I've just had a first date with a cap- please help
This topic was created in the Capricorn forum by cooperative_cancer on Tuesday, January 8, 2008 and has 21 replies.
Please please help me!
Ok so we met on the internet. I responded to his add, we exchanged a couple emails and he seemed like a good guy. In my heart of hearts he had won me over before we'd even met (I'm a romantic). The date was amazing, in fact he blew me away. We had afternoon drinks, the time flew by. He was open, we talked about family friends and even past relationships. At one point said 'you'd get on with my mum then' at something I said. I felt a real connection within the first hour. There were about four points at which the conversation stopped and we'd just look into each others eyes. He also said 'it feels like there so much more to say'. The time flew by and at around 9 he suggested that we go for a meal, it was lovely. All I fear is that I opened up to him too much, he had me hooked and although i didn't verbalise it, i think he could tell as i'm an expressive kinda girl. The evening ended around 1.30 am, he was a perfect gentleman and kissed me on both cheeks before we went our separate ways. I text him to say I got home safe and to say thanks for a lovely evening. He text back saying 'yes i'm home too and yes it was a very nice evening. I've heard nothing from him since and that was 4 days ago. what I'd like to know is, should I wait for him to contact me.... I'm dying to know if he wants to see me again and if he felt what i felt, but I don't want to scare him off.
Before we met, his last email said to me ' you seem to fit my bill perfectly and my only fear is that when we meet up and the leave each other, that there will be a certain indetermination as to whether we should meet again'. I know he got allot of responses to his add and I know that I was the first girl he saw off that list. I really dont want him to see anymore. If it helps, i'm 26 and he's 10 years my senior.
Any help would be much appreciated :-) x
Ok so we met on the internet. I responded to his add, we exchanged a couple emails and he seemed like a good guy. In my heart of hearts he had won me over before we'd even met (I'm a romantic). The date was amazing, in fact he blew me away. We had afternoon drinks, the time flew by. He was open, we talked about family friends and even past relationships. At one point said 'you'd get on with my mum then' at something I said. I felt a real connection within the first hour. There were about four points at which the conversation stopped and we'd just look into each others eyes. He also said 'it feels like there so much more to say'. The time flew by and at around 9 he suggested that we go for a meal, it was lovely. All I fear is that I opened up to him too much, he had me hooked and although i didn't verbalise it, i think he could tell as i'm an expressive kinda girl. The evening ended around 1.30 am, he was a perfect gentleman and kissed me on both cheeks before we went our separate ways. I text him to say I got home safe and to say thanks for a lovely evening. He text back saying 'yes i'm home too and yes it was a very nice evening. I've heard nothing from him since and that was 4 days ago. what I'd like to know is, should I wait for him to contact me.... I'm dying to know if he wants to see me again and if he felt what i felt, but I don't want to scare him off.
Before we met, his last email said to me ' you seem to fit my bill perfectly and my only fear is that when we meet up and the leave each other, that there will be a certain indetermination as to whether we should meet again'. I know he got allot of responses to his add and I know that I was the first girl he saw off that list. I really dont want him to see anymore. If it helps, i'm 26 and he's 10 years my senior.
Any help would be much appreciated :-) x
Make the first move!! Just based on his comment of "indeterminative" fear, I know exactly what he's talking about. It's that fear of rejection. As much as he should know that you had a great time/ want to see him again, his desire to avoid rejection may prevent him from making the next move. You have nothing to lose-- I know, so cliche but in this case SO true-- just do something, direct and clear-- Someone else can propose WHAT, I just know that you need to ACT and soon.
Thanks sooo much for your response CapGirl. I've taken your advice and i've sent him a text message. Just gotta wait and see if he responds now. Really hope he does x
Ok so he 's responded by text. He said 'i did have the feeling we hit it off well. I'm trying to keep the process of meeting short but agreed on meetings this week and at the weekend. I will not waste anyones time after this and will definitely call you after the weekend.
