Hard to figure out. Thoughts?

This topic was created in the Scorpio forum by Agentgem24 on Sunday, January 12, 2014 and has 118 replies.
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So I've been seeing this very air dominated Scorpio man since middle of November, we met through friends and he had been after me awhile but I blew him off. He's 13.5 years my senior, but considering we like the same things, have the same friends, listen to the same music, and are very mentally/physically compatible, I don't notice the age gap. Besides, he looks exceptionally young.
Well everything has been going great, we've been exclusive since the beginning of December. Then I asked about a "title" tonight. Stupid of me as I am not even sure I'm ready for it! I just wanted to see what he would say. His feelings are pretty same as mine. He says he obviously likes me a lot or else he wouldn't be with me and exclusive. He says he doesn't want to talk to anyone else and has no intention, is content with me coming over Tuesdays then staying Friday-Sunday with him. But with his work he is not ready for a serious commitment. He says I'm the strongest he's felt for awhile (same for me) but he doesn't feel that crazy chemistry/sparks that would make him want to immediately jump in a relationship. However, I'm the only girl he's dated that hadn't been a good friend prior, and all of his relationships (even the long ones) he never felt that crazy chemistry feeling and he thinks it's just him. He's very guarded and I think it's because he's never let anyone fully in. You have to open up to feel everything. My friends say not to worry and why rush a good thing. We are always together and attend a ton of social outings, pictures etc, he tells everyone we are together. It's just the title. I want him to say it, but then I'm also hesitant and slightly scared. Thoughts?
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Posted by Agentgem24
I want him to say it


I swear some guy could not be more devoted to a woman or more deeply in love with her, if shit doesn't go down according to her timeline, fuck all that noise.
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I'm confused. I thought being exclusive meant you have the title as well. I thought they were one in the same.
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Lol were you not the one that swore off Scorpio's for good a few months ago after, what was it, Scorpio #7?


If at first you don't succeed, try 10 more times.
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Posted by Damnata
Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Lol were you not the one that swore off Scorpio's for good a few months ago after, what was it, Scorpio #7?


If at first you don't succeed, try 10 more times.
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LOL!!!
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He's probably just doesn't know yet Gem. How long has it been? W my scorps it was a few months of just hanging out before they asked me to be their girlfriend. That is what your wanting right?
why the hurry? do you not feel safe?
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make sure you know what you want too!
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I only chose him because he's a Gemini rising, has a libra moon(like me) Virgo venus and cancer mars (like me)
I didn't choose him on his chart but I thought he was a libra when we meet, other than being kind of guarded I sense no scorpyness from him.
I thought exclusive was the same thing but we are everything but a title. He says he doesn't want serious but he tells people we are together, I stay weekends, he pays for everything, he is helping me move, he cooks breakfast and dinner for me every weekend etc. it's obvious he cares.
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We've been dating since mid November. Exclusive since December. We had only hung out twice before we were dating. He says I'm the only girl he's dated that hadn't been a good friend first. My best Gemini guy friend with a Scorpy moon says he is way more committed to me than he would have been with anyone at the time we've been dating
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Posted by Agentgem24
I only chose him because he's a Gemini rising, has a libra moon(like me) Virgo venus and cancer mars (like me)


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Posted by Agentgem24
I didn't choose him on his chart


= wtf
Posted by Agentgem24
it's obvious he cares.
click to expand


Not that obvious since, despite all the nice things, you cannot cope with not having a title 2 months in.
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I don't get it, is the title a chastity belt?
Fuck me, I've been doing this wrong for ages.
You're a beluga though, what do you know about titles?
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Posted by GetMisted
She wants the title because deep down, she knows he's still seeing other people.
The title means he is hers and removes all doubt in her mind that he's with someone else too.



He's not seeing anyone else, neither of us are. We are exclusive and I know for a fact that's true. The title is just a big deal, he's not ready for a serious committed relationship. I'm torn with the title because I kind of want it and want him to give it, but I'm also iffy on it myself as I'm not sure I'm ready! Libra moonx2 much??
And I like his chart but I don't choose people based solely on their charts.
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Posted by Agentgem24
And I like his chart but I don't choose people based solely on their charts.



