They always come back...
This topic was created in the Libra forum by hurt-heart on Wednesday, January 16, 2008 and has 66 replies.
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If Libras usually come back after awhile beacuse they hate to lose people in their lives..how long is the typical timeframe before they do contact you again...
I never go back unless its exceptional. When it ends its because there?s nothing left to say/do, remember we cling as long as possible and when its over, its over 
Sola's absolutely right....when its over its over we never go back.
Well we never go back the same way..
Well we never go back the same way..
"Well we never go back the same way.."
thats for sure.
thats for sure.
Hurt--- Its funny with us, when we're over someone we can be like ice.... My ex-hubby told me i was mean and cold after we split....that's bcuz I hadn't contacted him in a year after our separation.
And don't think of yourself as an idiot...just bcuz you tell someone you love them its shows you have guts.
And don't think of yourself as an idiot...just bcuz you tell someone you love them its shows you have guts.
From what I know about Libra men, when it's over, it's over. They don't look back, and most of the libra males I know never remain friends with exes. I am a libra, but personally, I think I may not be your typical libra girl...I remain close with all of my exes and keep them as friends...I do tend to stay in relationships longer than I should only to try and make it work...but in the end, when I make a decision to leave...I don't turn back. But I am good with staying friends. My recent ex of four years told me that I was cold to him...I think when it's emotionally over for us, we don't want to get drawn into the drama of it all...My ex wanted to talk everything out, I was done in my mind...so I was done talking...sounds a little mean...I'm sorry about your situation though. Your guy sounds like he has some issues with his own emotions though, most libras like to be in a relationship...maybe he had bad experiences with them in the past...
healing heart.. 
He doesn't want to hurt you any further. He knows he isn't ready for a relationship, but he knows you have fallen in love with him. In his mind, if he keeps beign around you knowing how you feel it will hurt you further, because he either doesn't feel the same way right now or isn't ready to feel the way you make him feel when the two of you are together. It is "the libra consideration act" they don't want to cause more hurt to someone who they may have hurt when they have already stated they didn't want anything serious and when the girl falls in love and wants to be serious they definitely pull all the way back so that they don't intensify the drama.
You have to take them for face value... They mean what they say, no matter how nice they say it. He probably would love to be friends with you but platonic or intimate without the emotions, and you are clearly not able to handle that at this time. He is being considerate in his own way of your feelings.
He doesn't want to hurt you any further. He knows he isn't ready for a relationship, but he knows you have fallen in love with him. In his mind, if he keeps beign around you knowing how you feel it will hurt you further, because he either doesn't feel the same way right now or isn't ready to feel the way you make him feel when the two of you are together. It is "the libra consideration act" they don't want to cause more hurt to someone who they may have hurt when they have already stated they didn't want anything serious and when the girl falls in love and wants to be serious they definitely pull all the way back so that they don't intensify the drama.You have to take them for face value... They mean what they say, no matter how nice they say it. He probably would love to be friends with you but platonic or intimate without the emotions, and you are clearly not able to handle that at this time. He is being considerate in his own way of your feelings.
So to answer your question, if he is sure you are over the emotional aspect of your friendship he will then and only then come back, if he sees you can't deal with it, then he won't.
Yes it could take quite some time, and sometimes not at all...but I have also been told that they can change their minds and from once upon a time being intimate, then being friends, to being "in love"....strange creatures...but good luck if you are waiting...it might be a very very very long wait.
Nah, he?s not being cold to hurt her, in my opinion its to make her hate him. I do this often, turn cold because the pysychology is that being nice means they will always cling to you. He doesnt want anything from her (hurt-heart) and he is trying to turn her against him, its easier to deal with hatred than love (no sense but true all the same)!!
I?m sorry sweetie..but at least he?s not stringing you along, thats worse.
I?m sorry sweetie..but at least he?s not stringing you along, thats worse.
(( So to answer your question, if he is sure you are over the emotional aspect of your friendship he will then and only then come back, if he sees you can't deal with it, then he won't. ))
This reply takes the prize. We go back only when we know the other person can handle the situation outside their emotional thinking. One deep breath, we will disappear again.
This reply takes the prize. We go back only when we know the other person can handle the situation outside their emotional thinking. One deep breath, we will disappear again.
I did offer just friendship after he told me he was not ready for a relationship...he told me to forget that we were ever intimate..so I maintained a friendship with him through texting and the phone..after three months he asked me to go shopping with me as friends...I agreed..