So what do you make of that? In my ideal world he would of said, I dont need to meet anyone else, we connected and i've cancelled all other dates! That's basically what i've done. I do have other guys who I could go out with this weekend, but the fact is I dont want to because my mind is on him.
How should I respond to his text? and from what you can gather,is he playing or is he serious? x
So what do you make of that? In my ideal world he would of said, I dont need to meet anyone else, we connected and i've cancelled all other dates! That's basically what i've done. I do have other guys who I could go out with this weekend, but the fact is I dont want to because my mind is on him.
How should I respond to his text? and from what you can gather,is he playing or is he serious? x
I don't know cc.
It sounds like he wants to keep other options open. If I meet a guy that I really connect with I wouldn't bother to meet others. But again.. I'm a Cap woman. Men are different.
I had this Scorpio man calling me 5 times in one day last week. He wanted to meet me this week. He said that when he saw my picture he got interested. Also he said he liked my voice. He said he would call me later that night or next day. He didn't call. Probably had other dates on weekend. Today he sent me 3 messages and called me 3 times. I didn't reply to him. Why? I lost my interest 'cause he didn't show enough interest on me. I just thought that "why does he even bother to call me?" If he's not really interested then I don't need to meet him. I don't wanna waste my time.
Do what your gut feeling's saying to you.
It sounds like he wants to keep other options open. If I meet a guy that I really connect with I wouldn't bother to meet others. But again.. I'm a Cap woman. Men are different.
I had this Scorpio man calling me 5 times in one day last week. He wanted to meet me this week. He said that when he saw my picture he got interested. Also he said he liked my voice. He said he would call me later that night or next day. He didn't call. Probably had other dates on weekend. Today he sent me 3 messages and called me 3 times. I didn't reply to him. Why? I lost my interest 'cause he didn't show enough interest on me. I just thought that "why does he even bother to call me?" If he's not really interested then I don't need to meet him. I don't wanna waste my time.
Do what your gut feeling's saying to you.
What was your initial text to him? I don't think meeting others should even be discussed at this stage, let alone agreeing or expecting him/you not to consider others. Just get the 2nd date and see where it goes. I'd just respond with something like, Look forward to that and seeing you again!
"He said 'i did have the feeling we hit it off well. I'm trying to keep the process of meeting short but agreed on meetings this week and at the weekend. I will not waste anyones time after this and will definitely call you after the weekend."
He told you what he was doing....I would say ok...and leave it alone he will call you when he is ready...why don't you just continue your dating process....
I think we are all aware that if you continue to wait for him you will be back on this board complaining why he has not called and the weekend is over with....LIVE YOUR LIFE...if he calls he calls if he don't don't get in your head and start tripping.
A lot of these women on this board have plenty experience with Cap men including me....please take there advice and use it wisely....
He told you what he was doing....I would say ok...and leave it alone he will call you when he is ready...why don't you just continue your dating process....
I think we are all aware that if you continue to wait for him you will be back on this board complaining why he has not called and the weekend is over with....LIVE YOUR LIFE...if he calls he calls if he don't don't get in your head and start tripping.
A lot of these women on this board have plenty experience with Cap men including me....please take there advice and use it wisely....
Ladies, thanks so much for helping me out with my lil cap situation.
Capgirl- I dont have the exact text but basically I mentioned a little running joke about his work we had on the date and went on to say, I'd love to see you again. I felt that we had connected well and that I hoped he felt the same.
I understand what you guys are saying but i am my own worst enemy. In my head, I know exactly what i should be doing and saying but when my heart speaks, thats the only thing I can listen to. I'm not a typical cancer in that, i fall very quickly. By no means am I saying I love this dude but I have a kind of sixth sense telling me that this thing could be major. I also don't think I capable of going on other dates because once im fixated, thats it. I know how irrational that sounds but thats just me. I'm not saying that I get these feelings often tho, on the contrary. I rarely find people that I do actually like after a first date, so when I do I put my all into it.
