why has he disappeared and made no contact?

This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by candy10 on Tuesday, May 21, 2013 and has 49 replies.
This is about a good friend of mine..who i've known about five years (read the past threads). We get on well, he's maintained contact with me for all this time and through plenty of ups and downs and a couple of breaks and arguments in between but regardless we always manage to get back on track. He likes me.and has made this clear for some time now but this to me isn't the point really as first and foremost we are friends.
I mean the last I spoke to him he was speaking about relationships and marriage, and I think it was all directed at me, so his disappearance now has not made any sense to me.

About two and a half months ago now which was the last we spoke we were on good terms and everything was fine..so he has no reason i would think to be annoyed at me or something..Although at the time i was sort of busy and he did call me a fair few times in the week but i didn't manage to get back to him till a lot later and even then the last conversation it was only for five minutes, so to him i may have appeared to have no time for him which wasn't the case it was just a hectic time for me. I do kind of regret it now though. given the circumstances.
A couple of weeks after the five minute convo i texted him...but he did not receive any of the texts. They were all unsuccessful, I found that odd so i called him only to find out that his number was not connected, it didn't ring and there was no voicemail..so i assumed it had been disconnected. He literally has not changed this number in years so it was a surprise to me. But obviously I thought well i'm sure at some point he will call/message me to let me know what had happened but two months later and nothing..
Also in that time i facebooked him..as this was the only way of contact..and told him i tried to ring him but could not get through..he actually read the message six weeks back now and did not respond at all..
I just can't understand it..i'm not some random person he's known for a week..then i'd understand maybe..i'm someone who he supposedly has been in to for some time now and has been good friends with for years so whats with the silent treatment
If i changed my number or something more or less straight away i'd let all my close friends know and i would think i would be in that group of people to contact first :/
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needless to say he's a capricorn. At first all my friends were convinced that he would ring me or something..so i was cool about it and thought i'd give it time, now even those friends are getting worried and are shocked he hasn't got in touch with me Crying.
The only times in the past he's ignored me has been when something major has happened, like when we have argued about something. This has been the longest we've not been in contact since two years back when he stopped talking to me over some random chick stirring and spreading lies about me to him.
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Posted by Metoo
He will be back. Write it down. Guessing he started seeing someone new, got tired of unreciprocated feelings or feeling friend zoned by you. When he is ready he will be back. Guarenteed. Since you have not pestered him and gave him space...FB message him again and tell him you sincerely miss his friendship and are worried and give him your number (again) and ask him to call you.


I really hope so. I thought maybe something happened and that's why his numbers disconnected, I doubt the number thing has got anything to do with me i.e he changed it because of me. Another thing I hadn't mentioned before, out of concern I had a look at his work website and under staff, his name is no longer there either :/. Therefore his number being disconnected and him not being listed as working at his apparent workplace caused me to think there was something else.

No i have only sent him that one message, whereby I said I could not get through to him, so you could say I left him alone.
It would be disappointing if he did cut me out of his life for good. To me it would not make sense, as we are talking about years of friendship, so I hope you're right. I mean even as a friend i would think he should care enough to reach out and explain to me whats happened especially as i asked.
Crying
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Maybe he lost his job and want to get away from everything and everybody.
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Posted by cowpuncher
I doubt he'd cut you out of his life for good. However, if he was very interested in being more than friends, and knows you are not, he very likely wants some time and distance until he's over it. Not just for his own good either, but out of respect for the friendship. Sometimes we go *poof* for a while when we need to, but we generally show back up when the time is right.



It just feels like he has, as it's been forever now and i've got nothing,what makes the situation worse is that every other time he has disappeared i've still had the security that he'd be on the other end of the phone, but now I have no way of contacting him, its like everything it out of my control and I have to rely upon him to get in touch.
It has been two and a half months now but every day has felt like a week lol.
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Posted by lnana04
Maybe he lost his job and want to get away from everything and everybody.



that also seems surreal..i mean he only told me recently..that he got made permanent.
I just hope its not that he lost his job but that he didn't intentionally leave his job or leave the country or something drastic like that Sad
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Posted by cowpuncher
Posted by lnana04
Maybe he lost his job and want to get away from everything and everybody.


