Getting over someone

This topic was created in the Taurus forum by Geminlove on Friday, February 28, 2014 and has 94 replies.
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Basically, what goes on in a bull's mind when he/she is trying to get over someone? Its hard for bulls and bullettes to let go of people they care about, so i was just wondering...The longest it has taken for you to get over someone?
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First love took about 4 years to get over - almost as long as we were together. Didn't think I'd be able to love anyone ever again, was severely depressed, isolated myself, felt I was defective, etc. Its gotten easier each time; last one was a 6 or 7 yr marriage, took about 6-8 mos. I think I'm more cynical about love as I get older, and just get less into people in general, plus its alot easier to find someone new now.
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Once I love the person I will love them for life. I still love my first love from when I was 20 and wish things could have been different...I think of him often. I??m not sure that I really get over them, I just learn to move on. The only other 2 men that I truly loved, 1 ended almost 3 yrs ago and the other more resent, I think about them every day. I think part of the reason it took me so long to give my heart to someone again is because of my first love and not ever truly being over him. I came to the realization that it is ok to love someone and hold them in your heart even if circumstances keep you from being together forever.
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Posted by sugerbear
Once I love the person I will love them for life. I still love my first love from when I was 20 and wish things could have been different...I think of him often. I??m not sure that I really get over them, I just learn to move on. The only other 2 men that I truly loved, 1 ended almost 3 yrs ago and the other more resent, I think about them every day. I think part of the reason it took me so long to give my heart to someone again is because of my first love and not ever truly being over him. I came to the realization that it is ok to love someone and hold them in your heart even if circumstances keep you from being together forever.


That's deep and I can kinda relate. Buuuut, do you really keep them in their romantically? I definitely do have love for them, but its not the romantic kind; I wouldn't want to be with them in that way again, etc. As much as I never really end a relationship myself, the newer ones do usually seem to be an improvement on the last.
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So theres no way a taurus would take the other person back?? Suppose it ended because of misunderstandings...even then?
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Posted by Geminlove
So theres no way a taurus would take the other person back?? Suppose it ended because of misunderstandings...even then?


Eh, I've taken an ex back, even after huge mistakes. Really depends on how hard they beg. If you really beg and cry, and I feel like you really can't live without me, I'm not going to have the heart to ditch you (even if I feel in my gut you are not the one...lol). That's how Cancers have run most of my life.
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TLS I have actually though about this and yes all 3 of them are in my heart still in a romantic love (I think having a Scorpio moon makes it even harder for me to let go of the ones I love :/)however there are reasons that I am not with any of them. It takes a lot for me to get to the point of walking away from a relationship with someone I love but when the line has been crossed I know I have too. In all honesty I dont know that it is over with me and my ex Scorp we have this weird pull toward each other that is kinda scary...but for now I will hold my head up, push forward and move on because that is what we do.
And yes you can get a Taurus back! Everything that Scorch said is right on. We are actually very loving and forgiving, we just want to know that you are serious and that you know there was a mistake made and we want to see action that it will be fixed and changed. But remember it isnt going to happen over night...we are slow moving creators and we are cautious once hurt. If you don??t see immediate results it doesn??t mean that he isn??t interested it just means he??s watching and wanting to know if you are serious.
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it started with him chasing me for the first year, he gave me his 100% but me being clueless+aloof didnt notice it and my aqua moon+gemini sun+aqua rising just make it worse Crying later on i realized i have feelings for him and basically we've been going back and forth for 3+ years and he still hasnt confessed, partially because i pushed him away....Lets be real here, you taureans have NO concept of time, you're all so effin timeless, i whole-heartedly admire it and it also makes me want to pull my hair out (no offense intended smile ) :/ I dont get how you can like someone for YEARS and prove with your actions how much you care for them but you get all shy when it comes saying what resides in your heart, i have venus in aries so that concept to me, might as well be written in chinese...kay, im done with my rant ^_^
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Honestly it is because we are so scared of getting hurt...when we give our heart it is so completely given that to have it broken..well we would rather just stay pulled back. The funny thing is that we are suffering silently inside the whole time. I know the whole thing is dumb...it took me 38 years to see how silly it is and now I am trying to not be that way...
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Sugerbear - that's interesting that you can maintain those kind of feelings for multiple people. You have Venus in Gemini? That Scorp moon probably makes you even more drawn to your Scorpio than the usual Taurus/Scorp thing. My Scorp crush has a Taurus moon.
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Posted by Geminlove
it started with him chasing me for the first year, he gave me his 100% but me being clueless+aloof didnt notice it and my aqua moon+gemini sun+aqua rising just make it worse Crying later on i realized i have feelings for him and basically we've been going back and forth for 3+ years and he still hasnt confessed, partially because i pushed him away....Lets be real here, you taureans have NO concept of time, you're all so effin timeless, i whole-heartedly admire it and it also makes me want to pull my hair out (no offense intended smile ) :/ I dont get how you can like someone for YEARS and prove with your actions how much you care for them but you get all shy when it comes saying what resides in your heart, i have venus in aries so that concept to me, might as well be written in chinese...kay, im done with my rant ^_^

