Meeting your sperm donor?

Posted by Fishface

After the initial meeting, will he continue to meet with her or is it just a relationship he chooses to have whenever he wants it?

Posted by Lunamara Nope supervised zoom calls only

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Queenofthepheasantfairies

I think it should be her choice to make when she is ready to. It kinda feels like your forcing him to be part of her life when he does not really want to be. Its a tough one.

Precisely why I’ve let it be up to her. I explained that he hasn’t mentioned wanting to meet her ever but that if she ever feels like she needs to meet him I will help make it happen.

But so far she is completely indifferent.

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Posted by blackphvse

I'd wait until she was old enough to make the decision herself. He is open to meeting but not the responsibility of maintaining an actual relationship.. he ain't worth the introduction. If he wanted a relationship with her, that's a different story.

Posted by Hypnotoad

Was he actually a sperm donor or were you in a relationship where there was the intention that he would be her father and then he went and left when she was born?

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by Hypnotoad

Was he actually a sperm donor or were you in a relationship where there was the intention that he would be her father and then he went and left when she was born?

No he’s not a legit Sperm donor, I reframed from calling him a deadbeat since the state takes his money. We knew each other for a while through mutual friends, dated for a few months. The day he told me someone else came back into his life and he was going to peruse that, I told him I was pregnant. He told me to get an abortion, I told him I don’t do that.

She was born he spent 3 days seeing her, told me he was glad I didn’t kill her. Acted like he was totally in love with her and was all concerned about what vaccines she was going to get. Then he was distant for a while, said he was out of town dealing with work. Then he got some paperwork the Attorney General, and told me if I filled for Child Support he wouldn’t have anything to do her.

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Posted by saggurl88

I don’t think any parent should be kept from a child.

Parents using kids as some sort of leverage just hurt the kids in the end.

If the guy is a decent person, no addictions or bad child influence type, then the arrangement is a good thing.

As she gets older, she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.

It will make him face reality and he could also start having a more active role in her life.

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by Hypnotoad

Was he actually a sperm donor or were you in a relationship where there was the intention that he would be her father and then he went and left when she was born?

No he’s not a legit Sperm donor, I reframed from calling him a deadbeat since the state takes his money. We knew each other for a while through mutual friends, dated for a few months. The day he told me someone else came back into his life and he was going to peruse that, I told him I was pregnant. He told me to get an abortion, I told him I don’t do that.

She was born he spent 3 days seeing her, told me he was glad I didn’t kill her. Acted like he was totally in love with her and was all concerned about what vaccines she was going to get. Then he was distant for a while, said he was out of town dealing with work. Then he got some paperwork the Attorney General, and told me if I filled for Child Support he wouldn’t have anything to do her.

click to expand

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

I don’t think any parent should be kept from a child.

Parents using kids as some sort of leverage just hurt the kids in the end.

If the guy is a decent person, no addictions or bad child influence type, then the arrangement is a good thing.

As she gets older, she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.

It will make him face reality and he could also start having a more active role in her life.

My life would have been 10x easier if I had been kept from knowing my dad.

Giving life to something doesn’t automatically mean you are a parent or worth knowing.

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

click to expand

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

I don’t think any parent should be kept from a child.

Parents using kids as some sort of leverage just hurt the kids in the end.

If the guy is a decent person, no addictions or bad child influence type, then the arrangement is a good thing.

As she gets older, she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.

It will make him face reality and he could also start having a more active role in her life.

My life would have been 10x easier if I had been kept from knowing my dad.

Giving life to something doesn’t automatically mean you are a parent or worth knowing.

Which is why I mentioned if he was a “decent person” with no major issues.

I guess our definitions of “decent” are different.

Abandoning a child because it’s not convenient for you doesn’t scream decent.

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

Children love unconditionally, no matter what their parents have done to them. Even if they were bad

A parent purposely keeping their child from the father and a child not understanding why, is a recipe for disaster.