Very good point. Some of us take job loss pretty hard, and go into full blown hermit mode during our job search.
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He is actually a hermit sometimes, so that part is accurate.
His job stuff is extremely important to him.
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Posted by Metoo
Also if he was talking to you about marriage and settling down last time and he got no indication from you that you would pursue this direction with him...then he probably emotionally had the last straw and decided he is wasting years on you hoping you would come around and reciprocate and show interest and he finally decided he wanted to change his life, find a new job, a new girl...settle down. He may have felt strung along by you.
It sometimes takes months but caps DO come back. Almost always unless deeply hurt and have broken trust.



This situation is really complex and difficult to explain, but I wouldn't say i ever gave him no hope of things ever progressing i.e a full on rejection but at the same time I guess I have not been particularly proactive either, i've sort of been in the middle/neutral.
It has been like that for a while, its probably unfair..but I mean i did not expect him to overnight change his mind about me and stop talking to me if you understand what i mean.
I just can't see him doing all of those things because i feel that i would very much still be in the forefront in his mind, or the first person he would think of with regards to relationship/marriage..eeverything.
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Posted by candy10
Posted by Metoo
Also if he was talking to you about marriage and settling down last time and he got no indication from you that you would pursue this direction with him...then he probably emotionally had the last straw and decided he is wasting years on you hoping you would come around and reciprocate and show interest and he finally decided he wanted to change his life, find a new job, a new girl...settle down. He may have felt strung along by you.
It sometimes takes months but caps DO come back. Almost always unless deeply hurt and have broken trust.



This situation is really complex and difficult to explain, but I wouldn't say i ever gave him no hope of things ever progressing i.e a full on rejection but at the same time I guess I have not been particularly proactive either, i've sort of been in the middle/neutral.
It has been like that for a while, its probably unfair..but I mean i did not expect him to overnight change his mind about me and stop talking to me if you understand what i mean.
I just can't see him doing all of those things because i feel that i would very much still be in the forefront in his mind, or the first person he would think of with regards to relationship/marriage..eeverything.

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But obviously he's not around at this present time ..so what the hell do I know.
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I have nothing new to add. Everything I thought of to mention, has already been mentioned.
I am sure his disappearance has hurt your feelings and I'm sorry for that. I agree with sending him another message on facebook. Just ask if he's okay and tell him you miss him.
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Posted by Metoo
As a Cap I have reinvented myself many times in my life. When I make changes in career and relationship, it was a long time coming, it is usually fairly drastic almost like a complete overhaul. I had given it a lot of thought and prepared and planned, so he may have been stewing some things over for awhile.
Sometimes to if things aren't going well and I was forced into change, the effects are worse as far as impact of relationships with friends and faily and I withdraw. I don't wanna show anyone I am not doing well, and I don't want any pity, advice, help...I need to figure things out and being in touch with everyone just complicates things as a cap will feel vulnerable (this is the worst place possible for us) and since we need stability we are desperately fighting to find a solution to get back on track.
You have been a question mark in his life. He knows your a friend but its the capacity he questions and he doesn't have time right now to deal with that. He has to deal with reality, job changes, financial effects...my sense is he needs to figure out his life right now and he is shutting out everyone until he finds his balance. Send good energy his way and have faith he will return when he can. Theres no timeframe. In the meantime figure out what you want with him when he comes back. Is it friendship ONLY? then be prepared to be specific about that.
And if you want to give it a try as far as a relationship..be clear there too. Maybe its time to get out of he gray so you both have more direction and clear intent toward your relationship.




