster resurfaced he would make fun of me and tells me with a smile a baby ha-ha, getting married, I don't think that's going to happen, we could be out on a trip having the greatest time and he would say things like that at the end of the night or at the end of the vacation, now you think a healthy mind would do or say things like that, once you express your feeling with respect to the other person, and yes if there is no love, one time if enough, but every other week get mad about something and is a break up with the insults, sorry but that has no logic, I went to therapy and she thinks he has borderline personality I think he is a jerk from time to time.
Why he's not rude at work, bc he know that his 100k will be gone, few month ago we (I should say I) had a miscarriage and he was the most loving and supporting partner, he even said we can try again, I loved him more than ever that day, guess what 2 weeks later, he got fed up bc, we had something to fix in the house and he burst so the pregnancy came back and he told me you bla-bla how dare you getting pregnant you just want to mess up my life. I am extremely faithful so is he, I am a true Taurus, regardless the sign. I love to take care of the people I love, my friends are forever no matter how many countries we have moved to, and he doesn't have friends from anywhere anyplace. So, yes it is time to move on, not bc my age or anything else, is simply bc even is there is no love at least have some respect and decency for himself and the person you wake up every morning with. I keep telling if you feel this way and I am open to move on and sell the house, why you keep changing your mind, I get no answer, but I am done with it, don't feel the same after all the hurt.
Why he's not rude at work, bc he know that his 100k will be gone, few month ago we (I should say I) had a miscarriage and he was the most loving and supporting partner, he even said we can try again, I loved him more than ever that day, guess what 2 weeks later, he got fed up bc, we had something to fix in the house and he burst so the pregnancy came back and he told me you bla-bla how dare you getting pregnant you just want to mess up my life. I am extremely faithful so is he, I am a true Taurus, regardless the sign. I love to take care of the people I love, my friends are forever no matter how many countries we have moved to, and he doesn't have friends from anywhere anyplace. So, yes it is time to move on, not bc my age or anything else, is simply bc even is there is no love at least have some respect and decency for himself and the person you wake up every morning with. I keep telling if you feel this way and I am open to move on and sell the house, why you keep changing your mind, I get no answer, but I am done with it, don't feel the same after all the hurt.
About time, took me awhile but is ok, I did put up with more than enough. P-Angel, I do agree with you but the problem here is I am not trying to change him I actually love a lot of his qualities, but the other not so good qualities are of a person that have absolutely no regret or consciousness of his actions, otherwise he would have been gone long time ago, but bc, he knows that I am the way I am he gets away with his behavior, He will be different with another person yes, probably but sooner or later the rosy time of a relationship faint and he will have the same reactions, he lives in his own world of perfection, he can never be easy going, if things doesn't happen the way he likes he will get frustrated and when you don't have the maturity to manage problems you get tantrums and mistreat people. I also agree that different personalities create a conflictive reaction on the other but that is one thing and been cruel is another not bc he may not love me the same but to see the pain of the other person and do it one more time is not of someone that has kindness in his heart. Stupid people like me that forgive. I have always been very strong and just bc I wanted to give a chance to love I accepted that, thinking that there is no perfection in this world, but I want to live within normalcy of imperfection.
I don't mean for this to sound harsh, though, I realize it will probably come out that way . . sounds to me like you are full of excuses because you love him.
Love is beautiful, no doubt . . that is . . when it's shared. If it's NOT shared, then the person doing the loving is full of excuses as to why they stay.
My first husband thought I was a complete bitch, my second husband thinks I'm sweet and kind . . I'm the same person, lol
What is it you want? An answer telling you what you need to do to make this work?
That would envolve changing him to fit into your desires and standards of relating.
Again, not meaning to sound harsh . . just telling you the truth. It's been 4 years. What are you waiting for?
Him to change?
lol
Love is beautiful, no doubt . . that is . . when it's shared. If it's NOT shared, then the person doing the loving is full of excuses as to why they stay.
My first husband thought I was a complete bitch, my second husband thinks I'm sweet and kind . . I'm the same person, lol
What is it you want? An answer telling you what you need to do to make this work?
That would envolve changing him to fit into your desires and standards of relating.
Again, not meaning to sound harsh . . just telling you the truth. It's been 4 years. What are you waiting for?
Him to change?
lol
Roxi, you made me laugh but the true is you have experienced exact same, thank you for adding all the words that I missed in my posts. I always feel guilty and I don't even know why, I see myself excusing his behavior so often, he never feel sorry or apologies for anything he even tells me that he has no regrets and he mean everything that comes out of his mouth.