Your own child could turn on you later in life even though you thought you were protecting them.

Children need to make their own choices just as much as adults do. Especially if he is a healthy man who is willing to be in her life.

Not true for that first bit. That’s your experience maybe.

And any child would distance themselves from a parent that doesn’t have open communication and honesty with them.

But the child is four. There is obviously something there which is why I asked where that was coming from and if she has talked to her kid about it but parenting can be a balance of knowing when to guide and when to listen.

There is some amount of protection you have to do as a parent but slowly over time you have to let go and allow your kid to make their own decisions, but at this point if you let your 4 year old meet someone and then that person checks out again, you are setting them up for a heart break they can’t process as easily as when they are older and have more information and more self assurance.

Again... he will show what he wants. He knows how to contact her and he knows what he would need to do to be in the girls life and he’s not choosing her.

Forcing a kid to put themselves into an emotionally vulnerable situation based on unreciprocated interest to assuage your own guilt doesn’t work.

If you continually touch on the subject over time and he continuously shows up then I could see that being a reasonable scenario for reconciliation but I don’t see they from what has been shared here.

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

I don’t think any parent should be kept from a child.

Parents using kids as some sort of leverage just hurt the kids in the end.

If the guy is a decent person, no addictions or bad child influence type, then the arrangement is a good thing.

As she gets older, she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.

It will make him face reality and he could also start having a more active role in her life.

My life would have been 10x easier if I had been kept from knowing my dad.

Giving life to something doesn’t automatically mean you are a parent or worth knowing.

click to expand

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

Everyone’s going to have a different opinion. Do you have children?

Of course it’s ideal. That’s why theirs countless studies done on how children interact with both parents and how it influences them and effects their self confidence etc.

Anyway lol I didn’t know about the latter half of the story until after so chill 😆

I’m Twinkz. 😐

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Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

Children love unconditionally, no matter what their parents have done to them. Even if they were bad

A parent purposely keeping their child from the father and a child not understanding why, is a recipe for disaster.

Your own child could turn on you later in life even though you thought you were protecting them.

Children need to make their own choices just as much as adults do. Especially if he is a healthy man who is willing to be in her life.

click to expand

Posted by brianafay

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Romzz

I’m not the best at giving advice because I let my heart lead and my head worry about it later.

I think that every child should know who their parents are and have the chance to develop a relationship or decide they don’t want to, like you said....you’re giving her the opportunity for that to happen.

Speaking as a woman - from a divorced family, my mother never kept us from our dad even when she remarried. She always encouraged our phone calls, summer plans, vacations etc and never stood in his way of being with us. After my dad finally got through his alcoholism through therapy and his home was finally ready for us, they split custody (school year with mom, summer and holidays with dad).

Children need both parents and if you have an option to have him in her life and the interactions are healthy, then I would encourage it.

It’s the most selfless thing you can do for her and I think you’re a gem 💎 for wanting to ensure she has this option ❤️

Children don’t “need” both bio parents. It’s ideal but it’s not necessary for happiness.

Do they need adults that actually give a shit about their existence and in there every day showing commitment and support to them? Absolutely and as many as possible and of others genders too.

That’s how they learn love.

Not by some wishy washy spineless dude that probably only wants to get his money’s worth.

Children love unconditionally, no matter what their parents have done to them. Even if they were bad

A parent purposely keeping their child from the father and a child not understanding why, is a recipe for disaster.

Your own child could turn on you later in life even though you thought you were protecting them.

Children need to make their own choices just as much as adults do. Especially if he is a healthy man who is willing to be in her life.

But Rob isn’t purposefully keeping him away from her at all. She’s trying to encourage and help facilitate a relationship when he is making it clear he doesn’t really care. He isn’t that willing. He’s “open to meeting her” meaning he doesn’t really give a shit but he’d try it out

That’s more harmful to a child IMO

She’s important and worthy and deserving of love

I’ve seen the other side where a woman keeps a child from their dad and it’s really sad...that’s not what’s happening here

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by SeaLion

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by saggurl88

I don’t think any parent should be kept from a child.

