Ok, Virgo Men.....Please respond.
This topic was created in the Virgo forum by sweethearts_1969 on Wednesday, December 6, 2006 and has 105 replies.
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What does a women do or not do to make you want them for a relationship and not just a friendship. If you are friends with a female and tell them you are interested yet your finacial situation is not where you want it to be just yet. (which, will it ever be anyways) so, you put her on hold. How does she get you to be ok with going forward without being too pushy.
No "L" word. I even lent him money which, I'm not so sure it was a good idea. I'm not worried about him paying me back. I believe he will but, I worry that he may act weird towards me because of it. I'm always reading how Virgo's like to help and not owe anyone anything. I'm even that way myself but, he did take the help and was very grateful but, will that distant him from me. Should I ask him to help me do something around my house, like hang up lights for Christmas or something?
Or we he do it because he feels like he owes me something until he pays me back and I don't want him to feel that way.
Coming from my perspective as a Virguy,
I would feel delighted that you would ask me to be around you doing christmas chores/time,
having said that maybe he will feel the same, yet thinking it is not a pay back
but merely an act of good well being from a male Virgo heart.
Financial issues should have nothing to do with him being around you. Unless he feels that it would throw him off his tasks on a day to day basis(which you should find out).
I would feel delighted that you would ask me to be around you doing christmas chores/time,
having said that maybe he will feel the same, yet thinking it is not a pay back
but merely an act of good well being from a male Virgo heart.
Financial issues should have nothing to do with him being around you. Unless he feels that it would throw him off his tasks on a day to day basis(which you should find out).
I will most likely see him tomorrow night so, if things feel right...maybe I'll ask. I don't think he is real busy right now so, as long as it doesn't sound like I'm asking for a payback which that is definately not my intention. My intentions are just to have him around. I know I can do it myself because I have for years and I do have some up already but, not around the roof. He knows I'm independant so, I don't want to seem too needy because he knows I'm not. I just need the right approach to it.
I am good at sticking my foot in my mouth and sounding stupid sometimes or rude so, I have to think about how I can approach it carefully without doing that.
I know you Virgo Men think way too much about reading between the lines so, that's what makes me worry about the approach.
So Virgo guy, why are you all so afraid when it comes to real emotions, feelings? Why do you all back away and cool it down or end it when you feel pressured or pushed into seeing someone or having someone tell you they want to see you? Why aren't you flattered? Why do you instead turn into butterhead and be mean and cold?
If you are friends with a female and tell them you are interested yet your finacial situation is not where you want it to be just yet.
Generally speaking?!
Women are attracting to your financial strength in every cultures or nations around the world! This is a fact and has been proven at least 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times.
No money, no honey?!
Less money, less honey?.!
Lots of money, lots of honey?..!
Generally speaking?!
Women are attracting to your financial strength in every cultures or nations around the world! This is a fact and has been proven at least 100,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times.
No money, no honey?!
Less money, less honey?.!
Lots of money, lots of honey?..!
sweethearts_1969
So Virgo guy, why are you all so afraid when it comes to real emotions, feelings?
Very few can handle true emotions/affections of Virguy/gals?and most of the time will be too late?!
So Virgo guy, why are you all so afraid when it comes to real emotions, feelings?
Very few can handle true emotions/affections of Virguy/gals?and most of the time will be too late?!
Like I have read before on here. They chase you and they catch you then, they get scared or whatever happens to them and backs away once they have you interested back. At least that is what I have read and have experienced. Last night I was really thinking about all this and I decided that I will just leave him be. If he wants my interest again then, he will have to show it more openly and not flip/flop on me. I'm getting tired of all of this emotional stuff going back and forth. I might feel different tomorrow well, because I am a female but, today I'm fed up and I think I just want to be alone for a while. That what I was doing when he was trying to get me to go out with him and then I did and now he backs off and I'm back at square one again. So, I'm tired and emotionally drained and I can't keep up with the rollercoaster right now and I don't have the energy to do so either. So, that's how I feel today....
I feel the same way sweethearts! It's been nothing but a rollercoaster (at least after the initial 1 to 3 months) when he was highly in pursuit and interested - would txt or email everyday on his own accord and even initiate it!! He used to say you have my # call me, text me, email me.... then when i did it became too much for him and he would say you call me a million times a day, you txt me too much, i can't handle it! It's hard to back off once you are falling in love and in that stage, then he says oh, we have to cool it down and take it easy now... then he'd get all mad and ignore emails and txts if i sent him too many... anyway, yeah, total rollercoaster ride that now makes you sick to your stomach and makes you sick in the head!
the other thing they do -- what mine did - is after i said i wanted to see him when he came to town - he felt i was pressuring him into asking him to take me to game with him, so he let me have it with scathing words, saying he could care less if he sees me...at first i sent him back nice email trying to laugh it off and he was better but still kinda rude and mean... so after thinking about it i told him fu you are not worth my time.... that of course drew response of good, hope you won't be bugging me again! After thinking about it, i know he probably was reacting to feeling pressured by me and scared by my emotions and then of course had to strike back and pretend he doesn't want to hear from me again.. so now i have this dilemma -- should i let him go and let the fu stand or should i send him email letting him know that i understand he was just using his defense mechanism - hurtful words to push me away cuz i hurt him.. or do i just do nothing and see if he ever comes back? Would he not respect me even further if i send him an email now or is a few days enough to cool him down? We have a long distance relationship over a year (but for first six months talked everyday m-f on email/phone) and have seen each other several times. I don't know if my heart and head can take this up/down push/pull rollercoaster, is he worth it? i don't think so, but would like to hear what you have to say....
lindawin, I would wait awhile to say I'm sorry, so maybe he'll miss you because if he's still mad you probably won't get the response you want. trust me, I've been there with a guy. He didn't say what your guy said, but he was just surprised that I would say something mean to him(jeez, guys can be so clueless sometimes, right? 