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Oops sorry meant to ask how can y'all be so clueless? As I've said before, my ex bf was also Venus/Aries, moon/Aquarius. I felt like he tiptoed around a lot of serious subjects so I never really knew how he felt. And he pushed me away too. I feel like he would say things to see where I really stood but I needed a more direct approach.
As u can see, Taureans will love/care for u 100% but if we notice ur not in it, we will pull back. Have u tried telling him how u really feel?
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Is it me or this taurus board is full of Gemini girls losing their Taurus sweetheart? I myself, a gemini girl is in pretty much the same situation...My taurus co-worker was after me for a year and half... and twice I've pushed him away...I even had someone else in my life during that time. he was silently suffering through all this time and when he finally decide to shut off... then I've realise that I made the biggest mistake ever. For months I've tried to get him back...He still cared for me as he was always around when I needed any kind of support...He was the sweetest guy in the whole world and I've finally realise how much I love him and how much I've hurted him... but it's a little too late now...
He got offered a new position in our subsidiary in Japan...and today when I went to work...I see his desk (next to mine) completely cleaned out and a letter on my desk...I'm feeling all lost now and don't know what to do...I still can't deal with the fact that I won't get to see him next to me everyday like I use to...I miss him dearly and lost counts at how many time I've red his letter today...
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Story of our lives...too little too late Crying
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Posted by scorchedearth
once i love someone though that love never goes away. it may go from romantic to platonic but i'll always love them.


Very true for me as well.
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Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Story of our lives...too little too late Crying


So true. We give a part of our souls everytime. I don't think there is another sign that can do this as much as we do.
Partly our fault as well. But how am I to open my love to you fully and whole if I am pushed back.
I am stuck there for the past year, and it ain't healthy. I would be fine, something happens and I sink away into depression and pain. And yet, out of all the woman in the world, despite what she has said and done, I would have no other as my one and only.
We see perfection in our love even though we could actually be bs-ing ourselves. If I choose you, I choose you with my everything. Done.
I am 29 this year and also only have had 2 relationships. A lot of heartaches in unrequited love, yes, but this is me. My heart my love my life freely given to you, even if it kills me ;(
It hurts so much, but I love more than the pain till I disconnect. After this point I die and disappear from you forever. Takes time though.
Hate it Sad ;(
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@OmagaIII: well how long have you liked your scorp? (I read your post in the scorpio forum) 2 relationships and you are 29 yrs old, i for one respect that Big Grin you dont see guys like you around that much anymore lol
@Gemille: when is he going to come back?
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Posted by Geminlove
@OmagaIII: well how long have you liked your scorp? (I read your post in the scorpio forum) 2 relationships and you are 29 yrs old, i for one respect that Big Grin you dont see guys like you around that much anymore lol



@geminilove, so a man of age who has only a few relationships is good in your eyes?
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Posted by Geminlove
@OmagaIII: well how long have you liked your scorp? (I read your post in the scorpio forum) 2 relationships and you are 29 yrs old, i for one respect that Big Grin you dont see guys like you around that much anymore lol
@Gemille: when is he going to come back?


unfortunately, I don't know...it's not a temporary contract or position... so could be years or never...I'd like to think that he'll come back when he'll miss me... but after I've red his letter, I really feel like I've lost him...It's been days and I still don't know what to do...the only thing that goes through my head is I won't see him tomorrow when I go to work... neither the day after tomorrow... and the day after... an after...I miss him so much Sad
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@gemilie - have you expressed your feelings to him? Does he know how you really feel about him?
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Oops that question was for the OP. Getting confused here with the gems.
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Posted by Geminlove
@OmagaIII: well how long have you liked your scorp? (I read your post in the scorpio forum) 2 relationships and you are 29 yrs old, i for one respect that Big Grin you dont see guys like you around that much anymore lol
@Gemille: when is he going to come back?


