Tell me what you would do, say and feel if your best friend of many years told you one night that he/she's been disappointed in your actions over the last months.
Let's say he/she's been telling you a few times that what you're doing is hurting him/her, but that you didn't change a thing despite saying that you would.
And that one day he/she's had enough and emptied his/her bag.
What would be your reaction?
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Nov 10, 2008Comments: 585 · Posts: 4402 · Topics: 46
Depends on the actions and how you approach me with it... I am me regardless. But, I am a much more watery gem, so I don't go around trying to hurt those around me in the 1st place.
punch her in the face...I dunno about the rest but me and my bff get physical and verbal with each other to blow off steam then we eat cookies and were friends again
* He lied to me over the past months to protect our relationship because he thought it was the right thing to do. I let it all go because I know he didn't mean to lie. He did it as defense mechanism.
* He said he was sorry about his actions many times after I got mad at him for messing up and explained rationally what he did. I know he meant every single one of his apologies.
* The one time I told him I had enough of his actions and wanted to end it, he freaked out and had a mental breakdown. I told him that I was ready to move on and forget it all, if he changed and he did.
* When he lied about something big and caused a lot of damage to our relationship, he said that he did it because he didn't know it would hurt me. He basically told me I was a lot more than a friend to him and that we would evolve into a couple, which I loved because we both believe being in love with your best friend is the best that can happen, but instead he started a fiery relationship with another girl and lied to me about her for a long time. While still keeping me in his life as a close to a couple friendship type a deal.
*When he wants to do something I always say yes because I know he hates rejection. And when I'm the one who calls him to hangout and initiate it, it's a no 90% of the time. But he does ask me to hangout everyday and all the time. So he does wanna hangout with me.
*We talked about going camping, and for two weeks I planned it all, made a reservation and the morning we woke up to go, he had changed his mind and said he wanted to go shopping instead. So I had to call and cancel which pissed me off and made me mad. He knows it.
*He said we would hangout more if I got a Xbox. I got an Xbox and he ditched me for his bestfriend because I'm not as good as a gamer as he is.
I'd just say to him I am emotionally drained by all the negativity he's bringing into the relationship like he's testing my patience or how understanding I am with him. That I love my relationship with him and don't want to lose him and appreciate all the efforts he's doing, but that it's starting to take a toll on me. I'd tell him that I love how fun we are together, but I'd also ask. How am I suppose to bring the fun in our relationship if you reject it every time I try to initiate it.
Like the camping thing, or the Xbox. That his lies are making me wonder if he's gonna lie again.
That's what I'd tell him. Short and sweet and direct to the point.
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Nov 10, 2008Comments: 585 · Posts: 4402 · Topics: 46
Ah, so there's alil more to it..... Well, one of two things will happen. He'll either walk, cuz he'll realize that there's too much about him that you're not happy with. Or he'll try and make you happy and change. But, you expecting him to change will cause resentment... You need to realize that you can't expect others to make you happy. Not saying what he's doing is exactly right or wrong, cuz it seems like there isn't any definition to your relationship. I.e. a commitment talk. I could be wrong, tho.... Either way, your best bet is to explain logically and calmly.
I just got on his Facebook to look at his messages, because he told me to write something down a friend wrote to him. (We know each others passwords) and he posted a few statuses for a girl that only her can see and he's hardcore flirting with her. I know she's married and that he will never meet her because she lives far away, but he promised me he would stop talking to her in that way and didn't.
We are in the process of moving in together at the end of the month and his actions are not telling me he's ready for what's coming.
Tell him about the consequences of his actions and how he's going to lose me?
Explain how I see it?
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Nov 10, 2008Comments: 585 · Posts: 4402 · Topics: 46
Yes
Yes
And
Yes....
And i wouldn't expect to move i just yet. Sounds like he's not taking you very seriously... I wish you lots of luck!