) but I did apologize later, not right away, but I think he knew by me not calling him right away to apologize, that I was really hurt and upset by how he was acting...so I would give him time to think about you. and Virgo's think A LOT. my guy is a virgo
) but I did apologize later, not right away, but I think he knew by me not calling him right away to apologize, that I was really hurt and upset by how he was acting...so I would give him time to think about you. and Virgo's think A LOT. my guy is a virgoWhat I have been experiencing is that if you push then they retreat. My last Virguy and I got along well by being sarcastic to each other. That's the only way he basically knows how to respond unless we were being intimate together. I still see him around and about and we only talk by picking on each other. If I just say Hi to him he ignores me. If I say something like for example: He would be talking to someone loudly and I come by and make a fiesty comment about him then he reacts but, in a fun way which breaks the ice around us so we can get along. This other Virguy that I started to see well, he is not like that. He is more sincere well, at least I think he is. Him and I can just be around each other and enjoy each others company without the witty comments. We can joke and hang out but, it's not in a sarcastic way. He seems to be very nervous around me and he doesn't seem to know how to act around me. He has told me I'm amazing and he can't believe how calm of a personality I have and enjoys being around me but, I'm not sure if he is in the right place right now for more than that and I don't want to keep getting hurt over and over again. If he comes around then great if he doesn't then I wish him the best and I will remain friends with him.
If you don't think he is worth it then, I wouldn't keep pursuing it. Long Distance relationships are hard enough never mind having one with a Male Virgo. You probably hurt him with what you said and he is retreating. I would give him some space and then try to make a call and make it friendly. Don't dredge up what happened because he will probably be defensive and shut you out. One thing they definately don't like is to be pressured into doing something. At least that is my experience.
If you don't think he is worth it then, I wouldn't keep pursuing it. Long Distance relationships are hard enough never mind having one with a Male Virgo. You probably hurt him with what you said and he is retreating. I would give him some space and then try to make a call and make it friendly. Don't dredge up what happened because he will probably be defensive and shut you out. One thing they definately don't like is to be pressured into doing something. At least that is my experience.
thanks so much for your advice pisces and sweethearts! i know you probably understand what i am going through... he can be so mean and rude with his words when he is feeling pressured or scared by my emotions, it's so unfair. Cuz when i struck back and said your not worth my time fu, he responded with perfect hope you won't be bugging me again, don't contact me, don't need your messages..... so do you think he was just responding in hurt defense mode or does he really mean it? i just was gonna send him email saying if you mean it, my fu stands, if you don't i understand your reaction and if your sorry i'm sorry type of thing, cuz he is gonna be in town next week and part of me wants to see him, and other part wants to forget him and his rollercoaster ride he has me on.... but whenever i think about not talking or seeing him again, it hurts..... so should i send one today (this just happened on mon). don't know if i said before but i am a scorpio -- so we are very emotional and passionate and communicative.... and virgos are very frustrating... wish he would go back to how he was in beginning, but maybe it's truly over....
hey, i realize i just kinda repeated myself.... i did listen to your advice, i guess i will wait at least until friday or monday to email him.... if he doesn't respond then at least i'll know, i hate not knowing if this is really it or not.... but also think he must know that he hurt me and he should be willing to come back to me and say sorry... why can't they do that, why do WE have to be the ones to always get it back on track or get them to start calling again, etc? Isn't it kinda crazy?....
***i just was gonna send him email saying if you mean it, my fu stands, if you don't i understand your reaction and if your sorry i'm sorry type of thing***
I would just wait and see if he calls or emails you when he comes to town. If you say something like that then he will most likely ignore you. Don't expect "The I'm sorry if your sorry thing" that is just childish. Either you are or you aren't but, don't expect him to be if he isn't. Let him decide if he is and don't pressure him otherwise you will just piss him off even more. I'm not even a Virgo and if someone said that to me well, I don't think they were genuine with there feelings and that would bother me. Just give him space and see if he comes around. If you don't see him or here from him then, I guess it is done. I know we get so wrapped up in our emotions that it is hard to do. I even do it myself but, try to be strong and good luck.
I would just wait and see if he calls or emails you when he comes to town. If you say something like that then he will most likely ignore you. Don't expect "The I'm sorry if your sorry thing" that is just childish. Either you are or you aren't but, don't expect him to be if he isn't. Let him decide if he is and don't pressure him otherwise you will just piss him off even more. I'm not even a Virgo and if someone said that to me well, I don't think they were genuine with there feelings and that would bother me. Just give him space and see if he comes around. If you don't see him or here from him then, I guess it is done. I know we get so wrapped up in our emotions that it is hard to do. I even do it myself but, try to be strong and good luck.
Thanks good advice! But what do you mean by *if someone said that to me i don't think they were genuine with there feelings*? do you mean me saying your not worth my time fu? that was after i had sent him email telling him i want to see him and i was sorry for making him feel i was pressuring him into taking me to game on phone and txt... then instead of responding nicely and accepting my apology he came back at me with don't bug me, your thinking of ways to see me, i'm not could care less, etc.... so don't you think saying your not worth my time and fu was appropriate response to such hurtful words?
Yeah, I do think it was appropriate but, I wouldn't expect anything more from him. That was mean of him to say that so, I would just dump his a $ $ and move on. It sounds harsh but, it sounds like he doesn't give a crap. If he says he could care less than he probably means it. I have been told to by my ex-virguy to leave him alone for a while but, he had never ever told me he didn't care. If he did then I would of let go sooner but, that's your decision.