We spent the day together and even though I do have feelings, I understood he was only looking for friendship...half way through the day he hugged me from behind and told me how much he missed and how he likes me more every time we spend time together...I just said we both agreed your not ready...Of course the weakness overcame me and the above situation happened and he turned all cold and mean...
It would seem to me that it is him that cannot control his emotions or he is just using me...bottom line he started something he shouldn't have, because he is not ready and feels he should have an annulment before he has sex/relationship with anybody (been separated for 1o months, wife cheated for last two years)..
So why do I feel like the shit ?? Why is he ignoring me, it should have been the other way around...Why do I have to accept and understand his emotional rollercoaster but when I get emotional he shuts me out ?? Fair, this is not fair...
We spent the day together and even though I do have feelings, I understood he was only looking for friendship...half way through the day he hugged me from behind and told me how much he missed and how he likes me more every time we spend time together...I just said we both agreed your not ready...Of course the weakness overcame me and the above situation happened and he turned all cold and mean...
It would seem to me that it is him that cannot control his emotions or he is just using me...bottom line he started something he shouldn't have, because he is not ready and feels he should have an annulment before he has sex/relationship with anybody (been separated for 1o months, wife cheated for last two years)..
So why do I feel like the shit ?? Why is he ignoring me, it should have been the other way around...Why do I have to accept and understand his emotional rollercoaster but when I get emotional he shuts me out ?? Fair, this is not fair...
no he's not using you...you crave a relationship, he craves sex, 2 different needs, if you want the relationship, you withhold but not as a tool to manipulate but as a means to get the intimacy that you crave & he can see you and your beautiful qualities as he invest more time.
hold back and even more so when he's crossing the line from friendship to intimate relations. Instead try ignoring his gestures of intimacy and not making it more than what it is at that moment, he's not thinking ahead but you have to... He may become agitated with you if you reject him...better he's agitated than you. This will cause you to be less confused and torn b/c he will back off.
If he's a friend then be his friend, your never going to get what you need and want by meeting his need for intimacy & w/o him being emotionally invested your getting nothing from him, you can build attraction by being unavailable to him emotionally and sexually. If he said friend thats how you need to always treat him, he will respect you for being that way, he may not like it but he will respect it.
You feel like shit b/c you slept with an emotionally unavailable man, him going cold and aloof on you is a form of rejection and its supposed to make you feel shitty, he's created the dynamics of attraction by being commitment phobic, thus your going to get the back and forth thing each and every time.
Your emotions freak him out, oh and you didn't know but its not about you, his needs are much more important than yours...this is the message he's sending you, plus showing that he cares about you and your issues resonates relationship, commitment and thats something he's not ready for. If you feel resentful which you should then you will have to discontinue being a sounding board or tell him how you feel about it if he ever comes to you again with his issues.
He's ignoring you b/c you gave yourself to him too easily, once a man gets his needs met, he's gone, he see's no need to romance and woo a woman after his needs are met...why should he invest in something thats free?
hold back and even more so when he's crossing the line from friendship to intimate relations. Instead try ignoring his gestures of intimacy and not making it more than what it is at that moment, he's not thinking ahead but you have to... He may become agitated with you if you reject him...better he's agitated than you. This will cause you to be less confused and torn b/c he will back off.
If he's a friend then be his friend, your never going to get what you need and want by meeting his need for intimacy & w/o him being emotionally invested your getting nothing from him, you can build attraction by being unavailable to him emotionally and sexually. If he said friend thats how you need to always treat him, he will respect you for being that way, he may not like it but he will respect it.
You feel like shit b/c you slept with an emotionally unavailable man, him going cold and aloof on you is a form of rejection and its supposed to make you feel shitty, he's created the dynamics of attraction by being commitment phobic, thus your going to get the back and forth thing each and every time.
Your emotions freak him out, oh and you didn't know but its not about you, his needs are much more important than yours...this is the message he's sending you, plus showing that he cares about you and your issues resonates relationship, commitment and thats something he's not ready for. If you feel resentful which you should then you will have to discontinue being a sounding board or tell him how you feel about it if he ever comes to you again with his issues.
He's ignoring you b/c you gave yourself to him too easily, once a man gets his needs met, he's gone, he see's no need to romance and woo a woman after his needs are met...why should he invest in something thats free?
"So to answer your question, if he is sure you are over the emotional aspect of your friendship he will then and only then come back"
One thing we are not indecisive about is "KNOWING WHO WE DON'T WANT" so don't expect him back. Screw him....his so call emotional rollercoaster is just bulls**t. Sounds like he's trying to keep the door opened for a few booty calls.