Posted by Agentgem24
I only chose him because he's a Gemini rising, has a libra moon(like me) Virgo venus and cancer mars (like me).
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Your hourly beluga facts, brought to you by GetMisted
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Posted by GetMisted
Posted by GetMisted
Posted by Agentgem24
Haha AS.
I think we decided we are "dating". I've decided to be more relaxed and easy going too, not push for exclusivity right away and be all clingy like usual? I feel more free flowing with this one.
He says there are a few girls he is "talking to", as in keeping up communication. I get it, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket and want options until you cross the exclusivity line with someone. If you were talking to someone, but found someone you liked more and told the other you couldn't talk anymore because you liked someone else, you would just look like an ass if it didn't work out with your 1st choice and you tried to go back to the 2nd etc. I'm "talking" to a few others but I'm not actually dating them, I'm "really busy." And pretty much the same for him, he says I'm the only one he's physical with and that comes over etc. I was saying being exclusive comes before bf/gf but he was asking what the difference was, and this is something my friends told me before. There is none. We were making a joke because I said when sex happens I generally like to be exclusive and he was joking like, "well when we finally have sex, I'll have to tell them other bitches to stay back" lol he's just really funny and we are silly together.
I spent pretty much all weekend with him. I spent thurs night-Friday morning just watching movies, cuddling. Then I came over at like 8:30 Saturday and we walked around the mall, he took me to dinner, and we went for dessert wines at a really nice hotel lounge. He made me breakfast in the morning and I didn't even leave until 4 pm Sunday.
He already invited me to a big cook out with him and his friends this Saturday and he wants to do something with me during the week. He had already mentioned we could hang out during the week, and do a full sleep over during the weekends etc.

Hmm what do you guys make of this?


What do I make of this?
He hasn't decided yet, which bakery makes the best milk and cookies.


Reread what you said from a prior thread. A title means commitment. He's still checking out what the rest of the buffet has to offer.
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Then how come he's agreed to be exclusive and not ta
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He introduces me by my name, no friend after it. He says we are dating or seeing eachother if anyone asks.
Venus in Virgo was what my longest ex was, we were serious very fast. But also 18.
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He's 38 and has never been married. He's never even lived with a girlfriend.
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Posted by GetMisted
Posted by Agentgem24
He introduces me by my name, no friend after it. He says we are dating or seeing eachother if anyone asks.


Hmmm.
Think about what you said and let it soak in.
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Yes I know...but it's not "my girlfriend"
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1. I think each Cancer Venus should date an Aquarius Venus once, just so we stop being insecure, clingy and annoying.
2. You say his age doesn't matter, then you go to painstakingly lengths to reinforce your belief in this. If it truly didn't matter, you wouldn't need to convince yourself it doesn't.
Because of 2. , you're feeling insecure.
Title =/= validity of feelings.
People can talk about titles all they want and screw their way around the clock, it's an illusion.
Actions matters. Someone sharing himself with you matters. Someone taking a genuine interest in the development of the relationship.
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Posted by Agentgem24
He's 38 and has never been married. He's never even lived with a girlfriend.


Red flags of a commitment-phobe.
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Posted by GetMisted
He's got a good mind game.


This is the guy dressing in renaissance clothes right? Maybe he's that PUA Mystery...he is a libra though.
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Sigh I'm not sure, I guess I would just prefer to say boyfriend as opposed to "guy I'm seeing". People have come to me and say that they can tell he's into me and he wouldn't do a $ 250 dinner with someone he's not serious with or take me around all of his friends etc
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People don't matter. The title doesn't matter. What you think is going on matters.
Find that out and act accordingly.
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He thinks that putting a bf title on it I will require more things from him and more time than he can give because of work. Yet what more could I want? I see him 4 days a week, an entire weekend included. I told him this. He did say that he didn't feel that strong pull that would make him want to jump into a relationship right now with me, but then he's not felt that feeling with anyone ever before. That all the longterm gfs ended up ending eventually etc.
One of his past exes of 6 years ago (they are still friends) told me he is very special and quirky, she thinks he may be slightly autistic and he told her that he envisioned himself dying alone etc
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Posted by GetMisted
PUA use them and lose them. The real skill is keeping them on the line for long periods of time.


PUA?
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Posted by Damnata
People don't matter.


They do matter to Libra moons lol
click to expand


Exactly
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Posted by Damnata
1. I think each Cancer Venus should date an Aquarius Venus once, just so we stop being insecure, clingy and annoying.
2. You say his age doesn't matter, then you go to painstakingly lengths to reinforce your belief in this. If it truly didn't matter, you wouldn't need to convince yourself it doesn't.
Because of 2. , you're feeling insecure.
Title =/= validity of feelings.
People can talk about titles all they want and screw their way around the clock, it's an illusion.
Actions matters. Someone sharing himself with you matters. Someone taking a genuine interest in the development of the relationship.