gosh, this IS really awful for you, I'm sorry. I think HE BELIEVES he meant what he wrote back, that's the hard part. Virgo's are very logical people , and they just don't make emotional comments based on how they feel without thinking, like we do! so in some way he thinks it's probably best to not hear from you, I really don't think he was just mad. Even though he might have been wrong in the first place, and YOU just responded to being hurt, it doesn't sound like he cares, and he think's he's right..and you're not going to be able to change his mind by an "I'm sorry" in hopes that all is well and he'll go back to speaking with you (especially with someone like that) I say don't apologize, what I would do, since you really want him to know that you're not mad at him (which, it sounds like you're not anymore ) Then I would just simply say something like "hello", or "how are you" and don't mention it, until he does, and see what type of response you get...but do it later not now. That way, you're showing your strength of "I meant what I said, you can't just treat me any way you want, and still expect me to be around", but at the same time you're seeing if he's changed at all. Trust me, guys should be the one doing the chasing, not the women...and if you find yourself doing that...guys won't respect that or your feelings, so wait for the guy who does! he will find you, if you're patient and very sweet always keep a smile on your face and be the sweetest girl you can be, any man will fall in love with that
) Then I would just simply say something like "hello", or "how are you" and don't mention it, until he does, and see what type of response you get...but do it later not now. That way, you're showing your strength of "I meant what I said, you can't just treat me any way you want, and still expect me to be around", but at the same time you're seeing if he's changed at all. Trust me, guys should be the one doing the chasing, not the women...and if you find yourself doing that...guys won't respect that or your feelings, so wait for the guy who does! he will find you, if you're patient and very sweet always keep a smile on your face and be the sweetest girl you can be, any man will fall in love with thatyeah, that's what threw me over the edge and shocked me into saying that, cuz i've never said you are not worth my time... we have said fu to each other before on txt.... but, when he said 'seems like you are always thinking of ways to see me, i'm not, could care less' that was just like a knife in me.... but even still, i just don't know if he really meant it, maybe he does and that's why i ended it by saying that... so why does a part of me still want to email him and see if he calls me next week... god i hate feeling like this! of course the other part of me, says f him! he's not worth it!
thanks piscesgirl! i think you are right... i think he knows its best if we don't see each other and he doesn't want to be bugged by me....becuz one huge thing -- don't hate me.... but the thing is that we are both involved with other people.... so we met over a year ago and knew it couldn't go anywhere but both unhappy in other relationships, sooo, anyway, that is huge thing.... trying to have a relationship with a virgo male when neither of you should be.... anyway, i did fall in love with him and i think he did with me too.... but when i push to see him or tell him i really like him, it just pushes him away and i think that's why he said could care less... he can't reveal that he does really care... but i don't know, maybe he doesn't... that is what i want to know if it was real or not.... then i could let go more easily.... don't hate me, i'm human!
because you want a man in your life and you feel like he already has a huge part of your heart, so there's no one else...that's a huge mistake a lot of women make, that's why they put up with soooooo much, please recognize that. Even the most beautiful women have that problem, it's not like they can't get anyone else, it's just that they gave so much emotion to this one guy that you normally wouldn't give to anyone else(sigh)it's so awful, I wish I could give you a hug! If you had a choice between a man who looked really really good, treated you VERY WELL, didn't make you want to say "FU" and was an all around great guy, who adored you, wanted you with him ALL the time, and would never think to say he didn't want you around, and called to just tell you how much he loves everything about you, from the way you look to the person you are inside...vs. this guy you are dealing with now...who would you choose?? you have to find that guy
you have to find that guyare you both still seeing other people?
As a Virguy, I think it's safe to say that not all of us are like this Character that Lindawin explains in her comments. As a Virguy, I can atleast say that if you get close to us with emotion don't over do it, yet let us know you adore us, we like to feel loved sometimes, yes we often think critically and deep, but that is for our own pleasure. If the guy is nice enough, maybe he will share some of his thoughts and views with the world.
Most Virgo guys I know, usually are deep people including myself, all we desire in life is to be financially secured and to stimulate people's minds especially a women's mind. I think that if this guy is being the way he is, might be because he has some things to say to you emotionally and just can't seem to get the words out, wheather it is good or bad, I do not know.
But know this.... Virgo Males would make a great husband one day if you show passion and desire. We are very touchy feely people, we like to pull your hair out of your eyes and to rub your back etc. We just get angry when you cannot see our point of views. Try coping this this guy doing what you do best... then talk to him very calm, see what happens and how his manner is. If it does not go according to plan, it's not worth the extra effort.
Most Virgo guys I know, usually are deep people including myself, all we desire in life is to be financially secured and to stimulate people's minds especially a women's mind. I think that if this guy is being the way he is, might be because he has some things to say to you emotionally and just can't seem to get the words out, wheather it is good or bad, I do not know.
But know this.... Virgo Males would make a great husband one day if you show passion and desire. We are very touchy feely people, we like to pull your hair out of your eyes and to rub your back etc. We just get angry when you cannot see our point of views. Try coping this this guy doing what you do best... then talk to him very calm, see what happens and how his manner is. If it does not go according to plan, it's not worth the extra effort.
well, don't hate me... were not "seeing" other people, we are both entrenched in long-term relationship with partner.... so, i know that that is HUGE thing that we both deal with... he wants to pretend it's not a "relationship" can't talk about feelings, etc., because we are not supposed to even be here... it's long distance... but have to say that talking on these message boards helps tremendously! hopefully i can get over him and move on and back to working on real relationship... i'm not a bad person, just had time in my life when was very unhappy in relationship...met virgo and instantly became attracted and started talking, etc., he pursued like crazy at first, then when i started coming on too strong and revealing feelings, he backed off... anyway, it's been a little over a year now, and maybe it's time its over.... but he still has a big piece of my heart, although i must say, he really stabbed it with those recent remarks. I guess i just want to ask.. now that you know my situation better (don't hate me) do you think he really meant all that -- could care less whether he sees me and don't contact me again.... or do you think that's him just protecting himself and feeling like he can't handle this relationship so better to be mean and break it off....
No, I actually went through the same thing...I was with a guy, and I met someone else and we started a relationship..then like 3 months later when I decided to leave my boyfriend for my new man, my new guy started to change a lot.. and it hurt me really bad, because I broke up with 2-year boyfriend for him. I was able to spend more time with him and call him more because I didnt have to worry about being "caught", but he didn't treat me the same way, it's like he started getting annoyed with me for calling him constantly, whereas before he loved it...
but from what you're saying, it sounds like he wants you to act a certain way, and since you're not doing that, then he's thinking he doesn't care anymore about you, even though he might not mean it..maybe he just wants you to change..but from your history with him, no, I don't think anyone can just turn off their feelings like that..he was fed up most likely and think that it's not worth the hassle.
but from what you're saying, it sounds like he wants you to act a certain way, and since you're not doing that, then he's thinking he doesn't care anymore about you, even though he might not mean it..maybe he just wants you to change..but from your history with him, no, I don't think anyone can just turn off their feelings like that..he was fed up most likely and think that it's not worth the hassle.