I'm not stupid and know that if I put my eggs in one basket, disaster could strike especially as he's a Cap. A friend of my has had a terrible 10 YEARS of being messed around by one! I'm not gonna sit at home wondering what he's doing on these dates. I'm gonna go out and have fun with my friends, just not see other guys. I've not replied to his text yet but will put something along the lines of
what cap girl said.
If its meant to be and my sixth sense is right, his ass will be on the phone Sunday!
I'll keep you posted xxxx
Capgirl- I dont have the exact text but basically I mentioned a little running joke about his work we had on the date and went on to say, I'd love to see you again. I felt that we had connected well and that I hoped he felt the same.
I understand what you guys are saying but i am my own worst enemy. In my head, I know exactly what i should be doing and saying but when my heart speaks, thats the only thing I can listen to. I'm not a typical cancer in that, i fall very quickly. By no means am I saying I love this dude but I have a kind of sixth sense telling me that this thing could be major. I also don't think I capable of going on other dates because once im fixated, thats it. I know how irrational that sounds but thats just me. I'm not saying that I get these feelings often tho, on the contrary. I rarely find people that I do actually like after a first date, so when I do I put my all into it.
I'm not stupid and know that if I put my eggs in one basket, disaster could strike especially as he's a Cap. A friend of my has had a terrible 10 YEARS of being messed around by one! I'm not gonna sit at home wondering what he's doing on these dates. I'm gonna go out and have fun with my friends, just not see other guys. I've not replied to his text yet but will put something along the lines of
what cap girl said.
If its meant to be and my sixth sense is right, his ass will be on the phone Sunday!
I'll keep you posted xxxx
I know how you feel CC, about not being able to date other guys once you've fixated on one. I'm the same way, and it's hard for me to look at other men in any other way than friends now that my Cap is in my life.
I try to just do a little flirting here and there to make sure I'm not getting too wrapped up in Cap. I make sure I don't lead other guys on and let them know by no means am I interested in a relationship, but flirting is fun and harmless when all the cards are laid out beforehand. Just don't close off your flirty side altogether, it'll make your feelings for Cap seem way deeper than they are at this early stage.
I try to just do a little flirting here and there to make sure I'm not getting too wrapped up in Cap. I make sure I don't lead other guys on and let them know by no means am I interested in a relationship, but flirting is fun and harmless when all the cards are laid out beforehand. Just don't close off your flirty side altogether, it'll make your feelings for Cap seem way deeper than they are at this early stage.
i don't get it. i've dated a cap for 2.5 yrs and never did he pull a "disappearing act" on me. not when we first dated or when we've had a huge argument.
i'm dating one now and it's the same thing. he texts/calls back immediately (but never initiates, of course). his actions are parallel to his words. he's inclusive by telling me what he's up to (even when i don't ask) and shares stories about himself, his family and friends.
i've read so many posts that are contrary from my experiences with these cappies. to be honest, i'm getting worried! especially with the disappearing and unfaithfulness.
i'm dating one now and it's the same thing. he texts/calls back immediately (but never initiates, of course). his actions are parallel to his words. he's inclusive by telling me what he's up to (even when i don't ask) and shares stories about himself, his family and friends.
i've read so many posts that are contrary from my experiences with these cappies. to be honest, i'm getting worried! especially with the disappearing and unfaithfulness.
Bonita... don't get worried! Be thankful! I wouldn't say all Cappies are the same, that would be a terrible generalization. Don't worry. That might cause unnecessary drama. Be happy with your Cap. It's obviously meant to be that way. 2.5 years of no disappearing? Yeah. You're doing well lol.
autumnc: thank you for your insight. i think your actions when dating are appropriate. i wouldn't expect much contact either, especially if we started dating and are still getting to know each other. i would also hold the fear that there wouldn't be anything left to talk about by the time of the date!
however, in your personal experience, does this change when in a committed relationship? does the frequency of contact increase/decrease? i think that's the reason for some women's frustration and calling it a "disappearing act." one would think there would be more contact by then.
however, in your personal experience, does this change when in a committed relationship? does the frequency of contact increase/decrease? i think that's the reason for some women's frustration and calling it a "disappearing act." one would think there would be more contact by then.