Isn't that usually the case when a girl is with a guy that's much older? That the guy controls the relationship and the girl is insecure?
You want commitment but to be fair he doesn't really sound like a man that will settle down anytime soon. I base that on him nearly being 40 and never even lived together before, and on his libra moon (indecisive) and Virgo Venus (picky). Don't get your hopes up too much and don't rush anything onto him.
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The girl has the power to opt out at any point. It's her life and her actions will shape it.
I'd understand her reasoning if she wanted to know where she stood with him. She seems to think title = commitment.
I agree about the red flags but we didn't witness his behavior. We only see her getting worked up over the title, which means there's something that's not going ok and she cannot pinpoint it yet.
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Her friends told her this..
Her friends told her that..
Is she that lost she cannot longer use reasoning for herself?
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I have an acquaintance here who's heavily immersed in the PUA mind set. He told me once chicks who rely on a friend's opinion are the easiest to seduce. Only thing he has to do is dress sharply, put on a good guy image and then when his mask falls off, she'll keep the liaison going for him. He doesn't have to do anything from that point on, the fantasy plays itself.
Then again my Aries Moon is stubborn as fuck. I will hit the ceiling with my head all by myself, without any assistance.
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Posted by LadyOfRebirth
Posted by Damnata
Her friends told her this..
Her friends told her that..
Is she that lost she cannot longer use reasoning for herself?



If I remember correctly she dumped the last Scorpio because her friends thought he was strange, or something along those lines.
I've seen that before with a Scorpio friend I had with a Libra moon, always used to consult the friend group about her boyfriends etc. but she evolved soon after high school.
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Only partially for that reason. He was also very argumentive, smothering, clashed with my personality and a total sexist.
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Posted by Damnata
I have an acquaintance here who's heavily immersed in the PUA mind set. He told me once chicks who rely on a friend's opinion are the easiest to seduce. Only thing he has to do is dress sharply, put on a good guy image and then when his mask falls off, she'll keep the liaison going for him. He doesn't have to do anything from that point on, the fantasy plays itself.
Then again my Aries Moon is stubborn as fuck. I will hit the ceiling with my head all by myself, without any assistance.


I've seen him interact with other girls, he is very non touchy and non flirty. People were shocked at our gothic club nfbshdd he was cuddling with me and holding my hand. Many people have crushes on him and he's very selective and awkward, people thought he was asexual
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He's tagged everywhere we go, we have a ton of pictures on Facebook, I've met all his friends and him mine, we go go many social events together. Everyone knows we are dating.
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You're just bound and determined to fuck everything up, aren't you? :/
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Posted by Damnata
Her friends told her this..
Her friends told her that..
Is she that lost she cannot longer use reasoning for herself?



She does this all the time. Comes for advice, talks about what everyone else thinks. She's made it clear she has some serious issues wth what others think of her.
She's bound to continue this cycle until she finally grows up. Hope she can get through these years because she's gonna have a hard time growing up.
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Posted by rockyroadicecream
You're just bound and determined to fuck everything up, aren't you? :/


How do I make sure I don't fuck it up?
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Relax & go with the flow smile stop demanding a title from him, it's gonna push him away.
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Posted by ScorpioChica
Relax & go with the flow smile stop demanding a title from him, it's gonna push him away.


I will try that, thanks.
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I thought you broke up with this guy because your friend made a fake profile and he turned out to be a sleazeball?
Even if this isnt the same guy, maybe he feels some back n forth action from you or just isnt ready to settle down. 38 year old men, do them and not what people want them to do. They are at an age where they have ways they are set in.
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Well, it's just the title. He considers that "serious". He's not finished with what he wants to do with his own business and then wanting to start realestate, he says he worries he can't fulfill all the things a serious bf can do for me at this time. He says his job has always been an issue with gfs in the past and there is a reason why he's 38 and not married; they end up getting fed up and leaving.
But what else is there? We talk daily, he's so busy but I see him 4 days a week. I see him Tuesday nights and stay with him Friday-Sunday. He's very into his regimen, he cooks breakfast and dinner for me. He takes me out a bunch. He's very thoughtful and sweet, very snugly. We get along. We go out with mutual friends all the time, his Facebook is mainly me tagging him and our pictures. He's not seeing anyone else and doesn't want to, we are exclusive. All of our friends know it, he will tell people we are dating if they ask or if girls hit on him and same for me.
He's helping me move etc. what else is there to a boyfriend?
My friends I need to go with the flow and no need to rush a good thing and it really hasn't been long at all. Like my best Gemini friend said who's married to my good Pisces friend after 8 years, at the amount of time he's been dating me, he is far more committed to me than he would have been.
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It was also less than a year ago when he broke up with his last gf.
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It's just the title I think that's missing. It's clear that he is into me, I see it in his actions. He does a lot for me. Far more than people I had a title with did even.
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She needs the title so she can break up with him. If they aren't officially BF/GF, then she just has to say "we ended it", not "I broke up with him".
No title = no break up
No break up = no ball in her court & she's not in charge
Where's the fun in that?
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**She just gets to say
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Posted by Rabbit
Virgo Mercury?