I'm in the same boat that you're in My Virgo Guy I have been dating him for 5 mos now and a month ago I went to Irving to see him and after I got back home 2 days later he emailed me and said that he has to figure out what his life is all about and he's not Mentally or Financally able for us to Move in together. We haven't seen each other in 5 weeks now. But I have talked to him a few times and we email each other some. But I give him all the space he needs. And he has told me that he loves me very much but he wants to make sure that he's doing the right thing and that he's ready for the right thing.
soft
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I have a long distance relationship with my Virgo Guy too, We both live in Texas, I guess from the begainning of the realtionship I have given him his space. I never try to call too much except when he was sick and I couldn't find him. He thought that was cool. But you have to turn your feelings inside yourself and ask yourself these questions. Would you like someone to call you 20 times a day everyday.. ? If the answer is no then it's something that you shouldn't do either. You can't make a man of any sign want you more if they feel that you're like their mother, My virgo man done the same thing I wouldn't call and then he would can and leave a message saying to call him. But I always give myself a day or too before I did. I don't want to feel needy.. He got scared when I suppose to Move in with him he's 53 years old and I thought he knew what he wanted but like I said earlier he wants to make sure everything is right.
i know i don't know you guys, but just want you to know that i am crying right now becuz you roxi and piscesgirl are so sweet and understanding to me! i really appreciate your wonderful and thoughtful advice -- it is so extremely helpful i can't tell you! i know i am being really emotional right now, but just want to say thank you so much for not judging me.... it's quite a relief.... i wasn't sure if i would be banned from the site or what -- this is my first experience/time talking on a message board... you are so right -- everything you say roxi..... but it's just hard becuz yeah, i already did the falling and i know it's wrong, but can't helpt it now, and somehow just want to still have him in my life... but know that when he talks to me that way that if i go emailing or txting him after all that, he will think me such a loser... i don't know... recently i saw him in early november at a concert (a band he had turned me on to early on and then said we could see together, when i asked and pushed to do that last may, he broke up with me), so we didn't talk all summer and then i of course emailed and then when i went to see band in november i txtd him when i came into his town and to my delight he responded!anyway, he was supposed to go on mon night and i had lone ticket for tues night, and he tells me, oh, i'm going tonight too, but if you see me u have to not know me, and i tell him of course, ok... oh, and he was gonna come over and see me before concert too, but something came up and couldn't -- he was just as disappointed as i was.... anyway, i go to concert and he comes up to me and spends entire night with me at concert -- we had fabulous time together and talked in morning, again, he couldn't come over but wanted to... i went home and txt him sporadically since, he responded maybe couple times, but i called him twice and each time he answered! Anyway, we have such fun together when together and i know he likes talking to me, but when i txt or request something beyond his boundaries or rules, then he loses it and gets all upset and wants to take total control and have it be only on his schedule, his rules.... and then he ends it or i guess i did this time because he was so cruel by saying could care less if see you.... so, i know it's stupid and crazy for me to even care what he's thinking, but i just want to know that he didn't really mean that and only said that to hurt me back and take control of relationship again...
Oh roxi, i think you are right, virgos don't like this type of thing (neither does scorpio!), and i think that is why he gets mean at times.... he wants to pretend it's not a relationship, he told me once in an email while back, that he gets mad when i talk like we have a relationship.... he wants to just think of it as a one night stand that has lasted for over a year tho!! Ha! Anyway, i do get where he is coming from, with these special circumstancees, but it is just amazing and uncanny to me that ALL of these virgo men seem to do the same thing, have the same insecurities or anxieties and do the push/pull thing..... it's kinda crazy...
Yes, I agree it's is crazy how they are almost all a like doing this. They act like they want you and then they push you away and don't call or even act like you're a live. So we need to do the same thing not give so much of ourselves. As women it is hard for us because we love with our hearts, just keep yourself busy and take one day at a time and pray give God your heart when he gives it back to you it will be pure. You wouldn't have this pain in it.
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thanks soft! i agree, we love with our hearts and virgo men seem to not love, but just think with their heads, and if they do love, they don't show it or say it, except on rare occasions i guess.... it's hard.... thanks..
roxi, i feel like you are my personal psychologist! you are good at getting to the heart of the matter... i can see how a single virgo man would do that... clearly... but this guy is married too and unhappy and after three months of our emailing/txting/phoning almost everyday, he told me he used to only do one night stands and felt like it wasn't really cheating but now with me he had to cool it off because he felt like he was cheating now... that was a year ago... so i dunno... a part of me wants to still have him in my life at whatever capacity and another part wants to be strong and confident and know i'm better than that and let him go.... but i do so enjoy talking with him (when he talks!) and do have fun with him (when i see him which is only once every few months maybe!)... so how long were you with this man that you had an affair with? and now you just regret it? how long did it take you to get over him?
Yes, i love Linda Goodman, i have both her books - Love signs and Sun signs, they are my astrological bibles... i think i know the virgo info by heart now.....
again, thank you for your thoughtful insight and words of wisdom and advice....
by the way, whatever happened with Daniela (who started the other long board that i picked up on) and her virgo guy, just curious....
i'm struggling but talking with you has definitely helped tremendously....