Parents using kids as some sort of leverage just hurt the kids in the end.

If the guy is a decent person, no addictions or bad child influence type, then the arrangement is a good thing.

As she gets older, she can decide if she wants to continue the relationship.

It will make him face reality and he could also start having a more active role in her life.

My life would have been 10x easier if I had been kept from knowing my dad.

Giving life to something doesn’t automatically mean you are a parent or worth knowing.

No, but if you read my post you will see what happens when you are kept from knowing them. I've seen all sides of this story. It's not perfect either way but at least you had a chance to know your parent. You aren't left with questions that can't and never will be answered.

Yes but as a four year old you aren’t going to be able to comprehend that emotionally or process.

Waiting until a kid is older makes more sense. It’s not “keeping them away” it’s protecting your child until they are ready to both understand and handle the situation.

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Astrobyn

Looking for pros vs cons, or general opinions about letting my almost 4-year-old meet up with the father that abandoned her at 3 days old.

Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father to her, and then he moved 5 hours away.

I initially proposed to him, they would meet when she was 3, and continue every six months unless she requested it to stop. Which he was opened to, we made plans last year, but so did covid and it never happened.

I have no illusions about them having a relationship, he is open to meeting but again not the responsibility of keeping up an actual relationship.

I see this as giving her the opportunity to see him for herself rather than fantasying some ideal of him.

I still feel torn about making the best decision for her, so I'm taking all opinions into considerations.

Hey Dazed wanted me to let you know:

"Fwiw.. at the age of 12, my mother gave me all of the info I needed to contact my biological father. I'm 34 and still haven't reached out to him."

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Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Astrobyn

Looking for pros vs cons, or general opinions about letting my almost 4-year-old meet up with the father that abandoned her at 3 days old.

Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father to her, and then he moved 5 hours away.

I initially proposed to him, they would meet when she was 3, and continue every six months unless she requested it to stop. Which he was opened to, we made plans last year, but so did covid and it never happened.

I have no illusions about them having a relationship, he is open to meeting but again not the responsibility of keeping up an actual relationship.

I see this as giving her the opportunity to see him for herself rather than fantasying some ideal of him.

I still feel torn about making the best decision for her, so I'm taking all opinions into considerations.

Hey Dazed wanted me to let you know:

"Fwiw.. at the age of 12, my mother gave me all of the info I needed to contact my biological father. I'm 34 and still haven't reached out to him."

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Posted by Arinoaqua

Could we know his sign 🙇🏻‍♀️

Posted by Lunamara Nope supervised zoom calls only

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Astrobyn

So you are invested, this is how the conversations is currently going.

Me:

We are supposed to be in _________ the __st of this month. It could be an option to meet somewhere in the early afternoon if you are available.

Him:

I can probably make that happen. Do you think it would be okay for her mentally to meet me but not see me that often?

Me:

Well, I really haven’t given it any more thought beyond, she woke up this morning and said she had a dream about you, you were a superhero and you could fly. And went on about you all day long *eye roll*. Since we had this trip planned, I thought it might be the universe's way of telling me to throw it out there, and if it happens then that’s the plan.

But you do bring up good points, that are worth revisiting now that she’s older and changed. So since you questioned the universe, here are a few questions for you.

Should she never expect to have a relationship with you? (Regardless of logistics.) If yes explain what her expectations should be.

Why would you choose to meet with her?

Him:

I did not question the universe I brought up a valid point that I do not think you considered. I am not saying anything on what should or shouldnt be done just your thoughts on that matter. I did tell you I would meet if the opportunity presented itself.

Me:

why in the world would you think I haven’t considered this?