"I always feel guilty and I don't even know why, I see myself excusing his behavior"
Listen to what you're saying.
I know, you don't want me to talk, I'll shut up . . sorry I intruded.
Listen to what you're saying.
I know, you don't want me to talk, I'll shut up . . sorry I intruded.
P-angel You are absolutely right, I have been accepting this just for the sake of love and bc I see all his other qualities and I have seen both person the loving and not so loving and I hope everyday that he understand what he's doing, but forget it he has no clue or don't give a peanut. On the other hand he is very calculating specially with money and what is convenient for him, and now is not the best time to sell, another is he is waiting for his green card, so maybe he thinks he should hold his horses just in case. I am done if that's the case he is using me and if this is not the case I am letting use me too, I still do everything like an efficient wife. Is not worth it, my life and sanity worth more that anything.
I don't know if this will help . . but, it helped me.
I've been in a marriage for 24 years, that's making me terribly miserable. For years, I always just kept everything in my head . . well, in there (my head), it's all jumbled up . . . there's so many thoughts . . so many reasons to stay, I just couldn't sort it al out . . well, then, I came on here and started to type in to all you wonderful people, all the things that's driving me crazy . .
Then one night, I sat up and read everything I wrote . . I couldn't believe what I actually said to everybody in here . . i was like, "Is this how I really feel?"
Anyway, don't know if it will help you . . but, just one night, read everything you wrote, word for word and see if it doesn't help to sort out what's going on in her head.
I didn't mean to sound harsh or mean . . I really hope you're ok.
I've been in a marriage for 24 years, that's making me terribly miserable. For years, I always just kept everything in my head . . well, in there (my head), it's all jumbled up . . . there's so many thoughts . . so many reasons to stay, I just couldn't sort it al out . . well, then, I came on here and started to type in to all you wonderful people, all the things that's driving me crazy . .
Then one night, I sat up and read everything I wrote . . I couldn't believe what I actually said to everybody in here . . i was like, "Is this how I really feel?"
Anyway, don't know if it will help you . . but, just one night, read everything you wrote, word for word and see if it doesn't help to sort out what's going on in her head.
I didn't mean to sound harsh or mean . . I really hope you're ok.
P-angel thanks, sorry it took 24 years to be free, I dont think i could wait 1 month but until we sell the house we can not do much, I will be ok, I listen to my words everyday any I read all this words as well and the answer is right infront of me is not only from my friends and family but to see how much I have allowed. Right now he is a sweetheart, he has forgotten everything, maybe from the outside I can never tell, but he is acting normal. I need to keep the party calm for now, I need to travel out the country to my sister's wedding and he will look after my dogs, so I better plan this carefully or I will pay a big price. I hope you are in a much better place and happier life.
Firerytruth, all you are saying make sense why?? I have asked him after his episodes every time, like last night why? if you don't love me you don't want a future with me then why you keep us in this rollercoaster, I told him every time that I agree I think is the best for both, why changing your mind always, I am not preventing from moving on. His answers are evasive and/ or I don't know or please now you want to start again, or I don't want to talk about this anymore. I ask to myself why you let him get away with it and I come to the conclusion looking at the pattern and his back to happy nothing happened mood, so here is me ok next time I will put my foot down and no matter what he thinks I am not going to make up and I am calling the real estate people, and like that has passed at least 2 years, when you are with the loving person, you tend to fall into the trap of, you know what, he is trying, he is just moody, he is blab la bla, and you keep excusing and justifying his behavior, then he has an exam, or his mom is coming, or is Christmas and then is new years so on so on, He doesn't even has the answer and if he has them he is keeping his plan for himself, I starting to think that all he tells me is absolutely true but he is just very calculating, now a lot is going on with him he needs a quiet place, steady so he can study, market is bad and he is waiting for his green card, better calm down, make her (me) think that everything is ok and when things are at the right place for him he would do something, Is not my age, insecurity or anything like that, it was a pure feeling that hold me there and believe it or not people like that look for somehow weak or soft people to manipulate and you have no idea how they manage and control your existence emotionally, until you put yourself together and walk out of it, which has come, so if you go back to my post I mentioned to do things carefully, I am traveling in few weeks, so it seems that there is always something, now let me ask you how would you do it, how in a smart and civilized way would you master your escape plan. The only thing we have together is the house. All my family is in another country , no money all my money is in the house and living expenses, we need to sell the house and then move on, my plan is to take the initiative a bring a realtor, bc. He just talk, talk and talk and doesn't do anything, so once he sees the agent maybe then he will understand that yes I do want to move on.
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