One thing we are not indecisive about is "KNOWING WHO WE DON'T WANT" so don't expect him back. Screw him....his so call emotional rollercoaster is just bulls**t. Sounds like he's trying to keep the door opened for a few booty calls.
He also made it clear in the beginning that he did not want to have sex beacuse he was still married, but then he invited me to his house for the weekend..guset bedroom of course..I guess if he really meant this he would not have invited me down and put us in this situation...Time for me to realize what he really wanted...It's hard to accept that someone would treat you this way and mislead you, but accept it I must...
That's called "MEN 101"
tik133
Is saying that I miss you and I like you more every time I spend time with you, not him being emotional...Whats wrong with being straight up if casual sex is what you want and giving the other person the opportunity to protect their feelings and make a decision based on true facts and not bull...
Is this a Libra thing, sugarcoating words to get their own way, or is he unique...
Is saying that I miss you and I like you more every time I spend time with you, not him being emotional...Whats wrong with being straight up if casual sex is what you want and giving the other person the opportunity to protect their feelings and make a decision based on true facts and not bull...
Is this a Libra thing, sugarcoating words to get their own way, or is he unique...
Libra's tend to be wishy wishy (not all but I find men give out those signals a lot)
He's not going to be straight up, I promise you that. Commitment phobic men paint rosy pictures of love and grandeur, they use a lot of we, us, future tense language, its intoxicating and most if not all women tend to fall for it, once the woman reciprocates those feelings the CP man will panic and back all the way up...this guy ALREADY knew he wasn't going to commit to you, thus he got what he wanted and ran like most CP men do.
I say back all the way up and start being emotionally smart from this point on, the past is the past...those we, us, our future talk is GONE...let it go honey, its gone.
He said he didn't want to have sex b/c he sensed that you would want more of a commitment so he played the lets be friends card....he got some distance, time and space between you 2 and began to feel safe enough to come back and get the sex without the commitment and low and behold you fell for it.
Stop having sex with him and you won't be confused.
He's not going to say hey I want casual sex, why should he when he can easily manipulate you to get what he wants....you aren't a victim, you can just as easily say thanks but no thanks.
He's not going to be straight up, I promise you that. Commitment phobic men paint rosy pictures of love and grandeur, they use a lot of we, us, future tense language, its intoxicating and most if not all women tend to fall for it, once the woman reciprocates those feelings the CP man will panic and back all the way up...this guy ALREADY knew he wasn't going to commit to you, thus he got what he wanted and ran like most CP men do.
I say back all the way up and start being emotionally smart from this point on, the past is the past...those we, us, our future talk is GONE...let it go honey, its gone.
He said he didn't want to have sex b/c he sensed that you would want more of a commitment so he played the lets be friends card....he got some distance, time and space between you 2 and began to feel safe enough to come back and get the sex without the commitment and low and behold you fell for it.
Stop having sex with him and you won't be confused.
He's not going to say hey I want casual sex, why should he when he can easily manipulate you to get what he wants....you aren't a victim, you can just as easily say thanks but no thanks.
already cut contact in Novemeber, made it perfectly clear I was not interested in casual sex...he wanted to remain distant friends through phone and text...told him it would be easier for me to move on with no contact...
Not saying i'm a victim, I was unsure of his intentions..Usually i'm really careful and a good read on men, guess i fu.k..d up here...
I haven't loved someone in years because I was really hurt when I was 24..caught my boyfriend with the 14 year old babysitter, we had just bought a new house and moved in that day... ever since I have not let anyone in until now...Lesson# 2 i guess..
Not saying i'm a victim, I was unsure of his intentions..Usually i'm really careful and a good read on men, guess i fu.k..d up here...
I haven't loved someone in years because I was really hurt when I was 24..caught my boyfriend with the 14 year old babysitter, we had just bought a new house and moved in that day... ever since I have not let anyone in until now...Lesson# 2 i guess..
"Is this a Libra thing, sugarcoating words to get their own way"
"He's not going to be straight up, I promise you that. "
From my own experience with my boyfriend (Libra), he does sugarcoat to get their way but also to avoid confrontation.
Tiki is right...he will not be straight up....mine runs circles around the topic at hand and it can be very irritating.
"He's not going to be straight up, I promise you that. "
From my own experience with my boyfriend (Libra), he does sugarcoat to get their way but also to avoid confrontation.