Everything you just said I did think possible. Like if somethings happened with his job/family/to him personally, he might want space and to withdraw and perhaps his life already being complicated he doesn't want to make things even worse for himself by bringing me back in to it, so thats why he has kept his distant for a bit. This is all under the assumption that something major has happened in his life and I do have some level of sympathy.
However if its the other possibilty that he just decided he doesn't want anything to do with me suddenly and just took the opportunity to just cut me out then thats a whole different story and I won't have any respect for him doing that.
I'm someone who likes answers, even if it was to say i HATE YOU GO AWAY, even that is better tha nothing..at least then i kno
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Posted by Metoo
As a Cap I have reinvented myself many times in my life. When I make changes in career and relationship, it was a long time coming, it is usually fairly drastic almost like a complete overhaul. I had given it a lot of thought and prepared and planned, so he may have been stewing some things over for awhile.
Sometimes to if things aren't going well and I was forced into change, the effects are worse as far as impact of relationships with friends and faily and I withdraw. I don't wanna show anyone I am not doing well, and I don't want any pity, advice, help...I need to figure things out and being in touch with everyone just complicates things as a cap will feel vulnerable (this is the worst place possible for us) and since we need stability we are desperately fighting to find a solution to get back on track.
You have been a question mark in his life. He knows your a friend but its the capacity he questions and he doesn't have time right now to deal with that. He has to deal with reality, job changes, financial effects...my sense is he needs to figure out his life right now and he is shutting out everyone until he finds his balance. Send good energy his way and have faith he will return when he can. Theres no timeframe. In the meantime figure out what you want with him when he comes back. Is it friendship ONLY? then be prepared to be specific about that.
And if you want to give it a try as far as a relationship..be clear there too. Maybe its time to get out of he gray so you both have more direction and clear intent toward your relationship.




continued ** i know where i stand.
So don't you think he would have told anyone about his situation? I just have this feeling that i'm the only one he has decided to keep in the dark, and that his other friends will know, and that again I find pretty unfair.
I sent him another message asking if things are ok and that i would like him to message me back if he can or wants to and that if he can't i wish him the best.
Any way this is all simply unexpected with regards to the timing, my instincts told me that his final decision was that he wants to marry me and that at this stage in his life he would not make any kind of drastic moves in terms of the person he wants to marry and move on, which is why if it is that id be shocked.
He was literally saying stuff to me like i wonder what you would be li
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Posted by Metoo
As a Cap I have reinvented myself many times in my life. When I make changes in career and relationship, it was a long time coming, it is usually fairly drastic almost like a complete overhaul. I had given it a lot of thought and prepared and planned, so he may have been stewing some things over for awhile.
Sometimes to if things aren't going well and I was forced into change, the effects are worse as far as impact of relationships with friends and faily and I withdraw. I don't wanna show anyone I am not doing well, and I don't want any pity, advice, help...I need to figure things out and being in touch with everyone just complicates things as a cap will feel vulnerable (this is the worst place possible for us) and since we need stability we are desperately fighting to find a solution to get back on track.
You have been a question mark in his life. He knows your a friend but its the capacity he questions and he doesn't have time right now to deal with that. He has to deal with reality, job changes, financial effects...my sense is he needs to figure out his life right now and he is shutting out everyone until he finds his balance. Send good energy his way and have faith he will return when he can. Theres no timeframe. In the meantime figure out what you want with him when he comes back. Is it friendship ONLY? then be prepared to be specific about that.
And if you want to give it a try as far as a relationship..be clear there too. Maybe its time to get out of he gray so you both have more direction and clear intent toward your relationship.




continued again ***
so he was asking me specific questions that a newly engaged couple or people who have decided they want to marry each other would address..such as how i would like my ideal married life to be...if i'd like to live with my in laws..if i'd like to work...about kids...etc..etc..if i'd like to move away to a different area...
he actually said to me he knows i'm quite laid back with this sort of stuff but that i should start thinking about my future as he clearly is thinking about his every single day.
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Posted by truecap
I have nothing new to add. Everything I thought of to mention, has already been mentioned.
I am sure his disappearance has hurt your feelings and I'm sorry for that. I agree with sending him another message on facebook. Just ask if he's okay and tell him you miss him.


thanks
yes i sent just one more message..but i guess thats it really...up to him now
it did effect me quite a bit...it still is now but i'm coming to terms with the possibility that he might not speak to me..
I just never think friends would disappear like that..ok i know he thinks of me as more..but then that gives him even more of a reason to explain where and why and how...
I'd never do what he did to someone if i thought of them the way he supposedly thinks of me...
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Well, I have friends I seldom talk to but I still care about them. I still think about them. When we do talk it's like no time has passed. Caps just are very good at keeping in touch with people.
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I meant caps ARE NOT good at keeping in touch with people.
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Posted by truecap
Well, I have friends I seldom talk to but I still care about them. I still think about them. When we do talk it's like no time has passed. Caps just are very good at keeping in touch with people.