Yes, i love Linda Goodman, i have both her books - Love signs and Sun signs, they are my astrological bibles... i think i know the virgo info by heart now.....
again, thank you for your thoughtful insight and words of wisdom and advice....
by the way, whatever happened with Daniela (who started the other long board that i picked up on) and her virgo guy, just curious....
i'm struggling but talking with you has definitely helped tremendously....
roxi, i know it's cheating, probably more so than a purely physical things, becuz it's emotional and deals with the heart... but i think he still occasionally does one night stands and sorry i disagree -- that's also cheating, it's just quick and short with no contact again, but's its still doing the deed.... anyway, i just feel that i understand his heart and soul, even tho he can be cold and scathingly cruel with his words, once i get over my anger and hurt, i see that he's just saying that to push me away so i don't get so close and it returns to what it was in the beginning, everyday, and kissing the phone goodnight to each other, etc., he once said it was addicting and we had to stop, he didn't stop, but after 3 months like i said, he said we had to cool things down... so, anyway, i did email him this morning -- dont think i'm a doormat -- it was just a short, sweet message -- i didn't blame, accuse, ask or question anything -- i just stated that if i got hit by a bus today i didn't want my last words to him to be fu... anyway, i hope he takes it well, i think he will, and maybe we'll talk or see each other again.... i just need to know that that's all it can be, a long distance thing where i can't get too emotionally close (or at least reveal it to him), so who knows, maybe it's over, maybe not, but i just didn't want that to be last words to him...
i really admire and appreciate your advice... i know that's what i should do with current relationship, but can't... can't leave.... not right now... i do love him, he's a good man, but am i crazy IN love with him? no, but after many years and kids... its just... anyway, feel like this other guy is unattainable, but yet he pulls at my heart and feel our souls our connected.... he told me at beginning intense stages, when he was cooling things down, that if he couldn't be man enough to leave her then he had to stay and lie in his bed.... so i kinda admire him for being so honest with me....
i really admire and appreciate your advice... i know that's what i should do with current relationship, but can't... can't leave.... not right now... i do love him, he's a good man, but am i crazy IN love with him? no, but after many years and kids... its just... anyway, feel like this other guy is unattainable, but yet he pulls at my heart and feel our souls our connected.... he told me at beginning intense stages, when he was cooling things down, that if he couldn't be man enough to leave her then he had to stay and lie in his bed.... so i kinda admire him for being so honest with me....
again, i know you're right... but i am in a solid relationship... it's just this other person has taken a piece of my heart and i know its wrong... i didn't intend for this to happen, but it did... and i guess becuz it's long distance i feel sort of like its safe... it just wrenches at my emotions and well, it does affect my life, but at least he's not right here in town... that would be different story altogether.... yeah, this last year was pretty rough, but things are more on an even keel now and he travels alot.
i think he did accept my message becuz i haven't heard from him, think that's a good sign... yeah, i'm proud of myself for sending a brief but nice message w/o putting anything on him... just ended it with nice words of take care... see you... so, we'll see...
i agree you shouldn't stay for kids, but yet i think they are happier in their home with both parents, although in past year or two, there were times when i was ready to end it all, but as i said, things have calmed down now, or i guess i have...
so you live in small town, you must know everyone! is that good or bad?
i think he did accept my message becuz i haven't heard from him, think that's a good sign... yeah, i'm proud of myself for sending a brief but nice message w/o putting anything on him... just ended it with nice words of take care... see you... so, we'll see...
i agree you shouldn't stay for kids, but yet i think they are happier in their home with both parents, although in past year or two, there were times when i was ready to end it all, but as i said, things have calmed down now, or i guess i have...
so you live in small town, you must know everyone! is that good or bad?
Well, I just have to add to this thread because I can relate so well. I think Virgos are awesome people. I just don't understand them anymore. I've dealt with a Virgo male also and well, it's been extremely tough to say the least. He would ignore me too when either I called or sent SMSs. Well, to say it would infuriate me to say the least at how rude he was. Finally, I told him off and that I was ending contact with him. Do you know what he did? Silence. He never responded. Sure, I was glad I told him off but then I was left bewildered at why he didn't respond back. Is he made of steal and no heart? Finally, I gave up and he didn't hear from me as I moved on which was very tough (I've written a lot about this Virgo male on the Virgo forum so you can have a look if you want). It left me emotionally drained, and for the first time in my life, clueless. I thought I had it all together, and I did, but didn't realize it at the time. However, this Virgo male has a lot of issues to deal with. So I thought he gone for good. Heck no, he isn't. He calls me once a month which is fine. He doesn't always get me because I'm either in school or at work. So my experience with a Virgo male is if they don't respond back that could mean they don't agree with you when you like want to end things or whatever. This Virgo male I know never ever acknowledge how mad I was. It was like he ignored everything. I had sent him a few text messages explaining that I was through because he wouldn't pick up when I tried to phone him. Then when I finally gave up, he starts up again. Well, I'm at the point where I don't care if I hear from him or not. I don't do anything anymore. If I see I missed his call, I'll send a very small text saying I saw he called and that he should have a nice day. That's all I write. However, I must say, I've learnt so much more having this Virgo male in my life than if I didn't. I say this because I've seen how strong I really am. Just my 2 cents.
Mystical -- yes, that is exactly how virgo males are, it's so weird isnit it? I sort of feel their pain (notice i said sort of, cuz big part of me feels completely infuriated with behavior!) i mean, they must be so filled with anxiety and worry making them unable to speak, call, respond, etc.... cuz, i don't think any human can truly have a heart of stone and be that cold, can they? so, i think it's more that they are always analyzing and forget to just enjoy life...
anyway, thanks for your insight... i agree with you... it's emotionally draining and probably not worth it... but there is something about him that keeps me coming back or pursuing him... maybe that's just the scorpio in me, i dunno...
anyway, thanks for your insight... i agree with you... it's emotionally draining and probably not worth it... but there is something about him that keeps me coming back or pursuing him... maybe that's just the scorpio in me, i dunno...
roxi, your welcome re: aqua, i just read that she is only 17! explains it all sort of... i am in your age bracket... so i am not young and naive, well, i still think of myself as young and probably act and people say look younger than my years... but yes, i do think what you say is really right on and very insightful... maybe cuz i personally think scorpios should all be psychologists... i think we are very good at helping others figure things out...but with our own lives we are too close or too emotionally entwined to see....
about the pedals thing -- yeah,he does like to be in control, but i like to be in control too... and that is major-league frustrating for me... when he pulls away i pursue, which turns him away from me... anyway, he has said to me from day one, it's all about me, i'm selfish... he calls the shots... i wish i could garner control back (if i ever had it ever so briefly in beginning, but didn't realize it) oh for 20-20 hindsight....