When I brought this idea up, I specifically asked if you were willing to meet her when she was 3 and continue to meet every six months unless she asked for it to stop. Those were the terms I presented and it took some back and forth, some questions and answers and months for me to be comfortable with it. This was all specifically designed for her benefit.

The age the visits should start and even the amount of time between visits was carefully considered, it’s frequent enough that she has a fresh idea of who you are, but not so frequent that she should feel encouraged to expect more from you.

It is my job to manage her expectations, it was my fear that she would have these fantasies about who you were and idealize some concept of you without having any knowledge and understanding the actual person you are. My goal was to empower her with experience as she grows into her understanding of it all.

Last month she told me that her dad only likes babies, because he only liked her when she was a baby. I will never have the power to fix that, maybe meeting you will help, maybe it will make it worse. I’m honestly doing my best to figure that out. Damage is already inevitable no matter what path is chosen; neither is ok for her mentally, so the way in which you question this just confuses me.

I thought that we were on the same page about this, but it’s made me realize I don’t think I have a good understanding about how you really feel, and what you are willing to give her. And maybe you don’t have a good understanding of where I’m coming from, so I'm trying my best to clearly communicate that.

I get that this is a difficult situation, and there is no part of me that wants to pressure or guilt you into any of this. That would be the worst thing for her, so we can stop right now if that's how you feel.

My goal is to be objective and go over the facts with you. But my questions are still valid, I need to know how to prepare, proceed, and be comfortable that this is right for her.

Should she never expect to have a relationship with you? (Regardless of logistics.) If yes explain what her expectations should be. Here are some options

Meet once

Meet every 6 months (if logistical, otherwise maybe video chat)

Meet every 6 months, and have a 15 min phone call once a month?

Why would you choose to meet with her?

Girl this makes me want to cry so hard because I’ve been here.

But you are putting in the work while he’s passively saying he will meet her but ignoring the rest of your questions. I guess we will have to see again how he responds again but I think the ultimate answer is he’s not willing to put in the work.

Unfortunately its not ideal where he is trying to seek her out as an adult.... and I personally believe that trying to force something that isn’t there only will teach her to invest emotional energy in situations that wont honor her self worth in the long run.

Of course I ran off and she found a father figure in my ex husband who is literally her dad now and she has up until this point never really brought up any lingering questions about her bio dad when I revisit the subject over the years. Not all kids will react the same but it’s quite possible that she won’t be damaged by it.

Plus you never know who will come into her life that actually wants to be there for her.

Ugh. I’m so so sorry you are in this position.

I just want to hug you and your little girl and let you know you’ll both be okay. ❤️

Ultimately the hardest part of parenting is the constant desire to protect and do the best for our kids and it’s a huge balance and knowing a lot of our decisions have a huge impact on another persons trajectory and lifetime wellbeing is an immense responsibility.

Whatever the outcome you will have navigated rough waters for her and done the work to make sure she feels strong and protected and loved.

That’s the best any mother can do. You will get through this no matter what decision you make and think is best.

click to expand

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by Tomboyyyy

Posted by Astrobyn

So you are invested, this is how the conversations is currently going.

Me:

We are supposed to be in _________ the __st of this month. It could be an option to meet somewhere in the early afternoon if you are available.

Him:

I can probably make that happen. Do you think it would be okay for her mentally to meet me but not see me that often?

Me:

Well, I really haven’t given it any more thought beyond, she woke up this morning and said she had a dream about you, you were a superhero and you could fly. And went on about you all day long *eye roll*. Since we had this trip planned, I thought it might be the universe's way of telling me to throw it out there, and if it happens then that’s the plan.

But you do bring up good points, that are worth revisiting now that she’s older and changed. So since you questioned the universe, here are a few questions for you.

Should she never expect to have a relationship with you? (Regardless of logistics.) If yes explain what her expectations should be.

Why would you choose to meet with her?

Him:

I did not question the universe I brought up a valid point that I do not think you considered. I am not saying anything on what should or shouldnt be done just your thoughts on that matter. I did tell you I would meet if the opportunity presented itself.

