Does having sex w/ cap male change the friendship?

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by ay018 on Tuesday, March 12, 2013 and has 25 replies.
Is it impossible to go back to being friends? This cap male & i have been really good friends for 9 yrs, know his fam, cousins, went to his sister's wedding as his stand jn date b/c his date cancelled. so clearly, we've been great friends before all this. one night after a bad breakup I ended up sleeping w/ him. I was so embarrassed. After that he always wanted to hang out & drove to our old university to catch a football game/see if I would meet up since I was there (we live in separate cities) Every time we would talk it would be almost normal until he would tie a sex Comment.
One day he asks me to be his Girlfriend a yr ago & I said no & told him your just trying to get into my pants b/c he always tied a sexual innuendo/refer to that 1 time we had sex! Told him lets be friends like we used to be. He gets mad. whatever. time goes by. he dates. i date. We talk as friends.... then he acts like a jerk & so i told him not to call me anymore/ we're no longer friends. months go by & he texts me yesterday.i listen to what he had to say. Wants to fly me to see him & hang out like we used to then mentions that one time we had sex. He's a hot doctor so I told him he shouldn't have a hard time finding someone. what the hell?!? We had sex ONE TIME! We were such great friends!
What is up with this cap? Seriously!! 9 yrs of friendship down the drain because of sex?
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Having sex with anyone you have a connection/relationship with changes things especially if this is the first time that line was crossed. What you're saying is you had a breakup with someone else and used your Cap friend for a booty call (whether that is what you meant to do or not it is what you did - no judgment)and then he wanted more but you didn't correct? FYI...Cap men do not just ask anybody to be their GF.
So What am I missing? LOL I ask because you've been close with this man for almost a decade (which means you have shown the Cap loyalty and stability and must feel the same about him)and you say he is hot and a doctor...but is what? Just not your type? That doesn't fly simply because you've invested many years in a platonic relationship and while you claim to regret having sex with him you didn't say it was bad. LOL Why don't you want to see if there is more there between you like he obviously does? What gives?
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Posted by FoxGlove
I have to agree with Pidelight on this -- sooooooo... why are you not into him? lol smile


Yes...inquiring dirty minds want to know! Hahaha
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Posted by Pidelight

Haha. The sex was great.. He's always been a great guy but the sexual innuendos turn me off. When he asked me to be his gf I told him no & explained that b/c of those innuendos I don't know if he means it. Told him to show me by not saying those things & win me over b/c i am interested. He got mad. Time went by. Then he acted like a jerk. Forgave him saying that we have been friends for so long that I forgive him since he appologized. Then he acted like a complete jerk once again & really hurt me so I walked away. since his cousins are my friends i never me tioned any of it to his cousins as that would be disrespectful. few months to by & now he's trying & then made another sex comment.
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I told him I didn't want to walk away but he really hurt me & td him that he's really changed ever since he started his rotations. I was there for him even wen he was in Iraq sending him care packages as a close friend. Told him to contact me when he realizes how much of a jerk he's been. A few months later he's now trying to talk & wants to apologize. Said I'll listen the. He brings out sex comment. Damn that sex comment!!!
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You've known him for 9 years and after he asked you to be his girlfriend you tell him to win you over because you are interested. We can clearly rule out any manner of confusion on his part as an issue here.
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Yes...inquiring dirty minds want to know! Hahaha

Sex? Mind blowing! CAps can deliver
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In most cases I would but it might make sense if I explain it.
My bday.
He wants to celebrate it. I end up in accident & hurt my shoulder & can't make it. He says he'll come to me... changes his mind 2 hrs before & says he's going w/ his buddies to hard rock & play in poker tournement... Text him. he igmores. Following wk. he wants to make it up. I tell him with my friends. Tells me to drop everything. I ask why? Then in an argument he's like b/c I want you to be my gf & then f* you all night long. More dirty talk from him. Me.... We have only hung out once since that sex session.... . Before he asks me to be his gf he never even said he likes me...... The be my gf came out of left field. Before sex... We could talk about everything. Now.... It's mind games....
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Sounds like your not ready for a serious relationship or settling down. Caps come as a complete package which scare most girls away... Lol
Give me 5 good reasons why you don't give him a chance???
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Posted by ay018
Before he asks me to be his gf he never even said he likes me.

Which tells you what, exactly?
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Posted by StoicGoat
You've known him for 9 years and after he asked you to be his girlfriend you tell him to win you over because you are interested. We can clearly rule out any manner of confusion on his part as an issue here. /Sarcasm


FTFY Winking
Yeah, I am slightly confused too. :S
What would he have to do to win you over?
You can't just go from heavily emotionally involved for years > sex > back to square one (or three, however this is counted). My guess is you flipped a switch in his mind back then.
Going back from that is hard, or takes a lot of self-control. The only way that would be possible for me is if I didn't really care about this person that much and always saw them as "just a friend" or vice versa, I care too much about them to lose them over something like that.
It reminds me of this bit of research;
"[...]these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be ???just friends?????and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more."
He knows he can have sex and that you are interested. Now he thinks that with a bit of nudging he can convince you to have sex again. Hence the comments.
My biggest question is actually if you think this could work if you did start a relationship with him? Or are there signs that he might not be right for you?
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He knows he can have sex and that you are interested. Now he thinks that with a bit of nudging he can convince you to have sex again. Hence the comments.
My biggest question is actually if you think this could work if you did start a relationship with him? Or are there signs that he might not be right for you?

