Pisces woman confused by mixed signal cancer man
This topic was created in the Relationships & Astrology forum by blushingpisces on Thursday, June 23, 2011 and has 49 replies.
Hi! I went on a couple of dates with a cancer man I have been casual acquaintances with for the last couple of years (I was in a relationship that I ended before I went out with Cancer man). He made exhaustive efforts to find things to talk to come talk to me about when we would see each other,then he started with compliments, and once I started responding back to his compliments, he really amped up making contact with me when we aere around each other. The chemistry was CRAZY, totally attracted to each other, and we just really clicked and made each other laugh alot. I was the one to suggest we go out because it seemed like he was really struggling making that step. He was excited for us to go out. He also apologized for not asking me out first, he explained he has been out of the game for a couple of years due to being really burned by his last relationship. Our dates were awesome, and he asked me out for a third. It just seemed though he suddenly was pulling back a bit and acting a bit differently. I couldn't figure out what was going on, and out of fear, I swam away by telling him that I seemed more interested than he did. He basically said that we were in 2 different stages of life and that he isn't what I want. We agreed no hard feelings (I was bummed to hear that though!) Next day I saw him, said hello with a smile, no flirting though. I tried my best to avoid interacting with him, but he kept making the efforts to come talk to me about anything. The chemistry is still crazy,and we have so much fun talking with each other.He is once again starting up with the flirting and complimenting me. Is he playing games or is he still interested? I will not ask him out again.HELP!!
Hi Ellybd,
Thank you so much for acknowledging my post! I didn't think I would get a response because I think I sound kinda pathetic! But, for some reason, this guy just has a hold on me, I can't explain it. I am a strong, tough cookie for a pisces woman when it comes to men and making sure I stay true to myself when I date a man, but I have such a soft spot for him.The mental toll it takes on my mind is exhausting, but at times is worth it when he is really kind of putting himself out there to me. I really have to practice patience (which I have NONE of!). I am very black and white, and don't like gray areas, so if things don't seem clear to me, I have no patience and have to resolve it on way or the other. Before I put a stop to us going out again, I basically held his feet to the fire and asked him point blank if he was interested or not. Looking back on it, yes, I probably kinda freaked him out being so blunt, but I had to do it because it was driving me crazy. He had already started pulling back a bit before I asked him that. But, he still asked me out after I confronted him (I never would have done that with a random guy a went on just 2 dates with). He came on pretty strong the first month, and no, I did not do anything more than kiss him. He was total gentleman.Thanks for listening to my craziness!
Thank you so much for acknowledging my post! I didn't think I would get a response because I think I sound kinda pathetic! But, for some reason, this guy just has a hold on me, I can't explain it. I am a strong, tough cookie for a pisces woman when it comes to men and making sure I stay true to myself when I date a man, but I have such a soft spot for him.The mental toll it takes on my mind is exhausting, but at times is worth it when he is really kind of putting himself out there to me. I really have to practice patience (which I have NONE of!). I am very black and white, and don't like gray areas, so if things don't seem clear to me, I have no patience and have to resolve it on way or the other. Before I put a stop to us going out again, I basically held his feet to the fire and asked him point blank if he was interested or not. Looking back on it, yes, I probably kinda freaked him out being so blunt, but I had to do it because it was driving me crazy. He had already started pulling back a bit before I asked him that. But, he still asked me out after I confronted him (I never would have done that with a random guy a went on just 2 dates with). He came on pretty strong the first month, and no, I did not do anything more than kiss him. He was total gentleman.Thanks for listening to my craziness!
Blushing, you said you swam out of fear (that he was gonna swim first?) when in reality, you liked him, the dates went great but you were afraid.
He might have felt your swimming away as rejection of him..
You should go into things not thinking about the potential of being hurt but of the potential of being loved, and having fun. Those negative feelings are only going to fuck you over, as they've done here.
If you want this man you need to fix this. Be kind, boost his ego, but take things where they lead you too.. Don't think to hard, don't overanalyze, let the world make it's magic between you two. Fabulous chemistry is nothing to overlook... There has to be a reason for it right?
He might have felt your swimming away as rejection of him..
You should go into things not thinking about the potential of being hurt but of the potential of being loved, and having fun. Those negative feelings are only going to fuck you over, as they've done here.
If you want this man you need to fix this. Be kind, boost his ego, but take things where they lead you too.. Don't think to hard, don't overanalyze, let the world make it's magic between you two. Fabulous chemistry is nothing to overlook... There has to be a reason for it right?
I am also a Pisces btw.
LouLore,
You hit the nail on the head - I did put an end to it because I just really felt like he wasn't that into me, and I was afraid that yes, he would have done it eventually, so I did it first. I had to do it though. I didn't like the way things got - I'm kinda old fashioned, yes, I love doing flirty texts through the day, but when that seems like the only form of communication when we are away from each other, it turns me off. I like it if the man picks up the phone - I let him know that, but I only got a couple of calls over a 6 week period. Plenty of texts, and plenty of talking face to face when I would see him several times during the week, but he would never really reveal too much of himself to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my life as an open book - I just have to learn that not everyone is like that. You are also right about overanalyzing - I am totally guilty of that. I am working on trying to fix this. Do I let him know that I was afraid, or just let things be and go with it like a clean slate?
You hit the nail on the head - I did put an end to it because I just really felt like he wasn't that into me, and I was afraid that yes, he would have done it eventually, so I did it first. I had to do it though. I didn't like the way things got - I'm kinda old fashioned, yes, I love doing flirty texts through the day, but when that seems like the only form of communication when we are away from each other, it turns me off. I like it if the man picks up the phone - I let him know that, but I only got a couple of calls over a 6 week period. Plenty of texts, and plenty of talking face to face when I would see him several times during the week, but he would never really reveal too much of himself to me. I wear my heart on my sleeve and my life as an open book - I just have to learn that not everyone is like that. You are also right about overanalyzing - I am totally guilty of that. I am working on trying to fix this. Do I let him know that I was afraid, or just let things be and go with it like a clean slate?
You say he's playing games, and you even got another poster to come in here and say "sheesh those Cancer men" ....
When in reality, you are the one who swam away out of fear .. while still wanting him.
You are the Player .. not him.
When in reality, you are the one who swam away out of fear .. while still wanting him.
You are the Player .. not him.
Dear P-Angel,
I understand why you would say that I am the player, but it's not what you think. You also said that I said he's playing games when in fact I ASKED if he was. Maybe I chose poor wording and didn't come across the way I really feel. It felt horrible "swimming" away from him when I did. I sincerely thought that he was losing interest and I was scared. I thought I could handle still feeling attracted to him and that by limiting my interactions with him, that those feelings would go away. I also felt like at the time that he would have felt relief that I ended it so he wouldn't have to. And today, he approached me a couple of times for idle chit chat, threw in a couple of flirtations, but did not come on as strong as he did earlier this week. This is exactly why I don't understand him. One minute he seems fiery hot towards me, then another minute he seems to back off. This is all after he said to me when I put an end to us romantically "We are in different stages of our lives, I am not that close to what you want".