Me:

why in the world would you think I haven’t considered this?

When I brought this idea up, I specifically asked if you were willing to meet her when she was 3 and continue to meet every six months unless she asked for it to stop. Those were the terms I presented and it took some back and forth, some questions and answers and months for me to be comfortable with it. This was all specifically designed for her benefit.

The age the visits should start and even the amount of time between visits was carefully considered, it’s frequent enough that she has a fresh idea of who you are, but not so frequent that she should feel encouraged to expect more from you.

It is my job to manage her expectations, it was my fear that she would have these fantasies about who you were and idealize some concept of you without having any knowledge and understanding the actual person you are. My goal was to empower her with experience as she grows into her understanding of it all.

Last month she told me that her dad only likes babies, because he only liked her when she was a baby. I will never have the power to fix that, maybe meeting you will help, maybe it will make it worse. I’m honestly doing my best to figure that out. Damage is already inevitable no matter what path is chosen; neither is ok for her mentally, so the way in which you question this just confuses me.

I thought that we were on the same page about this, but it’s made me realize I don’t think I have a good understanding about how you really feel, and what you are willing to give her. And maybe you don’t have a good understanding of where I’m coming from, so I'm trying my best to clearly communicate that.

I get that this is a difficult situation, and there is no part of me that wants to pressure or guilt you into any of this. That would be the worst thing for her, so we can stop right now if that's how you feel.

My goal is to be objective and go over the facts with you. But my questions are still valid, I need to know how to prepare, proceed, and be comfortable that this is right for her.

Should she never expect to have a relationship with you? (Regardless of logistics.) If yes explain what her expectations should be. Here are some options

Meet once

Meet every 6 months (if logistical, otherwise maybe video chat)

Meet every 6 months, and have a 15 min phone call once a month?

Why would you choose to meet with her?

Girl this makes me want to cry so hard because I’ve been here.

But you are putting in the work while he’s passively saying he will meet her but ignoring the rest of your questions. I guess we will have to see again how he responds again but I think the ultimate answer is he’s not willing to put in the work.

Unfortunately its not ideal where he is trying to seek her out as an adult.... and I personally believe that trying to force something that isn’t there only will teach her to invest emotional energy in situations that wont honor her self worth in the long run.

Of course I ran off and she found a father figure in my ex husband who is literally her dad now and she has up until this point never really brought up any lingering questions about her bio dad when I revisit the subject over the years. Not all kids will react the same but it’s quite possible that she won’t be damaged by it.

Plus you never know who will come into her life that actually wants to be there for her.

Ugh. I’m so so sorry you are in this position.

I just want to hug you and your little girl and let you know you’ll both be okay. ❤️

Ultimately the hardest part of parenting is the constant desire to protect and do the best for our kids and it’s a huge balance and knowing a lot of our decisions have a huge impact on another persons trajectory and lifetime wellbeing is an immense responsibility.

Whatever the outcome you will have navigated rough waters for her and done the work to make sure she feels strong and protected and loved.

That’s the best any mother can do. You will get through this no matter what decision you make and think is best.

One of the hardest things was to learn how to forgive him for the all of the pain that he has and will cause her.

And it is always challenging, but I can’t teach her to except him as he is, and forgive him with any kind of grace, if I don’t know how to do it myself.

And really that’s the only long term plan I got here, if I’m lucky it might be good enough.

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Posted by CoffeeAndCream

Does sperm donor pay to raise the child?


I'm always pro the father

whether he comes in and out of her life is another thing

but having a father figure present is important

Posted by brianafay

Am I the only person who thinks it is completely inappropriate for a child to meet her father via zoom?

Gawd. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE

Posted by Astrobyn

Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father to her, and then he moved 5 hours away.

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Astrobyn

Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father to her, and then he moved 5 hours away.