how did you go from england to spain? still it sounds exciting and exotic!
i just had huge blowup with H, thank god he's going out of town next thurs thru sun, when other person is in town (at least he is for day or two, maybe more)... dunno his plans of course, but wonder if he will call and i will see him....
i want to be unavailable yet when someone is only here once every few months or less, you want to see them....
about the pedals thing -- yeah,he does like to be in control, but i like to be in control too... and that is major-league frustrating for me... when he pulls away i pursue, which turns him away from me... anyway, he has said to me from day one, it's all about me, i'm selfish... he calls the shots... i wish i could garner control back (if i ever had it ever so briefly in beginning, but didn't realize it) oh for 20-20 hindsight....
how did you go from england to spain? still it sounds exciting and exotic!
i just had huge blowup with H, thank god he's going out of town next thurs thru sun, when other person is in town (at least he is for day or two, maybe more)... dunno his plans of course, but wonder if he will call and i will see him....
i want to be unavailable yet when someone is only here once every few months or less, you want to see them....
YES, that's exactly my dilemma, how i feel! i will probably txt him next Thurs, i'll tell you more later, gotta go....
Lindawin,
re: aqua, i just read that she is only 17. Who is this you are referring to?
I totally agree with you feel a Virgo males' pain. Gosh do I know as I did the very thing for months with a Virgo male. It was very painful but I've learnt a lot also which is a good thing. As for pursuing your Virgo guy, well good luck with it. It's not easy, but in the meantime just stay focused on other things and not him.
re: aqua, i just read that she is only 17. Who is this you are referring to?
I totally agree with you feel a Virgo males' pain. Gosh do I know as I did the very thing for months with a Virgo male. It was very painful but I've learnt a lot also which is a good thing. As for pursuing your Virgo guy, well good luck with it. It's not easy, but in the meantime just stay focused on other things and not him.
Mystical -- oh this fsg on other board... she is an arrogant little sprinkle! but don't want to spend time on ds.... yes, virgo men are analytical, think, think, think before making any decisions, plans, actions.... want you to be totally open and honest but they can be quiet and behind the scenes.... anyway, roxi - what i was gonna say is... before our big fight on email... i had called him and he said i'll see you soon, so i said oh, for game on 14th and he said yeah, but i might take wife, but you never know... so that is what caused argument, bad words, etc.... i called him and asked him to take ME instead... and he said your pressuring me, etc., etc..... then i made mistake of txting him twice after phone call just kinda givin him bad time... MISTAKE... that's when he came back with, could care less about seeing you, etc., think DEFENSE mechanism kicked in... but whatever... i sent him nice, sweet email yesterday as i told you... havent' heard from him OF COURSE, but take that as good sign...
so, yeah, he will be here and i will be here on thurs and H will be out of town... so i'm thinking of txting on Thurs and saying something like... didn't get hit by bus, so do you wanna? anyway, i've had a few drinks, so feeling feisty... not going to do anything until thurs... i don't think he'll bring his W, cuz why in phone call would he say See you Soon?..... but that is what gave me confidence to ask him to take me.. but caused him instead to push away and be mean....
anyway, i do hope i see him next week... we'll see...
mystical what is going on with your virgo man?
so, yeah, he will be here and i will be here on thurs and H will be out of town... so i'm thinking of txting on Thurs and saying something like... didn't get hit by bus, so do you wanna? anyway, i've had a few drinks, so feeling feisty... not going to do anything until thurs... i don't think he'll bring his W, cuz why in phone call would he say See you Soon?..... but that is what gave me confidence to ask him to take me.. but caused him instead to push away and be mean....
anyway, i do hope i see him next week... we'll see...
mystical what is going on with your virgo man?
"havent' heard from him OF COURSE, but take that as good sign..."
Why is that a good sign you haven't heard from your Virgo guy? I've never understood this myself. However, what I've learnt is as long as you continue to take contact with them, it takes that much longer for them to get back to you. In a way I get the feeling it's like a controll issue on their part. I've never in my life had a guy ignore me when I either sent text messages or called him. They always got back to me which is the respectful thing to do. However, with this particular Virgo guy I know is the complete opposite. He takes contact with me when he wants to. In the beginning, I was very hurt by his actions because I didn't understand why he was acting the way he was. In the beginning he and I were in constant contact for two months. Then, all of sudden he started to pull away. Unfortunately, I went into a frenzy with the calling and trying to reach him. I know, not a smart thing to do at all. Then the more he kept pulling away, the more I tried to reach him. After months of this, I finally gave up. I realized I just had to let him go and not bring me down with him. I would actually feel his pain. When he was miserable, I was miserable. He would call me drunk and my heart went out to him. I felt so helpless. At times it upset me when he would call me drunk because I knew he was hurting. This Virgo guy has been a real challenge to me. He's nothing like any other guy I know. It's a weird thing as I never thought I'd learn so much from him. Right now, I don't what's going on with him as I don't particularly care anymore. However, he'll always have a place in my heart because he's been one of the best teachers in life for me. He called me on November 24th (he's been calling me once a month now for the past 4 months) but I was at work then. I waited a few days and sent him a very small text saying I saw he called and that he should continue to have a nice day. I haven't heard from him again which is just as well. I've never been so sad over a guy in my entire life. It took me two months to finally let go of him because I was too emotionally involved which I never should have been in the first place. I did everything I could to forget him but the more I tried to forget about him, the harder it got. It was when I realized he'll always have a place with me, was when I was able to move on both mentally and emotionally.
Mystical, i gotta go, talk more later, but just want to say YES, your story is my story... same type of behavior from him and ME -- almost exactly! I can't seem to let go completely, maybe cuz of rest of my situation....
anyway, i completely agree -- never been treated like that, want/always had someone who responded, but what i meant is at least it wasn't a "don't bug me again, i don't need your msgs" type of response -- at this point, no response is good -- he's probably reading it over and analyzing it and thinking about whether or not he should contact me when he comes to town next week -- or at least that's what i'm hoping he's doing!