Tiki is right...he will not be straight up....mine runs circles around the topic at hand and it can be very irritating.
"caught my boyfriend with the 14 year old babysitter"
oh honey...did you turn him into the child predator division?
oh honey...did you turn him into the child predator division?
14 is legal consenting age in Canada.
Joi
Makes them sound selfish and self-centered...I like to think the best of everyone but it is hard sometimes especially when you are hurt...So in reading this I do see where you are coming from and why you believe with all your being...but all Libra men can't be like this...
Makes them sound selfish and self-centered...I like to think the best of everyone but it is hard sometimes especially when you are hurt...So in reading this I do see where you are coming from and why you believe with all your being...but all Libra men can't be like this...
Well......
I actually believe that most men don't think they are lying when it comes to sex. They kid themselves that they really are in love with you, but then those darn feelings "change".... etc. etc.
My current take on relationships is simply not to take the first 6 mos. to a year all that seriously. I certainly believe in dating more than one guy at a time, even if you're sleeping with one of them.
I actually believe that most men don't think they are lying when it comes to sex. They kid themselves that they really are in love with you, but then those darn feelings "change".... etc. etc.
My current take on relationships is simply not to take the first 6 mos. to a year all that seriously. I certainly believe in dating more than one guy at a time, even if you're sleeping with one of them.
Hurt heart. He isn't going to change. He would rather not continue anything regardless of what he said in the past if you are more emotionally invested than what he wants the two of you to be. Let it go. You cannot just be friends when all these emotions are involved. He will know if you are masking those feelings.
already let it go QS...Guess I'm looking for some kind of answer for myself...
Thanks
Thanks
Speaking of this..last year i had a few dates with a libra, and then gradually it fizzled out..i dont say it finished because it never really started if you know what i mean. Anyway, a couple of months late i bumped into him in a restaurant with his new gf and then on Friday night i met him again. But this time round he?s single and he text me yesterday to see if we could meet up. So we did, and it was really good. But i know what im like..im already seeing years into the future, hahaha! Luckily he works in another city sometimes for a week at a time..otherwise i?d ask him to move in with me, hehehe, joking but you know what i mean??!
Well, you know i moved to Spain from Scotland and when we met i didnt speak the language and he didnt speak mine so you can imagine two libra?s who cant communicate?!!! Needless to say we couldnt keep it up, but now its much better and maybe we can go from here. I sent him a message to say just saying thanks for last night and maybe we can meet again if he?d like to. He said he had a great time to, and i?ve just to contact him whenever!!! I know he?s working all week so it will be the weekend by the time i hear from him again i guess. Fingers crossed though!!
I intend to..he can only say no anyway..eek im scared!!
Libra called work after not speaking for a month yesterday...I wasn't at work but left a message..Returned phone call and left message that I was returning his call..He never called back today... He's a salesperson that visits our store every 2 months...He hasn't visited since we went on our first date in September...Do you think he's trying to restablish professional relationship ??? I don't know if I am ready for this yet...and I feel that since he stopped coming here in September, why would he bother now...
Hurt heart, he is probably thinking of you... Got a little cowardly afer he couldn't contact you at work to contact you at home or on your cell.
Unless he's trying to establish professional relationship again...I don't know what he wanted...Last time I tried to contact him he completely ignored my phone call and texts, I was trying to apologize for an email I sent him...He finally responded and said "No hard feelings..Cheers"...That's the last time I had contact with him...
I don't know what to say if he calls back, he wasn't very nice to me the last time we spent time together...Kicked me out at 6am on a sunday morning..told me that it bothered him that I was enjoying his house when he was at work (last time I was there)..and he told me I was like a leech (too affectionate, I guess)and when I hugged him in the am he pushed me off said no time for that and got out of bed...
How do you respond when someone treats you like this...He says that he is scared of the feelings that I am bringing out...but his behaviour is overboard...
Any advice...should I just ignore his call if he calls again ??
I don't know what to say if he calls back, he wasn't very nice to me the last time we spent time together...Kicked me out at 6am on a sunday morning..told me that it bothered him that I was enjoying his house when he was at work (last time I was there)..and he told me I was like a leech (too affectionate, I guess)and when I hugged him in the am he pushed me off said no time for that and got out of bed...
How do you respond when someone treats you like this...He says that he is scared of the feelings that I am bringing out...but his behaviour is overboard...
Any advice...should I just ignore his call if he calls again ??