Is he still in this relationship? Or did that end.

click to expand

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by Arinoaqua

Could we know his sign 🙇🏻‍♀️

sure..

Sun: Sag

Moon: Aqua

Merc: Sag

Venus: Scorpio

Mars: Cap

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Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by Astrobyn

Long story short, having contact with me interfered with his relationship (he choose after the fact), he didn’t want the responsibility of being a father to her, and then he moved 5 hours away.

Is he still in this relationship? Or did that end.

I honestly don't know, I assume he is, they might even be married by this point. I don't try to find out those things. I've made my wishes clear that it would be just him, which he's agreed to.

I would be very uncomfortable with my daughter being around that woman, she played a big part in helping him cultivate some fucked up ideas he had about me and the situation, and has completely supporting his decisions. Even suggesting I work 3 jobs to support the "choices I made" instead of asking a man who didn't want the child to support it, instead of being a gold digger.

As you might guess I don't' see how giving this women my forgiveness benefits my child at this time.

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Posted by Astrobyn

I know she’s young but she’s always talked about him, when I’ve tried to brush it off and not make a big deal about it, she pushes harder about it.

The only reason I asked him, is because I she’s been talking a lot about him lately and we already had a trip planned to be in a meeting place.

My fear was that she would idealize him or have this fantasy about him, and I didn’t want that to happen and I wanted her to empowered with all the knowledge and information as she grows into understanding this.

But I am second guessing myself a year later, she does have a Pisces Moon, and it is like she lives in a dual world of reality and imagination.

Posted by brianafay

Alright I’ve thought about this some more

Saw you mentioned he’s a Sag with Aqua moon and that’s my bff too

She’s very hard in the way she expresses herself and can come across really very cold and uncaring but she actually just rarely says what’s she really *feels* ...she has no problem giving her opinion but she’s bad at expressing her feelings/emotions.

She also married a Pisces moon

Wondering if your baby daddy feels it’s too late for them, he’s already lost the time with her, and maybe it’s better he stay away at this point. Which is why he asked if you thought it would harm her to meet him.

I think it’s good that you relayed to him that she talks about him often and that you are supportive of them having a relationship.

I’m interested in hearing how he responds

Posted by Astrobyn

Posted by brianafay

Alright I’ve thought about this some more

Saw you mentioned he’s a Sag with Aqua moon and that’s my bff too

She’s very hard in the way she expresses herself and can come across really very cold and uncaring but she actually just rarely says what’s she really *feels* ...she has no problem giving her opinion but she’s bad at expressing her feelings/emotions.

She also married a Pisces moon

Wondering if your baby daddy feels it’s too late for them, he’s already lost the time with her, and maybe it’s better he stay away at this point. Which is why he asked if you thought it would harm her to meet him.

I think it’s good that you relayed to him that she talks about him often and that you are supportive of them having a relationship.

I’m interested in hearing how he responds

he did respond, and i read the first line "first of all", so im currently on a virtual hh for work. so i'm going to go back to it later. I'll keep you updated soon. its stressing me out.

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Posted by Astrobyn

Yeah i'm going to need to sit on this one before i respond...

@brianafay

Him:

First off it has been a while since we spoke about this and I apologize if I dont remember everything "rolling eyes". Second I was just mentioning that because its the right thing to do. There is no need for the book report.

Expectations are we can meet when the opportunity arises and go from there. I already said I was willing to do that. Remember a big part of why I pulled back on my involvement had to do with your actions. I am not going to deal with drama, I have had enough of that. We need to get along and at least make an attempt to work together if this will work. There's no need for "rolling eyes" or any of that as it is obvious you are expressing hostility and for no reason. We use to get along great, I have always enjoyed our time together and I have always kept my word when it had to do with us but since all this happened I feel like there's some hostility on your end.

I am choosing to meet her because 1. I am curious and 2. I feel its the right thing to do as long as we dont think it will do more harm than good. I am leaving that part up to you since you're her guardian.