lol its different when you don't keep in touch with someone to when you ignore them when they make contact with you lol.
The thing is he never ignored me before this number disconnection which was now a couple of months back, he'd actually call me up of his own accord AND when i'd be busy or didnt have time to call him back on the day he'd keep track of how many days it took for me to get back to him and ask me why it took so long..so when someone like that just stops talking to me its a bit odd..
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The first time you posted about this guy in dxp was in January of 2011, which is nearly two and a half years ago .... then you were at the same place with him, in that he was treating you like he wasn't all that into you.
One time, you tried to convince me that you knew he has feelings for you because he sounded normal on the phone, and your argument was that if he didn't have feelings for you, then he wouldn't sound normal on the phone.
And I'm like ... seriously? what a dumb fuck .... :::: shakes head ::::

Posted by candy10
I just don't understand why he would do this. I know how strongly he feels about me and how he wants to marry me and all of that so then why leave me hanging with no answers after his number being disconnected and him knowing i have no way to contact him other than stupid facebook




then today, I find this ^^^^^^ on the relationships board ... where you still are so shrouded by delusion in your density that you cannot comprehend that a person who wants to marry you acts like it.
You have nothing to even make yourself grasp that ... if you responded you would come back with the same bullshit to say ... he wants to marry me, so why won't he talked to me.

because after 2 years of you still not being able to add two and two .... I believe you are probably really that stupid
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Posted by candy10
Posted by truecap
Well, I have friends I seldom talk to but I still care about them. I still think about them. When we do talk it's like no time has passed. Caps just are very good at keeping in touch with people.




lol its different when you don't keep in touch with someone to when you ignore them when they make contact with you lol.
The thing is he never ignored me before this number disconnection which was now a couple of months back, he'd actually call me up of his own accord AND when i'd be busy or didnt have time to call him back on the day he'd keep track of how many days it took for me to get back to him and ask me why it took so long..so when someone like that just stops talking to me its a bit odd..

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If he wanted to get in touch with you, he would. There are alternative methods of communication than just a cell phone.
I'd just write it off and go about my business. Not easy to do, but looks like that's what you're going to have to do.
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I left this for you on the other thread, but, I thought it would be appropriate here also ....



GO AWAY
from candy10 sent on 5/22/2013 at 3:41:44 PM
WHAT IS IT WITH YOU STALKING ALL MY THREADS AND WRITING A PILE OF CRAP EVRY SINGLE TIME???
ARE YOU ON YOUR MENOPAUSE ?
EITHER THAT OR YOU'RE A MISERABLE OLD COW WITH NO LIFE, IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW MANY YEARS GAP I LEAVE BETWEEN COMING ON TO HERE..THERE YOU'LL STILL BE WITH YOUR NEGATIVE STUPID OPINIONS
TRUTH IS YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS GUY OR ME AND YOU'VE JUST MADE SOME RETARDED ASSUMPTIONS
KNOW THE WHOLE STORY BEFORE YOU JUMP IN..
YOU JUST LOVE TO IMPOSE YOUR MISERY ON TO EVERYONE ELSE
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so what? its the truth
you've gone and done yourself no favours either p angel...
why do you act like this? you're triple my age..
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i'm here to ask advice from some sane people...you're basically preventing me from being able to use dxp as a tool get some insight on some problems i might have
so i'm asking you again..
will you stop interfering on every single thread of mine.

you're actually mental
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Sounds like your confusing him. Caps hate iffy people. And boy do you sound iffy! Don't be mad. You properly string him on letting him to believe he has a chance with you. You suck! I have had this done to me. Even though I know you want it. If your not ready for a relationship and want to continue dating and flirting, keep it moving... Don't expect him to wait till your ready to grow up.
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Posted by SureShotCap
Sounds like your confusing him. Caps hate iffy people. And boy do you sound iffy! Don't be mad. You properly string him on letting him to believe he has a chance with you. You suck! I have had this done to me. Even though I know you want it. If your not ready for a relationship and want to continue dating and flirting, keep it moving... Don't expect him to wait till your ready to grow up.



ok fair enough.. i'm not gonna get mad lol..i don't intentionally try n confuse him regardless of how it looks...
will he come back though or not?
in ur opinion?
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Posted by SureShotCap
Sounds like your confusing him. Caps hate iffy people. And boy do you sound iffy! Don't be mad. You properly string him on letting him to believe he has a chance with you. You suck! I have had this done to me. Even though I know you want it. If your not ready for a relationship and want to continue dating and flirting, keep it moving... Don't expect him to wait till your ready to grow up.