Libra
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Posted by Arielle83
Your promoting him cuz you want to be told it will work. A 38 scorpio man is def not looking 4 serious after a few mos. You got 2 be exceptional due to that age diff 4 him 2 give u that title. Ur obsession with it just shows desperation and shallowness in that you dont consider a relationship authentic until all your social group knows its just you and him and no one else. A scorpio can sense the desperation and the more you push him in2 a title the more he will avoid it. I dont get why u want a title so soon. You're young and you're rushing a man who has probably mainly got his act 2gether. If he has never had a live in relationship then im guessing he is independent and can take care of himself. Why dont u think of what u bring to the relationship that might benefit him since u list all the stuff he does 4 u.


This is true...
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Posted by Agentgem24
So I've been seeing this very air dominated Scorpio man since middle of November, we met through friends and he had been after me awhile but I blew him off. He's 13.5 years my senior, but considering we like the same things, have the same friends, listen to the same music, and are very mentally/physically compatible, I don't notice the age gap. Besides, he looks exceptionally young.
Well everything has been going great, we've been exclusive since the beginning of December. Then I asked about a "title" tonight. Stupid of me as I am not even sure I'm ready for it! I just wanted to see what he would say. His feelings are pretty same as mine. He says he obviously likes me a lot or else he wouldn't be with me and exclusive. He says he doesn't want to talk to anyone else and has no intention, is content with me coming over Tuesdays then staying Friday-Sunday with him. But with his work he is not ready for a serious commitment. He says I'm the strongest he's felt for awhile (same for me) but he doesn't feel that crazy chemistry/sparks that would make him want to immediately jump in a relationship. However, I'm the only girl he's dated that hadn't been a good friend prior, and all of his relationships (even the long ones) he never felt that crazy chemistry feeling and he thinks it's just him. He's very guarded and I think it's because he's never let anyone fully in. You have to open up to feel everything. My friends say not to worry and why rush a good thing. We are always together and attend a ton of social outings, pictures etc, he tells everyone we are together. It's just the title. I want him to say it, but then I'm also hesitant and slightly scared. Thoughts?


Truly, it sounds like you have just what you need. Why all this fretting over a title and something said? Talk can be cheap, actions speak louder than words, etc. Is it possible you're being too hard on yourself so you can't accept a good thing (comfortable, companionable relationship) when you've got it?
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Posted by Agentgem24
I only chose him because he's a Gemini rising, has a libra moon(like me) Virgo venus and cancer mars (like me)
I didn't choose him on his chart but I thought he was a libra when we meet, other than being kind of guarded I sense no scorpyness from him.
I thought exclusive was the same thing but we are everything but a title. He says he doesn't want serious but he tells people we are together, I stay weekends, he pays for everything, he is helping me move, he cooks breakfast and dinner for me every weekend etc. it's obvious he cares.


He sounds like someone that's weighing his options to me. All the benefits, without the strings attached. Basically, your his, but he's not yours. And you didn't "choose" him. It sounds like he's doing the choosing given the fact that you're the one asking for a title. It's been approx. 5 weeks, it's taken me longer to choose the paint colour for my room. Try to relax.
P.S. You're contradicting yourself with this chart nonsense above. Just sayin'......
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I need to think of things I can do for him, he does so much for me and I can't think of much I've done for him.
He says he didn't used to pay for dates until a few years ago, he had always gone Dutch. He's very frugal but he pays for everything for me, he knows I make little to nothing. When I get a better job, absolutely will I take him out some and go Dutch but I barely have any extra money a month.
One thing I notice is he's very interested in my family. I know if my dad or grandpa was ever in town, he would jump at the chance to meet them and visit.
He barely has any family left, he told me he's pretty stoic because of the way he grew up.
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I guess because it would make it more official, I've been big on that but he's not usually been the type. Even past serious gfs he never saw the point to Facebook official. I can't put his name on my Facebook because of some of the events he puts on while interviewing with police, but he says he wouldn't be opposed to it when I'm finished...could be up to a year though.
You say he's not mine but he chose me, he has so many options but I'm the one that is with him constantly. He hardly does anything social without me. He says he's not interested in other girls, he's not hanging out with female friends one on one etc.
He took me to a Bon fire and one of his exes from 6 years ago was there and gave me advise. She says he's very quirky and if I want something I need to tell him. He likes strong and independent women, he's not the type to think of romantic stuff on his own. She says he just wants to be happy so long as it fits into his routine, which is very scheduled. She said he would only bring a girl to the bonfire that he was serious about. I had gotten grass all over my jacket and he came running at me to sweep me off. She said those gestures aren't especially common for him, and that was VERY sweet for him, it shows he cares. She was the one that thought maybe he has a form of aspergers with how scheduled he can be and sometimes doesn't recognize human emotion or what to do at certain times (comfort etc)
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He's actually pretty open and not secretive at all, he tells me everything
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