I do admit, I have a flaky side to me, so maybe I am missing something that I am doing that you guys could give me some insight on.
I understand why you would say that I am the player, but it's not what you think. You also said that I said he's playing games when in fact I ASKED if he was. Maybe I chose poor wording and didn't come across the way I really feel. It felt horrible "swimming" away from him when I did. I sincerely thought that he was losing interest and I was scared. I thought I could handle still feeling attracted to him and that by limiting my interactions with him, that those feelings would go away. I also felt like at the time that he would have felt relief that I ended it so he wouldn't have to. And today, he approached me a couple of times for idle chit chat, threw in a couple of flirtations, but did not come on as strong as he did earlier this week. This is exactly why I don't understand him. One minute he seems fiery hot towards me, then another minute he seems to back off. This is all after he said to me when I put an end to us romantically "We are in different stages of our lives, I am not that close to what you want".
I do admit, I have a flaky side to me, so maybe I am missing something that I am doing that you guys could give me some insight on.
Ellybd,
You're awesome!! Everything you have said is so true of me! I put my heart into absolutely everything I do, whether it's love, projects around my home, helping people with their problems, etc. And I find myself trying to gain wisdom and insight from people ahead of me in years, and I have a wide variety of friends from all types of background. But this cancer just has my head spinning, and I am finding it hard to not want to rush and let him know that I am still interested when he is showing interest in me. He loves to make me blush and I do it so easily when we talk at times. I feel like a 16 year old girl when I am definitely not!
Ellybd, I can never get enough of your insight! You rock!
You're awesome!! Everything you have said is so true of me! I put my heart into absolutely everything I do, whether it's love, projects around my home, helping people with their problems, etc. And I find myself trying to gain wisdom and insight from people ahead of me in years, and I have a wide variety of friends from all types of background. But this cancer just has my head spinning, and I am finding it hard to not want to rush and let him know that I am still interested when he is showing interest in me. He loves to make me blush and I do it so easily when we talk at times. I feel like a 16 year old girl when I am definitely not!
Ellybd, I can never get enough of your insight! You rock!
Ellybd,
I think that goes for all of us when it comes to beinglevel headed for everyone else but ourselves! I just hate how much I am overanalyzing my interactions with cancer guy. It's so hard for me not to. I don't know if I should be a little more flirtatious then I have been with him the last couple of weeks or just keep following his lead. My impatient side of me feels like telling him "We both know we are interested in each other and have great chemistry, so let's cut the BS", but I know I can't. I get a little panicked when I feel like he isn't laying the flirtations and innuendos on me a day after he was laying it on thick! It drives me crazy! He has mentioned to me a couple of times that his friend teases him about things he does by himself and tells him "Man, you are lonely!" Ellybd, any words of advice on what I should do when I see him next? I'm sorry, I am acting like you are my therapist! I promise I will cut down on the need for response soon!
I think that goes for all of us when it comes to beinglevel headed for everyone else but ourselves! I just hate how much I am overanalyzing my interactions with cancer guy. It's so hard for me not to. I don't know if I should be a little more flirtatious then I have been with him the last couple of weeks or just keep following his lead. My impatient side of me feels like telling him "We both know we are interested in each other and have great chemistry, so let's cut the BS", but I know I can't. I get a little panicked when I feel like he isn't laying the flirtations and innuendos on me a day after he was laying it on thick! It drives me crazy! He has mentioned to me a couple of times that his friend teases him about things he does by himself and tells him "Man, you are lonely!" Ellybd, any words of advice on what I should do when I see him next? I'm sorry, I am acting like you are my therapist! I promise I will cut down on the need for response soon!
Again .... you got someone to suggest that his character deserves a sheesh ... when in reality, the person who said that has no way of knowing anything abuot your Cancer man.
People, mostly women, are so subjective that if you talk about a person, they automatically think back to their experiences and then comment on yours, when really talking about theirs.
At least be wise enough to get that ... because her sheesh was about her experiences, and nothing revelant about your situation.
because in your situation .... you are the one who swam away, while he did absolutely nothing for you to do that. You swam because of your own insecurities, so there's nothing in that that deserves a, "Those cancer men. Sheesh." ... as if to suggest that he did something.
You acted hastily, in fear, based on your insecurities of what you thought he might be feeling ... that is all on you and has nothing to do with him being a Cancer man.
People, mostly women, are so subjective that if you talk about a person, they automatically think back to their experiences and then comment on yours, when really talking about theirs.
At least be wise enough to get that ... because her sheesh was about her experiences, and nothing revelant about your situation.
because in your situation .... you are the one who swam away, while he did absolutely nothing for you to do that. You swam because of your own insecurities, so there's nothing in that that deserves a, "Those cancer men. Sheesh." ... as if to suggest that he did something.
You acted hastily, in fear, based on your insecurities of what you thought he might be feeling ... that is all on you and has nothing to do with him being a Cancer man.
You keep talking about him giving you mixed signals, yet, describing you giving the mixed signals.
You don't even know how to interpret your own feelings ... and then you dare to tell other people how you think he feels, which is the cause for you to give him mixed signals, in which you don't even realize are mixed signals?
You don't even know how to interpret your own feelings ... and then you dare to tell other people how you think he feels, which is the cause for you to give him mixed signals, in which you don't even realize are mixed signals?
P-Angel,
Uh, actually, he did give me reason to swim away. I thought I was pretty clear in the first paragraph, but I will explain it to you again. I mentioned he seemed to be pulling back when things were going quite nicely.He would send me wonderfully flirty and sweet text messages, even would make up a little poem and send it to me. I absolutely was following his lead, letting him know I really appreciated and enjoyed receiving those from him. I let him know that I appreciated greatly when a man calls also, not just texts. He didn't follow through with that. I would bring it up nicely several times,not nag about it, because I could feel that I was running out of patience, and he would say he would, but then the texting continued. The way I looked at it was "If he was interested in me enough, he would call" (he called just twice). Combine that with that his texts near the end, they were not graphic, but had sexual connotations to it, and that did not sit well with me. He just didn't seem the way he was when we first went out.
That being said, I have seen him over the last few days several times, and he has been more blatant about giving me attention, compliments, and even today just extended himself to help me out with something at my house.
I don't get how you think I am sending mixed signals - I haven't. So, wherever you got this idea from, is beyond me. I also readily acknowledged that I acted out of fear and insecurity, but yet you still feel the need to repeat yourself to me. And, forgive me, P-angel, for "daring" to try to figure out his feelings. Isn't this one of the things we do here, bounce ideas, theories, experiences to each other? You don't seem to offer much execept bitter sounding accusations towards me. Lighten up P-angel, life can be fun if you learn to do so. I won't be reading anymore of your responses if you should choose to chime in. I don't need only cheerleaders just being by my side and agreeing with me, I am open to people pointing out where I may have failed on my side. Seems like that's all you like to harp on though.