trust me he's iffy too in the sense tht he'll always mention how hot other chicks are etc etc..as if i care..and am gonna scream at him or get jealous or something lol
he plays games trust me..
so i think caps are iffy themselvess
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We mirror people for various reasons, don't know his reason... Oh, and by the way, you won't have to scream, he will read it off your body language...I think he will give you another shot. Will you be ready this time? He will look for a change... Words are nothing to a Capricorn, action is everything!
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Posted by SureShotCap
We mirror people for various reasons, don't know his reason... Oh, and by the way, you won't have to scream, he will read it off your body language...I think he will give you another shot. Will you be ready this time? He will look for a change... Words are nothing to a Capricorn, action is everything!



i give nothing away in terms of body language or anything...to be honest it doesnt bother me if he mentions girls in the sense that im so jealous..its just annoying that he says this stuff and seems to enjoy himself..
i hope he does give me another shot..because i actually have no way of contacting him now that i dont have his number..its just facebook and email...
i'll try to be ready..this has happened before where we haven't spoken for months n month...n we start all over again but then i go back to my usual distant self...
however im now realising after this incident and the possibility of him not coming back around that in the off chance he does i will have no choice but to be more upfront
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Posted by candy10
i give nothing away in terms of body language or anything...to be honest it doesnt bother me if he mentions girls in the sense that im so jealous..its just annoying that he says this stuff and seems to enjoy himself..
however im now realising after this incident and the possibility of him not coming back around that in the off chance he does i will have no choice but to be more upfront


Why do you think he enjoys it??? He knows it bothers you. Meaning he can read your body language.
Like I said before, he knows you are fronting. Was his intent clear enough? Why drag what could be any longer? You're not getting any younger.
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another PM
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whatever lol
from candy10 sent on 5/22/2013 at 5:55:35 PM
post what you like where ever you like..
you're insignificant really ... as much as what you do so
you're only proving my points ...
plus there have been people who have messaged me telling me how much of a weirdo you are
act your age not. your shoe size...you're old enough to be my grandmother.
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"act your age not. your shoe size"
Last time I heard that phrase, it was by a ten year old. Tongue

-Just teasing with ya. smile
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Posted by truecap
"act your age not. your shoe size"
Last time I heard that phrase, it was by a ten year old. Tongue

-Just teasing with ya. smile



loooll its kool..its just p angel annoys me a lot ..it takes a lot for me to get angry..but there we go
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Posted by SureShotCap
Posted by candy10
i give nothing away in terms of body language or anything...to be honest it doesnt bother me if he mentions girls in the sense that im so jealous..its just annoying that he says this stuff and seems to enjoy himself..
however im now realising after this incident and the possibility of him not coming back around that in the off chance he does i will have no choice but to be more upfront


Why do you think he enjoys it??? He knows it bothers you. Meaning he can read your body language.
Like I said before, he knows you are fronting. Was his intent clear enough? Why drag what could be any longer? You're not getting any younger.
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chek your inbox
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I??m in a similar situation and I??m also a cap. Don??t know about other caps, but I have been able to cut girls off from my life if I thought they would play games with me or not be upfront with me. Only girl I couldn??t do this with is the one I??m into right now and I have known her for 5 years. I tried to cut her off and actually we both broke down and cried when I tried, which was very new to me. My take on this is that maybe he has been thinking if it would be a wise idea or not to have u in his life. Maybe he has too many feelings towards u and doesn??t feel u are at the same place. Trust me I know how that feels like as I??m in that situation right now, and it sucks when u know u are the perfect person for someone who can??t see it the same way as it is for now. I think u should do what I do, I tell myself that if it is meant to be the two of us together then it will happen some day and if not, then it was never meant to be that way.
Like one guy mentioned us caps like action not words and if we know exactly that u want us and we want u, then we will stick around for the long haul. Sometimes we do change our minds so maybe he will write u if he is ready and believe u won??t be a bad thing for him to have u in his life again. Just my take of course I could be wrong smile
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Posted by Langvad
I??m in a similar situation and I??m also a cap. Don??t know about other caps, but I have been able to cut girls off from my life if I thought they would play games with me or not be upfront with me. Only girl I couldn??t do this with is the one I??m into right now and I have known her for 5 years. I tried to cut her off and actually we both broke down and cried when I tried, which was very new to me. My take on this is that maybe he has been thinking if it would be a wise idea or not to have u in his life. Maybe he has too many feelings towards u and doesn??t feel u are at the same place. Trust me I know how that feels like as I??m in that situation right now, and it sucks when u know u are the perfect person for someone who can??t see it the same way as it is for now. I think u should do what I do, I tell myself that if it is meant to be the two of us together then it will happen some day and if not, then it was never meant to be that way.
Like one guy mentioned us caps like action not words and if we know exactly that u want us and we want u, then we will stick around for the long haul. Sometimes we do change our minds so maybe he will write u if he is ready and believe u won??t be a bad thing for him to have u in his life again. Just my take of course I could be wrong smile