(( Any advice...should I just ignore his call if he calls again ?? ))
I dont know if other signs can actually do it. A Libra can totally detach himself and feel nothing and talk to his ex like its a totally new/different person with whom he never had any relationship. If you can talk to him like that, there is no harm going further. Else you might be exposing yourself to another hurt heart.
I dont know if other signs can actually do it. A Libra can totally detach himself and feel nothing and talk to his ex like its a totally new/different person with whom he never had any relationship. If you can talk to him like that, there is no harm going further. Else you might be exposing yourself to another hurt heart.
What the fuck HH..get away from him....and stay away. Honestly, its against the libra nature to be like that to anyone, so as far as im concerned he?s not into you at all. How can you even let someone treat you like that..the guy is a joke???
Respect yourself and move on
Respect yourself and move on
(( Kicked me out at 6am on a sunday morning..told me that it bothered him that I was enjoying his house when he was at work (last time I was there)..and he told me I was like a leech (too affectionate, I guess)and when I hugged him in the am he pushed me off said no time for that and got out of bed... ))
Is this a libra u talking abt?? and are u really a leo??? u mind mentioning ur bday?? i dont seems to remember. like Sola said, it really doesnt sound like a libra.
one of the possible instances a libra can behave like that is when we are totally pissed off by the girls nature. I have asked a virgo girl to move out one evening. I was totally pissed off by her nature during the past 2 weeks and plus she tried to sell me her $ ^&% ## $ Amway toothpaste one evening. I dont remember if i yelled at her. But I was really in a wild state of mind after encountering an Amway saleswomen in my bedroom.
also is he on drugs by any chance??
Is this a libra u talking abt?? and are u really a leo??? u mind mentioning ur bday?? i dont seems to remember. like Sola said, it really doesnt sound like a libra.
one of the possible instances a libra can behave like that is when we are totally pissed off by the girls nature. I have asked a virgo girl to move out one evening. I was totally pissed off by her nature during the past 2 weeks and plus she tried to sell me her $ ^&% ## $ Amway toothpaste one evening. I dont remember if i yelled at her. But I was really in a wild state of mind after encountering an Amway saleswomen in my bedroom.
also is he on drugs by any chance??
I called him back today, he still didn't answer the phone...I left a message and told him I wasn't ready for this...this is breaking my heart...he had to know that it would hurt me to leave a message and then not answer when I return the call...and he had to know it was too early for contact, I told him I was in love with him in December...Why would he hurt me on purpose???
Hurt-Heart....this really doesnt sound like a LIbra at all....he's playing and messing around with you....ignore his calls in the future...this is not healthy and you deserve better. He doesnt deserve your time either. You KNOW that its too early for contact so you need to be the strong one here and remove yourself from him totally UNTIL you are over him completely
Hard I know but perhaps then and only then can you become friends again
Hard I know but perhaps then and only then can you become friends again
No that doesn't sound like a libra, however, my ex husband's birthday is 10/15 and he has been very mean and unlike his normal self to me the past couple months...
HH, this guy is damaging your self-esteem. The longer you hang onto hope with this guy, the longer it will take for you to trust the next man you date.
No HH, i dont doubt he was hurt in the past, but if he?s dragging the woes into a relationship with you then clearly its something he?s not ready for??
I had a bf for 7 years and he hurt me like hell, but now i feel nothing. Thats the way it should be..no-one/nothing else should be any influence on whats happening now.
I had a bf for 7 years and he hurt me like hell, but now i feel nothing. Thats the way it should be..no-one/nothing else should be any influence on whats happening now.
He called and left a message on my machine at work (after 5) and said he was merely calling to say hi and that I should take it easy and talk at ya soon..Fu...ker!!!
Nice guy or not he's making you miserable
HH, he will keep popping up. It is up to you to finally end it.
Kick his ass to the curb.............
Called him back to tell him i am not interested in contact, but I didn't get the chance...He brushed me off when I tried to have serious conversation...So I sent him an email and reconfirmed that if his intentions are for anything other than friendship, that I have no interest....No casual sex...I told him that I now realize that this was a rebound relationship and that he is emotionally unavailable...I said lets forget we were ever intimate and move on as friends....Did I do okay???
Only if you meant it. If not, he will know and probably disappear for awhile, or play on your emotions for another shag. Don't know if it is wise to remain friends right now as you are still very much emotionally attached.
You did great..good for you!!
after reading over my post...really he dosen't seem like a great guy does he?? Why do we always look for people's best qualities and overlook the bad ones??
Only because you?re a good person..he doesnt deserve you.
exactly
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