Later....
anyway, i completely agree -- never been treated like that, want/always had someone who responded, but what i meant is at least it wasn't a "don't bug me again, i don't need your msgs" type of response -- at this point, no response is good -- he's probably reading it over and analyzing it and thinking about whether or not he should contact me when he comes to town next week -- or at least that's what i'm hoping he's doing!
Later....
I want to let everyone know that My Virgo guy did call me last night and we're going to see each other this weekend. He was scared about us because he wanted to give me everything that I wanted and deserve but he was scared of finacally problems. He said that he wants to be not just my lover but also my best friend. We talked for over an hour last night and So been patient is worth having if you want that guy in you life. We're going to take it slower and become better people for each other. Thanks everyone for listening and Roxi esp you , You really help me with those postive words. Thanks again and Merry Christmas to everyone.
soft
soft
Soft - i am so glad you are back on track with your virgo man.... they are hard nuts to crack... it's just so much push/pull -- pursue/distance -- anyway, i hope things go very well for you this weekend...
Mystical - it sounds like you are handling things well, i admire your selfcontrol. it is hard to not contact them and want to talk to them, especially when you USED to all the time.... and then they either don't respond or ignore you.... but good for you for backing away and now of course he comes to you....
Roxi -- i was going to say on the other thread to sit down and have talk with soon to be X -- not about him or you-- just about son and what's best for him, but after reading it, it sounds like he is total A A-h and won't listen... BUT NOT EVEN for his SON? He should be willing to listen about how he makes his own son so sick and worried -- as others said - Virgos do that enough to themselves, don't need any help from anyone else! Anyway, i hope you are able to talk to H about your son and help him to see the wrongness of his ways....
Roxi -- with regard to my situation -- i keep vacillating between txting him on thurs or not -- i know he will be here -- don't know exactly with whom, but now feel like -- i sent him nice email friday am and have done nothing since... i think ball is in his court and he should contact me on thurs if he wants to see me.... of course with H gone all weekend i may break down after a few drinks and txt him thurs night or fri am, but right now my plan is to wait and see if he contacts me..... what do you think?
Mystical - it sounds like you are handling things well, i admire your selfcontrol. it is hard to not contact them and want to talk to them, especially when you USED to all the time.... and then they either don't respond or ignore you.... but good for you for backing away and now of course he comes to you....
Roxi -- i was going to say on the other thread to sit down and have talk with soon to be X -- not about him or you-- just about son and what's best for him, but after reading it, it sounds like he is total A A-h and won't listen... BUT NOT EVEN for his SON? He should be willing to listen about how he makes his own son so sick and worried -- as others said - Virgos do that enough to themselves, don't need any help from anyone else! Anyway, i hope you are able to talk to H about your son and help him to see the wrongness of his ways....
Roxi -- with regard to my situation -- i keep vacillating between txting him on thurs or not -- i know he will be here -- don't know exactly with whom, but now feel like -- i sent him nice email friday am and have done nothing since... i think ball is in his court and he should contact me on thurs if he wants to see me.... of course with H gone all weekend i may break down after a few drinks and txt him thurs night or fri am, but right now my plan is to wait and see if he contacts me..... what do you think?
Hi lindawin iv been reading every day and thinking should i or shouldnt i respond....well i just had to really. Roxi knows my story and has been good therapy. I too am married 14 years and apart from the last 7 months or so very happily.
I will give you a brief summary of my story...hope your sitting comfortably.....
I worked alongside virgo 2 years lots of banter there was a definate connection even chemistry (he 11 younger than I)I can honestly say i never saw a physical attraction but we were drawn together through our personalities. Anyway something strange happened coming home one night in a cab (a few of us been out drinking when world cup football was on and slightly drunk) he was coming back to stay over at our house, he got hold of my hand it felt really nice sweet i suppose, anyway i didnt let go he kept squeezing i sqeezed back all way home....after that we carried on as normal then week or so later he came to our house for a drink when he left he kissed me on cheek(again i thought sweet he not the type of guy you would really associate with holding hands and kissing cheek)again we carried on as normal nothing mentioned....I have to admit now though that i was seeing us differently....things moved quickly after that he went away for a few weeks with work and we text constantly sometimes 16 hours a day which started to turn into calls(?250 WORTH IN 3 WEEKS QUITE HEAVY GOING)when he came back we ended up together quite short very intense.....to cut an already long story short we dont talk any more i have had the cold treatment then nice again then been ignored..there is lots of stuff inbetween but now he has gone overseas for 7 months with his job he wouldnt talk to me about feelings much sometimes got angry if i tried to push him....well anyway i dont know what to say to you other than i know and it hurts like hell and the guilt as well ....i truly feel for you x
I will give you a brief summary of my story...hope your sitting comfortably.....