Thanks for that, it always helps when someone is in a similar situation Big Grin.
OK everything you have just said i think applies IF he disconnected his number because of me or something but I don't think thats the case, however I think its possible that something happened in his life whereby he had to change his number and is not taking the opportunity to cut me out of his life for good :/ :s..OR it could be that he's hiding something from me for the time being but will get back to me when its sorted out..theres a whole line of possibility.
Even though anything is valid right about now..and its anyones guess why he has not been in contact with me, I find it incredibly hard to believe he is moving on from me, simply because there have been two incidents in the last couple of years where me and him didnt talk for months and months because we had disagreements..and in those times people were saying he's moved on , yet months later he came back as if nothing had happened. My point is this time, we were on very very good terms..we didnt argue about anything the last time we spoke so i
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Posted by Langvad
I??m in a similar situation and I??m also a cap. Don??t know about other caps, but I have been able to cut girls off from my life if I thought they would play games with me or not be upfront with me. Only girl I couldn??t do this with is the one I??m into right now and I have known her for 5 years. I tried to cut her off and actually we both broke down and cried when I tried, which was very new to me. My take on this is that maybe he has been thinking if it would be a wise idea or not to have u in his life. Maybe he has too many feelings towards u and doesn??t feel u are at the same place. Trust me I know how that feels like as I??m in that situation right now, and it sucks when u know u are the perfect person for someone who can??t see it the same way as it is for now. I think u should do what I do, I tell myself that if it is meant to be the two of us together then it will happen some day and if not, then it was never meant to be that way.
Like one guy mentioned us caps like action not words and if we know exactly that u want us and we want u, then we will stick around for the long haul. Sometimes we do change our minds so maybe he will write u if he is ready and believe u won??t be a bad thing for him to have u in his life again. Just my take of course I could be wrong smile


** continued
Even though anything is valid right about now..and its anyones guess why he has not been in contact with me, I find it incredibly hard to believe he is moving on from me, simply because there have been two incidents in the last couple of years where me and him didnt talk for months and months because we had disagreements..and in those times people were saying he's moved on , yet months later he came back as if nothing had happened. My point is this time, we were on very very good terms..we didnt argue about anything the last time we spoke so if when we have insulted each other and argued with each other..but he still manages to come back around..then whats different this time when we were completely fine before he disappeared??
Its difficult to explain how i am with him..but its not like he THINKS I don't see him that way at all..I think he knows because I have expressed myself to him a couple of times..but the problem is I don't keep it up..whereas he literally is obvious most of the time that he likes me and wants to be in a relationship and wants to get married..w
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Posted by Langvad
I??m in a similar situation and I??m also a cap. Don??t know about other caps, but I have been able to cut girls off from my life if I thought they would play games with me or not be upfront with me. Only girl I couldn??t do this with is the one I??m into right now and I have known her for 5 years. I tried to cut her off and actually we both broke down and cried when I tried, which was very new to me. My take on this is that maybe he has been thinking if it would be a wise idea or not to have u in his life. Maybe he has too many feelings towards u and doesn??t feel u are at the same place. Trust me I know how that feels like as I??m in that situation right now, and it sucks when u know u are the perfect person for someone who can??t see it the same way as it is for now. I think u should do what I do, I tell myself that if it is meant to be the two of us together then it will happen some day and if not, then it was never meant to be that way.
Like one guy mentioned us caps like action not words and if we know exactly that u want us and we want u, then we will stick around for the long haul. Sometimes we do change our minds so maybe he will write u if he is ready and believe u won??t be a bad thing for him to have u in his life again. Just my take of course I could be wrong smile