Uh, actually, he did give me reason to swim away. I thought I was pretty clear in the first paragraph, but I will explain it to you again. I mentioned he seemed to be pulling back when things were going quite nicely.He would send me wonderfully flirty and sweet text messages, even would make up a little poem and send it to me. I absolutely was following his lead, letting him know I really appreciated and enjoyed receiving those from him. I let him know that I appreciated greatly when a man calls also, not just texts. He didn't follow through with that. I would bring it up nicely several times,not nag about it, because I could feel that I was running out of patience, and he would say he would, but then the texting continued. The way I looked at it was "If he was interested in me enough, he would call" (he called just twice). Combine that with that his texts near the end, they were not graphic, but had sexual connotations to it, and that did not sit well with me. He just didn't seem the way he was when we first went out.
That being said, I have seen him over the last few days several times, and he has been more blatant about giving me attention, compliments, and even today just extended himself to help me out with something at my house.
I don't get how you think I am sending mixed signals - I haven't. So, wherever you got this idea from, is beyond me. I also readily acknowledged that I acted out of fear and insecurity, but yet you still feel the need to repeat yourself to me. And, forgive me, P-angel, for "daring" to try to figure out his feelings. Isn't this one of the things we do here, bounce ideas, theories, experiences to each other? You don't seem to offer much execept bitter sounding accusations towards me. Lighten up P-angel, life can be fun if you learn to do so. I won't be reading anymore of your responses if you should choose to chime in. I don't need only cheerleaders just being by my side and agreeing with me, I am open to people pointing out where I may have failed on my side. Seems like that's all you like to harp on though.
Hi lena828,
It's funny, I was never into astrology up until recently. I am 150 freakin percent a Pisces, and the more I have checked out people that are close to me and their signs and characteristics of their sign, it's crazy how true it all seems! I'm glad to hear that Pisces men and yourself get along fine!
It's funny, I was never into astrology up until recently. I am 150 freakin percent a Pisces, and the more I have checked out people that are close to me and their signs and characteristics of their sign, it's crazy how true it all seems! I'm glad to hear that Pisces men and yourself get along fine!
The only 2 major relationships I've had were with a gemini (we were married for 9 years)and then a Libra. Both I got along with great and with both of them we jumped in head first from the get-go and never looked back. Never been involved with a Pisces guy though!
Blushing, I think you're getting too much on the defense with what pangel is saying. She said similar to what I said but is also being very blunt. should take advice from either side as it's given I think since opinions have been asked for. I just mean, take it all with a grain of salt, sometimes even in harsh criticism there can be a liitle bit of knowledge gained whether the assumptions are completely right or not. I speak from personal experience.
What's happened since you initially posted this? I have been spending time with a scorp/cancer mooner so I am always curious about how us Pisces ladies are doing with those crustacean boys. Lol.
What's happened since you initially posted this? I have been spending time with a scorp/cancer mooner so I am always curious about how us Pisces ladies are doing with those crustacean boys. Lol.
What does your chart look like blushing?
" He also apologized for not asking me out first, he explained he has been out of the game for a couple of years due to being really burned by his last relationship."
When he revealed being burned as the reason for not asking you out that would have sent up a huge red flag for me....IMO being burned was just an excuse, some men love to flirt, love the chemistry he shares with women but don't want much more than that, it's hard for women to grasp that part about some men, some men just don't want anything for the exception of a little flirting, sex and a good time, living in the moment, don't want anything else for the exception of an ego boost that he gets from getting attention with no strings attached.
I don't think it was bad that you asked him out but I think your timing was off, you asked prematurely, next time give a man some time to step up first before asking him out, he has to want it more than you do or it won't work out in your favor and the only way to know that is to let him do his part, if a man is flirting with you incessantly and for whatever reason not taking the interaction to the "NEXT" level then he wasn't really that into you, it's okay to assume he's just flirting and nothing more than that, doesn't mean he didn't enjoy the connection he shared with you but sometimes that's all it is...a connection not much more than that.
Again I'm not saying it's never okay not to ask a man out but you have back door him, lead him into it in a way that keeps his interest, sometimes we women take away the excitement from a man just by doing his part of the courting dance, the man fizzles out, he also begins to panic inside that the woman wants more than him or why else would she ask me, he pretty much peg'd it right with you, that you wanted more than him so he didn't stop you from leaving, now he's attempting to resume what you had before everything got all heavy but your disappointed and afraid, can't really go back unless you're willing to be his flirt buddy, if you stop flirting with him he'll get the message loud and clear.
Also if he was "inserting sex" early on then he's just looking to get laid lol....Men that are serious won't blow it by pushing and inserting sex into the dynamic. Sounds like a womanizer/commitmentphobe/player...one or all of the above...basically a loser when it comes to love, no depth at all.
So many other men in the world...NEXT....Move on unless your sadist and just feel like torturing yourself over a man
When he revealed being burned as the reason for not asking you out that would have sent up a huge red flag for me....IMO being burned was just an excuse, some men love to flirt, love the chemistry he shares with women but don't want much more than that, it's hard for women to grasp that part about some men, some men just don't want anything for the exception of a little flirting, sex and a good time, living in the moment, don't want anything else for the exception of an ego boost that he gets from getting attention with no strings attached.
I don't think it was bad that you asked him out but I think your timing was off, you asked prematurely, next time give a man some time to step up first before asking him out, he has to want it more than you do or it won't work out in your favor and the only way to know that is to let him do his part, if a man is flirting with you incessantly and for whatever reason not taking the interaction to the "NEXT" level then he wasn't really that into you, it's okay to assume he's just flirting and nothing more than that, doesn't mean he didn't enjoy the connection he shared with you but sometimes that's all it is...a connection not much more than that.
Again I'm not saying it's never okay not to ask a man out but you have back door him, lead him into it in a way that keeps his interest, sometimes we women take away the excitement from a man just by doing his part of the courting dance, the man fizzles out, he also begins to panic inside that the woman wants more than him or why else would she ask me, he pretty much peg'd it right with you, that you wanted more than him so he didn't stop you from leaving, now he's attempting to resume what you had before everything got all heavy but your disappointed and afraid, can't really go back unless you're willing to be his flirt buddy, if you stop flirting with him he'll get the message loud and clear.
Also if he was "inserting sex" early on then he's just looking to get laid lol....Men that are serious won't blow it by pushing and inserting sex into the dynamic. Sounds like a womanizer/commitmentphobe/player...one or all of the above...basically a loser when it comes to love, no depth at all.