That's exactly what it is. I feel like he feels like he can have sex with me if he nudges me. When we talk I always end up feeling like he's trying to get sex.
Like his texts today: wants to fly me to Miami so he can apologize to me in person the right why then tells me he wants booty dance/get frisky. I would totally consider dating him. He's fun, smart, hot, much in common, we're both gonna be doctors (he is already: I'm starting med school), his family loves me...
Problem: every time we talk I feel like he just wants sex. Doesn't tell me about how he try feels hence my hecitance
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Posted by msmarilynmanson
if i want to have sex with someone that bad i love them. i cannot separate love and sex. its the way i show my love.


+1
Love first, then sex. Booty calls are okay if it doesn't work out.
It seems like you really want him to say he loves you first. That won't happen until you tell him first.
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Posted by msmarilynmanson
Posted by TigerCap
Posted by msmarilynmanson
if i want to have sex with someone that bad i love them. i cannot separate love and sex. its the way i show my love.


+1
Love first, then sex. Booty calls are okay if it doesn't work out.
It seems like you really want him to say he loves you first. That won't happen until you tell him first.


do you think cap men and women are different in terms of sex? i cant stand one night stands or sex without love. its such a turn off. what about cap men?
click to expand


I have limited experience with those but they have never seen all that appealing to me. I am even turned off by horny drunken girls approaching me in a club or bar. Usually just stay polite and keep dancing by myself. Tongue
As Metoo said, ideally I think most Caps would prefer to become best friends and then lovers. Not the other way around.
Maybe some other Cap men could chime in?
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Posted by Metoo
I say give it a shot. I think your lookng for balance, like we can talk about sex when you cover all the other bases that a normal friendship/relationship would have not ONLY sex, aaannd your probably looking to be romanced and not just seen as his sex object. So you gotta spell it out for him...like...it was great, but basically if were gonna do it again its gonna be under different circumstances, were gonna give it a true shot as a couple, and we can be sexy to eachother but I am missing everything else and want more than just that aspect.


'Reset' the relationship as they say.
Try it in a different way or turn around and walk away.
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Posted by Metoo

you opened Pandoras box. arent as into discussing more emotional things.


Thanks for the advice! I called & we talked no emotional stuff. Asked him 1 ? What's the reason behind flying me down? If I was guy I wouldn't fly a girl down for a booty call/I'm no one's booty call". He said I was Right. That the reason he wants to see me is to fix what he's broken in person. told him "No sex" & he said sex would be fun but doesn't care if we just hung out & talked. he told me any wkend that I am free he would fly me down.
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Hell yeah about female scorp paranoia!
diff cities for yrs. same hometown, his cousins live in my city/ 1 hr flight.
I'm def willing to give him a chance. We've always been there for each other for almost a Decade!! We went on some dates (only kissed) over 9 yrs ago but he was immature/ we were so young. so We became great friends.
What does he want? to fix things b/w us after being such an Ass. Does that mean romance????? NO IDEA! But he knows friends w/ benefits is NOT an opt & he's always seen me in committed relationships in the past.
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once 1.5 yrs ago we talked about when we briefly dated 9 yrs ago. I told him I really liked him back then but broke it off b/c i thought he wasn't into me. He was So ALOOF & i mean ALOOF!!! he told me he really liked me but had a hard time showing his emotions.
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You caps are difficult. It took him 7.5 yrs to tell me exactly how he felt the 1st time around.
I want to give it a shot.
Will the cap male actually tell me he wants a relationship?
Ever since I've known him he's never been big on sharing his feelings to the women he was interested in. I used to tell him to tell the girl he was interested how he felt before they walk away (pre-sex thing)
How should this be approached? Scorp women are terrified of rejection.
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Sorry the "you caps are difficult is for Cowpuncher lol!! I jut looked at my chart. I'm a Capricorn in both Venus & Jupiter.
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Posted by QUlETstorm

I get the feeling he is not consistent in your life otherwise you'd probably have a little more faith & trust in him. If he is the kind of long term friend who only calls on holidays, birthdays and occasional weekends, I wouldn't blame you for not wanting to jump into anything.. .


We were closest of friends for 7 of the 9 yrs. the 8th yr he was super busy w/ med school. No biggie.......
. Hesitation began a little less than 1.5 yrs ago he was going to see me on my bday in my city but then cancelled 2 hrs be4 to play high stake poker w/ friends. A wk later he asks me to be his gf. We've only hung out once after the "sex night" 3 months before that (we live in diff cities)
Also around that time he started his rotations & he's developed this semi "god complex". This jerky complex is caused us to start fighting. i forgave him but then he did it again leading to me telling him I'm walking away & to call me when you realize how much you hurt me/jerk you've become.
Months later he texts & now wants to ask for my forgiveness in person & fix what he's broken.
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He knows the reason for my hesitation. I told him. He still wants to fly me down & fix things & no sex.
I just don't know how to approach the relationship thing... If that's even on the table. I think it is. I'm open to it as it seems sincere.
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Quietstorm: agreed! Edward needs a tan lol!
Cowpuncher: I hope it was just him chicken out.
Is the cap going to speak about what he wants out of this? All based on if he's no longer having this "semi-god" complex.
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Quietstorm- she totally can. I had a friend go through a terrinle situation like the one your sister had. She took some time to understand that it wasn't her fault & now she has their loving fianc? who's patient, understanding & absolutely adores her :-)
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Thanks! He said he wantsd to fix what he's broken & i plan on giving him that chance. I'll see how things evolve from there. Definitely no sex. And it's like you said. If he's legit then a little wait is no big deal.
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