if when we have insulted each other and argued with each other..but he still manages to come back around..then whats different this time when we were completely fine before he disappeared??
Its difficult to explain how i am with him..but its not like he THINKS I don't see him that way at all..I think he knows because I have expressed myself to him a couple of times..but the problem is I don't keep it up..whereas he literally is obvious most of the time that he likes me and wants to be in a relationship and wants to get married..whereas i'm ont like that continuously and thats the problem..i might have said something obvious once upon a time and then the rest of the time act like a mate..mostly because i'm not an emotionally expressive person..that leaves him in the position where he doesnt know where he stands maybe
All i know right now is that at least as a friend..can he not even give me a little message back to say..im ok everythings fine...even that would be better than silence..why can he cut me off as even a friend??
thats what i dont get...forget the fact he likes me a
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Because at least for me that is, it is easier to cut people off that we think will hurt us and in that way we save ourselves from heartache down the road. Maybe he has a gf now and if they have been together for some time, and if he knows he got a weak spot for u then maybe he thinks it wouldn??t be fair to her if u were in his life again, as it could mess things up for him.
It could be alot of reasons why. But i feel u, not knowing is difficult, if he meant alot to u.
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Posted by Caplove
Candy, I have a few questions for you. How often do you two speak to each other? Is it once a week, once a month, every other month?
Also, has he posted anything on Facebook such as updates, pictures? You know that he's alive, right? Because you said earlier he did check the message you sent him, he just didn't respond to you.



We speak to each other every week or every couple of weeks, he'll either call me or i'll message him, so now that its a couple of months :O..its a bit worrying..thats the longest we havn't spoken in at least a couple of years, apart from the times where we have argued and intentionally not wanted to speak to each other lol.but thats what makes the whole situation weird because nothingbad happened with us before he disapparead.
Also whats weird is that he told me he didnt ever want to change his number as so many people have it..and now all of a sudden its disconnected :/ and i know people who lose their phones etc who dont have to change their number so its not that.
He did read a message where i asked him what had happened to his phone because i kept getting cut off when i tried to ring..he did read it.now about six weeks ago..and of course in that time i expected him to reply :O
I sent him another message after some friends advise me to..it had a bit more content..that he has not read in at all and its about two weeks now i would say..
hes not really a facebook person..not a regular user at all..he doesnt post anything, no updates...in fact a few times he deactivated his account but now he's kept it..so i asssume he comes back on once in a while

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Posted by Langvad
Because at least for me that is, it is easier to cut people off that we think will hurt us and in that way we save ourselves from heartache down the road. Maybe he has a gf now and if they have been together for some time, and if he knows he got a weak spot for u then maybe he thinks it wouldn??t be fair to her if u were in his life again, as it could mess things up for him.
It could be alot of reasons why. But i feel u, not knowing is difficult, if he meant alot to u.




I'm not trying to flatter myself ..but I just don't think he'd get over me that quickly and suddenly have a girlfriend..he's not had one in years and years now and im thinking he's not really the type to jump in to anything either, all this time he's gotten to know me so i assume that if he was to get in to a relationship (not that i'd make it easy for him) it would be with me.
It just would not make any sense as what all of the last year he's been having ideas of me and him getting married in the future one day, i just don't see it myself that i would feel that strongly about someone for such a long time that I would want to marry them n then all of a sudden totally forget about them nd move on..i just dont think he has
However what i do think could have happened is that he has decided not to contact me again and has taken this opportunity now that i dont have his number to cut ties..and may move on later.