I worked alongside virgo 2 years lots of banter there was a definate connection even chemistry (he 11 younger than I)I can honestly say i never saw a physical attraction but we were drawn together through our personalities. Anyway something strange happened coming home one night in a cab (a few of us been out drinking when world cup football was on and slightly drunk) he was coming back to stay over at our house, he got hold of my hand it felt really nice sweet i suppose, anyway i didnt let go he kept squeezing i sqeezed back all way home....after that we carried on as normal then week or so later he came to our house for a drink when he left he kissed me on cheek(again i thought sweet he not the type of guy you would really associate with holding hands and kissing cheek)again we carried on as normal nothing mentioned....I have to admit now though that i was seeing us differently....things moved quickly after that he went away for a few weeks with work and we text constantly sometimes 16 hours a day which started to turn into calls(?250 WORTH IN 3 WEEKS QUITE HEAVY GOING)when he came back we ended up together quite short very intense.....to cut an already long story short we dont talk any more i have had the cold treatment then nice again then been ignored..there is lots of stuff inbetween but now he has gone overseas for 7 months with his job he wouldnt talk to me about feelings much sometimes got angry if i tried to push him....well anyway i dont know what to say to you other than i know and it hurts like hell and the guilt as well ....i truly feel for you x
Lindawin,
Thank you very much for your kind words of encouragement. I'm not going to lie to you and say it has been easy though. It took me two months to get to the point where I don't care anymore. He really did get under my skin, and to be honest, I have no idea how he did it. It was just like all of a sudden, he got there. My self control has come after a lot of thought processing. I realized I had to let go of him to keep my sanity. If I hear from him, well, great, and if not, then oh well. During the summer of 2006, I was a completely different person. If I didn't hear from him within 2 weeks, I either called him or texted him. Of course, he never answered the phone or my messages. Finally, in August, I had enough of the silent treatment, and I told him off through text messages because since he wouldn't answer the phone, at least he would get those messages. I wasn't mean, but I told him how immature he was being and whatnot. Naturally, I didn't get a response. Crazy as it sounds, I was hurt that he ignored how I felt, but at least I knew where I stood. Then his birthday came around in September. I struggled with whether I should acknowledge his birthday or not. I decided I was going to act just like normal so I did send him a text wishing him a happy birthday. I also wrote that I would have called him but that he was ignoring me for some odd reason that I didn't know. I ended the text with wishing him the best. I didn't hear from him the whole day, and for some strange reason, it did bother me that he didn't even send a thank you text or what. However, in the middle of the night on the September 9th, (his birthday is September 8th), my cell phone rang at 4.27 in the morning. I knew it was him because he does have a habit of calling in the middle of the night to me. I didn't answer because I was mad at him. However, I knew then he hadn't forgotten me and I guess he did appreciate it that I did remember him on his birthday. Then he went another month before I heard from him. Now, it's like he gets in contact with me at least once a month. So where I am today with self control has taken a lot of time. I don't contact him. Whether he'll get in contact with me again is something I don't worry about anymore. However, I'm so glad to have known such a person like him this year because I've learnt so much.
Continue...
Thank you very much for your kind words of encouragement. I'm not going to lie to you and say it has been easy though. It took me two months to get to the point where I don't care anymore. He really did get under my skin, and to be honest, I have no idea how he did it. It was just like all of a sudden, he got there. My self control has come after a lot of thought processing. I realized I had to let go of him to keep my sanity. If I hear from him, well, great, and if not, then oh well. During the summer of 2006, I was a completely different person. If I didn't hear from him within 2 weeks, I either called him or texted him. Of course, he never answered the phone or my messages. Finally, in August, I had enough of the silent treatment, and I told him off through text messages because since he wouldn't answer the phone, at least he would get those messages. I wasn't mean, but I told him how immature he was being and whatnot. Naturally, I didn't get a response. Crazy as it sounds, I was hurt that he ignored how I felt, but at least I knew where I stood. Then his birthday came around in September. I struggled with whether I should acknowledge his birthday or not. I decided I was going to act just like normal so I did send him a text wishing him a happy birthday. I also wrote that I would have called him but that he was ignoring me for some odd reason that I didn't know. I ended the text with wishing him the best. I didn't hear from him the whole day, and for some strange reason, it did bother me that he didn't even send a thank you text or what. However, in the middle of the night on the September 9th, (his birthday is September 8th), my cell phone rang at 4.27 in the morning. I knew it was him because he does have a habit of calling in the middle of the night to me. I didn't answer because I was mad at him. However, I knew then he hadn't forgotten me and I guess he did appreciate it that I did remember him on his birthday. Then he went another month before I heard from him. Now, it's like he gets in contact with me at least once a month. So where I am today with self control has taken a lot of time. I don't contact him. Whether he'll get in contact with me again is something I don't worry about anymore. However, I'm so glad to have known such a person like him this year because I've learnt so much.
Continue...
He has been such a challenge, but also a person I'll never forget. He'll always be remembered no matter what. I've done everything possible to forget about him. I would curse at him in my head (I know, it's nuts) and would get steaming mad being ignored over and over again. I found it quite disrespectful to say the least. Unfortunately, I just lost it regarding him (which has never happened to me regarding guys) that I became depressed. I was nothing like my happy-go-lucky self at all. Therefore I worked very hard to get back to myself. People did see a difference in me, but they knew that I would work out whatever was bothering me, which I did. What took me for a loop was that even though I explained how mad I was, he just ignored it. He never called me or whatever and told me off. He just stayed silent. Therefore I wasn't sure of anything. When I finally, in September, began the healing process, things started to look so much better. I knew things would only get better which they have. I'm much happier now. I should never have gotten so emotionally involved which was a mistake on my part. However, I still find Virgos awesome people so I'm not jaded by them. I've come to the conclusion that this Virgo guy I know is a one off.
Now whether you should text your Virgo guy on Thursday (I know you addressed this to Roxi but I'll give my 2 cents). Please don't. What's the point in doing that? He will probably ignore you because that is what usually happens. He will contact you when he's ready and not before. No matter how much you contact him, it will take that much longer before he contacts you. Just let him be. Also you must show him, you don't have to have communication with him even though you really want to. Gosh, when I read your story, it's like I've written it myself. It so surreal.
Soft,
I'm so glad your Virgo guy is communicating with you. Good for you. Have a great time with him and cherish every moment.
Roxi,
Well, an Aries wants to get back with you. He must have finally realized he let a good thing get away (meaning you). Let him work for it this time around.
Woodsnake,
Stay strong. You will eventually hear from your Virgo guy. They always pop up again when you least expect it. Just be prepared then that he'll act like nothing has happened.
Now whether you should text your Virgo guy on Thursday (I know you addressed this to Roxi but I'll give my 2 cents). Please don't. What's the point in doing that? He will probably ignore you because that is what usually happens. He will contact you when he's ready and not before. No matter how much you contact him, it will take that much longer before he contacts you. Just let him be. Also you must show him, you don't have to have communication with him even though you really want to. Gosh, when I read your story, it's like I've written it myself. It so surreal.
Soft,
I'm so glad your Virgo guy is communicating with you. Good for you. Have a great time with him and cherish every moment.
Roxi,
Well, an Aries wants to get back with you. He must have finally realized he let a good thing get away (meaning you). Let him work for it this time around.
Woodsnake,
Stay strong. You will eventually hear from your Virgo guy. They always pop up again when you least expect it. Just be prepared then that he'll act like nothing has happened.
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