Well, since I met her in December 2012. She knows this as well. I just have distanced my self more recently since it is becoming unbearable. And she is know the one at least opening up and making moves. Yet,as soon as we get close she backs off with stories of not being ready or being content with her self.
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*now
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I think, since we are so emotional and gaurded about being hurt, it hurts more. We need to bleed out what bothers us and never really do. I don't think that we ever get proper closure and this is what makes it so hard to let go.
I am a lot like the OP. Here is the thing. We need to talk but we don't. And when we do or want to we fear judgement for being human.
Also, we want answers to why things happened, constantly thinking it was our fault. Sometimes it is, since we don't voice our love and concers our fears hope and dreams, and other times it isn't but we still rip inward to find the bad side of us that lead to this.
The key is to talk. And this is my biggest problem.
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@atearth: yupp smile when i meet a guy and find out that he had a few commited long term relationships int the past. In my head hes already gained respect from me (things like class, character, personality matter too). IMO, its a good trait for a guy to have if he wants my heart...as old school as that sounds Big Grin
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@Tavrine: well, what if he came back to you and whole-heartedly tried making amends+make you his, would you agree to start over with him?
@peaceloveandhappiness: i told him how i felt about him....and he just blushed
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@OmagaIII: you took the words right out of my mouth. Of all the zodiac signs taurus is EXTREMELY towards people even though they want to open up, it doesnt happen unless the other party initiates. Which kills and hurts like hell when the other person does want you and wants you to initiate...resulting in a stalemate :/ You bulls are more complicated than you let on. I feel like if taureans opened their mouths and spill whats in their heart, half the heartbreaks they go through because of "unrequited love" wouldnt have happened, when in reality the other person is just shy or hurt by past lovers.
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Posted by Geminlove
@atearth: yupp smile when i meet a guy and find out that he had a few commited long term relationships int the past. In my head hes already gained respect from me (things like class, character, personality matter too). IMO, its a good trait for a guy to have if he wants my heart...as old school as that sounds Big Grin


How would you feel if you meet a man who has never been in any relationships in the past and only wants to be in one and only one?
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Posted by Geminlove

resulting in a stalemate :/ You bulls are more complicated than you let on. I feel like if taureans opened their mouths and spill whats in their heart, half the heartbreaks they go through because of "unrequited love" wouldnt have happened, when in reality the other person is just shy or hurt by past lovers.


heart wrenching isn't it? If only a taurus can get over their own stubbornness.
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@atearth: awwwh, that type of "innocence" is hard to find and if i end up falling for him then i'd be really happy. But if i dont then i'd like for us to be friends smile But that is extremely rare and is there a reason why he has never been in any relationships???
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@atearth: oh you have NO idea how painful it is for me
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I've had the beginnings of regret and obsession over "what went wrong" and so on, but if you're honest with yourself, you know. We all know. The trick to getting over it is to start dating, not wither on the vine for years. Honestly, if it's over, it's over. Start anew with someone else. I'm an old fart, I can tell you from experience, don't backtrack. It didn't work the first time, it'll fold a second time if you backtrack and start over.
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@tavrine: is that a yes if hes capable or no as in no way in hell?? You wrote a paragraph but im confused @_@ im sorry
@here4yoo: im guessing you are a taurus, well what would you do if you as taurus decided to move on from PERSON A because they werent reciprocating and date someone else but in the end you dumped that someone else because of your feelings for PERSON A, what would you do then?
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Heh. Misunderstandings. Right now, I've been flipping because a woman who wanted me and was curiously obvious about it took issue with me. Thing is, this happened due to an asshole talking shit. I can only blame her for leading me on, for believing this shithead and snapping at me. Since I'm a homo, I'm always ready to accept when it turns out I can't be with someone, but because of these particular circumstances, I'm actually rather hurt. I was at peace, but as time passes, she just keeps giving me more reasons to be disappointed in her. I'm actually starting to get irritated.
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Posted by Geminlove
@tavrine: is that a yes if hes capable or no as in no way in hell?? You wrote a paragraph but im confused @_@ im sorry
@here4yoo: im guessing you are a taurus, well what would you do if you as taurus decided to move on from PERSON A because they werent reciprocating and date someone else but in the end you dumped that someone else because of your feelings for PERSON A, what would you do then?