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Posted by Langvad
Because at least for me that is, it is easier to cut people off that we think will hurt us and in that way we save ourselves from heartache down the road. Maybe he has a gf now and if they have been together for some time, and if he knows he got a weak spot for u then maybe he thinks it wouldn??t be fair to her if u were in his life again, as it could mess things up for him.
It could be alot of reasons why. But i feel u, not knowing is difficult, if he meant alot to u.



what i dont understand is what stopped him from even sending me one sentence of a message back??
He already was on facebook..read the message and had the easiest chance to say something back to me..but he chose not to..
whats up with that?
i dont know if its cap guys or just guys in general but they don't ever give anyone any kind of response sometimes lol
THEREFORE im assuming something had happened and he just didnt want to tell me about it
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but do you not hear yourself typing? he is not interested honey, sorry.
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Posted by aquapiscescusp
but do you not hear yourself typing? he is not interested honey, sorry.



ok kool, so the next time someone basically says he wants a relationship with me, wants to marry me in the future, tells me he doesn't want any one else, i'll take that as no interest and walk away.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious, didn't know why I didn't think of this earlier
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Posted by candy10
Posted by aquapiscescusp
but do you not hear yourself typing? he is not interested honey, sorry.



ok kool, so the next time someone basically says he wants a relationship with me, wants to marry me in the future, tells me he doesn't want any one else, i'll take that as no interest and walk away.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious, didn't know why I didn't think of this earlier
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Candy, if he isn't contacting you, that speaks volume. Why don't you get that part? Anyone can say they want to marry you but if they don't show up at the altar, what do you think it means?
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Posted by aquapiscescusp
Posted by candy10
Posted by aquapiscescusp
but do you not hear yourself typing? he is not interested honey, sorry.



ok kool, so the next time someone basically says he wants a relationship with me, wants to marry me in the future, tells me he doesn't want any one else, i'll take that as no interest and walk away.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious, didn't know why I didn't think of this earlier



Candy, if he isn't contacting you, that speaks volume. Why don't you get that part? Anyone can say they want to marry you but if they don't show up at the altar, what do you think it means?
click to expand


yes of course it speaks volumes, but i think it's something else, not that he doesn't feel "that" way. But the funny thing is no one has ever said that to me before, so no not anyone can say it, i think if someone says those things there's some meaning to it.
Don't get me wrong its nothing like im trying to hold on to something that isn't there..more a case of i don't think he has moved on i just think something else has happened.
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Maybe he meant it at the time?
Some guys say a lot of things they don't mean, or meant at the time and no longer feel that way. Just sayin'.
???

Your only other recourse is to get in your car and drive to where he is and look at him eye to eye.
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It should be obvious to everyone how Virgos get so stuck in their brain, that they lose all sensibilities. The obvious is present and she can say it's obvious ... but, then not have any ability to actualize the reality of the obvious.
She has been stuck in this loop for years .... with zero clue to anything.
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Posted by truecap
Maybe he meant it at the time?
Some guys say a lot of things they don't mean, or meant at the time and no longer feel that way. Just sayin'.
???

Your only other recourse is to get in your car and drive to where he is and look at him eye to eye.




yes could be but like this thing with me and him has been going on for years now... so its not something in my opinion that will go away over night...but everyone has a different opinion..like he's felt that way it seems for the whole time he's known me, regardless of what has happened in between like..all the arguments, all the new girls he's met.
lol yes that is something I could do.as in drive to where he is..but not something I will do
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Posted by Caplove
Posted by candy10


ok kool, so the next time someone basically says he wants a relationship with me, wants to marry me in the future, tells me he doesn't want any one else, i'll take that as no interest and walk away.
Thanks for pointing out the obvious, didn't know why I didn't think of this earlier


Okay, so when did he say those things to you? Was it the last time he spoke to you or earlier than that? And what did you say back to him when he told you those things.
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basically the most recent stuff he was talking about was how i should be thinking about when i want to get married and my future ..and that i don't think about it enough..because i'm pretty laid back and don't plan..whereas he's the opposite he's been thinking of settling down for a long time now..but he knows what i'm like so thats why he said that to me
and before that it was more about wanting a relationship
to be honest..i have not been as open all the time as he has..and thats just the way i've always been..so he'd talk about marriage for example and i wouldn't know what to say..because i hadn't thought about it..so i'd be like is that what you want to do? oh kool..but he wouldn't really know what i want or if i've thought about any of it...
If he does come around..thats something i am willing to change though...and actually give him proper answers...

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"yes could be but like this thing with me and him has been going on for years now... so its not something in my opinion that will go away over night...but everyone has a different opinion..like he's felt that way it seems for the whole time he's known me, regardless of what has happened in between like..all the arguments, all the new girls he's met."
uhhh.... If he really wanted to marry you, he wouldn't be meeting any new girls during that time, nor would he want to. Just think about that thought for a minute.
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