So many other men in the world...NEXT....Move on unless your sadist and just feel like torturing yourself over a man
Basically you chased him off LOL
Be patient, you don't have to know everything before it gets started, dating is just dating, it's the courting stage were he's not even sure what he wants so asking him what he wants is not going in the womans favor b/c most times a man is still figuring it all out, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't go out with you, maybe you need to find other men to date as well, date not have sex with so you won't push the man you really want out of your life so fast, I swear so many women focus on ONE man and and it scares the shit of the man and she wonders why he doesn't call or why he's dragging his feet, the way some women date is atrocious, she clings to one man, attempts to read something into every little word and interaction, when in reality it's probably absolutely nothing b/c it's too new to tell and the man feels all this tension and it feels like desperation so he's already suffocating and feeling like things are going to get hard with the woman so he bails out or allow her to get rid of herself.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve and being an open book is BORING when it comes to getting to know someone and courting, were's the mystery, that's the fun part, I can tell when a woman is older and hasn't dated or been in more than a couple of relationships b/c she does everything wrong and doesn't even realize it, how you are going about it probably worked a long time ago but most likely it's all out dated and doesn't work effectively like it did with your past relationships.
Be patient, you don't have to know everything before it gets started, dating is just dating, it's the courting stage were he's not even sure what he wants so asking him what he wants is not going in the womans favor b/c most times a man is still figuring it all out, if he wasn't interested he wouldn't go out with you, maybe you need to find other men to date as well, date not have sex with so you won't push the man you really want out of your life so fast, I swear so many women focus on ONE man and and it scares the shit of the man and she wonders why he doesn't call or why he's dragging his feet, the way some women date is atrocious, she clings to one man, attempts to read something into every little word and interaction, when in reality it's probably absolutely nothing b/c it's too new to tell and the man feels all this tension and it feels like desperation so he's already suffocating and feeling like things are going to get hard with the woman so he bails out or allow her to get rid of herself.
Wearing your heart on your sleeve and being an open book is BORING when it comes to getting to know someone and courting, were's the mystery, that's the fun part, I can tell when a woman is older and hasn't dated or been in more than a couple of relationships b/c she does everything wrong and doesn't even realize it, how you are going about it probably worked a long time ago but most likely it's all out dated and doesn't work effectively like it did with your past relationships.
Posted by tiki33
Sounds like a womanizer/commitmentphobe/player...one or all of the above...basically a loser when it comes to love, no depth at all.
What tiki said sounded good, except for the part above.
Just because a man doesn't choose YOU as the woman he wants to get serious with, doesn't mean he's any kind of loser, or lacks depth.
P Angel per my own experience for myself and from helping other women, typically men that insert sex early tend to fall into those categories, men that are too lazy to call and use text messaging as his primary means of communication is a man that typically talks to several sometimes dozens of women at a time and they rely heavily on text messaging b/c it's easy, he doesn't have to remember names, he can mass text message poems and pictures etc, per my own experience and dating plenty before my fiance came into my life these particular type of men lacked depth, resist deep connections with women, when a man is pushing and inserting sex it's b/c he doesn't wanna go deep with any particular woman, I'm sure if she got to know him a lot better she'd begin to see how disinterested he is with being with a woman outside of what it is he wants.
Also men like him start off really hot, I mean smoking hot which is mostly his modus operandi with women then he begins to cool off, the cracks begin to show, he's not as attentive, it can be confusing to women that don't understand these kind of men, they start off hot hot hot but slowly but surely begin to lose interest and fizzle out b/c he has too many other women as a distraction, it takes energy to call every woman, it takes energy and money to take every woman out on a date and date them long term and if he gives he all of his energy he won't have it for the rest of the women or will he have the time and energy to pursue the women that he's currently trying to chase.
Typical commitmentphobe/player behavior is attempting to keep things at a certain place/level, he's resistant to anything else, that's why he want back to flirting b/c that's his comfort zone, when she push for me he let her go but they typically do come back to reassert the boundaries that he feels good with, he also does what makes him feel comfortable and not really take into consideration the womans feelings.
Also men like him start off really hot, I mean smoking hot which is mostly his modus operandi with women then he begins to cool off, the cracks begin to show, he's not as attentive, it can be confusing to women that don't understand these kind of men, they start off hot hot hot but slowly but surely begin to lose interest and fizzle out b/c he has too many other women as a distraction, it takes energy to call every woman, it takes energy and money to take every woman out on a date and date them long term and if he gives he all of his energy he won't have it for the rest of the women or will he have the time and energy to pursue the women that he's currently trying to chase.
Typical commitmentphobe/player behavior is attempting to keep things at a certain place/level, he's resistant to anything else, that's why he want back to flirting b/c that's his comfort zone, when she push for me he let her go but they typically do come back to reassert the boundaries that he feels good with, he also does what makes him feel comfortable and not really take into consideration the womans feelings.
It's all full circle, it's not so interesting to me b/c I been there done that...I can read men much more easier just by how they behave with women and this guy doesn't want anything serious with her and if it's been a couple years since he's broken up with a woman but he made it a point to insert that into the conversation which is basically what many of them do, they claim to have been burned yet it's been years since that happened, it's his way of adding distance between them before it gets started, it's his get out of jail card, he'll say I told you I been hurt or we want different things blah blah but it's all bullshit, it's just his way of staying out of a relationship with any woman, he know if he says I'm single, I love being single, I'm going to say single for the rest of my life that his odds of getting some ass diminishes significantly so many of them say what will make a woman curious instead of making her run away.
It's not a bad thing, nor does it make him a bad guy, these guys are fun, they have the ability to make a woman feel she's the only one, she is the best thing on the planet and the connection is going somewhere, they can be very very charming, they add drama into ones dull life so despite possibly being a womanizer or a commitmentphobic man or a player he's just not going to be someone she can settle with and have a longterm connection with.
These men serve their purpose and it's not always bad, it's just that women that crave being with one man and fall in love too quickly are the ones that get the shit end of the deal.
It's not a bad thing, nor does it make him a bad guy, these guys are fun, they have the ability to make a woman feel she's the only one, she is the best thing on the planet and the connection is going somewhere, they can be very very charming, they add drama into ones dull life so despite possibly being a womanizer or a commitmentphobic man or a player he's just not going to be someone she can settle with and have a longterm connection with.
These men serve their purpose and it's not always bad, it's just that women that crave being with one man and fall in love too quickly are the ones that get the shit end of the deal.
ugh typo's
stupid keyboard...hope ya'll can read between the lines lol
stupid keyboard...hope ya'll can read between the lines lol
Loulore,
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
I totally agree with you, I absolutely will take advice from either side, or that would make me an absolute fool! I just am all about DELIVERY when it comes to dealing with people. P-angel is just too bitter/coarse sounding for me. I welcome anyone's opinion to my situation and questions I have, just leave the bitterness at the door!
Cancer and I share a common, though misfortunate situation. Our mothers have had the same severe medical issue (his is passed on, mine is still with us, thank God). He asked about it the other day and how I was doing. He took me aside and just gave me full attention to what I told him, and had great, though blunt, advice for me on how to deal with it. He gave me all of his time and encouraged me to talk about it. I have noticed that he acts nervously around me (like he use to!), but we have been sharing alot of laughs again recently. He has complimented me greatly, and we just beam when we are around each other. I will see how patient I can be!