That is EXACTLY what happened between me and my Taurus guy. He pursued me for a long time and I pushed him away not once but twice... the second time I even told him that I was involed with someone else. Since that day he completely change and became distant and very cold. He was always there for me...always! and I totally took him for granted. You never appreciate what you have until you lose it... this is true! I've realise my mistake and was constantly thinking about him even though I was with someone else...so I've decided to end my relationship with my ex...but the bad was done...I know I've made a mistake... but I didn't understand how bad he has been hurt all this time till our conversation months ago... and that letter he left on my desk this past friday....after reading it over and over again... I've realise it wasn't just the fact that I choose to be with someone else that hurted him... his scar and the wound ran much deeper than that...and I still can't figure out how to mend it or what to do next...I miss him so very much, his quiet voice, his smile, that gentle look...how he always took care of me without never ever expecting anything in return...even after all that happened...he was always looking out for me...he's thousands of miles away from me now...so even if I'm sad, even if I cried... he won't be here to comfort me... not anymore...
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Posted by Impulsv
Angry question. I ask because I've been on the Other side n would ask this. Do u like him now only because now he rejected u. If he was the sane would u continue to take it for granted. I'm sure ur answer is now but being in that position that be in my mind.
I would question if it took me to reject u n hurt u for u to realize why would I want that. Does that mean the moment I become my loving self will u bore again.
That's just something that would be if concern if someone I was always there for then I wasn't returned only after I rejected u.


Ditto. Might be best for u to move on...not sure if u have that patience to try and mend his heart. It's very hurtful when ppl don't appreciate us until we're gone. Ideally, we long for someone who's heart/feelings are on the same wavelength as ours. Not fun being noticed after the fact Sad
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Posted by peaceloveandhappiness
Posted by Impulsv
Angry question. I ask because I've been on the Other side n would ask this. Do u like him now only because now he rejected u. If he was the sane would u continue to take it for granted. I'm sure ur answer is now but being in that position that be in my mind.
I would question if it took me to reject u n hurt u for u to realize why would I want that. Does that mean the moment I become my loving self will u bore again.
That's just something that would be if concern if someone I was always there for then I wasn't returned only after I rejected u.


Ditto. Might be best for u to move on...not sure if u have that patience to try and mend his heart. It's very hurtful when ppl don't appreciate us until we're gone. Ideally, we long for someone who's heart/feelings are on the same wavelength as ours. Not fun being noticed after the fact Sad
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This is what sucks so much. The fact that we are only ever missed when we aren't there anymore. I have been through this a few times as well. And I will be honest, I am glad if you miss me, but you are hurting me by coming back. Don't get me wrong, I think that sometimes this is needed, and maybe just maybe we can build a life together. But returning after realizing what we are to you in reality rips us apart, since by the time you realize this we are still fighting to get over the pain.
We won't show it, or even say it, (bloody hell), but we still feel it. And in most cases we are even less reluctant to say or do anything since we saw what happened the first time. And being so self conscious as we are, and scared as we are, and self critical as we are, we will reflect inward and probably become a pain in the arse since it will appear as though our every move is now calculated to prevent pain. Which in turn will lead to a probable break up anyway.
But, (And I see this with me as well, and in my current situation with probably the only woman I would ever want or need in my life.) if both parties could be open about this, about there feelings etc. then the game can an will change. But we are to scared and all the other signs always moan about our pace... Meanwhile, what your still trying to figure out, our hearts have already decided...
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Being in a similar scenario, it took about a month for my Scorp love interest to contact me and another 3 weeks before she started asking me to go out for coffee etc. and she even pays for it. Ofcourse the gentlemen in my doesn't like things to happen this way but I have to allow a part of it as well so as to not make her feel inferior just cause I pickup the tab. But, at the same time, once we get close, she just pushes me back again. Why do this?
The worst, why do we allow this. lol
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Posted by OmagaIII
Being in a similar scenario, it took about a month for my Scorp love interest to contact me and another 3 weeks before she started asking me to go out for coffee etc. and she even pays for it. Ofcourse the gentlemen in my doesn't like things to happen this way but I have to allow a part of it as well so as to not make her feel inferior just cause I pickup the tab. But, at the same time, once we get close, she just pushes me back again. Why do this?
The worst, why do we allow this. lol


We go through our emotional cycle of hurt/anger/missing and loving you again until resentment begins replacing the 'loving you again' part = THE END.
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Posted by Impulsv
< width="560" height="315" ="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBumgq5yVrA"


Yeah, that right there... That is what makes it bad. And that song, just hit a spot with me ;( lol
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Have a read.
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-release-and-prevent-resentment-in-your-relationships/
smile
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@omagaIII: damn....2 yrs?!?! Well you are a taurus so its not that surprising Big Grin do you plan on reciprocating if she comes to you???
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Posted by Geminlove
@omagaIII: damn....2 yrs?!?! Well you are a taurus so its not that surprising Big Grin do you plan on reciprocating if she comes to you???