"The females whom I have seen become experts at training their Caps somehow, almost telepathically, using their womanly exploits and their desirable looks are the Gemini females. Though these 2 signs are rarely seen as couples, but, they are very succesful as couples once they tweak/adjust their relationship during the early stages."
I think this is enlightening. My Cap, whenever he comes out of his shadowy distance won't even need me to say anything. The minute we start speaking and he says something about communication I'll just say "mmhmm" and he'll say "I know" or "both of us" "I'm back now". The heck? At first I wasn't bothered with the 'disappearing' until we finally talked about how he makes me feel when he doesn't talk to me. I said I had gotten used to being 'ignored' and he says 'Oh my God' like I'm killing him with words. Then I told him an email at 4 AM, just saying hello (because we're both really busy and our schedules class, and the distance on top of the time difference doesn't help either) would make me happy. And he said ok. Still I get nothing. But when we're both home, he'll initiate every convo, call me, email me, IM me until he sees me. I need to figure out this Gemini charm to get him to continue communication with me. Any suggestions? Autumnc, I read everything you said. My Cap complains that the distance makes things awkward... all the talking and no visits. Should I specifically tell him when I want a call? He has this whole control issue with me because I'm usually in control of my relationships. So he makes it a point not to ask how high when I ask him to jump lol.
I think this is enlightening. My Cap, whenever he comes out of his shadowy distance won't even need me to say anything. The minute we start speaking and he says something about communication I'll just say "mmhmm" and he'll say "I know" or "both of us" "I'm back now". The heck? At first I wasn't bothered with the 'disappearing' until we finally talked about how he makes me feel when he doesn't talk to me. I said I had gotten used to being 'ignored' and he says 'Oh my God' like I'm killing him with words. Then I told him an email at 4 AM, just saying hello (because we're both really busy and our schedules class, and the distance on top of the time difference doesn't help either) would make me happy. And he said ok. Still I get nothing. But when we're both home, he'll initiate every convo, call me, email me, IM me until he sees me. I need to figure out this Gemini charm to get him to continue communication with me. Any suggestions? Autumnc, I read everything you said. My Cap complains that the distance makes things awkward... all the talking and no visits. Should I specifically tell him when I want a call? He has this whole control issue with me because I'm usually in control of my relationships. So he makes it a point not to ask how high when I ask him to jump lol.
Schedules clash*
Thanks Autumnc! He definitely LOVES praise and acknowledgement.
Ok I have a similar situation as cooperative_cancer. I met a cap guy from a dating service on the internet shortly after christmas and we spent NYE together. We hit it off and had a great time, but when I tried to ask him to hang out the weekend after..he blew me off. He said he was sorry that he gave me the impression of a relationship (duh we met on a dating website!). After he told me that he wasn't ready for relationship I stepped back and started treating him as a friend. He still calls me, I never call him, he said he wants me in his life...I am confused! What does he want? Should I drop him? We hung out again before my birthday, but I just acted as a friend. No kissing...cuz i told him if he wants to be friends to not kiss me anymore. AND it's weird cuz he never wished me a HAPPY BDAY on my bday! What the heck!???? Pls tell me what u guys think..Drop him or keep him?
yes. I am a Capricorn as well.
ok. That's exactly what I'm going to do. I need to play smart this time around.
Just to update you on my lil cap situation. I'm now on date three. He did call on that sunday and i've been out with him twice since. At the moment I feel like on cloud nine with him. He appears to be everything I need in a man..... I just hope it stays that way. Thanks for all the sound advice....Autumnc, you were right on the money!
YAY! WTG, CC! Best of luck.
that's great cc but keep your cards close to the vest now. You drew him back in to get here now pull back for this round to see what he's got. 
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