How is it going with your crustacean?I have no idea about my chart. Don't know how to do one, or read one!
Hi Tiki,
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
Thanks for your input!! I understand when you mentioned about maybe my timing was off when I asked him out, that I didn't give him a long enough chance, and that maybe he wasn't that "into" me for him to ask me out. My last relationship, oddly enough, started out the SAME EXACT WAY!! Trust me, I don't seek out these guys, they come to me. My ex-boyfriend (we were in serious relationship, 2 1/2 years & totally committed from day one), behaved in the SAME EXACT MANNER! He began with flirting with me, I wasn't truly, truly interested in him at first (same thing with cancer guy). The flirting went on for MONTHS, but he never asked me out. Couldn't figure it out. I totally got the vibe from him that he wanted to ask me, but he was gun shy (same vibe from cancer). I finally asked him out, and everything unfolded from there. He also apologized for not being the one to ask me out, he hadn't been in a relationship for a couple of years. He said that he was nervous of asking me out because he was attracted to me going back a couple of years, but knew I was married back then. He said when he realized I was finally available, he was nervous to talk to me. The flirting stage with cancer man has gone on for about 6 months. I knew he took a special interest in me going back a couple of years though. We were strangers that happen to be at the same place several times a week. I would notice him looking at me, and he would make attempts to say things to me. He started asking questions that seemed not what I was use to in this environment. They were definitely "getting to know you" questions, but at the time, I just thought he was being nice. We learned that we knew a couple of the same people, and once I broke up with ex-boyfriend, he just really started letting me know he was making efforts in trying to know more about what kind of girl I am through friends.
When I asked him out, he jumped right on it and asked if I would be available two days later. I held off for a week to go out. I totally agree with you Tiki, don't sleep with men too soon - and I KNOW I can NEVER be accused of that - and that's by choice, not opportunity! He also knows I am definitley not that type too. I also agree about wearing your heart on your sleeve - yes, we do want to keep the man guessing. That definitely keeps you somewhat mysterious to them and interested. That is how I am when I have gone out with guys - even if I am attracted to them. I don't ever obsess about them like this
one! Strange thing has happened last few weeks. I have been hanging out with an old friend of mine and just learned that two of her friends have known him since they were kids. They said he is very, very sweet, good guy, and shy! They also said that his last girlfriend really broke his heart. I didn't ask what happened because I didn't think it was right of me to ask. They both said he is not the player type. He told me after last relationship, he did go crazy with girls, but that it was a defensive mechanism. He said it got old, and he then just shut down from everyone.
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
I love your support for me about his type being "loser, and lacks depth", but he really doesn't strike me as that. He is definitely a deep guy, because when we are having discussions about things and not just flirting, that is when I see how many layers he has and isn't just a meathead. One cute thing though, he made himself blush yesterday when he said a very innocent flirty thing to me. Very cute.
Yes Tiki, maybe my tactics are outdated, but the guys I have gone out with (aside from this one!) were pursuing me right after the first date, but it just wasn't there for me.
Thank you again for all of your insight!
I guess you're going to have to take a chance with this guy, that's the only way you'll know. I personally don't care for 2nd hand information about a man's character b/c truthfully no one actually know how he is one on one in an intimate relationship, maybe he is shy or maybe he pretends to be shy when it suits him.
I'll admit I'm bias, I'd rather gnaw my own leg off before dating a cancer man, too much work, too high maintenance and they string there women along for long amounts of time with no contact, that would drive me bonkers but there's somebody for everyone I guess.
I still feel this guy has commitment issues by the way you describe your interactions with him but hey it is what it is...
Good luck
I'll admit I'm bias, I'd rather gnaw my own leg off before dating a cancer man, too much work, too high maintenance and they string there women along for long amounts of time with no contact, that would drive me bonkers but there's somebody for everyone I guess.
I still feel this guy has commitment issues by the way you describe your interactions with him but hey it is what it is...
Good luck
Tiki,
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
You are funny about gnawing off your leg before dating a cancer guy! I agree, he definitely does have his issues. I don't know how long I can hang around or what I will do, we will see. I did cut off the flirting for the first month I think, and kept any verbal contact to a bare minimum. I know I can't do this dance again for too long or else I will resent myself for it.
You're right, it is what it is!
hi blushingpisces, I'm a cancer. My advice will be blunt and based on being and knowing Cancers. I skimmed most of the other advice given so if I repeat.. . sorry
You seem like you need a lot of attention and reassurance, this is very Pisces. But a burnt Cancer will move very, very slow. I think you miss understood his statement when he said about being on a different page and not being able to be what you want. I think although he is very attracted and interested in you, he can't be that dream gentleman you desire who calls all the time, romances, sweet talks you and charges into a relationship. He's just not there yet and if you want that... you'll have to be patient.
You can tell him till you're blue in the face that you like a man who calls, but if he isn't that type of man... well it's not going to happen. Besides would you really want him to bend and do something he may dislike, just to satisfy you? Instead of dropping hints about how you like things, and how you expect him to show he's interested, why not ask HIM if he likes talking on the phone. Simple. Done.
You are playing games because you are trying to ellicite responses from him and steer the relationship to your terms on your timeline. This does not work with ANY watersign.
The fact that you got insecure and cut him off out of fear has probably put him three steps back. He knows you still like him, that's why he's still talking to you. But rejection is too much to handle and now that you've done it once... chances are you will do it again the next time you feel insecure. Actions speak volumes.
If you are not interested in riding out the waves with another water sign, you should back off. You are also very controlling. You said in your last post that you cut off the flirting and kept verbal contact to a bare minimum. Why did you do that? Would you not call this game playing?
Do you want to be the man or the woman in a relationship? Figure this out first because a Cancer Female needs a man to be a man, and a Cancer Male needs a woman to be a woman.
You seem like you need a lot of attention and reassurance, this is very Pisces. But a burnt Cancer will move very, very slow. I think you miss understood his statement when he said about being on a different page and not being able to be what you want. I think although he is very attracted and interested in you, he can't be that dream gentleman you desire who calls all the time, romances, sweet talks you and charges into a relationship. He's just not there yet and if you want that... you'll have to be patient.
You can tell him till you're blue in the face that you like a man who calls, but if he isn't that type of man... well it's not going to happen. Besides would you really want him to bend and do something he may dislike, just to satisfy you? Instead of dropping hints about how you like things, and how you expect him to show he's interested, why not ask HIM if he likes talking on the phone. Simple. Done.
You are playing games because you are trying to ellicite responses from him and steer the relationship to your terms on your timeline. This does not work with ANY watersign.
The fact that you got insecure and cut him off out of fear has probably put him three steps back. He knows you still like him, that's why he's still talking to you. But rejection is too much to handle and now that you've done it once... chances are you will do it again the next time you feel insecure. Actions speak volumes.