Not yet a full 2 years but... hell who is counting...
I am already doing it... and she keeps pushing me away. Then coming back and pushing me away. Happened this weekend again ;( ;( ;(
So guess what? Another 3 weeks and she will be back again. And only I can stop this. But I don't, cause I am stupid enough to still care about her...
But if some of you saw her, then you would probably understand and do the same.
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Posted by Impulsv
Thank u omega was thinking about asking how one heals the resentnent


My pleasure. Found while looking at how to prevent resentment. I really don't want to harbour such feelings towards my Scorp. Anyway, I am still screwed unless I open my mouth already... Sad
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i think my aqua rising is part of the reason why i'm never looking for relationships and i'm always trying to prevent them from happening in the first place. why i friends zone so many awesome girls. and i don't make more of an effort when i do meet someone i like. push push push them away. good riddance.

I can't wrap my head around this...when you like/love someone don't you want to BE with them? Are you dooming yourself before anything happens to prevent heartbreak?
I'm asking because this was done to me by my Aquarius mooner
No comprendo Sad
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Posted by Impulsv
Angry question. I ask because I've been on the Other side n would ask this. Do u like him now only because now he rejected u. If he was the sane would u continue to take it for granted. I'm sure ur answer is now but being in that position that be in my mind.
I would question if it took me to reject u n hurt u for u to realize why would I want that. Does that mean the moment I become my loving self will u bore again.
That's just something that would be if concern if someone I was always there for then I wasn't returned only after I rejected u.


The answer is no of course...I made a mistake...I've hurt someone who genuinely cared for me. But your way of thinking is he same as my Taurus. He still care for me...I have no doubt about that. But after reading his letter...I've realise how much he had to suffer for me...I thought he was fed up with me, I thought I was bothering him...It wasn't simple as that...below is a few lines from his letter:

"No matter how much I wanted to move on I knew all along that I was just lying to myself??_I acted cold and distant convincing myself that It was the right thing to do??_ but then I saw how my actions were hurting you??_and then I realize yet again that if my actions hurted you??_ that means that I matter didn??t I? I was mad, confuse and extremely frustrated because you made me realize how petty and how ugly of a person I could be"

"but I can??t help but notice that lately??_ I??ve seen you cry more often than you laugh??_. I??ve seen you upset more often than cheerful and I??ve seen you sad more often than being happy??_I??m frustrated and very uncomfortable as you seem to be better off without me??_ and that really hurts. Back then you were so lively and so free spirited and I was attracted to you like a moth is attracted to fire??_. But then I got burned"
All this time he was silently suffering and taking care of me and I didn't have a clue about it...I was angry at him for not showing emotions, I was mad at him because he got hit on by other women, I was frustrated at him because he was distant and cold...I have never tried and put myself in his place...but then again... how could I?... he was so secretive and so good at controling his emotions...I was spoiled rotten without even knowing it...and now that he's gone...I've realise how addicted to him I am...
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Sorry Geminlove didn't mean to steal your thread, but these people are very resourceful, and right now I could use all the help to get him back... because I'm not moving on!!! not without him...
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Posted by OmagaIII
Posted by Geminlove
@omagaIII: damn....2 yrs?!?! Well you are a taurus so its not that surprising Big Grin do you plan on reciprocating if she comes to you???


But if some of you saw her, then you would probably understand and do the same.
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Sad I see shes still inconsistent..What do you mean by that^???
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@Omagaiii: Sad shes still inconsistent....what do you mean by "if you saw her you would understand"? Whats her moon and venus sign? You bulls are too damn soft for your own good... -_- but it also makes y'all so love-able lol smile
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Posted by aftershine
@Omagaiii: Sad shes still inconsistent....what do you mean by "if you saw her you would understand"? Whats her moon and venus sign? You bulls are too damn soft for your own good... -_- but it also makes y'all so love-able lol smile


I think he means she's gorgeous. I have the same problem with my Scorp crush - most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life...hands down. I would take her looks over any celebrity, model, etc. I have to actually avoid looking at her. There's something about Scorps in general; they just have that dark beauty....its kryptonite...
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