If you are not interested in riding out the waves with another water sign, you should back off. You are also very controlling. You said in your last post that you cut off the flirting and kept verbal contact to a bare minimum. Why did you do that? Would you not call this game playing?
Do you want to be the man or the woman in a relationship? Figure this out first because a Cancer Female needs a man to be a man, and a Cancer Male needs a woman to be a woman.
Posted by tiki33
P Angel per my own experience for myself ......
Typical commitmentphobe/player behavior is attempting to keep things at a certain place/level, he's resistant to anything else, that's why he want back to flirting b/c that's his comfort zone, when she push for me he let her go but they typically do come back to reassert the boundaries that he feels good with, he also does what makes him feel comfortable and not really take into consideration the womans feelings.
So what?
He's allowed to choose who he wants to have as a fuck buddy and who he wants to have as a partner. If he is coming on as a man who wants to fuck without having to give forth any emotions .. that's his choice.
Every person, whether they have a phobia or not, have a right to keep things at levels according to their comfort level. You are making the assumption that because SHE desires to have more of him, then it's his duty to rise to her expectations.
I have terms and conditions for myself also, am resistant to certain things, attempt to maintain my comfort zone ... and have been married for nearly 3 decades ... that doesnt' make me a commitment phobic person, it makes me a person who has a right to my choices, and I exercise them.
He's not obligated to give her any more than what he chooses, and if he chooses not to give her any more than that ... then that doesn't make him a loser, lack depth, a commitment phobe, or any of those other bashing characteristics you imposed on a man to whom you don't even know. You only know what she tells you, and her perception is slanted in an unsavory fashion towards him because she has uncontrolled broken feelings ... and you comment on his state of being, as it pertains to a relationship as if you know anything about the truth of this man?
She stated in the Opening Post that she ran away from him due to her own fear of what it MIGHT be, based on unrealistic expectations she has on him ..... and you would explain to this young girl (obviously) that it's because he has a commitment phobia and is a loser?
It's up to the reciever, in this case, her, to decide whether what he has to give is acceptable to her, or not ... and not up to him to abide by her desires to suit her if she's too afraid or deluded.
::::: shakes head :::::
Pisces woman ... he has a right to decide how he wants to proceed in this relationship just
Pisces woman ... he has a right to decide how he wants to proceed in this relationship just as much as you have a right to decide. The only way to accomplish a medium is to discuss the relationship standing maturely ... and NOT to run away because he isn't holding up to an expectation that you have of him, when you two haven't even developed a proper relatinship yet.
@P.....He's entitled that's correct but he's not alone in all of it, if he wants to be selfish and/or wants to stay in his comfort zone then he doesn't need a woman to play that out with, he can do that all by himself, if a woman wanted a guy that is too fearful and selfish to go beyond his own comfort zone, limitations and feelings we'd all have somebody.
Also Blushingpisces..Correct me if I'm wrong but I can't help but see that you started to project onto him that he was behaving differently, I feel you were becoming attached and afraid so you initiated the mixed messages behavior by initially pulling back, it's important to feel secure about yourself around men before getting involved because the first time you pull back will potentially begin this escalation of a man mirroring that back to you and everything pretty much goes downhill.
Men pull back....How you deal with it determines the fate of the future with that man. Many men pull back b/c it's the quickest way to access how serious a woman is about him, if she keep her cool then he'll relax and feel safe that she's not ahead of him, that she's secure in herself and not attempting to control how the relationship is going to be but if she does what you did which is become afraid and pull out the man typically decides to move on for a little while to let things cool down a bit so he can catch up with you. He's still around so he's interested.
Work on your insecurities and understand something about men, try to understand them so you won't panic and pull out....many men pull back for there own reasons, they don't make a woman his whole existence on a daily basis, they get caught up with there own lives, work, hobbies, friends which usually come first before a woman, if he see you don't get it then he'll politely move on, if he see you get it then he'll most likely continue to enjoy the connection he's building with you....
Don't be so quick to swim away next time....Learn how to anchor yourself by being more secure and confident in not only yourself but also in the man your choosing to be with.
Also Blushingpisces..Correct me if I'm wrong but I can't help but see that you started to project onto him that he was behaving differently, I feel you were becoming attached and afraid so you initiated the mixed messages behavior by initially pulling back, it's important to feel secure about yourself around men before getting involved because the first time you pull back will potentially begin this escalation of a man mirroring that back to you and everything pretty much goes downhill.
Men pull back....How you deal with it determines the fate of the future with that man. Many men pull back b/c it's the quickest way to access how serious a woman is about him, if she keep her cool then he'll relax and feel safe that she's not ahead of him, that she's secure in herself and not attempting to control how the relationship is going to be but if she does what you did which is become afraid and pull out the man typically decides to move on for a little while to let things cool down a bit so he can catch up with you. He's still around so he's interested.
Work on your insecurities and understand something about men, try to understand them so you won't panic and pull out....many men pull back for there own reasons, they don't make a woman his whole existence on a daily basis, they get caught up with there own lives, work, hobbies, friends which usually come first before a woman, if he see you don't get it then he'll politely move on, if he see you get it then he'll most likely continue to enjoy the connection he's building with you....
Don't be so quick to swim away next time....Learn how to anchor yourself by being more secure and confident in not only yourself but also in the man your choosing to be with.
And P shut the fuck up okay.....I been out of the loop for awhile, stop picking what I say apart....I am not here every day like I used to be so I'm not on my A game, it's going to take some time for me to get my legs back to working properly. He himself said he was not moving towards her b/c he was burned in the past, that indicates that he has some issues with women so please stop reading so much into what I say, it's annoying and move on already, talk to the poster not me, you do this shit all the time, want to debate with us about somebody else's issue, stand on your own 2 feet, you are so insecure it's annoying, your insecurities lead you to debate about what other posters say as if that's the only way you know how to be seen and validated.....Try doing something different like giving advice to the poster and moving the fuck on, I'm sure you can't because your low self esteem won't let you not attack and debate with other posters, we are your addiction, you feed off of us like a succubus, you try to use us to feel smart about yourself and that's not cool.....get some help with that
Posted by tiki33
He himself said he was not moving towards her b/c he was .....
Correction .. he has said nothing in here
You do that all the time, where you make comments about the guys character, based on second-hand information as if it's the truth and you know what you're talking about ... when you really don't know shit about the guy ... and not only is it getting annoying ....
.. it means your advice is false, because it's based on false information.
The guy is not here to speak for himself ... yet, you make assertions about him based on another man.
so, you could try actually telling a woman the truth, instead projecting all your man problems you've had in the past onto women in here.
Hey blushing. Things are well with my crustacean lol. I try to play it cool and let him contact me as much as I contact him. Were going to go out tonight, which is exciting. I have a 1 yr old so we don't hang that often (well I mean as often as two people in their early 20s whom are interested in each other would like) maybe once a week. But he's such a nice guy.. Aw yeah, I like him a bit. We will see where it goes
I like tikis thoughts on men pulling away to gauge whether the woman remains cool or tries to control. I will keep this in mind. I must say.. If the man started to pull away would probably get pretty insecure thinking I did something wrong and swim myself,, so I am not innocent to what your initial post was about blushing. But what you said, tiki, really shed some light on this kind of situation. Rather than swim, play it cool but still be available for him to contact and be in charge of the next few steps of the relationship. Makes sense, thanks for the insight, even tho it was not directed towards me,
I like tikis thoughts on men pulling away to gauge whether the woman remains cool or tries to control. I will keep this in mind. I must say.. If the man started to pull away would probably get pretty insecure thinking I did something wrong and swim myself,, so I am not innocent to what your initial post was about blushing. But what you said, tiki, really shed some light on this kind of situation. Rather than swim, play it cool but still be available for him to contact and be in charge of the next few steps of the relationship. Makes sense, thanks for the insight, even tho it was not directed towards me,
Of course the other person the poster is talking has said nothing in here....get off of it okay, you know and I know damn well that when people post on DXP we are basically having to assess the situation from one person only 99.99% of the time....STFU and move on, you are annoying and need to get a life and stop making me and everyone on DXP your life, miserable bitch.
You don't know shit and I don't know shit, most of us don't know shit but we try to help as best as we can....We are not supposed to know every thing, these are strangers that come for opinions and we all have differing points of view, that's why people come here.
You are not almighty DXP God and If I want to form an opinion about someone then I can, if I want to call him a douchebag I can, if I want to say he's a commitmentphobe I can, If I want to say boo I cann...You can't tell me what I can and can't do b/c you don't run me bitch,I don't give a fuck about what you have to say so move on already and stop stalking my words...
You are a non-muthafucking factor bitch so move on and while you're at it take a DXP break, you need it.
You don't know shit and I don't know shit, most of us don't know shit but we try to help as best as we can....We are not supposed to know every thing, these are strangers that come for opinions and we all have differing points of view, that's why people come here.
You are not almighty DXP God and If I want to form an opinion about someone then I can, if I want to call him a douchebag I can, if I want to say he's a commitmentphobe I can, If I want to say boo I cann...You can't tell me what I can and can't do b/c you don't run me bitch,I don't give a fuck about what you have to say so move on already and stop stalking my words...
You are a non-muthafucking factor bitch so move on and while you're at it take a DXP break, you need it.
Shellshocker,
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
I LOVED your being blunt. As far as needing alot of reassurance and attention - GUILTY!!! I wish I wasn't like this, but I am. But I never had to ask for it from my relationships - I was very fortunate like that. They showered me with attention and love.
You are absolutely right on so many things - I don't want him to do something he obviously didn't want to or wasn't comfortable with. You made me see the "game" I was playing by pointing it out so clearly that I didn't even realize I was playing a game (about illiciting responses from him and cutting down most verbal contact). I never even looked at it that way. I WAS playing a game without even realizing it. I will say that there are two reasons why I cut down on the contact. The first is that I wanted to see if he missed our interactions and if he would come to me. The second is that if he wasn't interested in me romantically still, I would not have been able to do the whole "friend" thing because I was still so attracted to him and the chemistry just won't die out. It would have been impossible for me to interact with him and not want it to go further. And you made me realize another thing - yes, I am controlling! I can't believe how much you guys have opened my eyes the last week. Controlling is not fun because the minute it doesn't go the way you want, it sucks! And to answer your question, yes, I want to be the woman in a relationship. ABSOLUTELY!!I did ask him before what his deal is with the not calling and he said that "I use to call the girl, but you know how guys are about calling! I'm not the best phone person!" The couple of times we spoke on phone, it was for 1 - 1 1/2 hours. I would try to let him go (he would call me from work and I would feel bad about keeping him on phone), but he would keep on talking about a not a whole lot. Today he was talking about how stubborn he can be. He said "If you (not me, anyone in general)try to make me do something , I won't do it just out of spite because I don't like to be told what to do. Then I think, ok, I didn't give in. But then, when i realize i screwed something up just because I wanted to be stubborn, I'm like f@?k!"
If our interactions keep going the way they have this week (he seems to be amping up his efforts in talking with me and hanging out), then I can hang in there longer to see what happens.
Thanks Shellshock!!
SORRY ABOUT THE REPEATED MESSAGES! MY COMPUTER IS ACTING HORRIBLY!!
Good one Pandemonium! Once my replies showed up on the Board, I was laughing so hard because it looks crazy!
You have to just overlook tiki .. she's had a bad run with men, and cannot seem to seperate her own emotional injuries from the reality of other people's situation ... and instead of growing past how the men hurt her, she likes to visit the men's issues on other women. However, she has always been the common demoninator with those men, so it's really her inability to see past her issues.
The problem here is that you are insecure, due to fear .... and what happened here will continue to present itself, no matter what man you are with if you don't come to grips with this sensitivity.
Since you are a Pisces, getting past being afraid of someone hurting your feelings will be a huge task for you .. but, if you want to have a trusting relationship that isn't based around doubt .. then you'll have to find a way to stop being paranoid that a guy is going to hurt your feelings.
The problem here is that you are insecure, due to fear .... and what happened here will continue to present itself, no matter what man you are with if you don't come to grips with this sensitivity.
Since you are a Pisces, getting past being afraid of someone hurting your feelings will be a huge task for you .. but, if you want to have a trusting relationship that isn't based around doubt .. then you'll have to find a way to stop being paranoid that a guy is going to hurt your feelings.
Shut the fuck up P Angel and stop hi-jacking this woman's thread with your bullshit....This is not your thread so if you have something to say to me make your own thread you crazy neurotic bitch. I have not had a bad run with men no more than the next woman but you on the other hand have had your ass beat from a man and that out weighs anything I've ever went through, that's you projecting your shit onto me, you don't know me so stop trying to pretend you do.
Tiki,
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
You are right, I was becoming attached and started to definitely feel insecure. It is so weird to realize that I am still insecure with myself. I thought I was done with that crap! I am definitely MUCH more comfortable in my own skin than I was 10 years ago. I am around men ALL the time. I work in a predominantly male environment, get hit on several times on a daily basis (not trying to toot my own horn, just trying to explain things to see if anyone can understand why I'm having these issues!), and am very comfortable hanging out with men (I'm not a woman hater - love my girls too!)But when it comes down to it, no matter how much guys may hit on me, compliment me, etc, I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me. I don't knoiw why I feel this way. I am very personable and have a fantastic sense of humor. So why would I feel this way? I feel like when I am shiny and new to a guy, he's interested. But then I talk myself out of it. I don't get it.
I know I have to work on my insecurities, I'm just not sure how. I don't normally wig out over a guy the way I have with this one. Yesterday he told me how pretty I was and that my child is very lucky to have such a fun mother. He would then flirt more and even brought up a couple of incidents that took place when we went out on our dates. And I still walk away saying to myself "Is he interested? Is this what a shy guy does?" I am not going to swim away so quickly. I really am trying to talk myself out of panicking if he isn't flirting heavily one day as he does on others.
I am RIDICULOUS!!
Loulore,
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
I'm glad you also learned something from this thread! I agree with you about what Tiki said about men pulling back. If I feel like he is doing it again, I will try my best to just stay calm and unaffected. I will most definitely still be available for him to feel comfortable to keep coming to me to interact. Even when we are in same room (huge room) but doing separate things, if we aren't talking, we still will look at each other, smile, and make playful faces to each other. Hopefully he is trying to get more comfortable with me again to go out again!
"I feel like once they start to spend time with me, they are going realize they aren't as attracted to me or want me."
That statement is profound, you still have inner work/soul work to do or you wouldn't feel that way, it's not a bad thing actually, your conscious that deep down inside you don't feel like you are good enough and that's something you should explore on your own, men/relationships can trigger deep emotional wounds that only seem to surface in close intimate relationships, intimacy makes us feel vulnerable inside and that alone can push some people to go into automatic defense mode to protect themselves from being hurt.
For me I had a mentor that helped me through those issues, sometimes we women can be our worst enemies by sabotaging our relationships.
You have to believe in yourself and a certain level of confidence and high self esteem is needed when you want to have and keep a healthy connection with a man, if not then you'll probably continue to have this problem with men you're attracted to.
So first stop talking yourself out of it, YOU KNOW YOU'RE GREAT so why convince yourself otherwise, find a way to ANCHOR yourself when you feel uncomfortable, go to a spa or do something beautiful, carry a picture of something that makes you feel good inside, it could be a picture of a beautiful place or person or a picture of your knight and shining armor to remind yourself you deserve love and happiness. Anchoring yourself is a way to control your feelings and not allow them to run all over your relationships, do breathing exercises to ground yourself which will help you relax.
Remind yourself every day you are worthy of all the good life has to offer which includes getting a great man, mantra's are a bit cheesy to me but they actually do work to empower and raise ones self esteem inside.
That statement is profound, you still have inner work/soul work to do or you wouldn't feel that way, it's not a bad thing actually, your conscious that deep down inside you don't feel like you are good enough and that's something you should explore on your own, men/relationships can trigger deep emotional wounds that only seem to surface in close intimate relationships, intimacy makes us feel vulnerable inside and that alone can push some people to go into automatic defense mode to protect themselves from being hurt.
For me I had a mentor that helped me through those issues, sometimes we women can be our worst enemies by sabotaging our relationships.
You have to believe in yourself and a certain level of confidence and high self esteem is needed when you want to have and keep a healthy connection with a man, if not then you'll probably continue to have this problem with men you're attracted to.
So first stop talking yourself out of it, YOU KNOW YOU'RE GREAT so why convince yourself otherwise, find a way to ANCHOR yourself when you feel uncomfortable, go to a spa or do something beautiful, carry a picture of something that makes you feel good inside, it could be a picture of a beautiful place or person or a picture of your knight and shining armor to remind yourself you deserve love and happiness. Anchoring yourself is a way to control your feelings and not allow them to run all over your relationships, do breathing exercises to ground yourself which will help you relax.
Remind yourself every day you are worthy of all the good life has to offer which includes getting a great man, mantra's are a bit cheesy to me but they actually do work to empower and raise ones self esteem inside.
The most important thing is to not let your negative thoughts run you, they are just defense mechanisms and those mechanisms think they are HELPING YOU by keeping you away from a man, keeping you away from emotional harm which then creates panic b/c you're in fight or flight mode. You run away and you both lose, if you can recognize how being in panic mode pushes you away from what you want then you can begin to control it instead of allowing it control you.
You've trained yourself to behave this way and so you'll have to rewire the brain and your emotions to think and feel more optimistic and positive, find books to help you, go to relationship workshop seminars if you have to, seek out a relationship guru or counselor if that interest you, you seem very intelligent so I'm sure you'll take an active interest in your love.
You've trained yourself to behave this way and so you'll have to rewire the brain and your emotions to think and feel more optimistic and positive, find books to help you, go to relationship workshop seminars if you have to, seek out a relationship guru or counselor if that interest you, you seem very intelligent so I'm sure you'll take an active interest in your love.
meant to say in your love life...
Ahhh blushing I can relate to a bit of what you've said. I get afraid and think well, what if he doesn't find me attractive anymore? Or what if I'm not good enough? If the interaction isnt as heavy as you've stated thinking that I've said something wrong or done something wrong. I do feel ya on the insecurities thing. I wasn't raised with much confidence so those are things I am also trying to work out with myself.
The Scorpio i have been hanging out with, he seems almost as timid as myself. So when we hang out, no one makes a move. It takes so long to even get an inch of touching.. Lol. Kind of funny actually. But my friend reminded me that slow moving relationships are the most sturdy, and will usually last longer than a quick, ravishing, get to know you in the blink of an eye kind of deal.
The Scorpio i have been hanging out with, he seems almost as timid as myself. So when we hang out, no one makes a move. It takes so long to even get an inch of touching.. Lol. Kind of funny actually. But my friend reminded me that slow moving relationships are the most sturdy, and will usually last longer than a quick, ravishing, get to know you in the blink of an eye kind of deal.
Tiki,
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Wow. You're good! You are right. I never realized the negative thinking is a defense mechanism.
The strange thing with me is I'm not afraid to make myself vulnerable to someone, especially when I feel like they have revealed something about themselves that may in turn make themself feel vulnerable. Once I see they may be nervous, I will usually reveal something about myself to put them at ease. But, after doing that, if it seems like their guard is up pretty strong, then that is when I panic. I want them to know that they can make themself vulnerable to me and I won't use it to my advantage or play around with it - that they can trust me. If it feels like my effort failed to make them feel that way, that is when I panic, and start feeling majorly insecure. And I think that is what happened with Cancer.
After I went through my separation with my ex-husband, I did do ALOT of soul searching. Instead of just blaming him for what took place and being bitter, I looked within myself to see where I also may have contributed to his betrayal. Trust me, I'm not excusing my ex for cheating! But I felt that it was important for me, in order to heal, to see how I may have contibuted to him wanting to go outside of the marriage. It was a VERY healing thing for me to do. After that, I took time for just myself, didn't date for about a year and a half, and when I was ready, I was genuinely so full of confidence and really appreciated myself - I really learned to love myself and saw myself as a kick ass kind of girl! When I began dating, it was so FUN! I wasn't this insecure girl I am right now. I need to find a way to get back to that state of mind again. Talking to you ALL is definitely an awesome first step. Thank you!
Loulore,
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
I'm sorry you can relate to me this way! Insecurity is a HORRIBLE feeling. But, it was really cute how you described how slowly things move with you and your Scorp! I definitely agree with you on the slower, the better. I just have no patience! But I've never slept with someone too soon and for me, that has worked with relationships.
Thank you for input!
<"`.
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